Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

A/N: First of all: Sorry. English isn't my first language. Second: Hopefully, you'll find this not too boring. Thirdly: This will be weird. There will be wrongs. And I'm sorry if it disturb you. And last: Be warned of characters having changed their age.

About this: Each chapter will be told from a different character's point of view, accept the last part of it(the one in italics and told in first person). This will be told from Harry's PoV.

WARNING: This story include drug use, suicide, mental disorder and other things that may or may not be added.

Prologue

They had been going out for a few weeks when she noticed that there was something odd about him. Of course, he had always been odd, but that was when he was on some drug. No, this was different. When they were lying asleep in her bed during the nights his foster parents couldn't handle him, he would often sneak out for a couple of hours. She had asked the first time where he went, but he had just laughed it off. Said that he was too restless to sleep. She didn't believe him. She couldn't, not after the accident, when he had lied about everything. This night, she followed him. Out of the front door, out in the chilly March night. He had walked into the park on the other side of the road. Maybe he didn't lie, she thought when she heard someone speak in a pleading voice.

"Please, please. Not her too, I can't do it. Not her too. Please, I beg you. Any one else, but not her." The voice began to cry. Cho Chang didn't dare to breath as Harry Potter pleaded for her life. She didn't know what to do, all she could do was to stand there, shaking and scared. The night was pierced by a scream of bitter sorrow, and she knew. Oh, she knew that he wanted to die.

It was Wednesday during lunch when it happened. Cho sat closely to Harry, watching him poke around in his food, ignoring the chemistry teachers questions about where he had been that morning. He didn't answer, didn't seem to notice the world around him. The chemistry teacher laid a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

"Potter, are you deaf? Answer my questions!" he said harshly. Still no reply, but Harry had at least turned his attention to the teacher. His green eyes were covered with a mist, and Cho's first thought was that he had taken some drug again. She kissed him softly on his cheek.

"Harry was with me" she said to the teacher in a suggesting tone. The teacher fell silent, and his ears became red.

"You... were with him, miss Chang?" He spat out. "I expected more from you than to be with a delinquent bastard like this...!" Then Harry responded, but not through words. A fist came right in the teacher's surprised face. Everyone fell quiet as the teacher flew through the air and landed on another table. Harry had turned to Cho. The green eyes glistened with furry, and something else. Something hunted.

"Stay away from me, you whore! You're leaving me, like everyone else!" He roared at her, then disappeared out of the cantina. The silence that followed was devastating.

It was dark when she found him. Or rather, he found her. Cho had been walking around in Little Whinging for several hours, trying to find him without success. It had been raining for the last hour, and she was cold. But she couldn't go home, not now, not before she found him. So she had just sunken down on the ground when she felt a warm jacket being laid around her shoulders. Cho looked up to see Harry stand there, a unlit joint in his mouth. He tried to get his lighter to work, and didn't even give her a look. Cho looked down on her bare knees, unsure about what to say.

"...Do you have any acid?" she asked him after a few moments. He gave her a cold glance before putting the joint in his bag and sitting down beside her.

"No. I've e though. Want some?" he asked, and she nodded. He gave her two tablets with scorpions on and a bottle of old coke. She sighed and leaned back, waiting for the rush. Looked carefully at him.

"Why did you say that?" she muttered. A cold look again.

"Say what?" Once again he rummaged through his bag, took up a packet of cigarettes and the lightener. Once again he tried to use it, but gave up and took up a new one.

"In school. You called me a whore... and that I was leaving you. Like everyone else." Silence. Smoke came out of his nose.

"Because it's the truth." It was like a sword was driven right through her heart, and she jumped to her feet.

"How could you even say that?! I'll stand beside you whatever happens! I love y..."

"Only because I was there when Cedric died. Only because you want me as his substitute." One more sword through her heart.

"You...selfish...bastard! I wish it was you who died instead of Cedric! He was at least sane!" She spat at him, threw the jacket on the ground and walked away. She waited for his words, his begging for forgiveness. None came.

The next morning she heard that he was in the hospital. The next morning she heard that he was dead. The next morning she heard that he had been arrested again for selling drugs. The next morning she heard that he had been expelled. The next morning she heard that he had gone berserk in a supermarket and killed fifteen people with a machine gun. The next morning she heard that he had been taken to a mental hospital. The next morning she didn't know what to believe. Alone she walked to the principals office. There she learned the truth.
The smell was horrible. Cho hated hospitals. Especially this. So full of memories that threatened to tear her apart.

Through the glass door she could see him lie there, staring absentmindedly in the ceiling. He was dressed in a white hospital gown. Restraints kept him from moving, but they couldn't hide the bandages on his underarm. Cho could barely breath. But she didn't feel sorry. He deserved to lie there. He deserved being labeled as a person who was a danger to himself and others. She hated him. It was his fault that Cedric was dead. It was his fault that everyone in school looked at her like she was a whore, teachers included. It was all his fault.

Harry turned his head towards her. For a few seconds their eyes met, and then she turned away in anger. The last thing she saw of Harry Potter was relief in his eyes.

Do see you my pain? Can you understand it? Please, bear the pain with me. So I don't have to be alone for once.