To work, or not to work – that is the quandary:
Whether 'tis healthier for my mind to endure
The endless annoyance of Dwight's bear trivia,
Or to secretly move his desk into the men's restroom,
And to momentarily be rid of him. To prank, to work
No more—and by work I mean to say to earn
The salary and the rather meager commission
That salesmen are heir to—'tis a goal
Naturally striven for. To work, to sell—
Perhaps to die of boredom. Ah, there's the Flonkerton!
But in my distraction with the office Olympics what downsizing may occur,
When we have ignored the 59 voicemails and corporate faxes,
Worries me faintly. Incentives, though few,
Keep me from simply welcoming a waiting severance package.
For how many could tolerate the incessant "that's what she said"s,
Dwight's Battlestar Galactica recaps, Angela's icy glares,
The stinging stench of Kevin's flatulence, Stanley's bored drawl,
The always politically incorrect celebrations and the offense
That follows for all who attend the soirees,
When tedium I may easily quash
With a game of Dunderball? Who would awkward moments stomach,
To blush and sigh over a secret office romance,
Without the threat of far more boring normalcy?
The yet unrealized prospect of an actual job, for which work
I must actually perform, solidifies my decision
To stay and rather embrace the insanity present here
Than to wish for a corporate reprieve.
Thus productivity does my future ensure
And thus the familiar diabolical pranks
Remain stirring only in my head,
And schemes of great precision and teamwork
For this moment, at least, must their planning halt
And wait for my completion of a few more sales calls. – Then again,
The blaring falsetto of Andy's ringtone hinders my concentration—
Just one last prank to rid him of his phone,
And then it's straight to work.
A/N: It might not hurt to read the actual "To be, or not to be" version to compare the two. This is my first venture back into fanfic in a long time, and since I had been slacking on getting any actual stories up, I figured it couldn't hurt to post an English assignment and just see how it went. Feedback, positive or negative, is always welcome. :)