Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Naruto!

WARNING: This story contains: A LOT of film-noir slang (ex. 'Pow! Right in the kisser!' also terms like 'chya', 'whaddya', etc.); characters speak and act like film-noir versions of themselves; Mild swearing; Sexism towards women (takes place in the 40s; it's not a film-noir tribute without some good old fashion sexism).


Intro: Troublesome Lead

It was the dark that night, the kind of dark that swallows people whole. Luckily for me I was in the well lit confines concrete jungle. The only reason I was even out that late was that I had a job to do. I was wearing my tan trench with the collar and lapels popped up. My brown fedora (1) with the thick black band around the rim was titled down. My goal was to be as inconspicuous as possible, and it seemed to be working. Not one head spared me a glance as they walked by.

I had got myself a copy of that day's newspaper from some punk kid who'd pasted by earlier. The headline read "Akatsuki Still At Large". With the crime rate being higher then it had been in years, Kohona was going to hell in a hand basket. Upside for me was that it kept me real busy. Downside was that it kept me real busy.

I was currently tailing (2) the same blonde canary (3) that I had been for a few days. I was waiting for the broad (4) to breeze (5) the diner she'd been in for over an hour at that point. The time I was out there waiting made me think of all the shut-eye I could be getting instead of wasting my time keeping tabs on this broad.

But this particular job paid well and Kiba was busy on another with another case. I sometimes wonder what point there is to having a partner if they're always off doing something else. In Kiba's case, it usually involved chasing skirts (6).

I threw the newsprint away and lit a butt (7). Anko, our secretary, constantly rode mine and Kiba's asses about the 'nasty habit', but quite frankly I couldn't give a rat's ass. With all the jobs I get, smoking isn't gonna be the thing to bump (8) me, that's for sure.

The sound of high heeled shoes clanking against the concrete street, lead my eyes to my broad. She was a pretty little thing that's for sure. Her crystal blue eyes were doe-like and contrasted greatly with her painted red bitch lips (9). Long blonde curly hair that had obvious being brushed out went to her shoulder blades. She looked frightened and disarrayed.

She clutched her left hand to the lapel of her charcoal pea coat, while her right secured her matching crocheted cloche hat on her head. Her speed was quickening as she headed down an alley way. I kept a moderate speed until she was out of site, by that point I booked it. When I got to the alley I got knocked out by a blow to the head.

As I was slipping into the dark, I couldn't help but remember how I had gotten into this mess…


Translations
(1) Fedora: Hat most associated with detectives and mobsters from that time period
(2) Tail: Follow
(3) Canary: Female singer
(4) Broad: Woman
(5) Breeze: Leave
(6) Skirt: Woman
(7) Butt: Cigarette
(8) Bump: Kill
(7) Bitch Lips: Make-up term for how women lined their lips in the 40s

Author's Note: The idea for this came to me after watching some classic Bogart movies (specifically The Maltese Falcon and The Big Sleep). I haven't seen any film noir Naruto fics… actually I've only seen something along those lines in one Harry Potter fic I read a while back. So I wrote this to have something new up. I plan to do other film noir Naruto fics, not all private detective stuff though.

I'll be posting the next chapter later tonight or tomorrow, and just so you know it's longer then the intro XP.