Goodbye

Ok, so this is going to seem a bid weird, DR GREGORY HOUSE is my best friend and the chances are you've never heard of me. No surprises there then. His best friend has always been DR Wilson, I'm not even sure he would consider me a friend let alone a best friend, but he is one of mine.

I have known him for about 8 years, we met in the clinic at the hospital, I could tell he didn't want to be there –neither did I, but my husband had insisted I get myself checked out – so I did. Whilst Dr House was supposed to be examining me he pulled out a tiny tele to watch – now what was it? Prescription passion or General Hospital – I can't remember now, but I thought he was so funny and we kind of hit if off. The following week I got a job in the morgue at the hospital and we've been friends ever since really.

We became a lot closer after the bus crash – when Wilson went away for a little while and although he never really said it, I know he missed Wilson. I tried to get him to seek some therapy, which he did do once but said they were idiots and never went back. Then there was all the Vicodin he took to hide his pain over Kutner and Amber dying, I wished so much that he would open up and let somebody into his world, but he didn't and I felt like I failed a little. I didn't understand Wilson or Cuddy at that time, they knew he was taking more cos he kept writing prescriptions out in Wilsons name so they must have known. I sometimes wonder if they really were all friends. But anyway none of my business he thought they were. But he didn't let anyone in, he admitted himself to Mayfield instead because he thought he was going MAD – I was so proud of him for doing that, the experience he had in Mayfield and with Lydia really did change some parts of him, not that his 2 'best' friends ever recognised that – I did- but I don't really count.

He told me how much he loved Lisa Cuddy and how much he wanted to be in a relationship with her, but he thought he had left it too late, so he let Lucas have his turn, although he didn't like it and he knew deep down that he wasn't right for Cuddy.

For a long time I only saw him once a week, then there were other times when I didn't see him for weeks, like when Wilson kicked him out because Sam wanted to move in 'what kind of best friend does that?

Then I heard through other sources about what happened at the crane collapse site, that was one thing he never spoke to me about, I think that accident hurt him on many levels, how he managed to do all that he did that night, I'll never know, I'm surprised he could even move the next day.

The next time I saw him he told me about him and Cuddy, he was 'happy' but worried cos he didn't want to screw things up. I was really pleased for him, something he had waited so long for – someone who could love him just the way he was, someone who knew everything about him but would still love him. But that wasn't to be either – she made me really mad at how she treated him and the reason she broke up with him was pathetic.

About 2 years ago I found myself in some really dark places and wanted to 'runaway' abit like he did when he went to that hotel, but I couldn't afford to do that , but what I did find that he visited me nearly everyday for a couple of months as if he knew I needed his help, he made me laugh so much, I could tell he still had problems of his own cos he was acting a little strange, drinking too much water disappearing at odd times and he didn't seem to have much of limp at one point, but he never seemed to be high. Then I found out he had taken those drugs for his leg, I was really annoyed with him, but I also understood why he did it. I went away for a few days with my hubby to try and sort out our relationship and was under strict instructions not to take my phone so that we didn't get interrupted by House. When I got home I found out he had done surgery on himself and had called me that night – he must of felt like I had really let him down and I felt like I had too.

Then he drove through Cuddy's house, the fist I heard of it was on the news and my first thought was "finally he did it – he let it all out" I sometimes wish I could do things like that, I know for sure that he didn't mean to hurt anyone, he's not like that.. I got a phone call that night from him telling me where he was and not to worry and that he would be back soon. He did come back and hand himself in – I knew he would eventually.

I missed him so much when he went to jail – before he did that we were seeing each other almost everyday, he came down to the morgue everyday for breakfast we would chat and listen to music, he was like an anti-depressant to me, he made me laugh so much and made me think outside the box too. I believe in my heart that had it not been for him I myself would have ended up in some god awful place physically and mentally – I have so much to thank him for. My husband kept thinking that I was cheating on him with House, but I didn't House doesn't sleep with married women – he is a real gentleman underneath that harsh exterior.

And now after everything we have been through, he's told me he's going away. Hasn't told me why or where he's going, just that he will be gone by the end of May 2012.

Is he terminally ill ? I hope not, cos the thought of him dying just devastates me.

Maybe he is going to run off into the sunset with Wilson? Mmmm I don't like it, I know they have a deep friendship but them having a relationship – doesn't feel right to me lol.

Maybe he is going to go find Cuddy? God I hope not, she's hurt him so much already, but if he still loves her that much then I will back him all the way.

So what else could it be? I don't know but I can tell you what I would like it to be :-

Firstly for him to go find a way to be pain free as its only going to get worse as he gets older, maybe he will go and have his leg amputated now while he is still fit enough to handle the rehab, or maybe he will go and have induced paralysis, so that he has no more pain whatsoever and no more meds messing with the rest of his body or mind. Then I would like him to find real love with someone who loves him exactly for who he is – there is someone out there for everyone and then once he's found that he needs to have a family, which I think deep down he really does want. He would then be a different House to when I first met him, although fundamentally still the same - still a genius, still saying exactly what he thinks, still obsessive about the puzzles but his personal life would be better.

Well I can only hope that nearer the time he tells me about whatever it is that is taking him away, but until then I am going to enjoy his company, admire his genius and I know he will continue to make me laugh.

I also know that when whatever it is, does take him away, he will forever have a place in my heart and soul, it has been a privilege to spend so much time in his company over the last 8 years and as much as I know I am going to miss him and probably cry when he goes, I also know will forever be THE MOST INCREDIBLE MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN"