Chapter 1

Saying Nothing, That's Enough For Me

-Edward-

It burns. I cleared my throat and scratched at the collar of my shirt. I hadn't expected it to be this difficult. I had been away from human life for awhile now but I didn't think it would matter. Even in my newborn days, I was able to keep myself under control. I had only fed on humans by choice. I fed on dark individuals. Murderers. Rapists. I killed them before their thoughts could become actions. I saved a life. I ended a life. It wasn't an even trade. The people I saved were good. Innocent. Those that I fed on... their blood was always thick with a bitter hate I could taste. It was better than the animals that I normally fed on... but not by as much as you'd think. The more innocent the soul the better the blood tasted, light and sweet and pure. The people on this block must be crawling with goodness because even though I fed on a deer before stopping, my throat still burned with thirst. I was too distracted to concentrate solely on controlling myself so I simply stopped breathing. I didn't need to breath anyway. I feigned the motions of inhaling and exhaling for anyone who was watching me closely.

I groaned loudly as my eyes wandered around me. The couple walking past me held hands and looked at each other with total adoration as they talked. My entire body trembled but not from cold, I have been immune to that for a while now. I looked away from them but that didn't help. I could still hear them. Their minds were screaming at me. I could tell that they were madly in love. I folded my arms across my chest and folded into myself. I felt like that was the only way to keep myself in one piece. The feeling was unfamiliar to me. It was terribly uncomfortable. Heartbreak. The term always sounded so foolish to me. A little melodramatic. How could something feel like your heart was breaking? If that were to happen you would be dead and would feel nothing at all. At least if you were human. I am not. I am a vampire. I am dead. But if I had to describe the feeling... I supposed heartbreak would suffice. That is where the pain begins, deep in your chest where a beating heart should be. Though my heart does not beat anymore I know that my chest is not empty a useless heart still rests there. But I can't feel it, all I feel is a deep emptiness that wants to swallow me whole. My heart has broken. It has shattered. It has exploded. And it has left a vast hollowness that continued to expand with each passing second. I can only hope that it over takes my body quickly and put me out of my misery. But I know I am not in luck. I almost cannot die. I know I will not die from this. No matter how much it feels like I will. I will live forever.

I never intended to fall in love. Well, I did. Vampires do so much better with a companion. But I certainly didn't want to fall in love with her. Tanya was incapable of loving anyone back. Tanya went through lovers like human women went though shoes (or so I'm told). My family told me that. And I could have figured it out by myself if I ever really thought about it. She even pretty much told me the same thing. She loved sex. But she never fell in love. She alluded to events in her human life that happened right before she was changed. Those few moments before our death mean a great deal to us vampires, they will forever impact us. Those who are brought to a violent end often become the most damaged and violent. My death was calm and done by Carlisle out of pity. I guess I should be thankful for that.

But despite knowing all of this about her, it didn't matter. I was so lonely. A vampire that remains unmated for over a hundred years is unheard of. I was desperate for love or at the very least some affection. I got the affection. She was very physical. She taught me everything I needed to know and probably more. I tried to remain emotionless like she was. But I couldn't. As time went on I fell in love. My love remained unrequited. I was warned. But I didn't listen. Now she broke my heart and crushed my soul. Ha! I guess I should say if I had a soul, it would be crushed.

I didn't know what to do with myself. When a vampire chooses a mate it's supposed to be for life. But what happens when only one of them makes that choice? Tanya is free to move on, but what about me? Will this pain last forever? Will I remain one half of a whole for the rest of eternity? I pray that is not the case, not that anyone is listening to a soulless being like me.

Heartbreak is so much worse than I ever imagined it would be. I tried to run. I tried to hide. I spent some time completely isolated. I thought that some peace and quiet would help. It didn't. It felt horrible to be so alone. I tried to live in a busy city surrounded my people. I thought the busy life pace would distract me. It didn't. It was even worse to be surrounded with people and still feel so desperately alone. So I was onto my last resort. Meet back up with my family. Maybe some familiar faces would heal my wounds. Or at least help to ease the ache.

I tucked my head between my knees and covered my ears with my hands. As if that would stop the cacophony of sounds that continued to sound in my head. Being a telepath has some major disadvantages. The world impossibly seemed to be moving in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't quiet the voices in my head. I could already assume that nothing is going to make me feel better. There is no solution for heartbreak. Once something as important as your heart breaks... there is simply no way to fix it.

I finally hear a familiar voice break through the rest. I looked up to see Emmett with goofy grin on his face should look ridiculous on his brutish frame but it doesn't. I almost can't imagine him any other way. "Brother!" he shouted and lifted me up, my feet dangling inches off the floor as he bear hugged me. "Welcome back!" He set me down and the gawking strangers returned to their lives, ignoring us once again. "Good to see you. You are looking well. A little time away has been good for you," his voice is light and his words were insincere. He should know better than to try to lie to me. Because I can hear his thoughts and according to those, I looked like shit. And he is well aware that my 'little time away' as he called it was a rather long fuck-fest with Tanya, or as he referred to her the vampire whore. His thoughts didn't surprise me but it didn't make them hurt any less.

Emmett pushed an envelope into my hand. "I know we agreed to meet here to get you all set up here but I already got all the paperwork taken care of." He shrugged. "That way we can go right on to the hunt. Nothing better to take your mind of that whore than to kill some things."

I flinched when he referred to Tanya as a whore. I shouldn't. By modern day standards, the word fits her perfectly. But unfortunately my wounds are still too fresh to be angry towards her. I am still hanging on to the hope that she will come to a dramatic movie scene realization that she does in fact love me too. I folded the envelope with my new IDs and tucked it into my back pocket. "Thanks."

"Now, let's move. I'm hungry." Emmett slung his arm around my shoulder, as if to keep me from running away, as we walked through the street. I mostly ignored the words he was speaking, I didn't need to listen to that when I could hear his thoughts loud and clear. And what he was thinking was always much more interesting than what he was actually saying. To him I am sad and pathetic. He understands my reasoning for getting involved with Tanya but he will never understand why I fell in love with her. And he will never understand. He has always had Rosalie. She chose him. She saved him from a brutal death. He was made for her. In his vampire life, he has never been alone. He has always had love and affection. And even as a human he never recalls the painful emptiness of heartbreak. He was always the one doing the breaking. I kind of hated him for that.

I am forced to pay attention to Emmett again when he directs a question at me, "I assume you drove all the way here, where did you park?"

"I brought my bike. The open air was..." I don't have an answer so I simply stopped talking.

Emmett grimaced and slaps my shoulder blade. "I don't think that is going to work." And as if on cue there is a loud rumble of thunder. "Alice," he said with a shrug. "We'll take my jeep. We can squeeze your bike in the back." I nodded in agreement. How we got there didn't make a difference to me. All I wanted was for the pain to ease and for my life to go back to normal.

I grabbed my bike and we both pretended to struggle to get it into his jeep. Either one of us could have easily done it with one hand, but we had to keep up human experiences. As I climbed into the jeep, I felt a strong wind pick up and the envelope sticking out of my back pocket pulled free and blew down the street. Getting new identification wasn't a big deal, we had the money and the resources but it was still a pain in the ass. I wasn't just going to let it get away from me. "Shit! I'll be right back," I called to Emmett as I jumped back out into the street and chased after the envelope. It flutter and floated always just out of reach for my fake human abilities. I finally caught up for it as it blew right into a restaurant window. I peeled it away and folded it again making sure it was fully tucked into my pocket. I was not going to chase it down again. I looked up and froze. I'm not sure I could explain why I couldn't tear my sight away from her but I couldn't.

She was almost the exact opposite of Tanya. Not what a lot of men would describe as beautiful. She didn't have the bold curves that Tanya had, this woman's were subtle. She had a small and petite frame and held herself with the kind of grace and elegance that you would see in a ballet dancer. Her glossy chocolate brown waves were pulled back into a ponytail that bounced when she laughed. Her full pink lips curved into a beautiful smile. Her brown eyes were full of life. The only similarity that woman had to Tanya was their flawless porcelain like skin.

It was a moment where if I had a beating heart, I would say that it skipped a beat. I almost felt like Dr. Seuss' Grinch. The emptiness that threatened to consume me mere moments ago shrunk and then was replaced with a light and bursting new sensation that was much more manageable. Almost as if all those empty places inside of me where now somehow being filled by visions and thoughts of her. And because of that I had to meet her.

I pulled open the door and watched her movements carefully and sat myself at a table I know she would be serving. Emmett entered and sat across from me and smirked. "When I said I was hungry, this isn't exactly what I had in mind." I ignored him as my eyes followed her.

I watched her hips sway as she walked towards the table beside us. She placed a piece of pie in front of an elderly man, picked up his fork and fed him his first bite. Her kind less lightened whatever heavy burden he was carrying because I could see him visibly perk up and relax at the same time. Her eyes glittered with goodness as she rested her hand on his shoulder. Her lips barely moved and she whispered so quietly no one but me and Emmett would have been able to pick up on her near silent prayer. "May God have mercy on your soul."

Emmett took notice of my stare and laughed. "Oh," he sighed. "I guess you are hungry for something a little different."

"What?" I asked. "No." I responded, seeing his thoughts. "Nothing like that." I didn't know a thing about her. How could be possibly think all I wanted to do is sleep with her? Stupid question, it was Emmett after all. He and Rosalie were a bit like rabbits. Their lives centered on eating and sex. Mostly in that order.

"No?" He raised an eyebrow. "If you aren't looking for a new bedtime companion then what are we doing here?" He picked up the menu and grimaced as he read. "It all sounds revolting. And the mere thought of eating it just to hack it back up sounds even worse." I continued to ignore him. And his mind continued to fill with dirty thoughts.

"It's not like that. I just want to talk to her. There is something about her..." I trailed off as she approached our tables two glasses of water balanced on her tray. In that moment I felt like I stepped out of the pages of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I was Romeo from the beginning pages, pining for Rosalind, the woman I claimed to be my one true love that had cast me aside. But then there she was... my Juliet. The moment I laid my eyes on her it was all over. Rosalind who? I found someone else out there to capture my thoughts and steal my heart. All thoughts of Tanya were replaced by this small beautiful girl who's name I hadn't even learned yet. I pulled out a menu and pretended to be busy reading it, like Emmett. She smiled and placed the two glasses of water in front of us.

"Hello," her voice was soft yet perky. "My name is Mercy."

Emmett snorted. "Mercy? Is that your real name?" I kicked him under the table.

The waitress released a heavy sigh. "No. It's a nickname. More of an inside joke. Really long story. My name is Isabella but I reserve that for friends, which you are not. Not yet at least. But anyway, what can I get for you?" She asked, pulling a small notepad and pen from the pocket of her black apron.

"Ugh," Emmett groaned, still hiding behind the menu. "Nothing."

I looked up from my menu to glare at Emmett. "Some time, please." I put on my best smile and focused my attention to her. "We haven't deci..." I didn't even get to finish. The moment our eyes locked she backed away from me, terror rising in her eyes. I grabbed her wrist before she could run away, I could feel her pulse quicken before she snapped her hand back and ran away into the kitchen. Her mind gave me no clues as to her sudden fear. Her mind gave me nothing at all. It was as if there wasn't a single thought in her head at all.

"What the fuck was that?" Emmett asked, dropping his menu to the table. "Soooo... she's a total psycho. And it does not look like she has any interest in sleeping with you. Can we go now?"

"She was terrified," I said so quiet that no one would be able to hear me. No one other than a vampire with super hearing like Emmett. He gave me a questioning glance.

"Yeah, you grabbing her so she couldn't run away was a bit of a creeper move. I have to teach you the subtle ways of flirting, my dear brother."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head, still trying to make sense of it all. "She knew." Emmett gave me another confused look. "She knew what are."

"What was she thinking? What did you see?" He asked, suddenly very interested. It's not every day that someone figures us out. It was very dangerous if they did.

I shook my head again. "That's the weird thing, I didn't hear a thing. Not even when I touched her. She was completely quiet. That's never happened to me before. No one has ever been silent."

"So that's why you are so interested in her? I never thought about that before. You being able to hear all of Tanya's thoughts while you fucked her. That has to be a bit odd. You always knew exactly what she thought about what you were doing. I bet you totally used that to your advantage. You always knew exactly what she wanted. But a quiet mind would be nice. No judgments to distract you from doing your thing. Make sure you don't forget about enjoying it yourself instead of just trying to please her."

"What? No? Where is this coming from?"

Emmett shrugged. "It's what I would do. Just fuck the memory of Tanya out of your mind. And she's perfect for it. Her silence isn't the only thing that has you intrigued. And I don't blame you. She is a nice piece of ass. Don't you dare ever tell Rosalie I said that. I will kill you if she doesn't do it first."

This time I was trying to concentrate on his words instead of his thoughts. Those were getting a bit to personal for me. "Please, remember who you are with and keep your fantasies to yourself. And I can't just fuck her. She's human. I'll kill her."

"Just giving you a few pointers. And I know many vamps who have very successfully bedded humans that have lived to tell the tale. Are you going to chase her down or what?" he asked. I pushed away from the table and stood. "I'll tell the other's you were held up, unless Alice has already spilled the beans. See you later, brother."

I walked out the door and through the small alley around to the back of the building. Considering her look of absolute fear, I doubt she stuck around but it was worth a shot anyway. And there she was, pacing along the back edge of the building talking to herself. I watched her closely and focused all of my energy on her, but she was still silent. "Mercy," I finally called out to her, unable to resist.

"Stay where you are!" she practically screamed at me. I took another small step and she flinched, jumping back a foot. "I said, stay where you are!" This time she did scream it. She backed farther away from me, almost into another alley. She was making sure she had an easy escape route.

I stopped moving and put my hand out in front of me, trying to calm her. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "You have every intention of hurting me. Why else would you be here right now?" I didn't have an answer other than I simply wanted to talk to her. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to know what kind of power she had over me. "I've seen what your kind can do." My kind? How did she know what my kind was?

I opened my mouth to speak, to protest, to ask her how the hell she knew those things but I was interrupted. "Give me your money," A man's rough voice echoed through the alley from behind Mercy. I was taken by surprise. It doesn't happen very often, with me being able to read minds and all. But I was so distracted by Mercy and her silence I failed to listen to the rest of the world. I sprung into action as soon as I could but despite my excellent vampire speed I was still too late. Mercy spun towards her attacker at a surprising speed and the blade of his knife sliced into the tender flesh of her abdomen. I was shocked, my speed had never failed me before. In my anger, I released my inner animal. No one should take me by surprise. No one should be faster than me. No one should be able to hurt my beautiful Mercy. I was across the alley in a fraction of a second and snapped the vile man's neck before he could even think another vicious thought.

Mercy's knees gave out and she collapsed to her hands and knees. "You snapped his neck," she said through gritted teeth. "Why?"

"He stabbed you. He was going to kill you. He deserved to die," I explained simply.

Her left hand moved to her stomach where the knife was still stuck, a ring of deep red spilling from her torn flesh and staining her white T-shirt. I had mostly been holding my breath since being back to civilization but now I would have to really be cautious with the smell of fresh blood filling the air.

I moved towards her, again moving at a slow human pace, but she crawled backwards away from me. "Don't come any closer." I stopped in my tracks and watched as she carefully adjusted to lean her back against the wall. She looked up at me her brown eyes blazing with curiosity. "Though I don't agree with your actions, I do understand them. But that's not what I meant. My question is why snap his neck and not drink his blood?"

"Why would I..." I stammered. There have been very few people I have met in my life that have wondered about my vampirism but no one has ever actually said anything out loud like that. I was taken aback. I didn't have an answer ready. How do I answer the thing I have been trying to hide for most of my existence. Humans aren't supposed to know about us. There are rules. We have people to go to great lengths to keep this secret. "I don't do that."

"Don't lie to me, vampire," she snapped. "I am impressed at the restraint you have shown with me so far." She gripped the handle of the knife tightly, her knuckles going white from exertion. "But I still feel the need to remind you not to move an inch. Unless of course you would like to leave." She watched me as I stayed rooted in place. "I didn't think so."

Her muscles twitched and she slowly guided the knife out of her body, as she bit her lip and groaned loudly tears spilling from her large brown eyes. "Don't do that!" I was at her side in the blink of an eye. "You'll do more damage and bleed out faster." I ripped off my shirt and pressed it over her wound.

"Don't touch me." She flinched against my touch, the knife slipped from her fingers and clanging to the ground as she tried to defend herself from me. If I wanted her dead, she would be dead. For someone who knew my true identity, you think she would know that. "There is nothing you can do to help me," any trace of softness was gone from her voice. "I just need... Raphael." I pulled out my cell phone with my free hand and again she screamed at me. "Drop it!" she screamed again. My fingers hovered over the buttons but didn't push any. "I command you to drop it! Shit! What is wrong with me? Raphael!"

"You've been stabbed. Let me help. I can help." Should I tell her my 'father' was a doctor? Should I tell her that I studied to be a doctor? I had the degree I just wasn't sure I trusted myself enough around that much blood. Should I even trust myself now? But even if she would listen to me, I had rationed the air in my lungs as best as I could and now I was officially out of air. If I was going to continue to speak I was going to have to risk breathing in the scent of her fresh blood. But it's not like speaking with her was getting me anywhere.

"No!" She screamed. "Your kind can do nothing to help me. Raphael!"

Walking away from her like this was simply not an option. I had just met her and was mesmerized by her. Was it her subtle beauty that I liked? Or was it her silence? Was is something else all together that held my attention? So I hardened my resolve, I concentrated very hard and pulled in a deep breath. Mercy continued to yell and scream but it was all lost on me. Because the moment I inhaled I was gone. In an instant I was filled with the strongest bloodlust I had ever felt. Her blood was pure. Not like all the evil men I had feasted on in the past. Her's was the most innocent blood I had ever smelled. It wasn't just my throat that burned with thirst, it was my entire body. Her blood was intoxicatingly sweet. I was drunk off the mere smell alone. What would it be like if I could taste it?

I needed to taste it.