Enduring The Truth
Disclaimer: 'Merlin' is the property of the BBC and Shine Television.
Chapter One: Reflection
"Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any different of me." Merlin looked to his sword, his eyes downcast and his demeanour cautious as he looked over to his master with conflict written upon his sharp features. He sighed.
"It's alright to be scared Merlin" Arthur replied simply, inspecting his own armour casually not reading into the statement anymore than a declaration of fear of what was to come. He had heard similar from his own Knights of Camelot when the Black Knight had laid down his gauntlet as a challenge, he paused for a moment remembering young Sir Owen and Sir Pelanor two knights who despite their fear and apprehension had fought and died with honour.
"That's not what I meant" Merlin said running a hand over the sword Gwen had crafted specially for him, he smiled slightly as he inspected the sword with a rather untrained eye. It was as bright as the Glimmer that Gwen always had in her beautiful brown eyes. He looked to Arthur, he wondered if he should tell.
"What is it?" Arthur asked, reaching for his gloves and carefully putting them on. He turned to look at Merlin expectantly having recieved no reply, his face was screwed up in a strange curiosity that was quite unlike the crown prince of Camelot. Inwardly Merlin smiled, perhaps his mother was right - did Arthur care? Despite him being just a lowly manservant?
"If you've got something to say, then now is the time to say it" Arthur stated, his blue eyes looking curiously into Merlin's own. There was something else in his intense gaze, Merlin noted was it fear? He swallowed.
"I-" Merlin began.
"Arthur!" Morgana burst into the small cottage, her face filled with worry. Merlin looked at his feet chastising his own foolishness, even if he didn't tell Arthur now he would know within an hour the truth about his servant.
"For God's sake Merlin get some rest, We'll be back in Camelot by the morning" Arthur stated as he looked over at his loyal servant who sat beside a fire gazing into it intently, Merlin showed no sign of having heard him his focus entirely upon the roaring fire that kept the encampment warm. Gwen and Morgana slumbered quietly within a makeshift tent only a few meters away their soft breathing inaudible, the horses were tethered to a tree nearby their beady eyes watching the scene unquestioningly.
"Merlin!?" Arthur repeated sitting up, the ragged cover he was using to keep warm falling to his waist.
Merlin's grief stricken mind was in turmoil, the secret of his magical abilities still hidden but now his childhood friend William was dead and had taken the blame for the magical tornado that had swept through the small village destroying the brutal forces of the infamous bandit Canan. He bowed his head, looking down at the grassy earth beneath him as silver tears cascaded down his face. William was the brother he never had, he was the only person before Gaius that he could speak to freely about his gifts. William did not respond to his magic with fear like his mother did, nor did he lecture him on it as Gaius did. William respected and embraced his gifts, and loved him for it. That was why Merlin loved him in return which was why his loss was so painful. He sniffed and let out a shuddering breath, stemming the tears with his sleeve as he reflected with a tear stricken smile all the good times he had with William. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Arthur sit on the log beside him silently.
"Merlin?" Arthur's voice was surprisingly gentle as he watched his servant try to conceal his grief now he had noticed the presence of his master, Arthur didn't know why he even cared or felt the need to comfort his servant. He never cared about his previous servants like he did Merlin. 'There really is something about him' Arthur thought privately as he cautiously reached out an arm around Merlin, the manservant flinched slightly his shuddering breath hitching in this throat before finally relaxing as Arthur rubbed his back comfortingly.
Merlin was shocked at how touched he felt by the gesture, his mother's words resounding in his mind as he looked into the crackling fire rubbing his eyes to stall the tears that threatened to fall. He swallowed looking into Arthur's surprisingly gentle eyes and gave a weak smile, his eyes hollow.
"I know I'm not exactly the best guy when it comes to feelings" Arthur began slowly "I may have sometimes been inconsiderate, ignoring the fact you've only ever tried to help. When Will cast whatever magic that was to protect the village I was...shocked" he stated, Merlin looked at him with a blank expression so he continued. "My father told me that magic is only ever used for selfish and evil causes, but I cannot see any evil in wanting to protect your community...it was confusing to say the least and I took it out on you. I just wanted to say that I understand why you never told me about Will...with a father like mine I understand you might think we are one and the same." Arthur finished.
Merlin looked at Arthur sharply, was he implying what Merlin thought he was. "Would you have killed him?" Merlin said throatily, his tone bitter and his eyes hard. Arthur paused for a moment as if contemplating.
"I don't know" Arthur decided aloud, "I suppose his act was selfless, how can that be punished?" he added, deep in thought.
"Yet he broke the law, and the law changes for no man" Merlin stated grimly his eyes comprehending. Arthur nodded in agreement, "That is why I said I don't know what I'd do". He stopped rubbing Merlin's back and rested his arm on his servant's shoulder looking up at the starlit sky.
"Merlin, I'd like to think that we're...friends" Arthur said, albeit stiffly. He was tense, as if expecting a rebuke but Merlin grinned. "So do I" Merlin affirmed. Arthur's relieved smile matched his own so he continued "I know I'm just a servant and all, but you don't speak to me like one" Arthur laughed softly.
"I could say the same about you Merlin. You hardly ever speak to me like I'm a prince...I suppose that's why you've grown on me" Arthur said sheepishly "Even though your the worst servant ever" he added, obviously saving face. Merlin chuckled, picking up a stick and stoking the fire absently watching orange sparks peel themselves from the fire with a soft crackle.
"Why do you care?" Arthur asked curiously, "I mean, none of my servant's before have ever...gone to the lengths you have for me"
"Because I want to" came Merlin's simple reply, "and besides where would I be without a royal ass to shout orders at me?" Arthur laughed aloud appreciative, this time there was no hostility in the nickname, only affection.
"Probably a lot worse off" Arthur reckoned, Merlin nodded simply in agreement. They simply sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each others company. The silence was comfortable, punctuated only by the grunts of the horses and the fire.
"I suppose I had better get some rest" Merlin said at last, his mind surprisingly at ease since his talk with the crown prince of Camelot. Arthur smiled peacefully, "You should, I don't need a servant whose going to fall asleep on me" he admonished gently. Merlin chuckled again, "Love you too, Arthur" he said sarcastically grabbing a blanket and within minutes his gentle snores affirmed to the young prince that he was alone.
Arthur sighed, Merlin's friend William had given him quite a lot to think about. Perhaps his father was wrong.
Perhaps.