So, guys, this is the first fic I wrote in English. I have others in portuguese (I'm brazillian, by the way).

This is my version of how I think House, Cuddy and Wilson dealt with the latest events of the end of 5x24.

Constructive criticism is always, always welcome, of course, and I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes along the way. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

This first chapter if from House's point of view!


There I was about to fall flat on my ass when she reached for my shoulder in a vain attempt to support me. I knew she was there but I didn't quite feel her fingers were against my skin.

I heard her asking me if I was okay. For the position of her arm and shoulder, I could guess her left hand was on my cheek, her fingers stroking the side of it as I saw her eyes widen with concern. Or was it fear? Surprise? I couldn't tell.

I couldn't really feel her touch, but I was hearing more than I wanted at the time. Voices, noises, memories of the day before, of the weeks before, all invading my mind with such force it was impossible to have any awareness of what was going on inside that room… where I was trapped with that woman.

And then I heard her voice:

"House! Talk to me." She said in a soft and yet demanding tone. "What happened?"

As I look to my right, I could see the scary blond that had been tormenting me for the past couple of weeks. She was sitting on the desk laughing at me. I tried to look away, but she just kept switching positions.

"House! I'm here. Talk to me!" And there was that voice again. It was soft and I was pretty sure the woman who was saying it was holding my hands firmly between hers as she did. I looked down. Yes, she was holding my hands.

"House, I need you to focus, okay? Look at me and tell me: are you feeling any pain?"

"No." I simply said.

"Talk to me!"

"I don't… I can't feel it. I know you are holding my hands but I don't feel it."

"What do you mean? Are you experiencing numbness in your hands?"

"I can feel your hands but I can't… feel what you are doing."

And then there was silence. The voices in my head were just faint whispers now.

"I…" I began obsessively going over every detail that I remembered from the night before. I needed her to know to make sure I never forgot it. "I shut the door. I felt your skin against my fingertips, I felt your breasts against my lips, I felt the strong grip of your hands on my arms and your fingers running through my hair, I felt the softness of your voice as you told me everything was going to be okay. I felt the warmth between your legs as you let my name escape your lips for the last time. I felt everything. You were there, I could feel it."

As I was revealing all of my desires with a courage that maybe I would never have again – and I knew it – I began walking towards her until we stopped at the edge of her desk. I think that was too much truth in too little time judging for her silence afterwards and the look on her face. Then she began…

"Can you feel me now?" She said as she slid her left hand up and down my left arm.

"No."

After realizing that, I took my hands away from hers and motioned to head for the couch. I needed to be away from her. She wasn't anything like the other night. I wanted to runaway from there, but I didn't even have the strength to walk.

I think she knew what I was going to do even before I moved because she gripped my wrists and turned our bodies around so that I was now sitting on her desk. She positioned herself between my legs and reached for my hand that was gripping tightly at the edge of the desk.

"Don't run. Don't push me away. You are going to be okay, House." I could hear her voice trembling as she spoke.

She was holding me. Her left hand brought my head closer to her as I rest on her cleavage. Her fingers intertwined with mine as we held that desk for support. Like a hungry dog, I started snooping around trying too feel her again, her smell, the softness of her skin. It was all black and white to me now. I didn't find what I was looking for.

She gripped my hand once again very tightly and whispered in my ear as I buried my head between her breasts:

"I'm here with you. I love you."

I said nothing. I felt nothing. I know I was supposed to feel gratitude or at least a little warmer inside. I felt nothing. And as I opened my eyes, still resting the side of my face on her breasts, I spotted Amber with a stupid smile on her face as she nodded her head in an attempt to tell me that nothing I did would get me back to that night, that feeling. That I was really screwed.

"I can't be here, Cuddy." And that was the first time I actually said her name. I was coming to my senses, or at least as much as I could at that moment. "I need to be admitted somewhere, I don't trust myself anymore, I don't know who I am."

"Shh, don't say that."

"It's true. I don't know what's real anymore and worst of all, I don't feel anything. I'm used to being in pain all the time. I don't even feel that. I can't live like…"

"Hey, hey... listen to me."

"Stop doing that." The part of me that always resented human affection, which always looked away when someone said that because it was too painful to actually connect to someone, took over and I looked away. It was automatic.

"Listen to me. If you can't feel anything than it can't hurt you. Just listen to me, House."

And she continued:

"See this?" She tightened her grip on my hand and it made me look down at the desk. "See this desk? This is who you are. This is what I love."

And there she was, revealing my past to me. Reminding me of my love for her and her love for me.

"Feel this?" She reached for my right thigh and caressed it. "This is part of who you are."

And there she was revealing my pain.

And with that I felt her fingertips reaching for my chin and making me face her. Her face was a little red, her eyes were widened. Those grey eyes kept staring at me burning through my corneas. And I could see myself reflecting in her eyes. A distorted image of myself surrounded by that blue/grey ocean.

"See that? That's you. I can see you. I know who you are… and I'll never let you forget it."

And there she was revealing my future and telling me that I would have something to come home to.

"Where do you want to go? Just tell me and I'll take care of it." She continued.

And with that I watched her make the phone calls, her hand never leaving mine. It was too much. My mind kept playing those images of her smiling at me, opening her heart to me, making me feel things I didn't know I still could and I couldn't stand the reality of what was going on. I couldn't stand reality anymore.

"Do you want me to drive you?" She said in her best motherly tone.

"I can't be near you right now." I tried to sound as gentle as I could but it didn't matter. I could tell she was hurt but the words.

She swallowed and simply agreed with me. And then took me to Wilson's office.