~Promise of Tears~
Author:
Danyael Panthernopaeus.
Theme:
Alternate Universe.
Storyline:
Let go.
Disclaimer:
Everything of and referring to Star Trek is not mine. This is a non-profit, fan-made story. Please support the official release.
The park was a sheet of pure white. It was desolate and completely uninviting. Except two children whom had decided to take advantage of the emptiness. They squealed happily, as they created a snowman. They helped the other. It was gentle and warm; brother and sister. Their eyes were wide with wonder and innocence, as more of the flaked ice fell from the dark skies.
Their playful antics were stopped when they noticed me. The shirt I wore was torn in several places, exposing my skin. It also showed that I was injured, with fresh blood pumping from my veins. It tainted the snow behind me. It had never been my intention to be seen in such a manner, but there was little I could do to stop it. All I wanted to do was find a rock I could crawl under.
The snow was up to my knees. Walking through the ice was proving more difficult than I originally thought in my current state. My breath was ragged. The more I tried to breathe, the more blood I brought up. The brother held to his sister tightly, keeping her behind him. He did not know whether to run away with her, or to ask me if I needed help. I was not sure which would be best for them, either.
Images of what had happened moments prior flashed before my eyes. The horrid fight, the detaching of my arm, and the removal of several ribs. It was going to take weeks for my body to heal, if I survived that long. My blood sprayed over the walls, like art. I might have been able to crawl my way out of that hell, but my attacker was not as lucky. He was in several pieces around the room.
As I passed the children, the boy cleared his throat nervously. He asked me if I was okay, and I just looked down at him. Blood ran down from the corner of my right eye, like unusual tears. I reached out a hand, and placed it on top of his messy dark hair. I mustered as much of a smile as I could, telling him that he should not worry about me. He tried telling me that I needed help, and said that he could flag down someone that could help.
Such a pure heart, I told myself. I shook my head, instantly regretting that decision. The park swam around me, and I lost my balance. The snow was not much of a soft cushion, but it was much better than falling onto solid concrete. I coughed up more blood, and the children hovered over me. The boy told his sister to find someone to help me.
I told her to stop, and she did. I forced myself onto my feet, and continued on my way through the park. I could feel their eyes on me, and if I was not in the state I was, I was sure it would have bothered me a little. They were worried about me. That seemed like something that was missing from the world. As bleak as the park was, the children brought it to life. How badly I wanted to be part of that, but there were some things that one could not have in life.
I made my way over to a bare, snow covered tree. Icicles hung from the branches dangerously. If one of them decided to fall, I would be powerless to stop it or even get out of the way. I collapsed beneath the tree, my mind wandering.
Like pieces of a jigsaw, I was trying to fit together how I ended up beneath a tree, nearly dead. His face appeared in the front of my mind, and I could not stop myself from chuckling bitterly. He would love to see me like this. Helpless, lost and almost dead. It would be the perfect vision for him to witness, and how I wished he could.
I would give anything to have him there. I would fulfil a promise I made months ago. Or was it years ago? How long had I been gone? How long had I been back? Did he even know? The picture forming in my mind was beginning to waver. Uhura's large eyes stared at me with concern, tears lining them. How long would she mourn?
I took in a sharp breath. The icy air stung the back of my throat, and my fingers gripped at the white powder on the ground. Be with me. If you wish to see it, let the lights guide you, I called to him. I knew he would hear my silent words, as there was not much else I could do. I could not stand any longer, and I knew that when I was in trouble, he would always find me.
I was not sure how long I laid there, staring at the snow that fell silently. But after what seemed an eternity, I felt a warm hand on my head. I forced my eyes to look at the person crouched over me. His eyes were soft as he stared down at me. I knew he was pitying me, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop that. I never thought I would see the day he would pity something like me.
And like a silent moving playing, the night of our first sexual encounter came back to me. He had been brutal with me; I allowed him. He had done everything in his power to make me cry. He had no idea that my threshold for pain was ridiculously high. I had never lead him astray on that. He always thought that he could outdo me. I had lead him on with that.
My hand shook badly as I reached out to touch his face. I would give anything for one last time with him. If I could summon the energy to kiss him, I would. If I could do anything to be held by him, I would. And as though he was reading my mind, he pulled me into his arms.
If Uhura saw us, it would be a strange spectacle. She would not think me weak enough to be held by the likes of him. I never thought myself weak enough to be held by the likes of him. I reached up, placing a hand on his cheek. He looked down at me, tears lining his eyes.
It was meant to be me that cried. He had tried everything to make me cry. He had tried everything. Why was he the one that felt the pain? Why could I not feel anything in my eyes? What made him more human than me? We were the same monster, but he still had a connection to his emotions. Why?
"You idiot," he whispered. His voice was almost lost on the wind that swept by us. "You were the one who was meant to cry for me."
"Please believe that I tried," I rasped, somehow finding the energy. My blinks were becoming slower, and heavier. "I never promised you my tears."
"I guess you will have to accept mine instead," he told me.
His arms tightened around me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt it. My heart fluttered, and my stomach tightened. I never thought he would care so deeply about me. There was such warmth in his eyes; something that no one would have ever guessed could be done by him.
For the first time, I let go. The single tear that escaped each eye felt hot on my cheeks. The last thing I would ever remember would be the feel of his lips on mine, and one of us whispering a name. Was it him or me? I would never know.
"Spock."
End.
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