Hello everyone, so here is a oneshot I have had in my documents for about 5 months. I have been trying to decide whether I should post it or not but what the heck.
Revealed Secrets
One-Shot/Maybe
Fire never happened/Tadashi is alive
WARNING: Depression and self harm
Hiro laid still, blankly staring at the ceiling of his and brothers shared room. Everything was quiet except for the occasional muffled voice of a customer two floors below in his Aunt's cafe. It was 3 in the afternoon and he had not gotten up all day. For months the young Hamada had hidden a dark secret from his Aunt and brother. A secret that was shameful and would make his loved ones look at him with disgust in their eyes. And yet, he couldn't help but feel this way. He'd joined his brother at SFIT but since the day he walked through those doors, they would never stop. The tormenting, name calling, the hateful messages on his phone, just underline bullying. No matter how hard he tried he could not shake their words as it left a heavyweight in his heart. It felt like chains, holding him down in a dark abyss, where no light had ever seen it's walls. This was where Hiro lay, in that dark abyss where no light ever came and no happiness could make it go away.
This feeling was the horrible monster in all our heads, depression. It gnawed at him, slowly eating him away. It was calling him, the small shiny blade that laid hidden in the bottom of his desk drawer. So many times had he already used it, slashing his wrists open with slow and agonizing movements. The pain lay fresh in his mind and made him itch to open new cuts, to feel that stinking pain once again. 107. 107 cuts he had already carved into his delicate white skin and he made sure to count every one. Not missing a single one so he could keep an accurate count. At the continuing thought he itched at his covered wounds, opening some of the fresh ones through the blue hoodie he wore.
He knew he shouldn't give into the call of the blade, he knew it was not the way to release his pain but he couldn't tell Tadashi. It would break his older brother to know his young sibling was being bullied and pushed into a deep depression. He would feel as if it was his fault and take all the blame onto himself. Hiro couldn't do that to him, through the years he had already caused him so much trouble that he choose to keep this one hidden. Bundle it up deep inside where no one could see, but it started to show. The proof of his pain krystle clear on his arms, he just had to keep it hidden. He already wore his favorite hoodie all the time and when he didn't wear that, he could double layer. With a white long sleeved shirt and a red t-shirt over top was perfect to keep his dirty secret. But for how much longer.
So many times did Hiro rewine his long sleeves after cutting or itching his arms so hard that the scabs broke lose, staining them with red dotted liquid. Hiro did not know how much longer he could keep his family from finding out. His phone vibrating on his nightstand broke his undead gaze at the ceiling. For a moment he just turned his head and watched it buzz, signaling that he had received a new message. Once it stopped it erratic movement a small light flashed instead, did he dare look at it? See who it's from. Hiro had a feeling he already knew who it was, though he could never know the name. Taking a deep sigh he picked himself up and into a sitting position on his bed as he laid back on the head board. Reaching over he took his phone and pressed the side power button, bringing a sudden bright light into his eyes.
As he predicted the number was hidden, unknown to him as it was sent with a hidden number code so he could not see the many digits that made the sender's number. Letting out one more sigh he closed his eyes and swiped the screen, unlocking his phone and bringing up the messages. As he read the message his arms began to burn with the want and need to open them. The messages were cruel and hateful. His eyes becoming glossy as he read on to the numerous messages that had been sent.
'Your such a freak Zero, no one likes you.'
'I bet your own brother hates you.'
'Do the world a favor and kill yourself, no one would miss you.'
'Fuck off and die or something you're worthless and no one loves you or will ever love you.'
Hiro couldn't take it anymore and he threw his phone across the room. It banged on the wall and smashed on the wooden floor, making the screen crack. Hiro curled himself up into a ball as he hugged his knees tight to his chest. The messages played in his mind like a broken record. The call of the blade got stronger and Hiro couldn't take it anymore. Hoisting himself up and out of his bed, Hiro went over to his desk and opened the bottom drawer. Removing some of it's contents Hiro found the razor blade sitting at the bottom. Dride blood stained the drawer and blade with a light red, some turned brown with how old it was. Gently closing the drawer Hiro stood up and sat into his desk rolling chair.
He stared at his covered arm and thought about what he was doing. Maybe he shouldn't, but that thought quickly vanished as he heard his discarded phone vibrating on the floor. Who the messages were from oveous to his mind. Folding up both his sleeves Hiro quickly glanced at the clock for the time. 4:00 good he had an hour before Tadashi got home from his Saturday classes, which gave him plenty of time. He slowly brought the blade down to his skin, gently applying pressure and sliding it up. Instant release flooded over him as the first drop of crimson red hit the floor.
(*)
Tadashi opened the cafe door, instantly being hit with the smell of the cafe. The sweet aroma of his aunts pastries consumed him into a peaceful bliss. A couple of regulars in the cafe waved to him as he walked past their tables and he in return gave them a warm smile. "Hey Aunt Cass I'm home." He said as he stuck his head into the kitchen where he found his aunt getting a fresh batch of cookies out of the oven. She flashed him a smile after she placed the hot tray down and took off her oven mitts to give him a hug.
"Hey you're home early today, did you finish your project?" Aunt Cass asked as they released from their hug.
"Ya, I was able to get it done and I figured that I would come home early today, no point in staying when I had nothing to do." Tadashi said as he leaned his elbows on the countertop and watched his aunt go back to the cookies.
"Well I'm glad you got it done." Cass said as she stared to carefully remove the cookies from the hot pan and onto a nice decorative plate.
"Where's Hiro?"
"I think he is still up in his room, I haven't seen him all day."
"Hm. Well I will go check on him." Tadashi said before he swiped a cookie off the plate earning a swat or two from his aunt. Tadashi jogged out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the second floor with his backpack, books and know cookie in hand. Once he reached the landing he put down his bag and books next to the couch, setting the bag on the floor and the books on the coffee table. Taking a bite of his cookie Tadashi walked into the second floor kitchen and swiped a glass from the cabinets. Finishing his cookie and quickly drinking the freshly poured glass of water dry, he put it in the sink and rushed to the stairs. Ideas started to fill his mind of activities maybe Hiro and he could do since he was home. The idea of building a robot with Hiro like they did when they were little quickly brought a smile to his face.
Reaching the top of the stairs, Tadashi was about to open the door, but stopped in his tracks. A sniffle is what he heard along with muffled cries. His chest quickly tightened as he felt his heart constrict. Why would Hiro be crying? He listened a little longer and he could hear the vibration of a phone, which led to Hiro's cries grow slightly louder. Tadashi couldn't take it anymore and opened the door. Hiro sat in his desk chair with his back turned to Tadashi and something quickly being hidden into Hiro's pocket.
"Hiro are you ok?" He asked calmly, not wanting to alarm Hiro any further. The young boy pulled down his hoodie sleeves and wiped his nose.
"Um, y-ya I'm fine. What are you doing home so early? I thought you didn't leave school until 5." Hiro said trying to hide his panic by keeping the direction on his brother.
"I finished my project early so I figured I'd come home. Hiro are you sure you're ok I heard you crying." Tadashi took a single step forward but stopped at the buzz of Hiro's phone laying feet away from him face down on the floor. "Why's your phone on the floor?"
"Wait don't-" But it was to late, Tadashi had picked it up and pressed the power button showing a notification of 35 new messages. Tadashi glanced at his brother then back to the phone before unlocking it and reading the messages. His heart dropped. All the blocked numbers sending horrid messages. Tadashi couldn't believe what he was reading.
"Hiro?" Tadashi breathed as he looked to his brother still sitting in the rolling chair with his back faced to him. How could people do this? Why would people do this? Those were reasonable questions to ask but he didn't believe he could get the answers at that moment. Hiro sat stiff in his chair with his arms crossed on his chest. Tadashi didn't know it but Hiro's heart was beating a mile a minute. His brother caught him, he caught him cutting. His thoughts raced inside his skull, thinking of all the horrible things his brother will think of him.
Tadashi walked around to his brother and turned the chair. Kneeling down, Tadashi now at eye level to Hiro or rather he would be if Hiro didn't have his head hanging low. Yet, that's when he noticed it. The blood littering his brothers shorts, the dark spots growing on his brothers sleeves. "Hiro, show me your arms." Tadashi said with a calm yet firm tone. Hiro kept his head hung low and turned away from him. He couldn't hide it anymore, Tadashi caught him, he had no choice. Releasing his arms from their tight cross on his chest, they now lay limp in his lap ready for the truth to be revealed.
Tadashi hesitated a moment before grasping his brother's arm and pushing up the sleeve. He couldn't help but gasp at the sight of deep jagged lines cut into his brother's arms. Tadashi shook his head, his mind refusing to believe what sat in front of him. He lifted Hiro's other sleeve to find the same thing, dozens of fire red lines carved into his baby brother. "Hiro areā¦.are you doing this to yourself?" He asked in such a soft whisper, it trembling with the threat of tears. Hiro couldn't do anything but start to cry. He had no words for what had been done, only that it had happened. His gentle brown orbs swelled with tears as they freely fell down his cheeks.
How could he not know? Tadashi felt so blind that he couldn't see his own brother was in so much pain. He was losing himself in his own mind and he found relief with the edge of a blade. He couldn't take it anymore and Tadashi consumed Hiro with a hug, bringing him so close that he could feel his brothers chest heave for air as he cried. The two brothers moved down and onto the floor, the younger being cradled into the elder's lap and gently rocked back and forth. Next to them, Hiro's phone buzzed, indication of new messages. His cries got louder and he buried himself into his brothers hold, trying to muffle his sobs into Tadashi's chest.
Tadashi shushed the younger and gently ran a hand through his untamed raven hair. A few stray tears escaped him and soon he to was crying at full force. His shoulders bouncing with his uneven breaths and tears salting his cheeks. Hiro held onto his brother as if he was the only life line in a vast ocean current. "P-please don't b-be mad." Hiro cried into his brother's chest as he tightened his grip on his brothers shirt. Tadashi snuggled Hiro closer and planted a kiss to his head before whispering,
"I could never be mad. I'm so sorry Hiro, I'm so sorry." The two brothers held each other tight as they listen to the mocking buzz of Hiro's phone.
To everyone out there who feels lost and hurt from this worlds horrific tendency's, know that you are not alone. I used to hide my depression and sadness from everyone, including the ones I loved. The best and strongest act I could have done or anyone feeling this way could ever do for themselves is ask for help. Doesn't mean your weak, it makes you look strong and determined. Love who you are and fight through it. If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to my PM box is always open, your not alone.
Follow, favorite, comment, you guys know what to do.
~Forever-Young890
