A Change of Pace
Part 1
"It's just," there's a pause on the other side of the line as Blaine gathers his thoughts. "You're completely amazing," he starts again, and Kurt presses his hip into the bathroom sink, "but I just want to be friends."
Kurt's hand spasms around his phone. His breath catches in his chest, and it physically hurts to murmur, "Just friends?"
There's soft rustling on the other end, and Kurt imagines Blaine easing to his feet to pace. "Please don't be hurt," Blaine says.
Kurt shakes his head blindly and stammers out, "I'm not. It's fine." The words are razors in his throat.
"I just think you're not ready to date yet." Blaine's words roll over him like a tidal wave. Kurt's stomach rolls along with them.
"Don't be mad. You're an amazing, amazing guy," Blaine says again.
Suddenly, Kurt needs off the phone now. "Okay," he says. He hears Blaine inhale, gearing up for what Kurt knows is another sympathetic speech. "I have to go. It's time for glee practice." That's a complete lie. They don't have practice today because Mr. Shue has some crazy dinner date with his ex-wife. No one had been too upset with the cancelation; after all they were teenagers and had better things to do on their Friday afternoons.
"Kurt…" Blaine says, but Kurt doesn't listen.
"Got to go! Talk to you later. Bye!" he says with false enthusiasm.
He watches as Blaine's picture disappears from his phone. The screen goes dark. The boy's bathroom is quiet. There's just the gentle murmur of the pipes and the occasional pitter-patter of shoes and low voices as people pass by in the hallway outside. Kurt's breaths echo throughout the room as he tries to get air into his lungs. His skin burns and his lids of his eyes feel like fiery bricks.
And I haven't even cried yet.The thought breaks the damn, and suddenly, Kurt can't stop himself. Tears pour down his cheeks. His vision blurs.
I am ready to date.The thought cycles through his brain until his sadness begins to morph to anger. Sometimes, dating is all Kurt can think about. Holding hands, laughing over silly movies or a great dinner. Kissing. Connecting. How dare he!
Kurt spins around and flips on the cold water. It blasts into the porcelain sink below, sounding like a raging waterfall. Kurt lets the sound wash over him then leans forward to dip his hands beneath the cascade. Coldness bites at his skin, cooling his burning face. Still, the tears fall.
He splashes his face again and tells himself to stop crying. So Blaine doesn't like you, so what? He isn't the only guy in the world,Kurt forces himself to think. Another thought squiggles in, if Blaine doesn't like you, who will? What if I'm alone forever?The though terrifies him.
His chest constricts and Kurt know his cries are about to morph to sobs. "Stop it," he says aloud. The words don't work so he splashes his face once more then presses his palms to his eyes.
The door clicks open. Kurt takes a quick breath and prays it's no one important. He catches a flash of red letterman jacket. A sliver of fear slides alongside his misery and anger. He knows who it is before his vision completely clears.
"What's wrong Fancy? Pretty Boy break up with you?" Karofsky's voice is cruel and mocking.
The words are too close to the truth and fury snaps away Kurt's fear. "Leave!" Kurt snarls. He wipes furiously at his face and welcomes the anger. It pushes away all other emotions.
Karofsky's face goes dark and he says, "This is the boy's bathroom. I have to pee. Why don't you go next door to the girl's to pat your eyes."
Kurt's fingers curl into fists and he takes a step forward. "Oh, that's original. Call me a girl again Karofsky." The jock's eyes narrow, but Kurt ignores the signal of danger and takes another step forward. Their bodies are mere inches apart. "But you would like it if I were a girl, wouldn't you? Then you wouldn't be attracted to me." Kurt hurls the words as if they can cut.
Something that looks like fear flashes through Karofsky's eyes. Kurt feels a thrill of victory. Then the bigger boy's mouth goes tight and he growls, "Yeah, in your fantasies," as if he didn't kiss Kurt in the locker room a few weeks ago.
The words are the expected denial, but this time instead of making Kurt feel sad, lonely, and slightly angry, they ignite an explosion of fury inside his chest. He doesn't think. He just wants to get rid of this hurt crushing his heart. For once, he just wants the upper hand. He takes the space between them, curls his fingers in Karofsky's shirt and smashes their lips together.
Karofsky is surprised. Kurt can feel the way he sways back, compensating for the sudden weight pressing against him. He feels the way the other boy's hands hover in the air by Kurt's shoulders before gripping his arms. He hears Karofsky's quiet sigh as Kurt steals his breath.
Kurt's aware of all of these things, but he doesn't really feel the kiss until Karofsky's hand slides from his arm to the nape of his neck. His fingers are calloused and rub roughly against Kurt's skin. Kurt thinks, What the hell am I doing?
He pulls from the kiss, suddenly aware of how stupid he's being. There's a moment of panic where he raises his eyes to meet Karofsky's, preparing to be punched or shoved. Karofsky just stares at him for a second, confusion and something Kurt doesn't recognize whirling in his dark eyes. Then the boy dips down, taking the second kiss.
This time, Kurt's conscious of everything. Karofsky's lips are strong and forceful. Lately, Kurt's been imagining gentle, lazy kisses with Blaine, but this… dominance… sends a spike of arousal through Kurt's body. He presses forward and a large hand skates down Kurt's back and grabs at his ass. He groans, and Karofsky echoes the sound.
A tongue traces his bottom lip. Kurt throws his arms around Karofsky's neck and lets his tongue slip in. Karofsky's hand tightens in his hair, pulling Kurt closer, and he slips a thigh between Kurt's legs. Kurt can't help but rub against the muscled body, and for the first time he realizes how hard he is. His own leg brushes against Karofsky's own arousal. He's so turned on he can't think straight.
Fingers trace the edge of his jeans, touching the bare flesh of his back. There's another low groan from other boy. Clarity hits him like a freight train. He's kissing Karofsky. No, not just kissing. Rutting against Karofsky like a dog in heat.
Kurt pulls himself away. It's harder than he expected. "No," he says with shake of his head.
"What?" Karofsky voice is heavy with arousal. He reaches out, clearly wanting Kurt back where he was.
Kurt swallows the salvia in his mouth, and with dawning horror, realizes he tastes nothing but Karofsky. "No," he says again, a little more forcefully. "This isn't going to happen." I'm not going to make out with the boy who tortures me.
Karofsky stands there for long second looking torn between wanting to throw Kurt against the wall and have his way with him, and just wanting to throw Kurt against the wall. He shakes his head and snarls, "Fuck you."
Lust still sings through Kurt's veins, making him very uncomfortable, so he snaps back, "You wish."
Karofsky makes an angered sound that's something between a scream and growl. It's eerily reminiscent of the noise he made before he stormed out of the locker room. His fists coil tightly, and Kurt thinks he's about to be pummeled by the The Fury. Instead, Karofsky just shakes his head and storms out of the bathroom.
The door swings back and forth for a while before settling closed again. Kurt is frozen in place. Thoughts and feelings are muddled in a swarm of utter confusion. A double beep twitters through the room. Hands shaking, Kurt lifts slides his phone from his pocket and sees a text message from Blaine. It reads, 'You're amazing!"
Kurt drops the phone, stumbles into a stall, and throws up.
