This is an experiment. I've only ever posted complete stories. This will be a first for me where I post while writing. I have a vague idea of where it's heading. So be nice. It's a work in progress. But I like comments, flames are ignored. If you can't say it constructively, don't say it at all.
I don't own FF8. Quistis is a character that is not well portrayed in the game, she's rather mysterious throughout. So here is my attempt at her.
Part One
It was over, and surprisingly, they had all come out of it unscathed… mostly.
Quistis leaned against the railing of the second floor balcony and let the breeze toy with her hair as she stared down at the ocean. The Garden moved almost silently through the water with seagulls circling overhead. Her mind, recently distracted by more immediate dangers was finally allowed to linger on other matters.
Squall.
Squall was in the infirmary with Rinoa sitting close at hand. He was unharmed; simply exhausted from what he had described briefly as his walk across the hundred mile desert only to find he had walked twenty paces. He hadn't elaborated.
Rinoa, she had saved him. Some link between them had kept Squall from being lost forever in the time-compressed world, or wherever that in-between place was.
Quistis had been surrounded by white light and then had opened her eyes and had found herself right where – and when – she was supposed to be, on the beach behind the orphanage, close to the lighthouse. The others had been there as well, reporting similar experiences. All except Rinoa; she had met them at the orphanage. She had arrived back in the proper time in the field on the other side of the building. But Squall had not.
He had been in the dark. Rinoa had described it for them when she brought him back. Alone in the dark, unable to find who he was looking for.
Like when he was small, Quistis thought, and he couldn't find Sis.
But Rinoa had found him instead. No matter what Quistis might have thought of her when they had first been introduced, she could finally admit to herself that Rinoa was right for Squall. There was no jealousy in that admission, Quistis had already figured out any feelings she had imagined for Squall were misinterpreted residual emotions of having been at the orphanage with him.
She tried not to dwell on the fact that there had been another from the orphanage that she had imagined feelings for. All of that was in the past, permanently.
As the Garden skirted over the outer peers of Fisherman's Horizon, Quistis glanced at the people fishing until a familiar grey jacket caused her to lean over the edge a little for a better look. A slight figure in blue pushed a much bigger figure off of the peer and the person wearing the grey coat howled with laughter. Craning her neck, Quistis mouth gaped, he was alive?
The Garden rose out of the water to clear the peers and the figure in grey turned his face up. For a moment he appeared to be looking directly at the balcony where Quistis leaned over the rail. Jerking back out of sight, she caught her breath. The distance down was much too far to make out details. He probably wouldn't be able to tell who had been looking.
Looking down at her deep peach/pink outfit, Quistis sighed, "Unless he's color blind."
"Quisty, I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Holding back the scream that bubbled to her lips, Quistis stared wide-eyed at the bouncy brunette who had appeared out of no where.
"I bought this new video camera for the party and I need you to help me figure out what I'm doing," Selphie grabbed Quistis' arm and pulled her back inside the second floor hallway without waiting for the other woman to agree.
Resigned, the former instructor allowed herself to be dragged along.
Arguing with Selphie was more tiresome than just giving in from the get go.
"Dance with me?"
Quistis quirked an eyebrow at Irvine's suggestion and her fingers tightened around the glass in her hand.
"Uh… dance?"
He started moving with the music, swaying with the rhythm, and… was that really dancing?
"Hey guys!"
Selphie waved and nearly dropped the video camera she held to her eye.
Setting her glass on a nearby table, Quistis waved, "Hello, Selphie."
"Smile, Quistis," she demanded, and zoomed in for a close up.
The former instructor's lips twitched as she narrowed her eyes and made a smooching motion at the lens causing Selphie to giggle.
The top of Irvine's hat moved in, blocking her view of the camera, "Irvine, do you mind?"
He wrapped his arm around Quistis' shoulders and smiled at Selphie, "I got her, Selphie, should I make her dance with me."
Instead of waiting to see if he was kidding, Quistis squirmed, "Let go of me."
"Come on, I thought Balamb Garden knew how to party down…"
Shoving him off, Quistis turned, "Not this SeeD."
Seeing Cid standing alone near the edge of the dance floor, she bee-lined it for him, "I heard Squall reinstated you as Headmaster."
"Yes, I was delighted when Squall…" He looked over her left shoulder and smiled. Quistis half-turned, saw the camera was on them and winked at Selphie before turning back.
"That's wonderful news," she smiled genuinely. She could not hold Cid responsible for her losing her teaching license. She had been too young and immature to keep it, especially when it came to students whom she had known since very early in life.
Not surprising news either, Quistis thought, I can't imagine Squall having to lecture students sent to his office for disciplinary reasons.
He'd make the underclassmen cry.
Aloud she said, "Well, we're all glad to have you back at Garden. But where is…er…I thought she came with you."
Cid looked down, nearly blushing, "She said she needed to change—"
He looked to the right and exhaled sharply.
Quistis followed his gaze and gasped aloud, "Matron."
She wore a simple black dress, short sleeved, modest neckline, with a skirt that hit her mid-calf.
Her hair was long and shimmery black, Quistis had forgotten how long it had been because, as a sorceress, Edea had worn her hair up.
Seeing her hair now past her waist made the mind hurt trying to figure out where she had put all of it. Magic somehow.
Cid walked to meet her and took her hand, "You look beautiful."
Pressing against the small of her back he steered her toward Quistis, "Quistis was just asking where you were."
"Matron, I—"
Raising a hand to stop her, Edea smiled, "Darling, you can call me Edea, you're all grown up now."
"Hard to believe, you look exactly like you did when they were six years old," Cid smiled at his wife and Quistis saw him physically move an inch toward her face before consciously pulling back and looking over Quistis' shoulder.
How sweet, he'd nearly kissed her right there in front of everyone. His wife had returned and the insane sorceress was gone. Quistis smiled at the thought. She felt rather than heard someone walk up beside her.
"It is wonderful to see you again, Ma'am," Irvine said, sweeping off his hat and bowing to Edea.
"Yes," Quistis agreed bending slightly at the waist.
Edea nodded, "Please to see you…"
Irvine's eyes twinkled, "You don't remember me, do you?"
"Irvine Kinneas," Cid supplied for his wife.
"Irvine? Irvy! My goodness, I just didn't recognize you with your hair!" Edea turned to her husband, "He was always the shortest one. Look how he's grown."
Cid nodded, "Would you like something to drink?"
"Irvine!" Selphie stamped her foot, "I want to be on camera some too, come take this!"
Irvine moved to fetch the camera before Selphie threw it at him and Cid led Edea over to the refreshments table.
Selphie bounced over to Quistis wearing Irvine's hat, "Get a shot of the two of us, the sexy lady SeeDs."
"The camera is sideways," Quistis murmured.
"Turn it so that we're right side up!" Selphie moved her hands up and down.
"Sorry," he turned the camera.
Selphie grinned, "Perfect, sweetie!"
"You look beautiful Selphie, and so does Quistis," Irvine said, pulling his eye away from the viewfinder and grinning at them.
"Hi!" Selphie curled a hand around Quistis' elbow, "Say 'Hi!' Quisty."
Hyne… "Hi," Quistis nodded.
Irvine turned the camera toward a group of girls a little ways away, "Hi ladies!"
Selphie let go of Quistis and marched over to Irvine, standing directly in front of the camera, "Hey! When I said you could look but not touch, I did not mean you could look right in front of me."
She strode over to Quistis, "Come on, he's being a jerk."
"But sweetie…" Irvine began, following them.
"Ignore him," Quistis suggested.
"Don't you 'sweetie' me," Selphie grumbled under her breath. She pulled Quistis to a sudden stop, "Look."
Zell sat at a table and was currently shoving an entire hotdog into his mouth. The pretty librarian with pigtails sat next to him, smiling almost in awe at the fact that she was sitting at a table with Zell.
Following her pointing finger, Quistis exclaimed, "He finally got one!"
"The hotdogs or the librarian," Selphie asked.
"Either or," she replied, chuckling.
Irvine moved closer to the table, "Those hotdogs look good, man."
Zell, noticing the camera, pulled the plate closer.
"M-wh-ine!" His mouth was full of hotdog, but the message was clear. He wasn't sharing.
A distressed look came over his face and sweat began to pour from his forehead. He grabbed his glass, found it empty, and started looking around for something to drink.
Quistis and Selphie rushed over and the library got to her feet, "Is he choking?"
"Pat his back," Selphie said, giving him a hard thump.
Quistis patted his back, "Zell, can you swallow?"
"Spit it out," the librarian suggested, wringing her hands.
"They're not worth dying over, just spit the hotdog out," Selphie said thumping him again.
Quistis doubled her efforts to pat his back.
"Um…" the librarian leaned down to see his face.
"Is he turning blue?" Selphie thumped him faster.
"No, he's getting kinda red though."
"What?" Selphie leaned in close and Quistis bent to see too.
He was kind of red.
He turned to face them, murder in his eyes. The two girls eased back slowly.
"Now Zell, we were only trying to help," Quistis said gently.
He leapt from the table, "It was spicy!"
Quistis and Selphie ducked behind Irvine to hide and he started laughing, "You scared off your pretty little librarian too, genius."
Zell threw a hotdog at the camera and Irvine nearly dropped it.
Selphie giggled, "That was scary."
Quistis, realizing that she could stay off camera if she stayed behind it, walked back over to Zell, "We really thought you were choking."
"Yeah," he grumbled.
"She headed that way," Quistis said, pointing out of the ballroom, "I bet you could catch her if you go now."
His eyes lit up, "Thanks!"
"Over there," Selphie pointed, "Irvine, shoot over there."
Quistis moved so she could see what Selphie wanted him to record and saw Rinoa outside on the balcony, looking off over the water. She turned to look at someone out of sight and smiled, holding one finger up as if asking for a dance.
"Damnit, the battery died. Didn't you charge this thing?"
"What? It's brand new, don't they come fully charged?"
"Obviously not," Irvine said, handing the equipment to her.
Quistis moved closer to the balcony, she'd heard Squall was out of the infirmary but had yet to see him.
Squall stood a couple feet away from Rinoa, smiling. Smiling?! Squall smiled?!? He took her hand, slipped the other arm around her waist as if to start waltzing with her, and pulled her in for a kiss.
Turning away, Quistis bit her lip, embarrassed. Whoops, she had really not meant to spy, she had just been curious. Curiosity embarrassed the instructor… former instructor.
Angelo scampered across the floor, circling the room. Quistis realized he'd been doing that for the third time, like he was searching. With so many people around, he must have lost Rinoa.
"Angelo," Quistis patted her knee. The dog immediately walked over to her and sat on his haunches. She stroked his head and he whimpered softly.
"She's out there," Quistis pointed out the balcony doors. She could no longer see the kissing couple, but the dog seemed to understand.
He walked out the door and immediately started barking.
"Angelo! Quiet, it's just Squall, you know Squall. Silly pup! Sorry, he probably couldn't find me and started freaking out."
"It's fine," Squall said.
Quistis moved away from the balcony toward the tables. The camera was on a chair, plugged into the wall so it could charge. Thank Hyne she'd given that up for a while.
Snagging a glass of wine from a passing waitress, Quistis wound her way around tables.
"Miss Trepe! Miss Trepe!" Several students approached her, male and female. They all bowed at the waist when she stopped and turned.
Ah, the Trepies. She'd almost forgotten about them with all the excitement lately. At least they'd stopped calling her 'Instructor'.
The shortest girl stepped forward, "We've started a petition to get you reinstated as an instructor. We need you or else we'll never pass the SeeD exam. Besides, with all of the battles, many of the instructors were killed or injured, they need everyone qualified to teach to do so."
"But I am not qualified," Quistis tipped her glass toward the girl, "That was the point in taking away my license."
"But Miss Trepe…"
"And you are not considering that perhaps I enjoyed being an active SeeD and do not want to return to teaching, at least not yet."
The small group looked aghast at the thought.
"It was a nice gesture though, thank you," Quistis said dismissively, not realizing how much she still sounded like an instructor. She turned to study the dancing couples on the floor, hoping they would get the hint and leave her alone.
Irvine and Selphie were wrapped in each others arms, dancing slowly to the music. They did look good together and in spite of his wandering eye, Irvine seemed to really care for the energetic girl he danced with.
They were cute.
Jealous, said a little nagging voice in her head.
Near the food table, Headmaster Cid was helping Edea fill a plate. He offered her a cracker which she obligingly opened her mouth to receive. She chewed thoughtfully before nodding and taking a cracker to feed it to him.
It was cute.
You're eyes are green, she warned herself.
Squall and Rinoa were cute.
Just stop it!
Quistis set her half empty glass on the nearest table and headed for the exit. She kept her head down and tried not to draw attention to herself. Many of the Garden students and SeeDs were milling about, heading toward the party or toward the training facility.
When had she become this way? Or maybe she'd always been like this. Had she buried herself in work and training until she hadn't realized she was hollow? And now that she had nothing ahead of her, no plans, she could finally find out what Quistis Trepe was really like? What if she didn't like what she found?
Deciding that her dorm was the only place where she could possibly be left alone, Quistis headed that way. Since it was night, all of the lights in the main hall were off, only the ambient track lighting illuminating the path. She was nearly to the dormitory entrance when a large group of laughing students came out of it.
Quistis quickly ducked behind a decorative plant near one of the many benches that lined the main walkway. The laughing group walked past, never noticing her in the shadows, and disappeared around the bend toward the ballroom.
She waited until the sounds of merriment had died before exhaling the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She braced her hand to the planter, meaning to use it as a support to stand, then froze when she heard two people settle onto the bench on the other side of the plant.
"…so actually we've known each other a lot longer than just the couple of months since this Sorceress stuff started."
Zell. Quistis gritted her teeth and fought back an oath.
"Wow," said a female voice, "you, Quistis, Squall, and Selphie all knew each other when you were little. That is amazing… oh, and I forgot the other one, what's his name, Irvine?"
You forgot someone else… Librarian. Hyne, what is her name? She should know this… Quistis searched her memory and came up with nothing. Slowly, she rose up enough to see the couple sitting on the bench through a gap in the leafy plant. The librarian sat strait-backed on the edge of the bench while Zell lounged, taking up any and all available space.
"Seifer was there too." Zell made a big show of stretching his arms up and bringing them down so one of them rested along the back of the bench behind the librarian.
Quistis rolled her eyes. For the love of…
"I wonder what happened to him," she said, cheeks going pink with pleasure at Zell's clichéd moves.
He's not catching any fish on a pier in FH. Even Quistis' thoughts were taking on a sarcastic bite.
"You know I always noticed you when I went into the library…" Zell traced a finger down one of the librarian's braids.
Blushing full out, she turned her surprised eyes to him, "Really? I didn't think you saw me. I've always… had a little bit… of-of a crush on you." She turned away, covering her warm cheeks with her hands.
Zell's hand reached for her shoulder, but he seemed to lose his nerve halfway through the gesture and raked his fingers through his own hair instead. "Man, some night."
"It's lovely," she agreed and then turned to him, one hand on his arm, "Oh! Did you see the Headmaster's wife, the one you said used to be your Matron."
"Yeah, I'm glad everything turned out good for them. Come to think of it, everything turned out good for pretty much everyone."
Quistis gritted her teeth.
"You mean because Squall and Rinoa are together?"
Zell nodded, "Selphie and Irvine are together… and well, here we are. See, everyone paired up."
He cupped the girl's chin and leaned forward just before Quistis popped to her feet, "That is enough!"
"GAA!" Zell fell face-forward onto the bench as the librarian leapt away from him and covered her face with a squeal.
"Wha? Quistis! What the hell are you doing jumping out of the shadows and yelling at us for?" Zell reached out to comfort the girl but she backed away, shooting an embarrassed and fearful glance at Quistis.
Quistis moved up to jab a finger in his chest, "You are slower than a herd of turtles through molasses. Can't you just tell the girl you like her? Make a move!" She turned her attention to the librarian who cringed under her irritated gaze, "And of course he noticed you, the only reason he went into the library was to see you. He can't form a complete thought or sentence let alone read a book, what else was he doing there except gaze at you?"
"That is not true," Zell snapped, blushing. "They have magazines in there. And besides, I was making a move when you started yelling and scared the life out of us."
The steam going out of her temper, Quistis bit her lip, "Oh. Well, I couldn't see that from the other side of the plant."
"And what the hell were you doing lurking behind the plant!" Zell pointed at the offending shrub for emphasis.
"I was sitting innocently behind the planter when you decided to sit here and jabber on about how wonderful life is now that everyone has somebody to love. Well, you forgot someone. Me. I don't have anyone to love. I am not paired up." Feeling tears beginning to burn the back of her throat, Quistis blurted out the rest, embarrassed, "If you really care about her, tell her, because not everyone is fortunate enough to feel that way."
Blushing, Quistis pushed past him, swiping the tears that had managed to squeeze out.
"Quistis," Zell called after her.
Shaking her head, she strode blindly into the dormitory hall and somehow managed to find her room and get inside without running into anyone else. She locked the door and stood in the center of the room. No more tears fell.
Awe hell, she couldn't even cry herself to sleep.
Instead, Quistis curled up on her bed with a book on the fine art of whip wielding.
Quistis opened her eyes when someone started banging on her door. She sat strait up, the sheets twisting around her and winced when she realized she'd slept in her clothes. Her glasses dangled from one ear.
"Who is it?"
"It's Rinoa."
Damn. And she couldn't pretend not to be in; she'd already asked who it was.
Fighting her way free from the sheets, Quistis smoothed her hair and adjusted her glasses before opening the door.
Rinoa stood framed in the doorway, fresh as a daisy, all perfect and in love.
Stop thinking that way, Quistis scolded herself, it's petty.
"Yes?"
Rinoa blinked at the razor sharp edge to Quistis' voice, "Squall tried paging you a couple times, but he didn't want to make a big thing about it, so he asked me to find you quietly."
"Why would he—" she glanced at the clock on her desk, "It's after noon?!"
She had to walk over to the unit before she would believe it, "How late was I up last night?"
Rinoa closed the door and leaned back against it, "None of us saw you after the party started."
"I left," Quistis tossed the clock face down on the desk. "I came back here, read, and fell asleep."
"Why did you leave early?" Rinoa studied the toe of her right boot, "Was it something the Trepies said?"
"What?"
Rinoa met Quistis' gaze, "A few of them approached Squall at the party and informed him that they had a petition started to get your teaching license reinstated."
"They told me that too. I told them not to bother." Quistis sat on the edge of her bed, suddenly tired again.
"Sleeping too much could be a sign of depression," Rinoa suggested softly.
Quistis' eyes snapped to the other girl, "Why would you think I was depressed?"
"Zell was worried about you, so he told Squall what happened last night. What you said about being alone."
Eyes narrowed, Quistis slowly moved to her feet, "And if Squall heard it, you heard it, right? Are you joined at the hip? You're already his errand girl. I don't need to be psychoanalyzed by people who can't understand. I need to be left to myself."
She strode into the bathroom and slammed the door. She took a long hot shower, and when she stepped out of the steam wrapped in a large fluffy towel, the cold air hit her, cooling her skin and her temper.
Until she realized that Rinoa was perched on the edge of her desk.
"Hyne, this cannot be happening. Why are you still here?"
Ignoring the SeeD's tone, Rinoa crossed her ankles and tilted her head to the side, "I thought that you didn't like me because you were in love with Squall, but that's not it, is it?"
Drying her glasses on the towel she wore, Quistis moved to her closet to pick out a peach/pink skirt and vest set with the leather detached sleeves, "No, it isn't. I almost wish it were. That at least would be simple. Jealous of one person… instead of everyone."
She took her clothes into the bathroom to dress. She was being such a bitch and it didn't make sense. Rinoa hadn't really done anything. Quistis shook her head; she didn't like the person she was turning out to be.
Rinoa spoke the moment she stepped out of the bathroom, "You are right."
"Am I? About what?"
"I feel like Squall's shadow. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do. I wouldn't even mind working with some of the students, but I am not a teacher, or a SeeD. I'm the Commander's girlfriend, which is so… awkward. No one really knows me, or knows how to act around me." Rinoa handed Quistis her hair clip and watched the other woman pull her hair up, leaving the front bangs down by the sides of her face.
Quistis pulled on her knee-high boots and stood, "I'm ready to go see Squall now."
Rinoa sighed, opened the door, and led the way out.
Once they reached the main hall, Rinoa motioned toward the elevator, "He's waiting for you on the bridge." She turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction.
Quistis stepped onto the elevator that would take her up to the bridge. She's seen the Headmaster below in what used to be his office. Since the elevator to the bridge was against the back wall, his desk has been moved to the side. In fact, there was construction going on there to split the large room into thirds, one room for the Headmaster's office, the hallway to the bridge elevator, and a small office for the Commander, for Squall.
The elevator rose into the bright natural light of the bridge.
Squall studied several papers, his back to the beautiful blue sky outside.
Nida stared out the windows, one hand resting against the steering control.
It wasn't until she stepped off of the elevator platform that they noticed she was there.
"Quistis." Nida nodded his head in greeting, his eyes friendly and undemanding.
She gave him a small nod in response, not really up to smiling, and turned her attention to Squall, "Commander."
He grimaced at the title but stepped away from the windows, "Several things have been brought to my attention. I don't have an office yet." He glanced at Nida, "If you'd prefer we do this somewhere else…"
She considered Nida, he was looking politely elsewhere, as if willing himself invisible, "If we start talking about anything that makes him uncomfortable, he may go."
Squall nodded briskly, not understanding but willing to push forward through the touchy stuff. He held the paper out to her, "I received this petition this morning. Do you know what it is about?"
"Some Tr—students approached me about their petition to get me reinstated last night. I told them that I liked being an activated SeeD. I wasn't qualified to be an instructor. Having my license taken away was probably the best thing for everyone. Me most of all."
"All of the Trepies signed it. And a few others."
Quistis studied Squall, trying to figure out what he was not saying, "Who else?"
He handed her the paper and she skimmed over the names. All of the Trepies had signed it, and though there were only twelve of them, there were a total of fifteen signatures. Selphie, Irvine, and Edea had signed it as well.
"What a joke."
"Selphie and Irvine thought it was a favor to you, and Edea scolded Cid for forcing you to grow up too fast and then pulling the rug from under you."
Quistis' lips quirked, "That was what it felt like. Though it wasn't as harsh as the bus you hit me with."
Squall's face twisted in confusion.
"I believe you suggested I speak to a brick wall."
He had the audacity to look irritated. He was irritated?!
"You've brought that up before. You should have said so then that you wanted an apology."
Quistis waved her hand in dismissal, "I wasn't asking for apology. I only meant that Edea defending me against Cid was ridiculous when what you said put the icing on the cake. I was a bad teacher, I couldn't relate to my students."
"That's not true," Nida blurted out.
Quistis stared at him, surprised. Squall merely lifted an eyebrow in question.
Nida blushed deeply and stepped away from the steering controls, "I… I just meant… Everyone I know that was your student said you were a great instructor. …Excuse me." He managed to say it without looking at either of them and then strode onto the platform which lowered out of sight.
Quistis and Squall looked at each other, the question hanging in the air between them.
"…Whatever."
"You said it," Quistis agreed.
One corner of Squall's mouth lifted in a half smile that had Quistis looking away just so she wouldn't laugh. He really needed to practice that more. It looked painful.
"There was something else," he looked away now, out the windows. His discomfort fairly radiated off of him in waves.
"Zell spilled his hot dog eating guts." She smiled when she said it.
He turned back, frowned at her, "Rinoa told you that?"
"I goaded her into being direct, in fact, I'm sure I was really rude. She didn't deserve it."
Sighing, Squall put a hand to his forehead. Thoughts fairly scrolled across his face like a message board.
"What am I doing? Why do I have to be the one to talk to her about her personal feelings? What if she just wants to be left alone? I would. What if I were the only one without someone to care about?" Quistis mimicked his hand to forehead pose and twisted her face in a mock frown.
"What?" He dropped his hand.
"Isn't that what you're thinking?"
"Almost verbatim." He glared at her, "How do you do that?"
"I paid attention." Quistis shook her head, laughing, and it only sounded a little bitter, "Don't worry about me Squall, and tell everyone else not to either. I'm fine. I just need to figure out what I want to do; maybe I need to get away for a while. I don't know. But I do know you don't have to do this."
Squall looked relieved and distressed all at the same time, "…Okay."
Quistis debated before finally deciding to take pity on him, "Rinoa wants to be useful."
"What?"
Just as she'd thought, he hadn't considered what bringing Rinoa to Garden on a permanent basis meant yet. "You and she are… together… and you have responsibilities to Garden. But what is Rinoa going to do? She's not a SeeD, so she can't go on missions, she can't instruct students who will be SeeDs. She can't be a student because you are the Commander of Garden. Think about it."
So many thoughts raced through his eyes in a matter of seconds that Quistis had to look away, "That was abrupt of me."
"I hadn't thought…" Squall shrugged, "Why didn't she tell me?"
Quistis bit her lip, seeing as how she'd basically slapped Rinoa in the face with it, she hoped this would make up for it a little, "Maybe she didn't want you to think she was unhappy being here. It's your home; the rest of us grew up in a Garden somewhere, but she didn't."
He nodded, still frowning.
She poked him in the shoulder, "So, do something about it! How about Dr. Kadowaki? Her assistant was injured so she'll need someone who is adept at healing to help out…that's Rinoa's strong point."
Squall's eyes brightened as the idea sank in, "That… that sound's perfect."
He smiled at Quistis who wrinkled her nose in return, "See, the day is looking up. You didn't have to talk about anything too touchy, and you've solved another problem before it turned into something huge. You've pretty much gotten this leader thing licked."
Squall's smile started to fade, "Let me know if I can help… when you decide what you want to do."
Quistis nodded, "Thank you, Commander."
He frowned again, "Don't call me that."
She was laughing when the elevator rose with Nida. He blushed at the sight of Quistis, mumbled an apology and hurried to the steering controls when she stepped onto the lift platform.
In the long months since the party over the ocean, Garden had moved temporarily to Trabia to help with the rebuild. Trabia Garden would never move like the other two, the missiles had seen to that, but it was up and running as a full function school. They had nearly balked at the thought of accepting charity.
With Selphie as ambassador, Squall had made it clear that this was not charity, it was a leg up. SeeDs were going to be in high demand to protect citizens from the latest onslaught of monsters and to help house the refugee students from Galbadia Garden. With so many SeeDs injured or dead, Trabia need to be put back in order for the sake of its students and the students of other Gardens.
Trabia Garden had grudgingly accepted the offer of assistance.
The weather, though cold enough to keep snow on the ground, had stayed sunny and clear so that walls could be put up. Shelters were torn down to make way for new classrooms and dorms. Students whose whole worlds had been ripped apart by destruction, mayhem, and death were slowly picking up their lives. They were getting in out of the cold, standing with the help of others, and working to make their home whole again.
Some Shumi's had come out of their isolation to help repair the statuary and artistic moldings. Functional beauty, they called it, was good for the spirit the way food and shelter were good for the body. And the spirit of Trabia Garden needed a lift.
But most of the construction was complete and Balamb Garden was leaving the Trabia Continent.
Quistis sat at a computer console at the back of an empty classroom, checking over the Garden message board. It had been Zell's idea that they should post the Garden's schedule on the message board so that all students would know the next city they were going to or near.
Apparently someone, again probably Zell, had requested a trip to Balamb. It was like going home for most of the students. It was where Garden had started this long journey, and now it was returning there to check on the city after almost a year.
Quistis didn't want to go. At least at Trabia, she had been busy, but she could already feel the walls of her home beginning to close in on her. She had been able to ignore her new thoughts while working, but now, with nothing to do… it was back. And though she never seemed to be able to enjoy anyone's company, she liked being left with her own thoughts less.
"Quistis Trepe, please report to the Commander's office." Nida's familiar voice came over the Garden intercom.
Sighing, she logged off of the computer and made her way to the elevator.
Construction had been completed there as well so that the elevator opened up to a short hallway with the lift to the bridge. The Headmaster's office was on the left and Squall's was on the right. Since the door was open, she walked in and stood strait-backed behind the lone seat this side of the desk, "You requested my presence, Commander?"
"Don't call me that," Squall said absently, never looking up from a letter he was penning.
Rolling her eyes, Quistis moved over and eased a hip against Squall's large oak desk, "Rinoa seems to enjoy working as a healer. Dr. Kadowaki said she was a great help in organizing the new infirmary at Trabia Garden."
He carefully signed the bottom of the paper and finally looked at her, "I know. She can't wait to go to work in the morning. I think it's the first real job she's ever had."
Quistis shrugged, a non-committal move, "You wanted to see me?"
Squall nodded, "Now that things are settling back to normal, or as normal as things get around here, have you decided what you are going to do?"
She shook her head, "No."
"Read this," he handed her a letter carefully written on floral printed and perfume scented paper, moving away from the desk to let her read it.
It was a request from Winhill written about a month before, asking for SeeD assistance. Monsters were venturing into town. Since there were not as many young men around as there had once been, the townspeople were beginning to worry. If Garden could send assistance, any assistance, the townspeople would be eternally grateful. The letter mentioned Laguna's assistance in the past and how the town hoped Squall had his father's willingness to help a town in need.
"They can't afford SeeD assistance, so they try to play on your conscience since Laguna worked for free."
"They would be richer if they didn't abhor strangers and therefore tourists," Squall gestured his hand to Quistis, "I want you to go?"
Surprised, she looked at the letter again, "Just me?"
"Our SeeD numbers are low; I can't afford to send more than one person."
Quistis noticed the paper Squall had been writing when she'd come in. It was a contract.
"You knew I'd want to go…" Quistis set the letter on top of the other paper and slid off of the desk, "How long is the contract for?"
"Two months. After that, if the problem persists, we can discuss other options."
For the town or for me, Quistis thought. Probably both.
"I'll be ready to leave by the time we get to the Balamb."
She snapped smartly into a salute, which he returned, and then strode out of the room.
Zell and the librarian with pigtails, whose name Quistis had given up on trying to know since Zell had taken to calling her pet names, offered to drive her to the station in Balamb.
It was the first time the librarian was going to meet Ma Dincht and she fairly trembled in the front seat of the school vehicle Zell had borrowed. It was a sporty yellow car that could comfortably seat five, two in front and three in back. He drove slowly, mainly so he could finish telling his girlfriend about all of the wacky neighbors that she would most likely meet in addition to his mother.
Having met Ma Dincht herself, Quistis wanted to tell her not to worry. But then, Ma Dincht might not be so welcoming to the girl who had won her son's heart. And since the shy girl already looked uneasy, Quistis kept this thought to herself.
"And then the rascal next door… what's wrong babe?"
Zell glanced away from the road to touch a hand to the girl's face. Her eyes softened as she took a deep breath and smiled at him.
"Eyes forward," Quistis reminded sternly as the car moved toward the ditch.
Zell swore as the wheels caught in the grass, jerking his hand back to the wheel and steering the car back into the center of the road.
The librarian girl squeaked and Quistis gripped the seat to keep from getting slammed into the side of the car.
"Zell, honestly. Stop talking; you're just making her nervous. And your driving is making me nervous."
He hunched his shoulders, "Sorry."
Silence descended in the car as Zell maneuvered the vehicle through downtown Balamb. He stopped near the train station and half-turned in his seat, "Do you need help with your bags?"
"Bag," Quistis corrected, "I travel light. Thanks for the ride." She climbed out of the back seat and shouldered the satchel. She rounded the car and leaned down at the passenger side window, "Good luck." Poor thing was going to need it.
The librarian girl gave her a shy smile and wave as Zell turned the car back up the street.
Quistis purchased her tickets all the way thru to Windhill at the booth. Was it her imagination, or did she feel lighter already? Perhaps this would help her find herself, or at least some semblance of herself that would give her hope that she would not be alone, not be this horrible jealous person forever.
Scanning her ticket, she walked down the short hall to the private SeeD car and used her pass code to get in.
The door closed behind her with a snap, "Nida?"
He leapt to his feet, "Hi!"
"What are you doing here?" She tried to keep her voice calm but inside her head she was screaming. Screaming in annoyance, what the hell was he doing here?
"I… I'm taking the train to Galbadia, then to FH. I want to go visit my mechanic friends there, since the Garden isn't going to move for a while. I…"
Quistis waved her hand, effectively cutting him off, "You don't owe me an explanation, Nida. You just surprised me is all."
There was a set of bunk beds against the right wall and a long curved couch along the wall opposite the door. The drapes behind the couch were closed, only the wall sconces illuminating the room, giving it a much more private, secluded feel. Everything was done in shades of muted red and brown. It was actually pretty gaudy. Kind of like the private salon of some brothel.
Deciding it was rude to stay pressed against the door as if she wanted to flee, Quistis dropped her bag by the ladder to the top bunk and moved to the lower bunk to sit, leaving him to the couch. He stared at her for a second and when she raised her eyebrows at him in question, he sat down, blushing.
"I'm going to Windhill on a mission." Quistis wished she'd remembered a book or her cards, knitting, something. She didn't knit, but she could learn. What was wrong with her? Did people always irritate her this much? Why couldn't she just be normal?
"I didn't know you were leaving so soon, we only set Garden down this morning."
"You're leaving," Quistis pointed out.
"Attention: The train is now departing for Galbadia."
The train lurched out of the station, nearly causing Quistis to fall off the bunk.
"I've wanted to go back to FH for a while, especially when I thought Trabia might fly, but we couldn't find a safe way below the school. The engines were most likely destroyed by the missiles. Shelter was more important than a functioning battle station." Nida did not seem to notice Quistis staring at him as if she thought she could wish him out of existence.
She wasn't even listening to him. He could have said he was going to visit FH to meet up with a traveling orgy of which he was a member, she would have given him the same response, "I see."
It was a comment that neither warranted a response nor inspired conversation.
He peeked back through the curtains and she got a glimpse of the dark dirt walls of the underwater tunnel that would take the train to Dollet. He stood and paced toward the door and then along the edge of the cabin until he ended up leaning against the wall opposite the bunk beds.
She was off on her solitary journey… well, she wasn't alone yet, but she would be soon enough. And then maybe she could finally figure out what was wrong with her. Soul searching or whatever people call it. A hiatus from everyone she knew and had spent so much time with lately. Who knew she wouldn't have an identity outside of that group? She'd been an instructor, and that facade had kept her from having to know anyone, even herself, very intimately.
Perhaps the only reason she had not fallen apart after being fired was the fact that being a part of the group, working toward a common goal, had kept her from looking within herself. And finding out there wasn't anything there that she liked.
"…don't you think?"
"Huh?" Quistis realized she'd been spacing out, staring in Nida's direction, but not listening to a word he'd said.
He moved across the small cabin, causing Quistis to nearly draw her feet up off the floor. He knelt before her and laid a hand over her clasped ones where they sat clenched in her lap.
"Nida?"
"I said it's almost like fate that you are on this train, don't you think? I mean, I wanted to see you before you left, but then you haven't seemed to want to be around people since we left Trabia."
Qusitis stared at their joined hands; her mind refusing to believe what she knew was happening. Nida had never really stood out until after the Garden took flight. He was the one the mechanics in FH taught to control it. Before then, he had been faceless in the crowd. Hell, he kind of still was. He was always nice, and polite, and didn't shrink away from Squall and his seriousness. He was a good guy. Quistis just couldn't remember ever having noticed him.
His eyes searched her face for some clue as to her feelings on the matter.
She met his gaze and tried to think. She hadn't seen this coming, not by a long shot.
"Nida, I…" She shook her head, "I can't. I can't do this. I can't even think about this right now. I am going away, I am getting away. Why are you doing this now?" She pressed fingers to her temple, where had that light feeling gone?
His hand withdrew from hers as his eyes darkened, "This is the first time I've ever been alone with you. I guess I got ahead of myself. I'd like to get to know you, as a friend."
Quistis squeezed her eyes shut, "I don't like myself, Nida. I don't even know who I am. I need to find out. I'm so lost, and you don't want to get mixed up with someone like me. You wouldn't want a friend like me. I wouldn't want a friend like me."
Nida stood slowly, and then moved to sit next to her.
"So you don't want to teach, and you don't know what else to do, so you decided to get away from everything and everyone."
She nodded, eyes still closed, "Basically, yes."
"And your friends let you go. Because they can't help you find yourself."
She hadn't really thought about it, "I don't think any of them know why I'm going."
"Your friends know more than you think. As much as I try to help out, I seem to fade into the background. They were discussing it and I think they forgot I was there."
Quistis winced; she'd kind of preferred his ability to disappear. It was one less person to think about or deal with. How selfish that was, something that was a problem for him, she turned around to make all about her.
"How much could they know?"
He cocked his head to the side, "They were worried about you, and so they decided to ambush Squall up on the bridge. Even Dr. Kadowaki was there. They knew Squall was sending you alone, and they knew you were unhappy. Selphie and Irvine wanted to come with you, Squall nixed that. It was actually Rinoa who said you were looking for something and that you had to find it on your own."
She looked at him, "Really?"
He nodded, "They agreed that if you wanted their help, you would have asked for it. When you get back, they'll let you take the first step."
Quistis assessed the emotions running through her. Shock, that Rinoa knew her that well, irritation that she was being discussed behind her back. Anger at herself for running from people who cared about her, cared about her enough to let her find herself without their help.
"Did you really take this train not knowing I would be here," she eyed him suspiciously.
He held his hands up, empty, "Honest. I can't say I'm disappointed how this turned out, even if you were."
She gave a small, non-committal shrug, "I was just getting away from everything, and then there you were. I'm sorry I was rude. It's not your fault I'm a basket case."
"Can I ask what you are looking for?"
Quistis stood up to pace, feeling restless, "Myself. I don't know who I am, or what I want to do. And I can't seem to figure it out when I keep burying myself in group projects. Windhill is pretty quiet, almost non-existent. I can use it like a working vacation. Fight by myself, live by myself, be by myself."
"So you are going away to find out who you are?"
Quistis nodded, settling back on the couch.
"Maybe when you get back, we can meet and we'll become friends."
Quistis' brows drew together and she stared at him for a moment. He smiled back at her innocently. She almost laughed. Thankfully, she held it in because she had the sneaking suspicion that if she laughed, she'd end up crying.
Instead, she shook her head, "You are incorrigible."
"Maybe."
"Attention: The train is now arriving in Galbadia. This train will depart for the south east station in five minutes."
"This is my stop," Nida said, climbing to his feet.
Nida picked up his bag from next to the couch and winked at her, "I look forward to meeting you in a couple months."
She waited until he was out the door before covering her eyes, tears trickling from under her hand.
Poor Quistis, she's so confused.
In Part Two she arrives at Winhill and tries to settle in to life in the quiet little town… until she gets a surprise.
Lily
