Title: The Ride Home

Author: rooster dawn

Classification: Harm/Mac

Spoiler: Tangle Web Two

Disclaimer: The characters of JAG are the property of Donald Bellisario and Bellisarius Production, Inc. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. May be reproduce if unchanged, author given full credit, and no financial transaction is involved.

Summary: On the way home from Paraguay Harm and Mac think about what went wrong and how to fix it.

Good feedback is good for one's soul and everyone's happiness.

Part 1 Cab Ride to the airport

Mac sat in the back seat of the cab. She looked over to see Harm's head down in resignation. Mac felt bad about what she had said to Harm before they got into the cab. It wasn't really was her fault. He kept on second guessing everything she had done or said after he rescued her.

Everything happened so fast after he had broken down the door to the shed she was in. She hadn't had the chance to thank him properly. She had said "I knew you would come. You always seem to be there when I need you the most."

She had given Webb a thank you kiss before sending him off with Gunny to get medical attention. Webb had taken all the torture to prevent her from being hurt.

But dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself. Why did every man in her life think they had to suffer pain to be with her or to protect her? She wanted to be an equal in any relationship.

In the end they was cause her more pain. Sure they spared her from the physical pain, but they left her with the emotional pain and scarring that lasted many years longer because she could do nothing to prevent the original pain.

First she had to watch them suffering, then she had to deal with the guilt that they were suffering to protect her, then they would be annoyed with her because she couldn't show them the proper appreciation for their efforts.

She never asked any of them to do so. Dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself. Why couldn't any of them recognized this?

Of course Harm had seen her kiss Webb. But instead of understanding why she had or at least asked her why she had kissed Webb, he assumed the worse, that somehow she was now in love with Webb.

Of all the gall!

Just because he had difficulty expressing himself doesn't mean everyone else in the world did. It also doesn't mean that ... just because someone tells her that they love her, that she loves them too.

Why does he always assumed that when a man shows interest in her that she is interested in them? Why does he shut down emotionally instead of asking her when he doesn't know all the facts? If it was a case he would strive to find all the answers.

Once again the most important man in her life was suffering because of her. Even though it was his fault for sticking his foot in his mouth one time too many, she was the one who had to deal with the guilt because he was suffering.

After all neither one of them had been dating anyone else since Mic and Renee left. If anything they had been spending a lot of time together until Harm got side tracked with Singer's pregnancy. Why did he have to do it all on his own? Why couldn't he have talked to her and let her help?

Why couldn't they have found the time to talk about what had happened to her first before he got jealous of Webb? She had seen Gunny get shot. She thought he was dead. Then the missionaries were shot in the back of the head right in front of her.

She had to listen to the screams of Webb for four days and tend to him afterwards. And finally after taking out the tractor trailer truck with the stinger missiles they had crashed in the jungle. All this within a few days.

What she needed was to be held in his arms and comforted. Instead he became moody and moronic. She wanted him to kiss her and maybe even make love to her. He had said she was beautiful, but the any chance they had was broken when Gunny and Webb barged into their room.

Of all the people she knew, Harm knew her the best. Didn't he remember how upset she had been when she had to kill that poacher not that many years ago. She had been stress to the limit after their crash. All she could think about was getting help and getting the hell back.

When she heard that Harm had given up the Navy to come rescue her, she couldn't believe he would do something that reckless. She didn't think she was worth him giving up his career for.

But when she thought about it, it might have been the first time he put her first before anything else. She had always wanted to come first in his life. He finally did. Why now did he throw everything away?

But the thing that bother her the most about the last several days was Harm's perchance of telling her that action speaks louder than words. That he had always done things to let her know that he loved her.

But if that was so why couldn't he see the things that she had done the last few days that showed him who she wanted to be with. If she wanted to be with Webb, she would have gone with him to the hospital and sent Gunny with Harm.

When Harm gave her the choice of spending the night with him or Webb, didn't she choose Webb. When it came time to talk to the secretary in the nightclub or stay with Webb, didn't she go with Harm and leave Gunny with Webb.

Didn't she send Gunny to take Webb to the airport. Wasn't it her plan to go with Harm to the airport and fly home with him, not Webb. When they got back to Washington they would go back to her place and ... who knows ... maybe.

She took another look over at Harm. He looked like he might be sleeping. His eyes were close. She sighed. How was she going to clear up the mess they were in now. He had finally shown her how much he wanted her, but now they seem to be further apart than ever before.

Harm got into the cab and sat down in the seat next to Mac. He didn't want to look at her. He couldn't believe that she had said "There will never be US." He closed his eyes for a moment before glancing at Mac. He saw her quickly look away.

She had been looking at him. He wondered what she was thinking about. He hope that she was regretting was she had said. He hope it was only in the heat of the moment. So much had happened in the last couple of days.

Maybe when they got back.

The only thing he knew for sure was he wanted her, needed her. He knew he was going to have to apologize to her for some of the comments he made. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late. He had to make things right.

He closed his eyes.

Never! I give up my career for her. I risk my life to save her. I save the mission by destroying the missiles before we crash. Then at the first opportunity she runs, again. Isn't that the reason everything has gone wrong in the last ten days.

She was upset that I didn't confide with her about my suspicions about who fathered Loren's baby. When the first opportunity arose to get out of Washington she took it. She went off on one of Webb's hair brained schemes. She should have known it would fail.

After all everyone of Webb's operations that he included JAG with, always failed. History repeated itself once more between us. When things get a little difficult, she runs.

It was that way two years ago when Mic broke up with her. I asked her if she was alright. I asked her if she could wait until I got back from the funeral to talk.

She said she would be okay and then she ran off at the first opportunity before I could do anything. I had to chase after her to the middle of the Indian Ocean. Then she wouldn't even talk to me.

This time she ran to South America with Webb, I had to go to the middle of the jungle to find her. She didn't even thank me for saving her life.

I know I keep making the same stupid mistakes. I know I keep saying all the wrong things instead of just saying those three little words that I know she wants me to say. Why I can't I just say them to her? I don't know why I can't. I do love her. I have for a long time.

I did confront her about kissing Webb. She did tell me it meant nothing. That all she was doing was comforting a friend, who was suffering badly. A man who could die because he was trying to prevent her from being tortured.

She did tell him that she didn't love Webb. He was just a friend. She did say that she wanted to be with him, not Webb. Didn't she choose to go after the stinger missiles with him rather than go with Webb to the hospital.

Didn't she go get a truck to help get them back to the city when he was hurt after the crash. Didn't she decide to stay with him instead of sleeping with Webb. Didn't she go with him to investigate the secretary about Sahdiq and not stay with Webb.

When was he going to learn to not assume the worse with her when it came to men? When was he going to start believing that she loved him and not anyone else who showed a passing interest? When was he going to stop reacting to what she said to him by trying to hurt her?

He loved her enough to give up his career and go after her. Couldn't she see that? Didn't that count for something? Maybe it did. Why couldn't he admit to her that he gave up everything just to make sure she was safe.

Maybe the problem was either he said the wrong thing or he didn't say the three little words what she needed to hear. He was going to do some serious soul searching on the way home.

He knew he had gone too far this time. When he thought back to the conversation they had. The things he said to her were unforgivable. he had pushed her away. It's no wonder why she was mad at him.

He was going to have to make it up to her somehow. Maybe he could cook her a home cook meal when they got back home. She always liked his cooking. She probably didn't have anything to eat at her place. She had been away for several weeks.

Later he could take her out to some place nice for dinner. He could take her somewhere special, maybe go dancing afterwards. She did love to dance. He loved dancing, especially with her. They fit so well together. It felt like they were floating when they dance.

He sighed as he looked over at her. He could see the distress on her face. He knew it was his fault. When was he going to take his head out of his six and tell her how he really felt about her. He loved her so much.