The day was bright as all days in Narnia were, the last of the snow had melted two weeks ago and spring was fully upon us, the Narnians were especially pleased with the change of season and I didn't blame them. I hoped never to see winter again or feel its icy bite.
Not a month had passed since the battle of Beruna and I was struck by nightmares almost nightly. I wasn't the only one of my siblings to suffer from nightmares but they haunted me the most and I stopped myself from crying out. My sisters thought they had stopped. Peter of course could see that they still haunted me but he knew better than to ask me of the horrors that had occurred because of me.
I knew he was there for me but I didn't want his sympathy nor did I crave his forgiveness. What I had done in my own eyes was the ultimate evil, the fact that the other Narnians and my siblings seemed too have forgotten didn't mean I had.
I had been a horrible person and I hoped that I could one day make up for my betrayal and cruelty in my own eyes. The guilt wouldn't leave me alone until I had redeemed myself.
I had changed a lot since Spare Oom but I suppose the change was welcomed by my siblings. I was a lot quieter and tried to keep to myself, rarely offering my opinions in council meetings unless I was asked. I had a love for reading and learning that used to bore me to tears. In fact Lucy kept tearing me away from them, saying I was far too pale and needed some sun. I always smiled at her and put up with her antics, after all the pain I had caused her it seemed fair to endure her and Susan's endless mothering. These changes seemed to worry the others, they tried to encourage me to spend more time with them but I welcomed the changes. The old me was gone, replaced with a quiet, shy and scared boy who simply wanted to stay out of the way. This me would never have gone to the White Witch.
Learning of court and the many policies and laws was by far the most boring thing I have ever done. I have never ever wanted someone to attack me more than during those long hours surrounded by dusty tomes. I wanted someone to attack me, or declare war just so I could escape the boredom.
Sword training however was the most; interesting, difficult and exhilarating thing I have ever done. I was never more relaxed than in those hours with Orieus learning the complex moves that could one day save my life. With a sword in my hand my mind became startlingly clear; every move seemed to be more instinct than thought. This was completely the opposite of Peter who overthought everything which lead to him sometimes ended failing, Peter was a natural but he also wanted to be the best and that lead to him over thinking. He told me it was like his mind was on fire, assessing the fight and the possibilities. It would make him a great leader as he was able to keep is attention on everything around him, not just protect himself but others as well. He always bests me when it was 2-1 just because I lost sight of the second attacker, so focused on the one in front I forgot at the one pointing a sword to my back.
There was a few Narnians that didn't seem to like me, which was no more than I deserved. One of those was Mr Tumnus. Although he was never rude to me, never said anything that wasn't courteous- his eyes betrayed him. His eyes always turned cold when upon me and I had told no one of this, after all it was my actions that ended with him as a statue at Her ice palace. I tried to avoid him lest his glares get worse. Mr Beaver wasn't fond of me either; he eyed me with distrust still.
I could live with it, I could endure it. I had endured far worse with Her. I couldn't help the shudder that went down my spine with that thought.
"Ed, you all right?" Peter whispered. He was leaning from his throne to mine and his crown was wobbling precariously atop of his golden hair.
"Just thinking." I replied looking around the crowded room. We were holding audiences as we did every week for a couple of hours, today they seemed to be more than usual but I suspected that these were people from the farthest reaches of Narnia who had only just arrived. Several of them looked dirty and tired. Majority of people simply came to see if it was true, if Narnia did indeed have four new monarchs. Others came because of land lost to the witch, or other such disagreements.
"Don't hurt yourself." Peter said with a wink before sinking into his own throne. Another person stepped forward and he sent a glare straight at me. I could tell that his words were going to have some cutting edge towards me.
"My Queens, My King's" the Dwarf said with a deep bow to my sisters and Peter and a head twitch towards myself. "I simply come to see if it is in fact true, if the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve sit upon our thrones."
"As you can see sir, that is quite correct." Susan said politely, I could sense however a slight frown in her words. She was either annoyed or confused.
"I do, I do. Words of the battle and of your bravery King Peter and of your grace Queen Susan and of your fierce loyalty Queen Lucy it spread quickly, I am from a clan in the western reaches it took a while for the winter to thaw and for word to come."
"I am gladdened of your words sir." Susan ever the diplomat said.
"What of my brother King Edmund?" Lucy asked, her innocence not allowing her to understand the insult of him purposefully not mentioning me. It was his way of insulting me without the wrath of Peter falling upon him, for he had done nothing wrong in the eyes of the law. Peter's eyes were quite different to the law though.
"Oh I have heard of him too." The Dwarf turned his glare back onto me and I forced myself not to shrink, not to let him have the satisfaction of getting to me.
"Have you?" Peter asked mildly but I could see the tenseness in his jaw and I hoped that he would not jump into to defend me as he is so prone of doing. I did not want nor need him to defend me from people's opinions of me which could hardly be lower than the ones I have of myself.
"Whispers of betrayal and of dishonour of the Just King have been told." He said vehemently. Peter made to stand up but I laid a hand on his arm and preventing him from saying.
"You can not say such things about our Royal Brother." Lucy said indigently.
"He can, there is no law that prevents one from speaking their opinion. He is free to have his own views. Sir, is there anything else we can discuss with you that isn't my character?" I said patiently, my siblings needed to untwist their pants- not every Narnian will like us, and arresting or shouting at them won't make a single bit of difference.
The Dwarf jumped as though struck, he had obviously not expected me to defend him. I was glad to be able to surprise him. "There is, there is an argument between my clan and the F'tunes, it is one centuries old."
"The western lands are mine to govern; if you give me all the information you have I will try to help as much as I can." My voice was quiet and even and I found that it often troubled Narnians who treated me with disrespect. They didn't like losing control of the situation and they soon realised I was nothing like their imagination suggested.
"I can send you the documents tomorrow."
"Then it will be done." I said with a nod of my head "But you have not yet introduced yourself…"
"Nicbrack"
"I will be in contact shortly, Nicbrack." I nodded at him and he sank into a bow. Peter called an end of the sessions and we retired to our private quarters.
Peter had begun pacing and my eye was twitching from watching him. Myself, Lucy and Susan sat on the plump sofa drinking our tea but Peter couldn't settle, he had something he was itching to say.
"Why Ed, why do you let them treat you like that?" Peter finally exclaimed angrily.
"Because they have done naught wrong." I replied simply, shrugging my shoulders as I sipped my tea.
"They disrespect you Ed!" Peter was waving his arms around in his fury.
"Yes, but it isn't against the law."
"They have no right!"
"Oh do sit down Peter, you are giving me a headache." Susan complained. Peter sighed and sat down.
"Peter, I did something terrible and I am surprised so many people have accepted me. There are going to be people who dislike me for what I did and I won't blame them for that."
"They don't know you Ed, how can they make an opinion of you when they don't know you." Lucy said sadly.
"They know what I was like before." I pointed out.
"Don't worry Edmund" Susan said briskly "Their opinions will change in time."
"In time is not good enough. Is it not good enough that Aslan crowned him? Or what he was forced to endure from Jadis!" Peter exclaimed. My belly turned to ice, just the thought of that woman. I stood up abruptly.
"I would rather they hate me than pity me." I snarled and swept from the room. Lucy called out to me as I left but I couldn't stop. I leant against the wall beside the door. Their words drafting across from me.
"Why can't he value himself? He's King." Peter said angrily.
"You must stop pushing him" Susan said calmly.
"I just want him to tell us what happened, he won't speak of it and he grows quieter every day."
"Aslan said…"
I strode off before I heard from Lucy what Aslan had said. What Aslan had said to me I could never forget but it didn't make things much easier.
I had no idea where to go; I wanted to go somewhere no one would find me for a while so the Library, my room and the practice field was out of the question. Instead I headed for the town.
Narnians greeted me as I walked through the town and most I was pleased to see seemed genuinely happy to see me. I came across an old lady beaver struggling with some heavy boxes.
"Let me help." I offered her.
"Thank you your highness" she said gratefully as I lifted her boxes into the house "I am just moving in, I used to live in the north. But it seemed better to be where the action is at, do sit down your highness. How about some broth as a thank you?"
"That would be lovely, I'm Edmund."
"Arvanis" She called as she pottered around in the kitchen. She brought back two steaming broths. "So what is it that calls a King from his palace?" Maybe it was her motherly nature or kindly voice but I ended up telling her everything that had happened today. She thought on it a long while. "The way I look upon it Edmund, you did not know or understand that the witch was evil and you made a mistake. One that many did your highness you know better now and understand the consequences of such actions."
"But even if what you say is true, I was still selfish. I still wanted to rule with my siblings beneath me."
"I am sorry your highness but you are a child. Jealously between siblings is very common you should have seen my Fredrick and Lione going at it. Jealousy gets the better of all of us in the end. I think you are guilty of being naïve Kind Edmund, in a country you knew nothing about and probably hardly thought was real. Try not to be so hard on yourself."
"I don't think I can help it." I said sadly shaking my head as I traced he wood grain on the table. "I understand what you are trying to say but it doesn't change the fact that I did it."
"But you would not do it again."
"Well no, but-"
"Then you have learnt." Arvanis gave me a patient look. "Think of what happened to you, do you think that you deserved any of it?" I nodded. "No Edmund, no one deserves to be kept prisoner or to see innocents die before them."
"They died because of me."
"No, they died for what they believed in." She spoke quietly "Do not confuse the two Edmund, think hard on what I say to you. They would have hated you to trivialise their deaths by making it about you." She said sternly.
I finally saw her point, at least on those who died. They should be remembered for what they died fighting for, not for me.
"Thank you." I said quietly, tears springing up in gratitude.
"Hush now, it was nothing. Eat your broth and then back to the palace with you. I am sure they are worried for you."
"It's all they do these days."
"They nearly lost you twice Edmund, they will let off when the pain fades slightly." She gave a smile "Eat." So I did.
I returned to the palace a couple hours later Arvanis had proved to be good company and I felt I had finally made a friend with a Narnian like Susan, Peter and Lucy already had in the beavers and Tummus.
"Where have you been?" Susan shouted at me. "We were so worried about you."
"I was in the town helping out." I said rather shortly.
"You could have at least told us where you were. How could you be so selfish?" Peter yelled. I flinched at Peter's shout.
"Sorry for worrying you." I mumbled. "I'm going to bed, night." I took the door into my rooms and sank against the door with a sigh.
"Peter!" I heard Susan shout.
I sank into the bed and gave a goodnight to Aslan under my breath. Sleep took me.
The cold of the ice had sunk into my bones, they were heavy and ached painfully. Jadis' henchman loomed over my knelt shivering form, his face twisted in malicious glee at my discomfort.
My nose was running but I could not wipe it with my hands chained. The dirty horrible twisted creature bent down until his face was in my face.
"Having fun yet princey?" He jeered. He stroked my face with one dirty finger and I flinched at the contact.
I did not respond, which aggravated him. I could not respond, I was too hopeless, too sad to say anything. Death would be a welcome release from this endless torture.
"Nothing to say little boy? Do you weep for the death of your siblings or do you rejoice?" He sneered at me. I did not respond except a soft whimper as my imagination conjured horrible images of my siblings covered in blood and so very dead.
"You pathetic welp." He kicked at my chest and I fell over. Pain exploded through me and I knew he had cracked a rib, I had done so once before falling out of a tree in our backyard.
He kicked me again and again until I blacked out. For some reason he didn't touch my face but nowhere else was left untouched. The pain was all consuming, the blood warm and wet against my skin and the sickly tang of metallic blood hung in the air. I deeply inhaled as I came to, sitting in my own mess. Embarrassment and horror consumed me and then Jadis leant in
"Come here my pretty…" I woke up panting but I don't think I cried out. I lifted my shirt to reassure myself it all was in fact a dream. It was of course.
I laid in a panic, my mind assaulting me with images from Her dungeon, from that place. I let out a long shaky breath.
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so I got out of bed and quickly checked the others rooms once I was reassured that they were all asleep in their beds and not dead I went back to my room.
I sat at my desk and pulled out my quill, wanting for some reason to write about Spare Oom, the details of that place were fading fast from my mind and I did not want to forget how horrible I had once been. I wrote of everything I could think of for the rest of the night, sparing no detail. Once I was done I rolled it up and slid it into the bottom drawer of my desk. I looked up and caught sight of the map on Narnia that was given to me the other day by our historian Flec'hn.
The map was old; from before the hundred year winter but Narnia had changed little I had been assured. I laid the map flat and traced the lantern waste with one finger deep in thought. It was then I had the idea. How could I rule west if I did not know the area or the people? I couldn't, so the only solution was to tour the area.
I pulled out some more parchment blasting the quill for being so awkward to write with and longing for a pencil from Spare Oom. I quickly wrote down all the towns I would need to visit and the length of time for travel, working it out in my head and quickly jotting it down.
The sun was rising when I was finished and I was so very tired, but I had done it. I had planned the trip and the distance. The Western wood was a large area and it would take me three or four months to visit everywhere, especially as I wanted to stop at each village and town for a few days. With a happy sigh I leant back and stretched before slowly rising, it was then that chambermaid appeared with my freshly laundered clothes.
"King Edmund!" she squeaked "I was not expecting you to be awake." She said with a bow.
"It's fine Layla, trouble sleeping is all." I took the clothes of the startled faun "Thank you" I told her, she bowed again before disappearing out of the room. I gave a little smile as she left, she was still jumpy around me and far too polite but she was getting better. I pulled on the soft and comfortable clothes and went to wake Peter.
Peter was terrible in the morning, far worse than I am. It took a full ten minutes to drag him from his bed and a further fifteen to wait for him to dress and then we headed down to the training field for our morning sparring session with Orieus and Giles the fox.
Giles was the fox who had been turned to stone during my time with the white witch. He seemed not to blame me for what happened and sparred with me in the mornings, he was a good sword fighter but I got the feeling he was paired with me because of our similar size. He had taught me a lot this past month and his witty and sly nature was one that caused all sorts of surprises during training, he wasn't too proud to use underhand tactics and informed me since I was so small I had best use them too.
Giles, or Sir Giles as he was now known practised some of the moves he had taught me this week, including this cool trick where you swing your blade in an arc and then smash it backwards to disarm your opponent. It was my favourite move.
We finished training covered in filth and sweat and I returned to my rooms where Layla had drawn me a bath (I loved that faun) I washed and returned to my rooms and it was then I decided to broach the topic of a tour with Peter.
"Peter" I said nervously as I wrung my hands. Peter was gathering some of his papers together and looked around distractedly.
"Yes?"
"I've had this idea" I said quietly, furrowing my brow.
"Oh?"
"I want to take a tour of the western lands, learn the area and visit the towns." He paused in what he was doing before looking up.
"It sounds like an idea, I thought we would have to do it sooner or later."
"The thing is, I'd be gone four months." Peter stiffened in shock.
"Four months?"
"Well yes, it will take at least that long to meet everyone and to gain a better understanding of the area." I said quickly, feeling the need to defend myself.
"So you've planned it all then?" There was a strange strangled note to his voice that I didn't like. I bit my lip as I watched him; he wasn't looking at me and was instead focused on the papers.
"Well yes, the papers are all in my room." He twitched in reply.
"Let me think about this Edmund, just let me think." He said slowly, I felt my disappointment rise.
"Yes Peter."
"I will inform you by tonight." I gave a slight bow and left him in his room, heading down to the council room myself. Lucy and Susan were already there. I took my seat and Peter arrived five minutes later, he still had the queer look upon his face.
"We have had some troubling reports your highness'" Orieus began gravely "There are rumours of fell creatures on the move again."
"Are these claims substantiated?" Peter asked
"No your highness." Peter frowned, making a note on the paper in front of him.
"We will up the patrols and see if we can discover more; we can't go riding off with no evidence. We will simply have to wait. While we are here I have another matter King Edmund brought up." I looked over at him sharply but he raised a palm in my direction, effectively silencing me. "King Edmund wishes to go on a tour of the lantern waste and of the Western wood. Does anyone have any disagreements to his plan?"
Tumnus interrupted instantly "I fear you four monarchs are needed here, I don't think we can spare King Edmund."
"I feel that King Edmunds idea is a good one, it would be a show of strength and allow the Narnians to feel unified again."
"There is much to be done here though." Tumnus said again. I saw Lucy send him a frown.
"I think my royal brother, sister and I are more than capable of seeing to the demands here whilst Edmund visits his people." Susan said calmly giving me a small nod.
"But-" He began again but I interrupted surprising myself at how much I wanted to do this.
"How can I help these people if I do not understand them? I will not shirk away from my duties you have my word. Any of duties can be sent by courier, I will happily dedicate an hour each day of my tour for court documents and the like."
I saw Peter give a proud smile and Susan nodded at me encouragingly. Lucy was still frowning at Mr Tumnus.
"I still feel-"
"I have the upmost trust in my brother's abilities, do you not Mr Tumnus?" Lucy questioned lightly. She knew as did I that he would not disagree with her.
"I do trust, I am sure everything will be fine." He said slowly. I gave out a relieved puff.
"How many guards do you wish to take King Edmund?" Sir Giles asked.
"It is not a show of strength but of diplomacy." I said slowly "How will I gain the peoples trust by going in with half an army behind me? So I only want the bear minimum, ten including myself."
Peter inhaled sharply "I think you may need more men than that."
"Nonsense" I disagreed "We are at peace, we have no reason to suspect that there is cause to worry. I would rather the army stay and train, gather forces in case the fell animals rise again." I said tactically.
"Who would you wish to take?" Orieus asked.
"I want to ask Philip and Sir Giles if you wouldn't mind accompanying me. I am leaving the rest to you Orieus, you know who can be spared and who is best suited for a four month tour."
"Indeed. I will simply ask for volunteers, I do want one general with you if General Haffta agrees I would want him with you. I can have the rest to you by this evening."
"Thank you, I want to leave in a week. It should be enough time for me to finalise the plans."
With that it seemed council was dismissed and everyone but us four left.
"Edmund don't you think you are being too hasty here? A week?" Susan frowned at me, her fingers twirling her hair absentmindedly.
"No, I want to do this Susan. I have to do this." I insisted, my eyes pleading with her to relent.
"But why Ed?" Lucy questioned.
"I have so much more to prove Lu than you three do. I want to be someone the Narnians can trust but I have to earn it."
"People already trust you Ed" Peter said sadly, looking at me as if there was something I didn't understand. But it was the other way around, I understood more than him.
"Not all of them and I don't feel like I earned it."
"Do you mean like the Dwarf yesterday?" Lucy questioned her blue eyes twinkling in the way only hers could. Looking at her I think she understood more than I did of my true motives.
"Yes, I need this. Peter, please." I asked him because he like always would have the final say, something that used to anger me now just resigned me. He closed his eyes.
"I wish you would take more men, but I will allow it Ed. But when you get back we will all be going on our own tours of our lands."
"Really Peter?" Lucy questioned with a look of amazement "I can't wait to travel the ocean. Oh Peter! We will have to build boats!"
Peter smiled at her "Of course we will, can be our next project. You can go when Edmund returns. Of course you will be needing a skilled crew, and more men." Lucy was bouncing on the spot in excitement and I chuckled at her.
"So it's settled, I'm off to the Western Wood!"
A/N What do you think? The next chapter is already written, it just needs tweaking. Oh and the fox is called Giles because I've seen it in so many stories where he has that name, plus Giles is such a fox-like name. Sorry if it annoys people that I didn't think of an original name.
