Disclaimer: I would say I want to own TWW, but it wouldn't be the best TV show in the world if I did. All dialogue here belongs to Aaron Sorkin, I just put in Amy's thoughts.
A/N: My take on the "Are you in love with Josh?" scene from Commencement.
A/N2: So there's a lot of Amy hating. I mean, there are positive Amy fics, but there are loads that make her out to be a bitch, and she's not. I loved Amy. I loved all Josh's girlfriends :L (the last one best obviously). But I thought I'd put forward a more Amy sympathetic view, you know, where she's just as insecure as the rest of us.
I'm an intelligent woman, but getting drunk with Donnatella Moss wasn't my brightest idea. And when I say, "with" I mean "in the vicinity of". She's gotten through her one beer in the time I've gotten through... nearly four. Or something like that. But then, she isn't wondering what the hell she did to offend her boyfriend. In fact, she has the high ground of knowing what I did to offend my boyfriend, so the aim of this entire female bonding session, which is going spectacularly awkwardly, by the way, is to get her to spill.
"I'm not gonna get an answer about what I said to Josh, am I?" I say at last, because I'm drunk and I'm tired of the elephant taking up so much space in the room. "It's just eating at me."
"I don't know why," she replies.
She's lying, but I'm not going to call her on it.
"Because it's eating at him, and... I don't know why," I tell her, and this is probably what's bugging me most about this whole situation. I don't have a clue what's going on in my boyfriend's head. Is that really bad?
"Really?" Donna asks, sounding genuinely surprised.
Okay, that hurt. Is it really so obvious? And does she have to be so righteous about it?
"I understand why Josh may have been offended by what I said even though it was totally misinterpreted, what I don't understand is that both times we've spoken about it, it seemed like you were too."
Laughing, Donna shakes her head and says, "No, I understood what you were saying. Josh worked for Hoynes for a long time, there was a reason."
"He left him," I say quickly.
"And if you think that was easy, you're crazy. Josh doesn't leave people."
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. "I get that he was close to Hoynes, what I don't get -"
"You have to get Josh."
Ouch. I feel physically winded, and maybe it registers on my face, as she rushes to explain.
"His sister died in a fire while she was babysitting him. She tried to put it out, he ran outside. He went off campaigning, his father died. He wakes up in the hospital and discovers the President's been shot. He goes through everyday worried that someone he likes is gonna die, and it's gonna be his fault. What do you think makes him walk so fast?" Donna stands up, goes over to find something. "Anyway, when you looked at the list of replacements and said, 'That's a windfall,' what he heard was, 'Thank you, Josh, you did it again. More for us.'"
I'm glad Donna isn't looking at me anymore, can't see the slightly desperate way I'm clinging to my beer bottle. I've been blind to this, somehow. Blind as they talk on the phone while I'm prancing around the house to Van Morrison. Blind when I call the office, blithely asking her to put me through to Josh. But being blind was far preferable, because now I'm scared. What if she does get him, and I don't? What does that mean for Josh and I? God knows we aren't perfect, but I love him.
"You said, 'You have to get Josh...'" I say – I don't know what I'm hoping for – that I misheard? That's she'll turn around and say – 'of course you get Josh, Amy'?
"Yeah. That was – I didn't mean to say that you don't... get him."
No, I think. No, you didn't mean to say it, but you did. And you mean it.
Since I've never allowed myself to run away from my fears, I ask her.
"Are you in love with Josh?"
She doesn't reply, but she doesn't need to. The answer is in the breath she takes, the way her back straightens.
I take another drink. Yeah. I thought so. We do have something in common afer all.
I love The West Wing. Hope I did it justice.