Here's a little half term gift to all you stressed out summer exam bunnies and anyone else who needs a smile. It has no merit whatsoever only that it is designed to give you a laugh and because I promised Lilypad some fluff back in January. I know I write interminably slowly but it's here now and a special thank you to her for all the reviews she left for the 'To bring him home.'
This is based on a little scene from 'First Casualty' so nothing post that, so no 'Bloodlines' trauma and no Anna for which I know there will be resounding cheers around the globe. As usual it's all finished so should all pop up reasonable quickly. Enjoy and don't forget to review and give me a smile back.
How did it go last night?
It was ok
What happened last night?
Harry went on a blind date.
There's a joke in there somewhere.
It wasn't exactly a blind date; it was a friend of a friend of a friend.
Did you tell her?
Err, No. Not exactly
Tell her what?
Oh Harry always gets nervous about telling them he's a pathologist.
It's a mood killer isn't it? The champagne is bubbling the lights are low and suddenly I find myself burbling about posthumous rectal temperatures.
Phone rings
Speak of the devil.
"You should help him then," Zak said.
"Help him? He doesn't need help picking up 20 something's!" Nikki retorted.
"No, help him get over his fear of telling them he's a pathologist. I thought you were supposed to be his friend?" Zak replied.
"What do you have in mind?" Nikki asked her curiosity peeked now.
"You haven't moved and you're staring at Zak. What exactly is going on here?" Harry demanded as he walked back into the cutting room.
"Nothing," Nikki blurted out guiltily.
"There's something," Harry said, standing his ground and looking between the two of them. Zak might have been slightly taller but Harry had the edge, in presence and build over the younger man, and he was using a full hand of alpha male cards as he glared at his colleagues. One of them would crumble. It was inevitable.
"I just suggested that Nikki might be able to help you, get over your issues with posthumous rectal temperatures." Zak admitted.
"I do not have ISSUES with posthumous rectal temperatures," Harry repeated. Sometimes he really hated the way everyone knew everybody else's business in this place. He should never have said anything.
"What exactly did you suggest?" Harry asked noting the flush in Nikki's cheeks and the mischievous look in her eyes that made him terribly nervous.
A throaty chuckle burst from Nikki's mouth, which she immediately covered with her hand, but her eyes danced and sparkled and begged him to relax for five minutes and indulge them in the silly game they had been discussing.
"Well," began Nikki, when her giggling had subsided. "Zak here thought it would be easier for you to explain about your job, if you had some practice doing it, so he came up with a list of suitable...
"And unsuitable!" interrupted Zak with a smile.
"Yes, suitable and unsuitable girls..."
"Women," interrupted Zak again, now sporting a mock serious face.
"Yes, yes, lots of girls and you could practice telling them what you do." Nikki finished triumphantly.
"Amy the affable accountant," suggested Zak
"Barbara the buxom botanist and Chloe the charismatic chemist," chuckled Nikki.
"Debbie the deranged and divorced dancer, Edie the exquisite endocrinologist," Zak continued.
"Oi!" shouted Harry, but Zak and Nikki were having too much fun to be able to stop.
"Francine the frisky foreign language student…" she giggled.
"Nikki!" thundered Harry.
"I was only gone a minute or so, did you make it all the way through the alphabet at my expense!" Harry chided, not entirely sure he was enjoying the game as much as they were.
"Well not all of it," admitted Zak "but I fancied the sound of Vera the voluptuous Vegas show girl!"
"And how exactly was this list of fictional women supposed to help me?"
"Oh, this is the brilliant bit, I knew there was a joke here somewhere," Zak said, his face suddenly more animated than his colleagues had ever seen it.
"Blind dates!" Zak declared proudly.
"But you made the girls up!" Harry replied exasperated.
"They don't have to be real; practice makes perfect and all that." Zak explained.
"But if they're not real, how am I supposed to talk to them?" Harry asked.
"You role play," Zak insisted.
"Who with? I'm not chatting you up, I've more important things to worry about like my up-coming hearing and anyway you know I'm a pathologist." Having delivered his speech, Harry turned and walked away.
"Not with me, I'm just along for the show," Zak called after him. "With Nikki! She can be any girl you want her to be: Amy, Barbara."
"Me?" squeaked Nikki.
"Of course you!" Zak replied, "you said you'd help a friend."
Harry stopped in his tracks.
"Chloe, Debbie," listed Zak.
"Alright, alright I remember the list and I think we can probably lose Debbie" he called over his shoulder and turned to look at his two friends. Nikki was still smiling but there was a hint of worry showing in her eyes, as if she realised that the game had gone too far.
"Practice makes perfect," goaded Zak.
Harry crossed the room and stood in front of them. He looked from one to another assessing who looked the most guilty like a teacher in front of two miscreant pupils, working out who deserved the bigger punishment.
"I choose the bar and the time." Harry stated unequivocally.
"You're buying all the drinks, all night," he commanded, staring at Zak.
"This goes no further than the three of us," his final pronouncement as he stalked off.
"This is going to be priceless," smiled Zak.
"Seven o'clock, O'Connell's, just off West Road," called Harry his words punctuated by the flap flap of the double doors.
Nikki looked at Zak, and quickly to the floor. 'What had she just agreed to do?"