DISCLAIMER:I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter.
Author's Note: Hi, I'm Cloey and this is my latest story :) I've finished the whole thing so there shouldn't be much delay between updates. I guess I started writing this without much direction, I just knew I didn't want it to be Julian crying a bit and then going back to school and immediately getting together with Logan. I know how tired I am of those stories and I know that I'm a hypocrite because I've written them myself before. But I'm, hopefully, improving every time I write a new story and this is just another attempt at something that I hope one day I'll be able to achieve. When I wrote this chapter, I didn't have much direction, it's developed into a story that looks at Julian's PTSD and how he works through that. But I'm not very knowledgeable about PTSD and when I wrote most of this I didn't even think about having his symptoms point towards a specific disorder. After editing and such, I added in a couple of things to make it look like it was PTSD all along. Anyway, sorry for the rambling, let's get on with it! Enjoy!
Chapter 1- KAREN FREAKING PHLEM
"Why don't we start with why you're here?" the middle-aged woman sitting across from me prompted me in a calm voice. Just the fact that she was calm and I was not seemed to piss me off.
"I'm here because you're supposed to fix me." I said in an angry tone. She closed her eyes for a second as if she was thinking about something before opening them again and smiling as if I had said something naïvely funny, "No, Julian. Neither I, nor anyone else for that matter, can 'fix you'. I, as well as friends and family, can help and encourage you but in the end, if you so choose, you'll have to fix yourself."
I felt even angrier after hearing her words. She couldn't fix me? My mother and Carmen had assured me that "Dr. Karen Fleming" would be able to help me move on, would be able to help me get through all of the shit(I had later been told was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I had in my life, that she would be able to fix me. I wasn't stupid, of course I knew it wouldn't be as simple as I would have liked, but nevertheless it was the only option I had. I didn't have people to talk to. Or more like, I didn't want to talk to people about my problems. But I still wanted them to go away. What I wanted was a quick fix. So that was the one and only reason that I agreed to meet with Dr. Flaming, or "Karen" as she'd asked me to call her.
I avoided her eyes by scanning her office in the hospital where I was still staying. The betrayal and disappointment was mixed with the sheer anger at my plans of being fixed having just been smashed to bits by Karen freaking Phlem. In the spur of the moment, I glared at her once more and said in a childishly spiteful voice, "Then why the hell am I even here? If you can't fix me then this was a whole big waste of my time. I might as well be in L.A because according to you, I can 'fix myself'!" Even though I knew I was being rude and diva-ish, I thought I might as well not try to apologise to her and seem weak and instead I got to my feet and, shooting her an extra glare, I made my dramatic exit by storming off back to my room.
I had been back in my room, lying in bed for less than an hour before Carmen came to bother me again, clearly having heard about my behaviour at my meeting with Dr. Flamenco.
She faked a concerned look of sympathy as she entered and greeted me. Luckily, the expression only lasted half a minute before she cut the crap and got to the point. This kind of attitude reminded me of why I liked Carmen, it meant that she wasn't going to waste my time about stupid stuff that no one gave a crap about. She said what she needed to say and didn't mince her words or try to mollycoddle me. She was my agent, not my mother or fan; of which I had plenty. She was here because this was her job. Sure, she wasn't cold or distant but she was only as friendly as one might be to a work colleague.
Sitting down on the chair next to my bed and pulling out a very organised-looking organiser, she began, "I heard your meeting with Dr. Fleming didn't go as planned."
After glaring at the ceiling for a moment longer, I gave her a sour look. As much as I normally respected Carmen, I was still angry as hell and she was the closest thing I could rant to, "You and the rest of the people in this stupid hospital lied to me. You all said that she would fix me but all that shrink could tell me was that I have to fix myself." I turned my eyes and attention back to the ceiling and wondered what Carmen would do if I ordered her to get the hell out of my room and leave me alone.
Carmen sighed and said as I continued to stare at the white ceiling, "Julian, you know that some woman can't magically solve all of your…" Carmen didn't finish the sentence and my anger spiked at her hesitation to just fucking say it. I turned my face back to her and spat out, "My what? Huh? Say it, Carmen! My issues, my problems. I'm not a kid, I know that I'm completely screwed up. That's why I need to get rid of them. ASAP."
My words had the desired effect and she looked uncomfortable. Well, at least she wasn't going to try and repeat any of Dr. Flame's stupid theories. While she was feeling uncomfortable, I struggled to calm my anger down to a tired simmer and said, "Look, I just want to get out of this hospital. And this town. I want to go back to L.A and then try to deal with…all of this there." My voice held the tiredness that I was pretty sure was starting to show on my face. I hadn't slept in days and my waking moments were plagued by the shame that I felt at what had happened in the fire and the guilt at the fact that people had been injured and seriously messed up by the events in the fire that was, when it boiled down to it, all my fault. And Mr. Harvey had… Another punch of guilt hit me in the stomach and the sick feeling that had lessened to a dull ache over the past few hours returned in full force.
Carmen was silent and looked even more uncomfortable at my words. "Uh, actually, I was just speaking to Dr. Fleming and she was saying that it would be better if you stayed in Ohio…and went back to Dalton. Your mom agreed and she's making plans with the school to get you back onto campus as soon as you're feeling up to it."
I stared, the anger at Dr. Flannel ruining my plan of escaping my pain bubbled to the surface, "Did you not just hear what I said? I need to leave Ohio!" my voice shook with anger and frustration.
"Dr. Fleming says that in cases such as yours, it's better for the patient to face their pain head on and not avoid it-"
Carmen tried to explain but I cut her off, not giving two shits about her reasoning, "I'm not going back to Dalton. End of story." I stubbornly refused to even consider any other argument. This was my life and my pain and there was no way I was going to let a shrink tell me what I should and should not do.
"If you don't deal with your issues, you'll never be able to move on-" Carmen tried again.
"Stop telling me what to do! I'm your boss, remember? You're not here to interfere with my private decisions! You're here to do your job so fucking do it and get me a flight back to L.A!" I shouted at her, spitting the words angrily in her face. My fury and depression and guilt and every other negative feeling I had the misfortune to endure concentrated themselves into my words and Carmen was shocked into silence. I was a diva and I shouted and threw fits from time to time but never had I screamed at her in such a way. She wisely decided to leave me in peace and closed her organiser quickly before briskly evacuating my room. I sank back into the pillows and gave an abrupt and absurd gasp of laughter at my unbelievable situation before collapsing into tears and letting the uncontrolled sobs wreck my body as the wild array of emotions mashed together and I blacked out into a fitful sleep brought on by only the purest of exhaustion.
Author's Note: I would love to get some feedback in a review! Next chapter might only be in a couple of weeks because I'm in the middle of my trials(exams) and I'm only posting this because I can't go on youtube right now... -Cloey :)
