Like It's the Last Time
"Greg?" Nick Stokes asked his husband quietly.
The two men were riding home together, something that they didn't often do, but Greg's car was in the shop, having some work done, so they'd had little choice but to go in to the crime lab together.
They both worked the graveyard shift at the Las Vegas Crime Lab, but that didn't always mean they went in at the same time, or got off at the same time. Depending on if they were working the same case or not, and how hot a case was, one could get off at a decent time, while the other ended up pulling a double.
"Hmm?" Greg Sanders had been lost in his own thoughts for much of the drive home. He was generally the type who was constantly talking, so this level of quiet was highly unusual, and it was worrying Nick.
"You okay, babe? You've been awfully quiet." Nick reached over and brushed his hand over Greg's knee, drawing a quick glance and small smile from the younger man.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." Greg had his arms crossed over his chest, hands buried in his armpits, as though they were cold. Nick had the heater turned up to battle off the mid-November chill, so he knew that wasn't the case.
Nick suspected he knew what was bothering the younger man. He'd noticed the way Greg's hands had been shaking. He knew it had nothing to do with the explosion, as Greg had been working on the box the goat's head had been in, and that had been just before they found out where the goat's head had come from, just before the explosion.
When Nick had told Greg that he just couldn't do the therapy sessions past the two mandated by the department, Greg had made him promise to be more open about his feelings. Nick had said he would, and had vowed to himself that if Greg tried to lock anything away, he'd draw the younger man out.
As he steered the Denali towards home, Nick thought about how best to broach the subject with Greg. It wasn't so much the shaking, but the cause of it, that Nick was sure would cause the younger man to break down, if Nick didn't handle the situation very delicately.
When they got home, Nick followed Greg into the house through the connecting door from the garage. They both toed their shoes off, and Nick watched Greg trudge through the kitchen to the livingroom.
Event though he wasn't really in the mood for a beer, Nick pulled two out of the fridge and took them into the livingroom, where he handed one to Greg before settling on the couch next to the younger man.
Greg took the bottle carefully in both hands, trying to hold it steady, so the liquid inside wouldn't slosh out. Nick watched as Greg chugged half of the bottle, before setting it down on a coaster on the coffee table. Taking only a couple of small swallows of his own, Nick set his on the coffee table as well.
When they had both settled back on the couch again, Nick cuddled into Greg, nuzzling the younger man's neck with his nose.
"What's wrong, babe? Please, talk to me," Nick pleaded, placing a small kiss on Greg's neck.
Curling his hands into tight fists, Greg murmured, "You noticed, didn't you," it wasn't a question.
Sitting back, Nick took Greg's fisted hands in his, rubbing across the tops of them with his thumbs. Soon, Greg's fists had opened, and his hands had grabbed Nick's in a near death grip. Nick didn't allow any signs of pain to show on his face, even though he could practically feel the small bones in his hands being ground together in the other man's tight grasp. He knew the only reason Greg was gripping his hands so tightly was to keep the shaking at bay.
"We've been together for way too long for me not to notice, babe," Nick replied quietly, still rubbing his thumbs over the tops of Greg's hands.
"Cable Springs, Nicky. You had your heart set on that piece of land up there. What was it, five, six years ago? If we'd..." Greg trailed off. His dazed gaze finally met Nick's.
"I know. Remember what I told you a few days after the deal fell through?"
Greg dragged his eyes back to Nick's again, shook his head.
"I told you it must not have been meant to be. I think we know why, now."
Greg nodded numbly. "Those poor people!" he said quietly, looking down at his hands, still clenching tightly to Nick's, watching Nick's thumbs brush across the backs of his hands. "That could have been..."
"But it's not us!" Nick said, just a touch harshly. "And I don't want you to think about it, anymore. We're where we're supposed to be, and we have each other. We have our health."
As Greg met Nick's eyes again, Nick noticed an intensity that hadn't been there a moment ago.
"I don't know if I can stop thinking about it that easily, Nicky. How many close calls are we going to have before something fatal happens to one of us?" Greg's eyes were on his hands again, and he spoke so softly Nick almost couldn't hear him.
"Who told you? Ray or Detective Reed?" Nick asked, wondering who he was going to have to kill. He'd done his best to keep news of the exploding well from Greg, not wanting him to worry more than he already was.
"Told me what?" Greg asked in confusion, caramel colored eyes meeting Nick's darker chocolate colored eyes questioningly.
"Shit!" Nick muttered, realizing that Greg had just been making a general comment, and had no idea about the explosion. Knowing Greg wouldn't let it drop, until he'd told him about it, Nick sighed, and said, "When we went to talk to the goat rancher, he threw his cigarette into the well, and it exploded. Ray and I were standing too far back for any debris to hit us. All we felt was the heat wave. I think Detective Reed got a couple of scrapes, but that's the extent of the damage." He tried a weak smile, but it fell flat.
"You weren't going to tell me?" Greg's features took on a hurt, incredulous look. He yanked his hands back from Nick, and balled them into fists again. Nick felt sure the younger man was about to take a swing at him.
"This reaction is why I didn't tell you. No harm was done, so I couldn't see needlessly worrying you."
"Needlessly worrying me? Needlessly worrying me, Nicky!" Greg sprang to his feet, and began pacing the livingroom like a caged tiger. "Fuck! I..." and Nick could see tears streaming down the younger man's face.
Jumping to his own feet, Nick stepped in front of Greg, as the younger man blindly paced back the way he'd just come, unable to see much through his tears. Greg collided with Nick's chest. Nick wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but he didn't think Greg's hands fisting in his shirt and pulling him as close to the younger man as possible was quite it.
Nick just wrapped his arms around Greg, as the younger man buried his face in Nick's shoulder and sobbed.
When Greg's sobs finally subsided, he twisted his head, so his face was against the Texan's neck. "I swear to God, Nick, if you ever keep anything like that from me again, I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pleasant!"
With a small sigh, Nick simply said,"Okay."
Then Greg's lips were crushing Nick's in an ever deepening kiss, and all other coherent thoughts were lost to both men.
Pulling back a moment later, both men were gasping for air.
"I don't know if I could go on, if I lost you, Nicky," Greg said quietly into Nick's neck, where he had buried his face again. His arms were now wrapped around Nick's waist, pulling the older man tightly against him.
"I know, babe! I feel the same way!" Pausing for a moment, Nick ran his hands up and down Greg's back, as he prepared to tell the younger man something he had never shared with him before. "After you were attacked, while you were still in the hospital, the two times I actually came home to sleep, I dreamed that you had died. I woke up with my chest so tight I couldn't breathe! Called 'Rick in a panic, both times, convinced my dream was true." There were tears in Nick's eyes, now, and Greg pulled back to brush them away with his thumb.
"I wondered why you had that panicked look, whenever I suggested you go home and sleep," Greg said softly.
Laying his hand on Greg's cheek, Nick sighed at the way Greg leaned into his touch. "Somehow, I don't think our friends would let either of us give up on life, if something happened to the other."
Thinking about Ray's strong-will, Sara's tenacity, Brass's bulldogged-ness, along with all of their other friends at the lab, both men had to smile.
"I think you're probably right." Leaning into Nick, Greg breathed in his ear, "Make love to me, Nicky. Make love to me like it's our last chance to make love."
Pulling Greg against him, rubbing their crotches gently together, as he felt the first stirring of their desire, Nick murmured huskily, "That's the only way I ever make love to you, babe!" before taking the younger man by the hand and pulling him towards the bedroom.
A/N: Wow! That was a bit of a tough episode to post ep! I'd like to send a big shout out to CMALI_1, as I hadn't even realized Greg's hands were shaking, until I rewatched the episode again after reading her post ep. That opened the doors to some possibilities! :)
Anyway, hope everyone liked it! Please drop a review, add to favorites. As always, thanks!