Right, so this is something a little different, an experiment, if you will. It's also a shameless attempt to get reviews, but that's a seperate issue. Following on from the success of my series of linked one-shots by the Toa Nuva, I decided to try doing another series of one-shots, although mostly disconnected this time, focusing on certain individuals and their reflections or adventures. This particular piece was... well, I'll save my judgement for the moment. But it's focused on Tahu and Gali, the one pairing I'm particularly interest in, if any. It's a little different from how I'd prefer to write Tahu, but how I prefer to write Tahu probably lacks the emotional depth (read insecurity and sophistication) for this to work, so... whatever.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bionicle.
The only one I ever feared
The rain patters softly against the glass, its touch softly misting up the panes of the glass. It reminds me of her. How much she loves the rain. How much she wishes that I loved it too. And as long as I watch it through the glass, I do. While I can stay dry. But outside, it begins to seep into my armour, and it's cold and causes me to stiffen at its touch. And then rust. Great. But the pitter patter of dainty feet calls to me, her footsteps pacing back and forth as she waits in the rain. Waits for me. Waiting for someone who wants to look, but cannot touch. Whose fiery passions are extinguished by the continual pounding of little doubts and fears. Her touch washing away my fears and carrying them away. The excited rhythm of her heartlight when she thinks fire may finally find a way to tell the rain how it feels. Always to be disappointed, but never to judge. Always the rhythm calms and fades away to reveal a sunlit smile that tells me she understands. She can wait. She is patient. She will continue to try, to gently push a little more, until at last she breaks the dam that keeps us apart. Even if it takes a thousand years, she'll get to me. But I cannot wait.
It wouldn't be too bad if I could just take the plunge. After all, once you're in the water, who cares that you're wet? And I wish I could do just that. Immerse myself in it. But I can't. Every time I dip my toe, I flinch and break away. I'm caught in a storm of conflicting feelings; my fears and terror sucking me down like a whirlpool, my love a rising wave that should, should, be able to carry me through the storm. And yet it is never enough, it always collapses on me at the last second, always drags me back down.
By some quirk of fate, I am known as the bravest of the Toa. My life has been consumed by the tide of battle, and I happen to be good at it, happen to be unable to stand the idea of someone beating me. And so they call me the fearless hero and sing songs in my honour. While I sit here, unable to go out in the rain. Because I have no enemy today. Only something wonderful, which I have placed beyond my grasp. So I can't rush blindly into battle. Battle with what? The rain? With my own fear? They burns me up inside, but I cannot extinguish my fires, my passions. They are too precious to me, even as they hurt me so. They torture me with my forbidden feelings, dangling just beyond my reach. They know I want her, know I can't have her. Why not? I ask. And the reply is always that I can. But, I hear, I simply do not want it badly enough. Well I do. But this conspiracy against me, between the rain and the flame, keeps me from it. My own passions seek to keep me from their object.
And that's just it. I am only 'brave' because I am competitive. I want to win, and will fight for it with all my power. But to win today I must conquer fear itself. And how do I propose I do that? I... I need to focus on the rain. How it reminds me of her.
I still remember the day I first met her, still as clear as the purest stream. I was younger then. More immature. More hot-headed. I'd just arrived on the island of Mata Nui, and was on my way to meet with the 'other Toa' that the Turaga kept going on about. Personally, I wasn't too bothered. I didn't need other Toa. But then again, there's nothing like a bit of friendly competition... especially if you know you're going to win. I was stomping through the foothills of Ko-Wahi, towards the meeting place the Turaga had claimed was where the legends described us all meeting. Personally I suspected that the Turaga had just decided that was as good a place as any amongst themselves and directed my fellow Toa there. But at that particular moment I actually didn't care. It was cold, and in my presence, it very quickly became wet, too. By the time I was near the meeting place, I had tromped through so much slush I thought it would be embedded in my armour forever. And then, infuriatingly, there wasn't even anyone there! I stormed through the last snow drift and came to a stop when I realised my mistake. There was someone there. But she wasn't a Toa. A mirage of azure and deepest blue stood before me. I was frozen mid-step, something I've come to associate with Kopaka, entranced by this apparition. She looked up at me, and solemnly swept her gaze over me. How to describe her eyes? Like twin suns, blazing with fiery intensity... or perhaps a pair of lightstones, warm and comforting? Either would be a flattering, and restrained, description. But those eyes didn't look into my own. Having finished her inspection, her gaze wandered around the clearing. I shook myself then. I was Toa Tahu! Time to take charge of my meagre crew of one. Thoughts of going it alone mysteriously abandoned, I opened my mouth to speak, to get to know my teammate a little better...
...aaaannd that was when Lewa arrived. After that I didn't really bother pursuing it. I'd dismissed it as a brief infatuation. But recently, well, in light of recent events, I've had time to reflect. That's a rare privilege for a Toa, certainly of late, and that only makes it more valuable. Because looking back, I realise that Gali's always been there for me. Of course all of my brothers have as well, but with Gali... well, I suppose my concern for her has always been... a little above and beyond the call of duty. And whenever we split up into smaller groups, I ended up with Gali. On Mata Nui, hunting for the masks (although she was furious when I burned down that tree!), during the Rahkshi attacks she stuck by my side, and then, in Karda Nui, I dragged her down into the swamps with me. And Onua too. Because he's quiet. And not Kopaka's I thoroughly disapprove of your very existence silence either, and definitely not look at me, I'm loud-shouting! Pay attention to me! Which means I can talk to Gali. Perhaps, in some parallel universe, I acted on those semi-conscious choices. But here, I'm stuck staring out at the rain, and wishing I could go outside. Because that's where she is. Where she's waiting. Waiting for Tahu, the brave and the bold. The Tahu that won't be coming. Because that Tahu never let anything stop him. And I'm letting the rain stop me from getting what I want the most. Her heart. In fact, that's a lie. I'm letting my... my own fear stop me. Stop me from running to her. Her eyes, like the sun, which will brim with tears of joy, ones that will fall all around me, because her tears are the rain. And her touch, her gentle, understanding touch, that sweeps away my fears, my trepidation... and, when the tears have ceased, her wonderful eyes, looking fondly into mine. Twin suns shining through the clouds, beams of sunlight striking me, warming my very heart... to Karzahni with this! I am Toa Tahu! I am the bravest Toa. I am the strongest! I am fire, and fire always finds a way! Nothing, nothing, will stop me!
And with those words, I burst out into the rain. I gasped; shocked at how cold it felt after my reassurances that it would be the warm touch of my lover. But now I recognised this storm. It was my challenger, the threat I needed to overcome, that which would bring out that courage I was so adored for. So I let the rain lash against my armour, let it seep into the core of my very being. I did not bother summoning fires to warm me against its touch. I had no need of flames now. My determination burned hot enough for me, pushing empty passion aside in a sweeping tidal wave, bearing me along in its wake. And this time, I would reach the shore of this ocean of doubt. That ship had sailed. I was soaring away, away from the fear and the pain. I was numb to it now, I had become immune. I barely noticed my direction, all was a blur, all was unimportant to me. Only my destination mattered now. My feet knew the way, taking me to where she would be. I was on the final approach now. I was a missile, heading straight for the dam that kept us apart, the dam built of my own icy fears. But now the idea that it could obstruct me was laughable. That I would blaze through it unhindered was out of the question. I was a dambuster, and I was unstoppable. My feet doubled their pace as I located my target, where I knew she'd be. Standing at the end of the dock, staring out at the sea, waiting for the day she wished would come soon. She would wait no longer. I flew down the dock, a blazing trail following in my wake, as I yelled her name in a roar of sound. She turned, shocked, and I struck. We flew off the end of the dock, but I still held my breath. Detonation. We splashed into the sea, for a moment I was being sucked back into the whirlpool of terror and doubt. But then the ocean stilled, and I could breathe again. We floated in the calm waters, staring for what felt like an eternity. Then, she smiled at me, and the rain stopped.
Please review, because there's nothing better than feedback for a writer. Also, if anyone has any ideas about Points of View they'd like to read, then feel free to suggest them, either in your review or by PM. Hope you enjoyed this one.
