A/N: Dear readers,

Here are a few warnings you deserve to be given:

There will be a lot but hopefully not too much, moments, where characters are out of character. I am not Kojima nor am I Nomura and I will never know the characters as much as their creators. I will do my best to incorporate the key elements of the characters personalities but I also wish to have the freedom of giving them my own personal twist and reinterpretation. If you are looking for characters that are extremely close to the very miniscule detail of personality traits, then this fanfiction is not for you and I apologize.

This is also my first fanfiction but by all means criticize and praise it. To be honest with you, I think I'll get more criticisms than praise for this and I am not sure how to take either one of them. That does not mean that I won't take your advice into account. I also do not think that I am a decent writer and there are writers better than me, but I still want to give it a try. To those who are reading this and wish to continue to do so, I thank you very much for your attention it is really appreciated. In any case, I am writing this fanfiction more for myself and I just want to share my love for the Final Fantasy series with you guys.

Also this cross-over fanfiction is very Alternate-Universe (AU) in every aspect you can imagine. Every character is normalized but their world isn't the most normalized and yet they live with it; you'll see what I mean when you read into my first work of fanfiction and see how I twisted the setting of the plot and played and essentially abused it. That being said, there is a lot of comedy and potential crack-ishness in this fanfiction. It's not completely crack but is crack-ish. Some of you might even feel a slight Gintama-esque feel to it if you are familiar with the anime and continue to read, you'll see what I mean.

Finally and a much more relevant warning: this fanfiction is Tifa-centric. I love Tifa as a character and hold her very dear to my heart, even when there are times I think Tifa deserves a good slap upside the head from time to time. I also warn you that this version of Tifa is more on the jaded side and slowly she will learn to have a caustic side to her. There will be character development which I won't spoil for you. Pairings will also come much later because this project of mine is such a challenge for me that I don't want to focus on romance as of yet. But never fear there will be eventual romance.

With all this my dear readers, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to writing the next and receiving your reviews.

A/N 2: Dear readers, old and new, this is to tell you that this chapter has been updated two or three times, especially because I felt that this introduction had enough spoilers so I toned down the spoilers bit. I also felt that a lot of sentences were awkward but I think right now it is good. Thank you all! And thank you Whimsical Rhapsody for your constructive reviews, they are always most welcome!


DISCLAIMERS:

The folowing characters are property of Square-Enix; I claim no ownership of these Final Fantasy characters mentioned in this fanfiction. Thank you.


CHAPTER ONE: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW

I came a long way. I was just a girl in Nibelheim, some backwater village dab-smack in the middle of nowhere. It was a place where the first eight years of my life was magical. That's 'cause I had a loving home with a mom and a dad. But then suddenly Mom died of an illness and Dad has never been the same. I did something stupid that set him off too. Let's just say, I had to learn self-defense since my father was no longer the father figure that protects you and cherishes you. I learned my art from Zangan primarily. I was a dedicated student. And because I was such a dedicated student I never used martial arts against anyone, not even for defending myself. Except for that one time... Anyway, moving on.

I had moved to Midgar, I had to leave Nibelheim with a lot of bittersweet memories. I can't say that I have many fond memories of Midgar but I will tell you this: I once that once I step into the city, I would experience the vastness of this world. But now that I see myself now, Midgar is tiny compared to the whole planet I got to visit! But still, Midgar was a source of my personal misery and problems.

It just made me fucked up.

But I had one friend, my best friend, who takes the form of a porcelain-faced-green-eyed angel named Aerith. At first, I just didn't know how to act around her when I first came to Midgar High. I mean, of course, I was just a kid. I think I may have been the youngest in my class... doesn't really make an excuse, though. So anyway, in the end she started to grow on me and we became really close. Sure, there were times when I was a little jealous of the way she could open Cloud up so easily. See, she had this airy nature, like as if she possessed an aura of something, oh I can't pinpoint the word... ethereal? Yeah, that must be it. Ethereal. She was the love of Zack Fair and Cloud Strife and she deserves their love and attention. I was just a broken girl but I still tried to smile through it all. It was the least I could do. I think that was why I was so hard to approach by Cloud… and well, anyone really.

Although, Zack was one persistent dude though, as you'll soon find out. I thought Cloud would be the one to call out on my bull.

Heh. Cloud Strife. My childhood friend from Nibelheim. He even followed me to Midgar High. Funny how I always pegged him for a blond idiot. I always had a personal 'No-Blonds-Code' but only in terms of dating. I wasn't even remotely interested in him and we only got into some form of talking terms where we just show mutual respect. We were never that close but I always felt that he tried to make a connection with me. And for some small instances I did, or at least I think I did. But it's all good now, we're good and any resentments are buried in the past.

It was with Zack Fair rather that I had a better connection with; his open personality and optimism was contagious. It's hard not to love the guy. And it's hard not to think about him from time to time. He was hard to forget.

Then there was Yuffie Kisaragi, someone I came to love as a younger sister, despite her kleptomania. She never stole anything important from me. Maybe she felt bad. But she would often steal my lunch; not that I minded. I was flattered she liked my home cooking and learned to get used to bland cafeteria food. I don't blame her and I never ask her why she would always steal my food. It was just too funny.

If only we all met under better circumstances or at least in a different school with different people. Because honestly...Midgar High School is… in all essence a shithole. Sometimes I wonder why the Gods that descended from Planet Terra doesn't turn this school into a pile of glass, sticks and rusty metal. But as Reno would say, "C'est la fucking vie". Hah.

I really don't want to talk about the Gods and Goddesses at all but I just had to be born in this Planet fucking Gaia which I call my home, so. I mean as if life isn't strange enough as it is, we have fucking Gods running around ramant in this world.

It was a very uncomfortable relationship between humans and Gods. While some forces were intent on gaining worship with their evil ways, some Gods saw that they were in fact inferior to us Gaia's children and their immense powers is used to serve them. At one point they were slaves or familiars or whatever, that would be summoned at our beck and call and that sounded like a sweet deal.

Of course, it became a dull deal for the Gods and wars happened, blah-blah, and finally Gods just… exist simply because.

It's sad for them really. There are Gods, like Shiva, (who I reluctantly accept as my personal favorite God), who sees herself as a supped up blue woman with no purpose and yearns to live like a human. And then there are Gods like Ifrit who just does whatever the heck he wants. I don't really care what the Gods do, I don't pay attention to them. I'm simply not interested in them and their problems.

Quite frankly, they're all assholes and they are very insignificant in my life, save for Shiva and maybe Cosmos.

It's too bad she chooses to stay with her asshole of a boyfriend Chaos who takes the form of douchebag... err, human. Seriously, Chaos is an asshole. What does Cosmos see in him? We all know his true form, right? Right? I don't care if Cosmos and Chaos are the two main Gods that keep the main events of this planet running in their fashion, my opinion still stands and some people agree with me.

Okay, I admit it. I may be a little judgemental of these diving beings but living alongside them has this, uh, perk, if you will (personally I call it 'a-bitch-to-deal-with-thing-a-ma-jig). This perk is about visions; and not just any visions. Let me explain: a lot of us see visions of our alternate selves. There that simple enough for ya? No? You want me to explain? Well damn. Okay, here we go.

Some us of live a nightmare where we turn into crystals. Others see themselves as corpses; I remember how that would terrify Zack when he talked about it to us... laid himself bare in front of his trusty friends when he told us his experience before he manages to pull off his stupid smile again like nothing happened. He doesn't deserve that. And I'm proud to say that he's alive and kicking ass! And for some luckier ess-oh-bees, they see themselves on road trips kicking monsters or being war heroes, so on so forth.

Basically, the general theme of our 'visions' has to do with struggle and fighting against all odds. They usually happen during puberty and adolescence and then the 'visions' leave us alone.

Jeez, as if being a teen isn't hard enough. Especially if you are a girl, if you know what I mean.

But remember this: we aren't whatever we are in our visions. We don't belong to those worlds. And thank goodness for that. I hate the idea of not ever having the chance to meet the other people that I have met and became close friends with. I love Cloud and Aerith, but I don't want to be in a world where I don't get to see awesome people like Zack and Cinque and Trey and, you get the drift! Sometimes I see Barret, the bouncer at a bar whose little girl Marlene, I used to babysit. Sometimes I see my personal C.I.D. Then there was some weird guy in a red cloak and talking beasts and a cat robot.

The only visions that give me real comfort and relief is Yuffie, as a ninja, which suits her so well its hilarious, stealing shiny round objects, I can't remember the name of. I'm glad that is one aspect that is done right with these visions because Yuffie's kleptomania is an element that encompassed my cozy, warm little world and made it home. Oh, and I vaguely remember seeing Mr. Reeve Teusti, my mathematician and economics teacher.

But the worst of my visions was watching Aerith die, at the hands of Sephiroth Crescent, the current head of Midgar Police.

Figures. Never trust cops (as the slum rats would say).

But despite nightmarish visions we get, we still learned to live normally with them. Most of us learned to dispel them as ugly pranks of the Gods. I was most adamant about sharing my visions. They are not my destiny. They are not going to define who I am. The Tifa Lockhart there is not the same girl as me. I admit that the visions got to me. I was afraid that the Tifa Lockhart in the bathroom mirror is the real one. I punched it with my bare fucking fist.

A normal person would go to a vision specialist-slash-therapist, a god, or the most simplest of options, talk to your friends about it. I did neither of these things and I think that may have been the real reason why my time at Midgar High was so terrible and why I had such a fallout with my friends. I blame myself entirely. I was a guilt-ridden mess. And I just had to stay true to my family name and kept my mouth shut about it all; how insecure I felt; how afraid I was.

How could I tell Aerith that I saw her die? How the hell am I supposed to face a head police officer that he is probably going to skewer an innocent girl in pink? I can't hurt them. My visions of Cloud and me did not help either, only to see us as the only people standing together as the only survivors of Nibelheim but… I still never felt close to Cloud. This visions of Cloud is not the Cloud I know and I feel as if I will never know this Cloud or any Cloud, no matter what universe. Cloud tried to coax me into talking about it; I gave him an ugly face and he just smiled to placate me and said the same philosophy I took upon myself: visions don't mean shit. They are meant to be ignored completely. How wrong I was. How very wrong and sooner or later, preferably later, you'll find out why I was so wrong. Not in the typical way you imagine, I still say visions don't mean shit. It's the way you handle it and where you put your priorities.

Zack never pressured me talk but there were times he had been stern. He actively tried to get me to open up. Aerith being Aerith tells me that I can tell her when she's ready. God damn it, girl, you probably already know. It's rude to ask questions you already know the answer to. Sooner or later, a potential friendship between me and Cloud that hasn't even blossomed yet it had been strained; only because I was selfish and stupid. I simply wouldn't share my thoughts. I had always been a social recluse in class.

It didn't help with the increase in bullying either and the nasty rumor mill that keeps turning to feed fodder to the mean-minded. My self-esteem was drained and I came to school as a tired girl that aged twenty years, always wearing baggy hoodies and worn sneakers. I was so weary and I felt alone. I didn't want to let my 'traits-of-an-unpopular-country-bum-cooties' rub off on my friends so I distanced myself. Cloud forgot how to approach me. Zack did nothing except show his concern then try to cheer me up in any way he could. Aerith always waited for me patiently looking at me with concern and at the same time, guilt for some reason. She never did anything wrong.

The only thing that remained normal was Yuffie stealing from me but pretty soon other girls took her example in a malicious way, raiding my locker, even went as far as stealing my homework. I was able to handle it in the first year as a freshmen but things took a turn for the worse in second year. First off, all the teachers I liked left.

Then those three silver-haired bastards happened. Mr. Hojo also happened. Or shall I label them as 'the incident'. So cliché, but so true.

They were mean to everyone, Loz was especially mean to me. Then there is that one time he and his brothers attempted something incredibly terrible and… unforgivable to me. My dignity was only saved by surprisingly … I'm going to keep you guessing. He got me the hell out of this situation that I got stuck in. And ... there were some ugly truths here and there. I refused to share anything I went through with my friends.

Things took a turn for the worse when I returned to school. I avoided everyone like a virus. Every time Zack and Cloud reached out to me I pushed them away. I kept running to the opposite direction of Aerith whenever she caught sight of me. I was bullied non-stop, the nastiest of rumors kept spreading around and eventually I faced the worst form of bullying that even lead me to being accosted in my own home.

I had now life. Why?

Because I was focused on studying, studying and studying. I would go by train to go to Junon International Gymnastics Stadium (JIGS for short), to practice and hone my ever improving skills in martial arts. I would do this secretly. Zack... caught me of course. But he kept my secret. More on that later.

Anyway, as far as the rest of my friends know, I am a defenseless girl in ugly clothes and a pitiful case of a social recluse… why I thought it was a good idea to hide my potential is still beyond me. I was afraid of going to school then. It didn't matter if I can throw a man ten meters away from me in a single punch, but school was always such a daunting place for me at the time. The school subjects that I had thoroughly enjoyed became more of a duty and a series of suffocating obstacles for me. You could say I was studying this hard because I was desperate.

And desperate I was.

I just couldn't let myself talk of that incident. Even now I am having difficulty explaining the details… all those innocent lives.

I needed to escape and get far, far away from Midgar and say goodbye to the whole chapter. I even wanted to close the chapter permanently to when I met Zack, Cloud, Aerith and Yuffie. It is an unfair and cowardly decision. I know that now. You see, I needed the grades to enter Vermillion Bird Academy in Rubrum Dominion. I was an orphan, I was broke and I couldn't let myself enter without a scholarship. That meant I had to study extra hard with grades over 95% to get to class zero. Of course I know in reality that a whopping 80% average is enough but I felt that the academic gap between the Academy and Midgar High was big. Really big. Or I am just too harsh on Midgar.

So, finally, I got the grades but I needed a birth certificate. That meant I had to go back to Nibelheim.

Administration is a real bitch.

I dreaded it but due process is a pain like that. And this is the part where things got really messy between me and Aerith. You see Cloud told Aerith that he suspected things were… rather dark for me in Nibelheim. That guy's sense of timing is... impeccable. Especially the times where he chose to be observant. I guess not all blonds are dumb.

But whatever he had told Aerith, something in her must have snapped and she followed me to Nibelheim on the next train. You can imagine how surprised and upset I was. I mean, all of the sudden, she was just there; next to the Nibelheim's most famous dating spot… a water tower.

There was another reason why Nibelheim was a sore spot for me. You see, while I was in Midgar, before the 'incident', I had been informed that my father had liver failure... He had to sell his house to pay medical bills and someone else now lives in it. Truth was, it was the only way to pay off the dubious amount of debt he had. I visited him... it wasn't the brightest moment of my life. And I told him that I hated him. Terrible, isn't it? It wasn't just about him selling the house. Aaaaahh, I'll explain later.

Back to Aerith.

So I met her and when I saw her, I froze.

Then like the cowardly bitch I was I ran when she confronted me. I knew that she was right. We had to talk. We had to get closure before I left. I never told anyone I was leaving. But Aerith was intuitive. And just as her intuition had warned her, I left my friends without so much as giving them a proper goodbye. I can't believe the way I treated them but I had reasons. I never said that they were good reasons but still. I was scared to say it. There was so many things I was scared to say. I was scared to open my mouth! If only I had the courage to just open my mouth! Aerith was pissed and she had the right to be.

Then came the monster tornado on that very day. Funny, Nibelheim was supposed to be destroyed by fire. I had dreamed of then Officer Sephiroth committing the act himself. But, as we have it, water and wind was the ultimate destruction of Nibelheim. Few had survived.

What did that have to do with Aerith? While I was running away like a coward, she chased me all the way to the lighthouse. Then we fought verbally. And then we found ourselves holding hands and witnessing Nibelhiem's doom.

And then…

She...

Aerith saved my life. Because of me, she was in… Oh this is so hard!

I couldn't face Cloud and Zack after that. I couldn't face anyone in Midgar. Aerith was lying in the hospital and I was studying in the most prestigious academy living a good life. What kind of a friend was I?!

See that?! See that series of unfortunate events. The cycle of guilt. How I kept throwing my happiness away by locking my heart? How I just didn't want anyone to bear my emotional baggage? How I felt that I could do this all on my own? How I arrogantly assumed that I'll breeze through and be happy as long as everyone else is? How I felt that it was okay for me to be alone when I should have realized that I wasn't. My friends have my back. I can trust them.

Oh yeah, I'd say I came a long way…

I have my beautiful friends to thank for that. I thank my CID, Cid Highwind for paying special attention to me and convincing Cid Raines to help me out, my roommate for convincing her boyfriend to give me a job. My precious friends, my little group, every member that made my strange little world. I would take a bullet and some more for them. They were like my siblings, I felt that I had a place to belong. Most importantly, if it wasn't for them, I couldn't have faced my past, nor the people I buried in them… they helped me every step of the way. I learned a lot from the various people I met.

The conclusion of this story is fucking rushed I know.

This isn't even chapter one. But admit it, this introduction is fucking long already. And half the time I am showing you Highwind's influence on my language and my constant rambling. Don't worry everything will get sorted.

I hope.

I am going to tell you this story one chapter at a time. It'll be like reading a book, only you also get to hear my annoying voice. I'm telling you what to expect from this story. At times, it'll frustrate you or excite you, because it's ridiculously convoluted.

But I'm still grateful because this is my story. And this is my life.

So listen carefully. I will not repeat a single thing twice. And be patient. It's long. It's complicated. But the conclusion is simple: I was an awful wreck. Now I'm an awesome wreck, Mr. Ballad.

Oh I'm sorry. I mean Caius... heh.

Tell me when you are ready for Chapter One.


THIRD PERSON POV


Caius Ballad, a God of the Underworld, and in his hobby time a psychotherapist, writer, historian and vision interpreter; he listened rather intently to young Miss Lockhart in front of him. He can see the elements already; a 'fucking' moody teenager with a lot of angst, sarcasm and a guilt complex. Any crime that was clearly not her fault was considered a 'sin' by her. She was so similar to two of his most rough cases, one Mr. Vincent Valentine and the other Mr. Kain Highwind. They were all so similar: guilt-ridden, burdened and always thought they will forever belong to their past.

But Miss Lockhart was much more promising. Once she sees that she is in a problem, a 'pickle', as she lightly puts them, she would find the most reasonable remedy within her reach and take it like a grain of salt. Her inherent problems being that she keeps her worries to herself, she is constantly afraid of her own honesty, resulting her being more dishonest with herself than others about her truest feelings, and she was by all means, selfless. And selfless people are often victims of their own care; they hardly leave any for themselves.

She was so worried at her future actions will cause other pains that she finds herself in a cruel spiral of running away from her problems. Now, at the girl is almost eighteen, a woman and she is considerably brighter than what she was last time he saw her. The girl still runs, but this time she runs and high-jumps with flair and she faces her inner demons rather than fight against them. Caius also likes the fact immensely the role of the gods are close to insignificant in her. He couldn't agree more with what she has to say about his kind; they are assholes. It amuses him. It amuses him that she is not afraid of him or his aura. She talks to him like he was any other person and that made him feel content. Miss Lockhart was only afraid of her personal demons.

But then again, who isn't?

He had been scribbling furiously in his notepad, slightly disappointed that Miss Lockhart had glossed over a lot of things. Actually her summary skills of her personal background was abysmal but and he filled out nearly eleven A4 size pages with her ramblings. Now to elaborate and organize this all chapter by chapter; Lockhart has only one thing left to do: uphold her promise.

Leaning back, Caius stretched his arm, feeling the strain of the muscle of his forearms. When she offered her Chapter One, he decided that she might be tired. She honestly looked a little tired. Truth was, Caius wanted her to take the day off and think deeply on how she wants to recount her first chapter to him. It is obvious that she does not want to recount with her place of birth. But he is a patient man and he will wait whenever she's ready.


The day of her next session finally arrived as Lockhart arrived in his office, door closed shut and it was just the two of them in the soundproof walls. Anything she has to say stays here for sure. This time, he didn't have his pen and notepad. He never needed it anyway; the pen and notepad was just for show. Caius has photographic memory and he can type out everything that he has learned today within a few hours before he helps himself with a cup of ramen and go to bed.

"So, Tifa."

"Caius," she replied back curtly as she took her seat in front of him and reclined back, feeling relaxed. This was good, she was ready to share, ready to tell him her story.

Smiling knowingly he nodded. "I am most excited to hear Chapter One. Begin whenever you are ready," he implored encouragingly as he observed her bright reddish eyes dance with mirth and nostalgia.