This takes place between Episode 1 and 2 of In The Flesh
At first I didn't want to admit that I loved him, let alone had feelings for him. He was my best friend, my only friend really, and there was no way that I was going to sabotage that.
But drunken nights proved to me that my feelings weren't one sided, alcohol fueled or not. I learnt that night that Rick liked me too, and in some fucked up way I was glad.
He was never really the romantic type; Rick was more into sliding his hands into my jeans and leaving us a sticky, panting mess sprawled out on his bed sheets with posters of naked women staring down at us.
We made a classy pair.
His Dad hates homosexuals though, hates zombies aswell it seems. Bet he'd love finding out who his neighbour is. It'd earn me a barrel to the head but really, I didn't even want to come back. Maybe he'd be doing me a favour. But I must admit he does scare me, makes me sick when I see the smear he left on the pavement...
I guess he doesn't realise that I truely died months ago, when his son left me on my own, not even a proper goodbye, just another pathetic fumble. That was the day my world went dark and I lost any trace of the humanity in me.
I shouldn't have fucking come back.
I died when I tore at my wrists, when the blood came in thick rivets. I died, crying alone on the bathroom floor with no one to help me up. It was only too fitting to wake up gasping, confused and alone in the dark. Casket had all the trimmings though.
I wish I hadn't failed. Jem wouldn't have to sneer at me that way, or sleep with a pistol under her pillow. She'd be able to sleep at night knowing that her older brother was just some pathetic art student who let life get the better of him.
I'm tired of life if I'm being honest, I'm tired of this fake charade I'm living. Dead man walking.
All I've done since I was released is look at old photographs and watch some box sets, and there's also the board games stacked high. Can't say I miss it though. I don't even miss eating because nothings the same anymore.
I just want Rick.
