Uncanny Batman
Chapter 1: The Dark Knight Returns
By The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer: 'I like a girl in a bikini. No concealed weapons.'- Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun)
Gotham City-
Gotham City, also known as the Rotten Apple. You couldn't find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. The city was rife with corruption, crime, and psychotic villains. Fortunately, the city had a protector. Batman, the Dark Knight. Orphaned by a gunman's bullet at a young age, Bruce Wayne swore to protect those who could not protect themselves.
Batman wasn't alone in protecting his city. There was Tim Drake, the second to use the name of Robin. Nightwing, Dick Grayson, the first Robin now grown and creating a crime fighting career of his own. Oracle, the former Batgirl known as Barbara Gordon. She had retired from active participation in crime fighting after a nasty break-up with her then boyfriend Dick Grayson. Ms Gordon now assisted Batman and his allies with her vast system of computers. There was precious little that Oracle didn't know.
Batman crouched atop a gargoyle and surveyed the city that he had sworn to protect. It had been a very quiet night. The evildoers that infested Gotham City seemed to be staying at home.
'Eeee! Help me! Somebody, please!'
The sound of a woman's scream brought the Dark Knight out of his reverie as he leapt into action.
Down below, a mugger was trying to steal a woman's handbag.
'You shut your mouth!' The would-be thief hissed as he pressed a knife against the woman's throat. 'Shut your mouth or I'll cut you!'
'Please, no!' The woman sobbed. 'Please don't hurt me…'
The mugger looked around as something blocked out the light of a streetlamp behind him. What he saw made him drop his knife in fear. A giant batlike shape was swooping down on him.
The mugger's sense of self preservation overrode his need for money as he ran away as fast as his feet could carry him.
Batman wasn't about to let his quarry get away that easily. The Dark Knight swooped down onto the mugger, sending him tumbling into the garbage that littered the street.
The mugger tried to reach out for a broken bottle with which to defend himself, but found his arm being pulled back with a vicelike grip.
'Ahh! Sonova…' The mugger hissed through gritted teeth as Batman pulled him up to his feet. 'What is your damage, man? I was only trying to make a buck.'
'Then you should have thought differently before you tried to steal in my city!' Batman growled menacingly as he tightened his grip on the thug's arm.
'Ahh! What're you doing to me, man?' The mugger grimaced as the Dark Knight hung him up on a nearby fire escape.
'I'm going to leave you for the police.' Batman told him. 'I'm sure Commissioner Gordon will be happy to deal with you now.'
The Batcave, a little while later-
Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne's loyal butler, paused from his dusting as the Batmobile came to a stop inside the cavernous cave.
'Ah, Master Bruce. I wasn't expecting you home so soon.' Alfred quipped as Batman climbed out of the car. 'It's most unlike you to be home so early.'
'It's been a slow night, Alfred.' Bruce explained as he removed his cape and cowl and slung them over a railing. 'Is Diana home yet?'
'She has been for some time, sir.' Alfred responded as he picked up the discarded cape and cowl. 'She arrived back from her night out with her associates from the university and headed straight up to bed.'
'And Tim?' Bruce enquired.
'Master Timothy is still in Jump City with the Titans.' Alfred explained. 'He called while you were out. He will be in Jump City for the remainder of the weekend. Shall I make you some refreshment, or will you leave it to go cold as you usually do?'
'That's fine, Alfred.' Bruce told his loyal friend. 'I think I'll head up to bed myself. I want to say goodnight to Cassandra.'
Bruce headed up the steps that led into his mansion, leaving Alfred to his cleaning.
Upstairs-
The door to the bedroom that Bruce shared with Diana slowly opened as he entered the room. Being extra careful not to wake those sleeping within. Diana was asleep in the bed while little baby Cassandra was slumbering peacefully in her crib.
Bruce stopped by the crib to watch his sleeping daughter. Seeing the little girl sleeping there peacefully filled Bruce's heart with pride. A short while ago he would never have believed that he would have a child of his own, let alone one with Wonder Woman of all people.
'Mmm, Bruce…?' Diana yawned from the bed. 'Is that you?'
'Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.' Bruce apologised as he headed over to the bed. 'How was your night?'
'I guess you could call it… eventful.' Diana chuckled slightly. 'They had me up singing karaoke.'
'I wish I could have been there to see that.' Bruce smiled.
'Oh, you wouldn't want to be there.' Diana shook her head. 'I'm sure I was terrible.'
'Diana, it couldn't have been that bad.' Bruce reassured her. 'It couldn't have been any more embarrassing than the time I had to sing for Circe.'
'You think that was embarrassing?' Diana chuckled again. 'You weren't the one that was changed into a pig. Anyway, how was your night?'
'Slow.' Bruce sighed as he sat down on the bed beside Diana. 'It was too quiet. Usually when things are as quiet as this it means that something big is going to happen.'
'You're just being paranoid, Bruce.' Diana told her partner. 'Your enemies are all safe and sound in Arkham Asylum.'
'The Joker's still at large after his encounter with your sister and Titans East.' Bruce responded. 'And there hasn't been any sign of Two-Face after he escaped last week.'
'Well, if your enemies are planning something then you'll do what you always do.' Diana said. 'You'll fight them and you'll win. I have faith in you Bruce, we all do.'
The Amazon Princess smiled and leant in to kiss her lover.
'Now, come into bed. I'm starting to get cold.'
TBC…
Next: The Animals Go In Two By Two
Two-Face does a Noah and kidnaps two of every animal from Gotham Zoo. Guest-starring Catwoman.
