Chapter 1: Was it worth it?

Notes:

A gift to natsora. This fic started as an Angst prompt that she chose. I may have run away with it. The prompt is "Stop making empty promises!" Thank you so much for the prompt.

Many thanks to Ripley95 who suggested I make use of the MEHEM mod AKA Happy ending mod. And also offered to beta this chapter. Thank you for all the support you gave me with this fic. You gave me the push that I needed.


Shepard did it. Reports were flying in all over the Galaxy, spreading the good news of Reapers that stopped attacking. They did it, they'd won.

It was a call for celebration, but only for so long.

At least they recovered Shepard, but her injuries were…bad. When they rescued her she was barely conscious.

Most of her armor was destroyed. She was covered in blood and she was almost unrecognizable. If it wasn't for a hoarse voice that came out of her, they wouldn't have known she was alive.

Joker couldn't leave her. Not even if he tried.

Both Shepard and Garrus were admitted to the hospital.

The hospitals were in chaos. So many injured. So many had died.

Garrus and Liara were with Shepard on the mission until Garrus was hit with the reaper beam.

Garrus didn't want to go, and she asked Liara to take him. Liara couldn't afford to hesitate as Shepard asked, no pleaded, to take him. Liara knew Garrus wouldn't survive if he went with Shepard. And there was no way Shepard would forgive herself if Garrus died. Not if there was a way to prevent it.

So Liara tried her best not to let it show how much she hated to leave her. Because the look Shepard gave Garrus meant one thing. She wasn't sure if she was going to make it this time.

Shepard was a survivor.

She survived Mindoir.

She was a war hero, earning the star of Terra after Elysium.

The Normandy defeated Saren, and after Cerberus rebuilt it, they defeated the Collectors. Their chances were slim and one of Liara's biggest regrets in her life would always be not joining Shepard back then.

But Shepard seemed confident before the Collector ship. Liara could see that she knew they were going to win.

But that look was lost when they separated on the Normandy Shepard's words were shaky. The words Shepard said to Garrus weren't just for him to go with Liara. It was for Shepard too. She needed to say goodbye. Because she didn't know if she'd ever see him again.

Just before taking off, Shepard and Liara shared a look. Liara shook her head in a way that said Shepard didn't need to say goodbye to her. Neither of them exchanged words. They didn't have to.

Shepard gave one look of hesitance. One last look before running straight towards the beam.

Liara didn't know if she'd ever see her best friend again. With all her strength, she turned and helped Garrus inside of the Normandy.

Chakwas could've treated most of Garrus' injuries, but not to the extent that he needed treatment.

When they moved Garrus from the Normandy to the hospital, he was delirious. Coming in and out of consciousness. Somewhere down the line, he asked about Shepard. Mumbled her name. Liara took his talon into her hand and assured him she's okay.

But she lied, because Shepard wasn't okay.

Liara promised Shepard that she'd look after Garrus. So that's exactly what she did.

Directly after Liara assured him, Chakwas gave her a look. Liara had no idea if that was a look of approval or disapproval. Whether Chakwas agreed with her or not. Liara was usually so good at reading people but not now. Not in that state.

Shepard was in a medically induced coma. Her injuries have seen to that. And because of her condition and the section of the hospital that she was in, only family could have gone to see her.

But…Shepard had no family left. At least not blood. Her crew, the Normandy was the only family she had left. Shepard once said to Liara that family isn't always blood, it's the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what. That's exactly who the people of the Normandy were for her.

They filled that hole. And now her family couldn't be there for her when she needed them the most.

After a lot of smooth talking and sorting some things out, Hackett could at least drop in. He kept them updated. But the news…was not good. Where Garrus made little improvement every day, the same couldn't be said about Shepard.

With Liara's connections, she finally found a way to see her.

The hospital was crowded. The war's damage was visible everywhere. On people's expressions. There was a lot of crying. Doctors telling their patients' loved ones bad news. Their heads bowed when receiving the news. Liara didn't need to know what was said between them.

Liara could only hope nobody had to give them that news.

Shepard is a survivor.

She'll be okay.

She'll survive this like she always did in the past.

This can't be the end of her story.

Shepard had some evidence on her face of past bruises. There were tubes where none should have been. Liara had seen people in the past who were hooked up with tubes and machines, but seeing Shepard like that was a whole other story on its own. The machine beeped time away.

When everyone thought Shepard was dead, she lost two years of her life. Liara just hoped it wouldn't be the same this time.

While Shepard and Garrus were in the hospital, time didn't stand still. Time wouldn't wait for them.

The problem with the war wasn't only the damage they cause while the war was going on, but afterwards as well.

Shepard might've built up alliances but that didn't mean that everything would be easy. There were problems. The relays being destroyed was the biggest of them all. That meant that everyone was trapped on the planets they were on.

Everyone had to do their part. And that included the Normandy crew.


"Are you ready to go?" Liara asked Garrus.

He was staring out of the hospital window.

"I went to see her today," Garrus completely ignored Liara's question.

The hospital gave the crew the okay to see Shepard. It was a relief really. Everyone went to see her, and apparently, Garrus went to see her too.

Liara nodded her head. It was a knowing nod. It was probably not the best idea for Garrus to have seen Shepard this way. But Liara knew he needed to see her. Garrus changed. They all did. War changes people.

But of course, Garrus couldn't see the nod Liara gave him. He just stared out of the window. He ) was there, but it was like nobody was home.

"She'll wake up," Liara's words made Garrus turn and face her. His mandibles flared in disbelief.

"It was a mistake leaving her." She heard the regret in his subvocals. Maybe even anger.

"At what cost Garrus? Your injuries…you wouldn't have survived."

Liara played that scene in her mind over and over. Even if there was a better way, there was nothing that they could've done to make things better.

Garrus just stared at her and she could see the hollowness in his eyes. Whatever thoughts he had, he kept them to himself.


As time went on, people changed. The little patience they had started to wear thin.

There were meetings. Hundreds of them. To make sure that they could handle the situation as best as they could.

The crime rate spiked overnight. In the end, everyone forgot what Shepard did. They forgot how they got there.

They only remembered the worst of it. All the people they'd lost were burned into their minds. They were blinded by their anger.

They needed to ration the food. Not because they were nearly out of food for certain races, but because no one had a clue when a solution would be found to travel between worlds again.

Liara was with a team that was trying to fix the relays. She felt responsible. She was the one who helped find the blueprints of the crucible, and she needed to find a solution.

After another pointless day of finding no answers, she was glad when she checked her messages and saw that she got one from Hackett. Her eyes quickly scanned through the email until she saw a certain sentence.

Shepard is awake.

She read the sentence again and again. She needed to make sure she hadn't read it wrong in some way. That her eyes didn't deceive her.

"Liara, open up!" someone hammered on her door.

If she wasn't as focused on the email as she was in that moment, she wouldn't have almost fallen off of her seat. Liara wasn't someone who scared easily. Being the Shadow Broker, she couldn't be.

But that didn't mean she didn't know who it was. She'd recognize Garrus' voice anywhere, and with it, she heard the urgency of it.

That told her one thing. Hackett sent it to the entire Normandy crew. Or the old one anyway.

Everyone was too busy trying to find solutions to the endless problems they were facing. The Normandy crew was no more. But Shepard being awake would change things. She'd bring them together again.

She activated the door, and only needed to wait a few seconds. Just as the red sign of the door changed into the colour green, Garrus rushed into the room.

"You heard?" he asked, not even greeting her. Who could blame him? With news like this, no greeting was necessary.

"Got an email from Hackett," she made a movement with her hand to where her terminal was.

When Liara and Garrus arrived at the hospital Shepard was talking to one of the doctors. It was great seeing her up.


Shepard's recovery period was… long. It was frustrating for her. Being cooped up in the bed wasn't something she was made for. Not being able to do the things she was used to was another story.

One step at a time. But that was easier said than done.

Garrus was the one that told Shepard about Anderson. There was a shift in her features. She tried to hide it away, but Garrus could see it had a huge effect on her. Not everyone could see it though.

Over the years, Garrus had been able to get to know Shepard better. With time, it was as if he had gotten to know a whole other person. She had shown sides of herself to him that he didn't know existed.

She didn't speak a lot the remainder of that visit.

Anderson was found near to where Shepard was. They tried to save him too, but there was no way. They simply arrived too late.

They were lucky in fact, that they'd found Anderson at all. Even though the war ended months ago, so many people were still lost. So many questions, yet so few answers.

Nobody knew how this would affect Shepard.

Unfortunately, his funeral had to be held while Shepard was still in a coma. When Garrus told her this, he could see the hurt in her brown eyes. She understood of course, but that didn't mean it hurt less.

Hackett agreed that Shepard could place Anderson's name on the wall of the fallen. The Normandy crew decided that they could have a service of their own for him.

"When?" Shepard's gaze finally met his.

"Whenever you're ready."

Her gaze returned toward a window. She was looking at something outside, but Garrus couldn't be sure what it was. After what felt like a lifetime, she slowly shook her head and responded, "It should've been done already. People shouldn't have to wait for me. He deserved better."

"It's not your fault that he's dead Shepard."

She fiddled with her hands, "You don't know that" she said softly, but her tone had a bite in it.

Shepard's recovery went slowly. There was lots of physical therapy involved and she needed a lot of patience.


The day when Shepard was going to place Anderson's name on the memorial wall had finally arrived.

There were a few words said about him, though not everyone said something. Shepard was glad that everyone could make it.

The original Normandy was supposed to be his. It felt like a lifetime ago when Shepard was The SR-1's XO.

She'll never forget how it felt to walk its halls for the first time. When her feet made contact on it, she had no idea this was going to be how things turned out. If only she knew back then.

But if she had to do it all over again, she would.

It was time for her to place the plaque on the memorial wall. Her hands went over Anderson's name and with it, a lump in her throat formed. She had to place soldiers' names on memorial walls before, but this time was different.

Flashes of memories went through her head. The words: You did good kid, were among these flashes.

Thinking of their last conversation. He was gone while she had to move on. The way he died…he deserved better.

Suddenly she became aware of a few hot tears falling on her cheeks. Luckily she had her back turned on the others. After taking a few deep breaths, she blinked the tears away. She placed the plaque in the middle of the names. Her hands made sure the plaque stayed put.

Just as she wanted to turn around, a name caught her attention.

Kaidan Alenko

She wished there was a way she could've saved him and Ash back then, but at that moment the mission was more important.

She finally turned around and went back to where the others were, taking her place next to Garrus. She felt his one talon touching her one hand. Fingers interlocking until they fit perfectly. She looked at him, giving him a smile.

Coming back to Earth wasn't the end.

This was only the beginning.


"What's this thing about having one last mission together Shepard? Your email was very vague," Ashley said.

"It was vague for a reason," she replied.

They were in the Normandy's war room. She hadn't expected to get an assignment from the Council so soon. But she was glad. It was time that she pulled her own weight around here.

Rebuilding. Fixing. Recovering all that was lost.

There was no time to sit back and relax.

Before their final mission, Shepard told Garrus she was tired. A huge weight fell off her shoulders after she admitted that. She was tired, but before, she hadn't realized how truly tired she was.

She said after this, if she survives this she'll retire. But…after recovering in the hospital... after having to sit and do nothing, she realized something.

She couldn't retire. At least not right now. Not when there's so much that still needed to be done. How could she sit on a beach somewhere while the rest help rebuild?

"So is this everyone?" Garrus asked.

"Yes. The rest can't join us for this," Shepard answered.

Unfortunately, not everyone could make it. Wrex and Grunt couldn't. They had too much on their hands. Jack had her students. Tali said she'll be joining until there was a way to travel through the worlds. She was an Admiral now and she had a whole list of responsibilities to take care of.

This was probably Ashley's last mission with Shepard. Being the second human Spectre, she'd probably have her own assignment pretty soon.

"We've got orders from the council," Shepard started. Before she could go any further, there were already questions rising in the air.

"The council?" Garrus was the first to ask.

"Isn't that too soon?" Ashley asked the next question before Shepard got a chance to answer Garrus. "What could they possibly want?"

It was the same question Shepard asked the council. But upon getting the mission details, she understood. This was important. This couldn't wait.

It might be an easy mission, but it was definitely important.

"It's Cerberus," with Shepard's words came a silence of disbelief.

Just like her, they couldn't believe Cerberus was back.


Everything was settled. They were as prepared for this mission as they would ever be.

Shepard asked Liara to use her connections and find out what she could. When Shepard's clone stole the Normandy, Liara's input helped a lot. Her research helped to get them closer to the truth.

Cerberus came back at the worst possible time. They couldn't have had worse timing, even if they'd tried. Of course, it seemed just like a rogue faction, but with them, anything was possible.

"I don't know, Shepard, something seems off," Liara said, looking down at a datapad. "There could be more to this."

"Stealing weapons. Food," Garrus chimed in. "There must be something more."

"It's Cerberus. There's always something more." Garrus and Liara were concerned. Shepard could understand why. "Look," she crossed her arms across her chest, "we don't know what kind of state they're in. Without The Illusive Man, they could be very unorganized."

"Unorganized doesn't necessarily mean good, Shepard," it was Liara's turn to cross her arms across her chest.

"I know," Shepard said softly, "but it can be used to our benefit."

"Maybe," Garrus sounded a bit too sceptical for Shepard's taste, "But why steal the food. What do they benefit from it?"

"There's more to it than making people angry," Liara switched her datapad on again. "But I can't find anything."

"Liara, stop worrying. You did what you could. You did your job and now the rest of us can do ours," Shepard tried to assure her. But if she knew Liara as well as she thought she did, it didn't help matters.

Liara shook her head in disagreement, "Not good enough."

"It's too soon, Shepard. You've barely recovered. To be out in the field now," Garrus seemed hesitant for a moment, "I don't like it. None of us do."

A number of people came to Shepard and expressed their concerns to her, but she was ready. She couldn't sit on her ass and do nothing.

"It'll-"

Shepard was interrupted by Traynor's voice booming from the comms, "There's an incoming vidcall for Garrus."

Shepard and Liara both turned to Garrus, questioning looks on both of their faces. "Go," Shepard told him. "We'll continue this later."

After Garrus went in the direction of the comm room, Liara continued, "Garrus is right, Shepard."

"It'll be fine, Liara," she tried to assure her. "I promise."

Shepard wouldn't make promises quickly, but she studied this mission over. There was no way this one could go wrong. Not that she could see. She couldn't see another way to assure her.

"It's not fine, Shepard!" anger came from Liara's voice and she had no idea where it came from. "Stop making empty promises!" Her words came out loud. Sharp. If Liara intended it to be so, Shepard wouldn't know.

"Liara?" Shepard questioned.

"Shepard," Liara's voice was calmer this time, "we almost lost you. Again. I…we can't do that again."

"I'm fine and I'm ready to get out of there again."

"Shepard you aren't listening to me." When Shepard didn't say anything, Liara continued, "You weren't here. You don't know how it's been. Especially for Garrus. He was a mess and not because of his injuries." There was a pause. Maybe the longest one there ever was between them. "I can't lose you again."

"You won't."

"You don't know that!" she pointed a finger towards Shepard. "Something's not right here Shepard."

"We're going!" it sounded like an order, even to her own ears. "If you don't like it then you can go!"

Shepard ended the argument there. Liara knew better to say anything else.

She didn't know it then, but it might've been better to have listened to Garrus and Liara. Instead, she went through with the mission the next day.