Warnings: Not many, except cursing, sexual innuendos, and implied sexual relations between Stephanie/Ranger. Babe Story all the way! Rated M to be safe.


Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

In a place not too far from Trenton, New Jersey, a car door was wrenched opened with bloodied hands. They fumbled over the steering wheel while indiscriminately pushing every button within reach. Including turning on the windshield wipers and blasting the hum of radio to an ear splitting level before ultimately pressing the emergency response button that linked directly to Rangeman's control room.

"Stephanie, did you accidentally activate the emergency response system again?" a bodiless voice joked to the occupant of the car.

"NO HAL!" Stephanie screamed into the dashboard. Her voice was strained as she panted her retort. Hal had heard the rumors that surrounded Stephanie's "misfortunes" and had witness a handful himself, yet this was the first time Hal had been chilled to the bone by her words.

Hal was a firm believer in the mantra that 'actions speak louder than words.' Yet this happenstance threw him off kilter to that belief, sometimes it is how something is said that can etch itself into one's memory. Looking back, it was the times when Ranger had not blown up that he was his scariest. Then sometimes it is what was not being said that was just as disconcerting.

Stephanie's voice came on the line again; all the while the small pitter patter of bullets ricocheting off metal occupied the background noise.

"I'm elbows deep into shit, and I think I've been shot" Bingo. That is what his gut was already telling him.

"Ok honey, stay on the online. Talk to me, what's going down?"

Hal's voice was calm, deep, and reassuring. Or at least that is what he was trying to portray, in reality he was sending all men available to ground zero, which was located directly on a little blimp resonating from a signal that bounced off a satellite to directly correlate to the location of Stephanie's current car. He had dispatched emergency personnel, and personally contacted Ranger via a computer connected to the SUV he was currently driving.

"Ranger is two minutes out, you need to hang on" Hal all but screamed over the increasing volume of Rangeman's fifth floor. Paper was flying, clips jammed into guns, tables screeching as they were shoved out of the way, and the thunderous drone of combat boots set on cement stairs reached the volume to rival the battle ground Stephanie was trapped in.

"There are three guys" Stephanie panted "One is small and squat, looks like the Michelin Man. I think he is the head honcho"

"And the other two?" Hal asked just to keep her talking, to ensure that she was still conscious. Still alive.

"The other two look like bodyguards. One of the bastards is about six and a half feet tall, blond, dark eyes. And he is shooting at me! HOT DAMN!" Stephanie cursed and Hal had a gut feeling that what she exclaimed next would not been good news.

"Stop shooting bullets into me! That fucking hurts." A series of five shots occupied the silence after Stephanie's proclamation. Hal noticed that she began to narrate the upcoming events.

"Ha, ha you bastard, got your shoulder. Oh no, shit, he's coming at me. He don't look happy." Stephanie's voice rose an octave higher than normal as Hal cringed at the sound of a scuffle and a loud smash which muffled the audio device transmitting sound. A low moan of pain broke the proceeding silence.

"God damn, the guy pistol whipped me" Stephanie screeched "wait is that a glock? He glock whipped me, he GLOCKED ME! Now he's his shaking head, wait no, let go of my pants, now you ripped them. Was it not bad enough that they had a bullet hole and blood on them, now you had to rip off half of the damn leg?" A shiver of terror ran through Hal, as he imagined what was truly happening.

"You don't get to shoot me and then rape me. Who does that? Now I have too many holes in me, how will you ever find the right one?" A burst of laughter escaped Hal, mostly due to fear and a percent or two of actual hilarity. A gun went off twice, but Hal didn't have to worry about what was happening because Stephanie screamed the details to the car's interior.

"I'm shooting him, I'm shooting him. Oh he fell on me, get him off, get him off me. Yep he's definitely dead. He even rolled onto the ground." Then all Hal heard after that was Stephanie panting.

"Shit. Shit, they're still shooting at me. Why me? It's not my fault that I caught tubby making walrus with Frankie the Hitter's mistress" she explained to Hal.

"Sure thing sweetie pie, whatever you say. Just keep low and close the door" Hal instructed Stephanie as she grunted.

"I can't, Blondie's arm is in stuck in the door. Hey I found Ranger's hidey gun. Hold on a moment, Stephanie will be back shortly." She calmly stated. Hal would have found all this amusing had he known the outcome of this fire fight would be in favor of Stephanie, but as the stakes were still on the table he decided to cross his fingers, sign the cross, and hold his breath in hopes that she might make it out of this alive.

"Ops, tagged Michelin Man. Take that mother fucker!" A few more rounds were squeezed out before the gun began to click repeatedly.

"Above the parking brake is a hidden compartment stocked with two fresh clips" Hal instructed her to her only chance at survival.

"Found them, hey Hal two out of three ain't bad, right?"

"Stop quoting Meatloaf and take out the third man." Exasperated Hal checked the whereabouts of Ranger's SUV, still thirty seconds till Batman arrives he thought. Although he was barreling towards ground zero at a whopping hundred and thirty three miles per hour.

"At least I'm not quoting crappy sleuth films" Stephanie screamed over the bang, bang, bang of the new clip. "Bodyguard two is down for the count, it looks like I freaking assassinated his sorry ass, right in between his eyes. Ha, who says I can't shoot. Probably no one I shot at, they're all dead."

"You have no taste what so ever" Hal playfully retorted to her comment about a crappy sleuth film, knowing that the three essential threats were eliminated and she was out of harm's way. Or so he thought.

"I would have to agree;" Ranger's voice boomed "she seems to like you." Silence filled the air before Ranger lowered his voice "Babe,"

Hal was pretty certain that the last word was not directed towards him, but just to make sure he decided to chance interrupting them to find out details.

"Stephanie, how's the bullets?"

"I tied the one on my thigh off with my shirt after killing Blondie but before shooting Michelin Man, and now Ranger has…" her voice trailed off "he has…um"

"Stephanie!" Hal's voice broke her free to finish her thought.

"He took off his shirt and tied it around my upper arm"

"So can you hold tight for a few minutes, the ambulance is still en route? You were pretty far out in no man's land when you decided to play cops and robbers…" Hal stopped talking as he realized he was no longer the center of Stephanie's attention.

"Are you ok" Ranger's voice lowered an octave or two. Hal was about to shut down transmission to the SUV when Stephanie began speaking again, and he thought what the hell. Stephanie was hired under the category of entertainment, and since the death threat was quenched it was his duty to let her fulfill her position's purpose. He just had to make sure that Ranger never found out.

"How long do you think until the ambulance arrives?"

"Five minutes, ten tops" Ranger spoke, reassuring her.

"I'll take it" Stephanie whispered. After which a Hal only heard scuffling and a low feminine moan. Tank walked in asking for the 411 on Stephanie, Hal quickly covered the microphone on his headset before switching the live feed to communicate both ways off, all while flapping the other arm to quiet Tank. Hal yanked off the headset and leaned back into the chair as Tank rose an eyebrow in question.

"We have Stephanie still on the line," Hal explained "and Ranger just showed up." Tank stood before Hal for a second before grabbing a chair and sitting. This was prime entertainment and sometimes you just needed blackmail on people who scared the shit out of you so that you can sleep at night.

"Babe," Ranger's voice came back online. Although his inflection indicated a variety of unspoken dialogue. To the guys, the inclination meant something in between disapproval and acceptance. To Stephanie, it meant I want to ravish you but when I do I want to take my time.

"Don't babe me, we're already partially undressed." Tank and Hal looked at each other in question. And even though the mike was off, Hal mouthed "bullet wounds," before Tank uncharacteristically over exaggerated a nod of understanding before Stephanie continued her tirade. "My adrenaline has spiked to male testosterone levels, and I haven't had a donut in three days!"

Hal and Tank looked at each other yet again, and shook their head in silent laughter with a trace of confusion. Donuts?

"Babe," One word. Condescendingly spoken. That was all it took.

Stephanie growled before speaking in a teasing manner. "Once they cart me off to the hospital, there is no chance of hanky panky until I am released, usually two or three days, by then who knows where my adrenaline levels might fall to."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and find out in a few days then. In the mean while, no donuts for you as an insurance policy."

"Yah, you're probably right. Blondie tried to get into my pants and look what I did to him. The problem was that all these bullet holes were confusing him, he didn't know which hole it goes into." She was clearly baiting him, even Tank and Hal could hear that as clear as day. Yet Ranger seemed to take that comment as a challenge.

"Have I ever missed before?" Ranger whispered.

Challenge accepted.

"Well there was that one time, in the middle of the night when…" Stephanie was cut off, and Tank and Hal could only guess by what. Another growl reverberated through the feed, this one more ominous, a warning, and definitely male.

"You frustrate the hell out of me!" Ranger sighed.

"I thought that's what I was trying to remedy."

"I'm about to take what just happened out on you" Ranger threatened.

Two words. Two simple words, shorter than three that they constantly throw at each other in a careless manner, yet just as powerful. Those two words meant I trust you. They meant I'm still alive. They meant a thousand other unspoken things, that neither of them could comprehend at the moment yet both understood perfectly.

"Do it!" Stephanie spoke them so softly and with such venomocity that they were impossible to walk away from and not bend to their will.

There was another shuffle from the SUV, a low painful moan from Stephanie, and a colorful spit of Spanglish directed towards an unfortunate arm before the door slammed closed.

Tank and Hal look shocked at the white noise that accompanied the hum of the silent feed. They scurried to the separate scopes of the fifth floor, trying to look nonchalant but their body language read GUILTY! Hal returned to the monitor with a bran muffin and water as the feed picked up a muffled scream with a continuous beat of metal. Hal swallowed a mouthful of muffin while failing to compose himself. He shook his head with a wistful smile as the distant sound of sirens grew louder and louder through the feed. The sirens came blaring through the com and Hal left the monitor on low. He tried to, unsuccessfully I might add, turn his attention to other areas of business.

Ten minutes later half of the Rangeman staff were back at headquarters. Hal pulled one of the men, who was on location, into the surveillance room to get a full rundown on the scene.

Three dead, multiple GSW, two crunched cars, several pints of blood, broken glass, six dozen shell casings, and one gunshot pant leg belonging to a pair of women's jeans discarded along the wreckage. Stephanie was wrapped in a disposable space blanket upon arrival wearing only a bra and the other half of the jeans plus two tourniquets to staunch the bleeding.

Oh, and a smile.

Ranger was leaning against the SUV wearing what the men who call a wolfish grin, even though his face was completely blank. It was in the eyes, they told a story that Stephanie's smile confirmed.

After Hal had received enough confirmation of what went down, he sat back at his computer waiting to close the feed from the SUV when the speakers picked up the sound of the driver's side door opening.

Ranger's voice came on the line as clear as if he was standing next to him. It was the low chilling voice of an experienced killer, and it was directed towards him.

"HAL! Listen to me and listen closely. You are going to burn me a copy of this recording and hand deliver it to me at the hospital. Delete any and all files relevant to this call. I'm going to get Leandro to run the computer, checking the hard drive, motherboard, and every other encrypted area. If he so as much finds a ghost of file anywhere in that computer you might want to think about relocating somewhere off this continent. True?" and then the line went dead as Ranger switched the emergency button off.

"Oh shit!"


Author's note: Hope everyone enjoyed this! I was thinking about writing the in between part from Stephanie's point of view so that you all get to experience what went down that we didn't get to see. Let me know, enough reviews float my way and I'll start back up.

If any of you out there got the song or the Spy movie reference, then Kudos!