Before we begin, I wish to acknowledge a few things. First off, I'm Richard Reynolds aka Ric Madness. How I was labeled with the alias was through e-mails and AIM messages I exchanged with two online friends. I met with them in Feburary, 2002 after I joyously read some of their work here on FF.Net. At first, the encounter was merely meant to show appreciation for their writing talent. However, over time, I found myself attached to these two lovely ladies. Becoming friends, I recently took part in some humorous roleplays and sent songfics on my behalf. Now, it would seem, I've been dragged into publishing some of my writing as well. No longer am I just reading fanfics, all thanks to Peacemaker Aqua and Zimlover05. I highly recommend reading their masterpieces. Once again, I thank them for getting me involved here in this cyber community. They mean a lot to me.
For the disclaimer, I say this: I do not, nor claim to own the Invader Zim franchise or other respected copyrighted material there in. Invader Zim and all other characters pertaining to the animated series are properties of Jhonen Vasquez. Other properties not of the author's belong to their proper owners. No other fanfic characters belonging to a member of FF.Net nor any one else's are included in this entry unless permission has been granted, and will be stated in the heading of the chapter(s) used. The exact pretains to any person(s) who allow me to handle them in this fanfic. If problems arrive from any "TDoL" content, please contact me to discuss it. I'll do my best to help correct the situation.
Chapter One:
The Inevitable
At Conventai, the convention hall planet, countless Irkens park their ships at the docking range and teleport to the planet's surface. There, the gift shops and food stands are raided. With a clock counting down on the monitor screens, an Irken announcer goes on air.
"Attention Irken soldiers! Today is the big day of the Inevitable Victory celebration! Please hurry and buy all you can carry from the gift shops, and proceed to the main convention hall! You now have ten minutes before the party begins!"
Irkens from all around assemble at the main convention hall doors. Passing x-ray inspection, they crowd inside. Awaiting the Almighty Tallest, many chat and gossip about the triumphant planetary invasions.
However, in the midst of all the celebration, one lonely trainee stands unmoved by the Armada's success. This feminine indigo-eyed Irken named Nik despises the whole idea of universal domination. Nevertheless, she cheers on with false words and a fake smile in fear of the truth being known.
Still yet, she can't help but think. "Selfish, power-hungry morons! They're so full of themselves! Only total conquest of the universe will satisfy their hunger for dominance! For most races, one planet or even a continent would do! Yet, my stupid race feels they need more, and I'm powerless to say otherwise! Why was I cloned to be a Irk!?! My only hope is for it to rain during this little parade or something! Too bad there's no clouds!"
Onward she continues with her falsehood as others rock the dome, drink slurpies, eat junk food and try to find a place to set their cheap useless gift shop stuff. Above all the screaming spectators, the counter clicks down to zero on the monitors. The Irken announcer then steps back on screen.
"The time has come! Wiggle your antennas in salute because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders - the Almighty Tallest!"
Two globes rise from the floor and flash lasers every which way. Smoke shoots out from the stage's edge followed by a platform lowering down from the ceiling. The crowd cheers as they catch sight of the Almighty Tallest. On the way down, Red and Purple wave while they converse.
"I sure hope Zim hasn't caught wind of this," Purple commented. "How would we deal with it?"
Red assured Purple. "Don't worry. Zim's so busy trying to take over Earth, he hadn't the time to pick up the frequency. So, just chill."
Purple wipes away the sweat on his forehead. "Yeah, I guess you're right. He's been at it for ... how many months now?"
"Its been quite a while," Red answered. "The Armada's just ended, so it's around the year and a half mark."
Purple chuckles. "By this rate, we'll be dead and gone before Zim conquers that ball of dirt."
"All the better for us," Red remarked. "We're about to set. Get ready."
The platform sets center stage and the floor clears of smoke. Revealed is Operation Impending Doom Two's proud Invaders lined around the stage. Two rods then extend down and a holographic layout of conquered territory fades in. The Almighty Tallest follow up the flashy display with a victory speech for the Inevitable Victory celebration.
Red starts things off. "Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! Once again, the Irken Empire has shown its superiority over the universe by sieging yet another galaxy! For expanding Irken rule, we the Tallest, are here to recognize those brave souls involved in the most crucial roles of Operation Impending Doom Two!"
Out in the respectfully clapping crowd, Nik sighs. "Oh, GREAT!!! Now, they're handing out awards for this! How egotistical can they get!?! What's next!?! Vacation pay!?!" She slightly shakes her head.
"... They're the ones behind us," Purple added. "Anyhow, these less superior then us, but still quite superior soldiers will each be awarded an OID2 Campaign Victory Medal with a thirty day paid vacation!"
Nik stares out blankly. "I knew that was coming!"
A panel slides open in the floor and a small box full of medals floats up.
"Those of you in the audience will immediately return back to training after the party," Red spoke in a mellow tone voice.
Nik's jaw drops. "Okay! I should've expected this!" She, along with a few others, look on in dismay.
"You should have tried harder," Purple told them, quoting himself from the Great Assigning.
Red then announced, "And so you shall with double the training effort!"
"And double the time," Purple slapped on, in spite of Red.
"FUCK!!!" Nik accidentally yells out.
Everyone backs away from Nik, putting her in the spotlight. Red grabs the medals out of the little chrome box, holding them in both hands. Purple closes the lid and looks down at it before throwing it at her. Hitting her on the head, leaving a knot.
"Ow .. Thank you ...," Nik muttered.
The holographic screen suddenly twitches. Then it twitches again. The territory layout begins to blur. It's not long till Zim's face is visible through the static. The Tallest are shocked with this interrupting transmission as the frequency clears.
Nik, however, looked on in amusement as she rubs her head. "This should be interesting," she thought to herself.
"Invader Zim reporting in, sirs! The mission ...," Zim hesitates. Noticing the large crowd of Irkens in the background, Zim questions, "Aaaa, what is all those people doing there?"
Red and Purple grow nervous as they try thinking up a excuse. "We are ... having a 'Half-Time' party," Red replies.
"What," mumbles Zim.
"Yeah! Yeah! We're having a 'Half-Time' ceremony! It's .. for the completion of the first half completed Invasions," Purple tampered off.
Red covers his face with his hand. "We're busted, man," he whispered.
"Here it comes," anxiously Nik awaited.
Zim stared down at the Tallest for a moment, then looked around. "Well ...," Zim thinks for a minute. "I guess .. I better get back to work! I don't want to keep everybody waiting! It won't be long before we'll be having the Inevitable Victory celebration," Zim rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Trust me! The mission goes well! Not long will it be before I have Earth under Irken control! Invader Zim signing off!
"What!" Nik slapped her head. "Ow!"
GIR comes flying out from the back. He runs into Zim, smashing both of them into the screen. While Zim sincerely looked in pain, GIR simply quoted something heard off television. "My, you certainly have grown since last time!" The transmission is cut and the holographic layout is returned.
"We must have grown a bit overnight," Purple thought out loud.
Raising his brow, Red throw on a big grin. "No! No! No! No! I think he was referring to JUST me," Red insisted.
"How can that be!?! You and me are the same height!" Purple takes his hand and compares their height.
Red slaps Purple's hand away from his head. "Admit it! You're in denial! I'm now the 'One Only Tallest'!"
"Yeah, right," Purple said sarcastically as he rubs his hand.
"So, you admit it," Red bursted out, pointing at him.
"I meant it sarcastically," Purple corrected him. "Look ... Zim's SIR unit is nothing more than scrap metal and junk. Who are you gonna believe: me or it?"
Red ponders for a moment. "I believe it," he told his peer.
"Fine! We'll get our heights measured with a regulated height checker, and you'll see that I'm right," Purple edged on.
"No way! You'll rig the machines! I order for every Irken to do the job with a tap measure," Red proclaimed.
"Except Zim, right," Purple asked.
"Except Zim," Red agreed.
Zooming into the stunned audience, we see Nik twitching a little smirk. "This is perfect," she thinks. "Here's my chance to really do some damage! Divide and conquer, babe! Divide and conquer! Haha! The Inevitable Victory celebration turned out to be great, after all!" Nik then pops a curly fry in her mouth.
"Oh," Red spoke up. "Invader Nik! Report to sanitation duty on board the Armada flagship! There'll be a mess made for you to clean!"
Purple butted in. "Hey! I run this gig, too! You'll play as maid! Sanitation, food, drink and anything we can think of!"
"Yo, Purple," Red said.
Turning around, Purple gets slugged. The scene fades out with Red and Purple duking it out with everyone not knowing what to do. Nik, with head hung down, walks off to report to her assigned duties.
Meanwhile, down on Earth, Zim prepares for skool. Just fixing and adjusting a few minor parts, Zim then equips the spider pack on his back. Taking the toilet entry up stairs, he runs into GIR who's making a peanut and jelly sandwich. The contents are slopped all over the kitchen floor and spread all over GIR. A piece of bread bounces off Zim's head.
"GIR! Come to attention," Zim ordered the SIR unit.
GIR salutes with eyes red. "Yes, my master!"
"It's time for skool. That means you're to guard the house. There's no leaving, ordering pizza, nor inviting anyone over. GOT IT!?!" Zim straightens his wig.
"Sir," GIR responses.
Skipping pass the gooey mess, Zim makes his way to the front door. "Oh, and while you're at it, clean up this disgusting display of .. FILTH!!!"
GIR answers with "Yes, sir! Right away!"
Zim gives GIR the 'lazy eye' look and steps out the door. With the door shut, GIR gets all goofy again and rolls around in the peanut butter and jelly.
"Hehehehe!"
Zim peacefully walks through the skool gates. Arriving several minutes early, he scans around, noticing a over flown garbage can swarming with flies. Investigating closely, Zim finds it stinks horribly.
"Ow! What a stench! Must be some sort of weapon they post around the premises to ward off unwanted beast creatures!" He places his hand on his chin. "If intensified, this technology could be useful with keeping Dib away from the base."
Pulling out a tiny device with spinning things on top, Zim tries examining the substance. Waving the device over the can several times, the trash begins to move. Zim raises his brow, curious over the reaction. He lowers his head for a better look. Suddenly, the Madness dog sticks its head out.
"Madness! MADNESS!!!"
Dropping his device, Zim backs up further and further until bumping into Dib. Glancing back, Zim then stands straight and acts like he's dusting himself off.
"Mmhmm"
"What's wrong, Zim!?! Never seen a trash can before," Dib teased with a grin.
Narrowing his eyes, Zim stuck up what would be his nose. "Oh, yes, yes. You stink beast surprise me with your inferior ways of disposing ... stuff. It answers my question: why this planet has only now discover nuclear power. The human race is so, well, pitiful."
"Is that so," Dib asked.
Zim simply replied, "Yes."
"Well, then," Dib paused. "Why hadn't you successed? It appears your mission isn't going as planned."
"Of course, it is," Zim persisted. "I'm just toying with you stink beast!"
"Toying, huh?" Dib crosses his arms. "How about playing a 'friendly' game of tag while we wait? Class starts in about ten minutes."
Zim realizes this is another one of Dib's tricks to expose him, and quickly refuses. "No, thanks. I have important matters to attend to." Zim turns and walks away.
"Oh, you do! You have ME!!!" Dib launches out at Zim.
With his Irken military training, Zim easily averts the attack, putting Dib face first on the concrete.
"Mwehahahahaha," Zim laughed. "Hahahahahahaha! Fool! Do you know better than try attacking an Irken soldier!?! I laugh at your sorry attempt! Hahaha!"
While Zim is being self-absorbed, Dib picks himself off the ground, wiping some blood off his face. He swiftly gets up and tackles Zim. Literally slapping Dib off top of him, Zim reaches for the trash can.
"You want to play games, earth monkey," Zim hollows. "Then, lets play dirty!"
Zim grabs the can, but the Madness dog is still digging in it. Spooked, Zim drops the garbage and jumps back. Dib shoves him from behind. Zim comes back with a shove of his own, sending him into Mister Elliot. He knocked both of them down. Feeling of his head, Elliot peeks down at the bloody faced Dib in his lap. He lets out a short squeal. Zim stands there stupefied as Mister Elliot helps Dib and himself up.
"Zim! How could you do this to poor Dib, " Mister Elliot cried. "I'm taking you straight to the principal's office right now!" He then looks down at Dib. "And I'm taking you to the nurse."
Taking Zim by the wrist, Elliot escorts him and Dib into the skool building. Several minutes later, the first bell rings. All the kids leave the playground and gather in the class rooms. On his way from the skool nurse, Dib struggles down the hallway with bandages over his face. With his head engulf in wrappings, the best Dib can do is to feel his way to Miss Bitter's class. On the way there, he accidentally bumps into every ongoer.
"This is just silly! How do they expect me to make to class in time? This'll be another tardy slip. Man, I could've really used those extra minutes spying on that vampire gerbil. Only if Zim didn't bury my head in the damn ground, I might've got a snapshot! Too late to worry about now, I guess. Right now, I need to find my way around."
Dib draws closer to Miss Bitter's, but so does Zim. Marching up the hall, he notices Dib staggering about like a drunken mule. Seeing that he's momentarily visually impaired, Zim schemes of a way to repay Dib for the visit to the principal. Racing beside the door, Zim waits on Dib. As Dib finally gets in the doorway, Zim sneaks in front of him, and pretends to be pushed. Twirling around, Zim purposely falls, knocking over the waste basket.
"Oh, Miss Bitters! This twit shoved me as I was coming into your 'GLORIOUS' class room! I believe he was doing it for kicks," Zim preformed with the back of his hand on his forehead. "... Oh, my! Dib! It was you," Zim fakely proclaimed.
Zim glance up. Miss Bitters sits sound asleep. He gives off a blank stare. Along comes Dib, tripping over his own two feet onto Zim. Miss Bitters snaps out of it, and hovers over to them.
"Dib! Report to the principal's office! Your tardy for the twelfth time this week!"
Dib untangles the bangles from his head. "But Miss Bitters -"
Bitters cuts him off. "Now, Dib!"
Zim tugs on her clothes to get her attention. "What about me, Miss Bitters? He purposely pushed me through the door, hurting my little head. I think he needs to be punished - very badly."
Miss Bitters bends over Zim and sniffs. "Yeah, and that, too," she added before sitting back down.
"But Miss Bitters! I had this things around my head and -"
She cuts him off again. "You shouldn't have been wearing that stupid thing over your face! Don't you know you can't see with something over your eyes!"
Dib tries reasoning with her. "Miss Bitters! I -"
"Silence! While you're at it, you need to check with the skool nurse. You got some nasty scratches." Miss Bitters opens a desk drawer and pulls out a dusty old skool yearbook. "Zim! Get up and pass this around! You all will be quizzed on the skool's 1982 class offices. I'm giving you two minutes to study."
Tossing the bandages in the turned over waste basket, Dib steps out. Gripping the yearbook in both hands, Zim laughs uncontrollable while folding it.
"Yes! Yes! Victory is mine! All mine, I tell you! Mine," Zim celebrated in triumph. "Mwehahahahahaha!"
The class is stun with the display.
The scenes fades out into the cafeteria. It's lunch time. As usual, Dib sets beside Gaz at a table, while Zim lurks closer to the outcast section. Finishing off the last speck of food on his tray, Dib slides it to the side and watches Zim. Gaz automatically sends it hurtling towards the back. A scream is heard. Anyhow, Zim pokes at his food, unaware of his surroundings.
Without warning, Zim's back is splattered with ketchup and rice. Twisting around in his seat, he directs his full attention on Dib. Apparently pissed, Zim immediately slings a glob at him. With his aiming off, he splats Gaz instead. Enraged, she stores away her Game Slave 2 in her pocket, and sends Dib over the table. Dib's landing on top of Zim signals the start of a all-out food fight. Ketchup and rice flies everywhere.
The battle is short-lived due to the presents of the principal. Stomping in, shakes the floor. When asked whom started the mayhem, everybody points with a mixed response. However, the two selected was Dib and Zim. Picking them up by their shirt collars, he leads them to his office. As the thunderous sound of his footing vanishes, the kids relax and resume their regular business.
On the bench in front of the office, Dib and Zim are forced to wait silently. The principal tries contacting their parents with little to no success. While calling Zim's house, all he gets is a quick 'hello' and 'goodbye' before being hung up. Wonder who? With Professor Membrane, on the other hand, he's directed through a number of operators and security clearance.
Out on the bench, both is cautious; alert of one another's actions; studying.
"Come on, Zim! I'm ready and waiting! Just one wrong move and I'll get ya," Dib swears to himself.
"Oh, you think I won't be ready, but you're wrong! I'll bitch slap you to Hell, little earth monkey! Just give me reason for justifiable homicide! Oh, yes," Zim thinks.
The tension grows. 'Cutting it with a knife' would be a understatement here. They stare deep, eye to eye. Almost pressing nose to nose. Then the principal steps out. The door's slam sets off the two into a frenzy. Clawing faces, pulling hair and biting, they rage on. The principal calls out to the other faculty to restore order. Dog piling, they quickly regain control.
"Alright, you two! I called your parents. It took awhile, Dib, but I finally got a hold of your dad. Professor Membrane is busy, so he's sending over personnel to take you home. He wants you to go directly to your room when you get home."
The principal turns to Zim. "Despite your messed up answering machine, I believe I got through. I'm assured that your parents will be as soon as possible, Zim. For the meantime, you'll wait here."
Giving off a sigh, the man continues on. "Due to all the trouble here lately, I'm suspending the both of you for one week. I would lecture you over the things that took place today, but ... it doesn't matter! You all are hopeless! I just can't wait for this day to end!"
He begins to cry. His secretary pats him on the back in an attempt to comfort him. He runs back into his office followed by the lady.
Suddenly, the sound of sirens can be heard. They stop, and we see someone walking up the hall. It's the guard that zapped Dib before when he tried getting a permission slip signed. He halts, facing Dib.
"Okay, kid! It's time to go home!" The guard zaps him with a tazer.
"OW! I'm coming!"
Walking him down the hallway, he zaps Dib some more.
"OW! Will you stop that!?!"
*Zap*
"OW! God dammit!"
*Zap*
"OW!"
Focusing back on Zim, a microphone pops out of his spider pack. "GIR! Come in, GIR," Zim mumbles.
"HI," GIR answers.
"GIR! I need you to pose as my uncle or relative of some kind. I don't trust the parent decoys on this mission. Get a disguise and meet me at the skool. I can't leave till you show." Zim scans around, making sure no one's listening.
"Sure thing. I just gotta drop piggy back home first."
"Piggy," Zim questions.
A great deal of time have passed the regular skool hours. It's dark outside and everybody's went home. Everybody, except Zim and the principal. Zim sits and hums while swinging his legs, feet scraping the floor. In his office, the principal has his head laid sideways on top of his desk, slobbering. A cockroach crawling up the side of his face wakes and startles him. Stretching out, he spots the clock on his wall. He reads off "8:45 pm."
"Maybe I should try calling again," he considers.
Dialing the number, he's greeted with ringing. After about a minute of this, he hangs up. Pushing his chair out, he gets up and steps out. In the hallway, he sits beside of Zim on the bench. Looking all pitiful, the man places his hand on Zim's shoulder.
"Tell me where you live, and I'll drop you off," he offered. "It's getting late."
"There will be no need because here he comes ... my uncle .. now." Zim points down the hall. It's GIR dressed in a ten-gallon hat, a big fake mustache, a pin strip suit and cowboy boots. He struts up the hall as if he's bold legged. Walking up to the principal, GIR shakes his hand.
"How do you do, strangle," GIR shouts.
The principal slaps on a big smile. "Thank God! Someone finally has come!"
"It's no problem, mister! I had to do this many a times!"
"So, this is a constant problem with the boy," the principal questioned.
"Oh, sure! I remember back in the good ol' days, I use ta -"
Zim covers GIR's mouth.
"Well, this talk was VERY informative and all, but I believe we need to be getting home now." Zim drags GIR down the hall by his belt. "Buh-bye."
"See ya in about a week, sonny," GIR calls out to the principal before they leave.
"In about a week!?!" The principal pulls out a bottle of pills as we leave this scene.
Back at the base, GIR takes off his costume and props himself in front of the tv. Zim flops on the coach, with a arm hanging off to the side.
"GIR .. What took so long," Zim muttered.
"The Scary Monkey show was on," GIR replied while surfing through the channels.
"That MONKEY!!!"
GIR changes it on a pro wrestling show. The program catches Zim's attention with the mentioning of the world title. Seating up, Zim watches the promo in extreme detail. Then he decides.
"GIR! I have a plan. To rule this forsaken planet, I must become .. WORLD CHAMPION!!!"
GIR shouts, "We're gonna be on tv!"
For the disclaimer, I say this: I do not, nor claim to own the Invader Zim franchise or other respected copyrighted material there in. Invader Zim and all other characters pertaining to the animated series are properties of Jhonen Vasquez. Other properties not of the author's belong to their proper owners. No other fanfic characters belonging to a member of FF.Net nor any one else's are included in this entry unless permission has been granted, and will be stated in the heading of the chapter(s) used. The exact pretains to any person(s) who allow me to handle them in this fanfic. If problems arrive from any "TDoL" content, please contact me to discuss it. I'll do my best to help correct the situation.
Chapter One:
The Inevitable
At Conventai, the convention hall planet, countless Irkens park their ships at the docking range and teleport to the planet's surface. There, the gift shops and food stands are raided. With a clock counting down on the monitor screens, an Irken announcer goes on air.
"Attention Irken soldiers! Today is the big day of the Inevitable Victory celebration! Please hurry and buy all you can carry from the gift shops, and proceed to the main convention hall! You now have ten minutes before the party begins!"
Irkens from all around assemble at the main convention hall doors. Passing x-ray inspection, they crowd inside. Awaiting the Almighty Tallest, many chat and gossip about the triumphant planetary invasions.
However, in the midst of all the celebration, one lonely trainee stands unmoved by the Armada's success. This feminine indigo-eyed Irken named Nik despises the whole idea of universal domination. Nevertheless, she cheers on with false words and a fake smile in fear of the truth being known.
Still yet, she can't help but think. "Selfish, power-hungry morons! They're so full of themselves! Only total conquest of the universe will satisfy their hunger for dominance! For most races, one planet or even a continent would do! Yet, my stupid race feels they need more, and I'm powerless to say otherwise! Why was I cloned to be a Irk!?! My only hope is for it to rain during this little parade or something! Too bad there's no clouds!"
Onward she continues with her falsehood as others rock the dome, drink slurpies, eat junk food and try to find a place to set their cheap useless gift shop stuff. Above all the screaming spectators, the counter clicks down to zero on the monitors. The Irken announcer then steps back on screen.
"The time has come! Wiggle your antennas in salute because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders - the Almighty Tallest!"
Two globes rise from the floor and flash lasers every which way. Smoke shoots out from the stage's edge followed by a platform lowering down from the ceiling. The crowd cheers as they catch sight of the Almighty Tallest. On the way down, Red and Purple wave while they converse.
"I sure hope Zim hasn't caught wind of this," Purple commented. "How would we deal with it?"
Red assured Purple. "Don't worry. Zim's so busy trying to take over Earth, he hadn't the time to pick up the frequency. So, just chill."
Purple wipes away the sweat on his forehead. "Yeah, I guess you're right. He's been at it for ... how many months now?"
"Its been quite a while," Red answered. "The Armada's just ended, so it's around the year and a half mark."
Purple chuckles. "By this rate, we'll be dead and gone before Zim conquers that ball of dirt."
"All the better for us," Red remarked. "We're about to set. Get ready."
The platform sets center stage and the floor clears of smoke. Revealed is Operation Impending Doom Two's proud Invaders lined around the stage. Two rods then extend down and a holographic layout of conquered territory fades in. The Almighty Tallest follow up the flashy display with a victory speech for the Inevitable Victory celebration.
Red starts things off. "Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! Once again, the Irken Empire has shown its superiority over the universe by sieging yet another galaxy! For expanding Irken rule, we the Tallest, are here to recognize those brave souls involved in the most crucial roles of Operation Impending Doom Two!"
Out in the respectfully clapping crowd, Nik sighs. "Oh, GREAT!!! Now, they're handing out awards for this! How egotistical can they get!?! What's next!?! Vacation pay!?!" She slightly shakes her head.
"... They're the ones behind us," Purple added. "Anyhow, these less superior then us, but still quite superior soldiers will each be awarded an OID2 Campaign Victory Medal with a thirty day paid vacation!"
Nik stares out blankly. "I knew that was coming!"
A panel slides open in the floor and a small box full of medals floats up.
"Those of you in the audience will immediately return back to training after the party," Red spoke in a mellow tone voice.
Nik's jaw drops. "Okay! I should've expected this!" She, along with a few others, look on in dismay.
"You should have tried harder," Purple told them, quoting himself from the Great Assigning.
Red then announced, "And so you shall with double the training effort!"
"And double the time," Purple slapped on, in spite of Red.
"FUCK!!!" Nik accidentally yells out.
Everyone backs away from Nik, putting her in the spotlight. Red grabs the medals out of the little chrome box, holding them in both hands. Purple closes the lid and looks down at it before throwing it at her. Hitting her on the head, leaving a knot.
"Ow .. Thank you ...," Nik muttered.
The holographic screen suddenly twitches. Then it twitches again. The territory layout begins to blur. It's not long till Zim's face is visible through the static. The Tallest are shocked with this interrupting transmission as the frequency clears.
Nik, however, looked on in amusement as she rubs her head. "This should be interesting," she thought to herself.
"Invader Zim reporting in, sirs! The mission ...," Zim hesitates. Noticing the large crowd of Irkens in the background, Zim questions, "Aaaa, what is all those people doing there?"
Red and Purple grow nervous as they try thinking up a excuse. "We are ... having a 'Half-Time' party," Red replies.
"What," mumbles Zim.
"Yeah! Yeah! We're having a 'Half-Time' ceremony! It's .. for the completion of the first half completed Invasions," Purple tampered off.
Red covers his face with his hand. "We're busted, man," he whispered.
"Here it comes," anxiously Nik awaited.
Zim stared down at the Tallest for a moment, then looked around. "Well ...," Zim thinks for a minute. "I guess .. I better get back to work! I don't want to keep everybody waiting! It won't be long before we'll be having the Inevitable Victory celebration," Zim rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Trust me! The mission goes well! Not long will it be before I have Earth under Irken control! Invader Zim signing off!
"What!" Nik slapped her head. "Ow!"
GIR comes flying out from the back. He runs into Zim, smashing both of them into the screen. While Zim sincerely looked in pain, GIR simply quoted something heard off television. "My, you certainly have grown since last time!" The transmission is cut and the holographic layout is returned.
"We must have grown a bit overnight," Purple thought out loud.
Raising his brow, Red throw on a big grin. "No! No! No! No! I think he was referring to JUST me," Red insisted.
"How can that be!?! You and me are the same height!" Purple takes his hand and compares their height.
Red slaps Purple's hand away from his head. "Admit it! You're in denial! I'm now the 'One Only Tallest'!"
"Yeah, right," Purple said sarcastically as he rubs his hand.
"So, you admit it," Red bursted out, pointing at him.
"I meant it sarcastically," Purple corrected him. "Look ... Zim's SIR unit is nothing more than scrap metal and junk. Who are you gonna believe: me or it?"
Red ponders for a moment. "I believe it," he told his peer.
"Fine! We'll get our heights measured with a regulated height checker, and you'll see that I'm right," Purple edged on.
"No way! You'll rig the machines! I order for every Irken to do the job with a tap measure," Red proclaimed.
"Except Zim, right," Purple asked.
"Except Zim," Red agreed.
Zooming into the stunned audience, we see Nik twitching a little smirk. "This is perfect," she thinks. "Here's my chance to really do some damage! Divide and conquer, babe! Divide and conquer! Haha! The Inevitable Victory celebration turned out to be great, after all!" Nik then pops a curly fry in her mouth.
"Oh," Red spoke up. "Invader Nik! Report to sanitation duty on board the Armada flagship! There'll be a mess made for you to clean!"
Purple butted in. "Hey! I run this gig, too! You'll play as maid! Sanitation, food, drink and anything we can think of!"
"Yo, Purple," Red said.
Turning around, Purple gets slugged. The scene fades out with Red and Purple duking it out with everyone not knowing what to do. Nik, with head hung down, walks off to report to her assigned duties.
Meanwhile, down on Earth, Zim prepares for skool. Just fixing and adjusting a few minor parts, Zim then equips the spider pack on his back. Taking the toilet entry up stairs, he runs into GIR who's making a peanut and jelly sandwich. The contents are slopped all over the kitchen floor and spread all over GIR. A piece of bread bounces off Zim's head.
"GIR! Come to attention," Zim ordered the SIR unit.
GIR salutes with eyes red. "Yes, my master!"
"It's time for skool. That means you're to guard the house. There's no leaving, ordering pizza, nor inviting anyone over. GOT IT!?!" Zim straightens his wig.
"Sir," GIR responses.
Skipping pass the gooey mess, Zim makes his way to the front door. "Oh, and while you're at it, clean up this disgusting display of .. FILTH!!!"
GIR answers with "Yes, sir! Right away!"
Zim gives GIR the 'lazy eye' look and steps out the door. With the door shut, GIR gets all goofy again and rolls around in the peanut butter and jelly.
"Hehehehe!"
Zim peacefully walks through the skool gates. Arriving several minutes early, he scans around, noticing a over flown garbage can swarming with flies. Investigating closely, Zim finds it stinks horribly.
"Ow! What a stench! Must be some sort of weapon they post around the premises to ward off unwanted beast creatures!" He places his hand on his chin. "If intensified, this technology could be useful with keeping Dib away from the base."
Pulling out a tiny device with spinning things on top, Zim tries examining the substance. Waving the device over the can several times, the trash begins to move. Zim raises his brow, curious over the reaction. He lowers his head for a better look. Suddenly, the Madness dog sticks its head out.
"Madness! MADNESS!!!"
Dropping his device, Zim backs up further and further until bumping into Dib. Glancing back, Zim then stands straight and acts like he's dusting himself off.
"Mmhmm"
"What's wrong, Zim!?! Never seen a trash can before," Dib teased with a grin.
Narrowing his eyes, Zim stuck up what would be his nose. "Oh, yes, yes. You stink beast surprise me with your inferior ways of disposing ... stuff. It answers my question: why this planet has only now discover nuclear power. The human race is so, well, pitiful."
"Is that so," Dib asked.
Zim simply replied, "Yes."
"Well, then," Dib paused. "Why hadn't you successed? It appears your mission isn't going as planned."
"Of course, it is," Zim persisted. "I'm just toying with you stink beast!"
"Toying, huh?" Dib crosses his arms. "How about playing a 'friendly' game of tag while we wait? Class starts in about ten minutes."
Zim realizes this is another one of Dib's tricks to expose him, and quickly refuses. "No, thanks. I have important matters to attend to." Zim turns and walks away.
"Oh, you do! You have ME!!!" Dib launches out at Zim.
With his Irken military training, Zim easily averts the attack, putting Dib face first on the concrete.
"Mwehahahahaha," Zim laughed. "Hahahahahahaha! Fool! Do you know better than try attacking an Irken soldier!?! I laugh at your sorry attempt! Hahaha!"
While Zim is being self-absorbed, Dib picks himself off the ground, wiping some blood off his face. He swiftly gets up and tackles Zim. Literally slapping Dib off top of him, Zim reaches for the trash can.
"You want to play games, earth monkey," Zim hollows. "Then, lets play dirty!"
Zim grabs the can, but the Madness dog is still digging in it. Spooked, Zim drops the garbage and jumps back. Dib shoves him from behind. Zim comes back with a shove of his own, sending him into Mister Elliot. He knocked both of them down. Feeling of his head, Elliot peeks down at the bloody faced Dib in his lap. He lets out a short squeal. Zim stands there stupefied as Mister Elliot helps Dib and himself up.
"Zim! How could you do this to poor Dib, " Mister Elliot cried. "I'm taking you straight to the principal's office right now!" He then looks down at Dib. "And I'm taking you to the nurse."
Taking Zim by the wrist, Elliot escorts him and Dib into the skool building. Several minutes later, the first bell rings. All the kids leave the playground and gather in the class rooms. On his way from the skool nurse, Dib struggles down the hallway with bandages over his face. With his head engulf in wrappings, the best Dib can do is to feel his way to Miss Bitter's class. On the way there, he accidentally bumps into every ongoer.
"This is just silly! How do they expect me to make to class in time? This'll be another tardy slip. Man, I could've really used those extra minutes spying on that vampire gerbil. Only if Zim didn't bury my head in the damn ground, I might've got a snapshot! Too late to worry about now, I guess. Right now, I need to find my way around."
Dib draws closer to Miss Bitter's, but so does Zim. Marching up the hall, he notices Dib staggering about like a drunken mule. Seeing that he's momentarily visually impaired, Zim schemes of a way to repay Dib for the visit to the principal. Racing beside the door, Zim waits on Dib. As Dib finally gets in the doorway, Zim sneaks in front of him, and pretends to be pushed. Twirling around, Zim purposely falls, knocking over the waste basket.
"Oh, Miss Bitters! This twit shoved me as I was coming into your 'GLORIOUS' class room! I believe he was doing it for kicks," Zim preformed with the back of his hand on his forehead. "... Oh, my! Dib! It was you," Zim fakely proclaimed.
Zim glance up. Miss Bitters sits sound asleep. He gives off a blank stare. Along comes Dib, tripping over his own two feet onto Zim. Miss Bitters snaps out of it, and hovers over to them.
"Dib! Report to the principal's office! Your tardy for the twelfth time this week!"
Dib untangles the bangles from his head. "But Miss Bitters -"
Bitters cuts him off. "Now, Dib!"
Zim tugs on her clothes to get her attention. "What about me, Miss Bitters? He purposely pushed me through the door, hurting my little head. I think he needs to be punished - very badly."
Miss Bitters bends over Zim and sniffs. "Yeah, and that, too," she added before sitting back down.
"But Miss Bitters! I had this things around my head and -"
She cuts him off again. "You shouldn't have been wearing that stupid thing over your face! Don't you know you can't see with something over your eyes!"
Dib tries reasoning with her. "Miss Bitters! I -"
"Silence! While you're at it, you need to check with the skool nurse. You got some nasty scratches." Miss Bitters opens a desk drawer and pulls out a dusty old skool yearbook. "Zim! Get up and pass this around! You all will be quizzed on the skool's 1982 class offices. I'm giving you two minutes to study."
Tossing the bandages in the turned over waste basket, Dib steps out. Gripping the yearbook in both hands, Zim laughs uncontrollable while folding it.
"Yes! Yes! Victory is mine! All mine, I tell you! Mine," Zim celebrated in triumph. "Mwehahahahahaha!"
The class is stun with the display.
The scenes fades out into the cafeteria. It's lunch time. As usual, Dib sets beside Gaz at a table, while Zim lurks closer to the outcast section. Finishing off the last speck of food on his tray, Dib slides it to the side and watches Zim. Gaz automatically sends it hurtling towards the back. A scream is heard. Anyhow, Zim pokes at his food, unaware of his surroundings.
Without warning, Zim's back is splattered with ketchup and rice. Twisting around in his seat, he directs his full attention on Dib. Apparently pissed, Zim immediately slings a glob at him. With his aiming off, he splats Gaz instead. Enraged, she stores away her Game Slave 2 in her pocket, and sends Dib over the table. Dib's landing on top of Zim signals the start of a all-out food fight. Ketchup and rice flies everywhere.
The battle is short-lived due to the presents of the principal. Stomping in, shakes the floor. When asked whom started the mayhem, everybody points with a mixed response. However, the two selected was Dib and Zim. Picking them up by their shirt collars, he leads them to his office. As the thunderous sound of his footing vanishes, the kids relax and resume their regular business.
On the bench in front of the office, Dib and Zim are forced to wait silently. The principal tries contacting their parents with little to no success. While calling Zim's house, all he gets is a quick 'hello' and 'goodbye' before being hung up. Wonder who? With Professor Membrane, on the other hand, he's directed through a number of operators and security clearance.
Out on the bench, both is cautious; alert of one another's actions; studying.
"Come on, Zim! I'm ready and waiting! Just one wrong move and I'll get ya," Dib swears to himself.
"Oh, you think I won't be ready, but you're wrong! I'll bitch slap you to Hell, little earth monkey! Just give me reason for justifiable homicide! Oh, yes," Zim thinks.
The tension grows. 'Cutting it with a knife' would be a understatement here. They stare deep, eye to eye. Almost pressing nose to nose. Then the principal steps out. The door's slam sets off the two into a frenzy. Clawing faces, pulling hair and biting, they rage on. The principal calls out to the other faculty to restore order. Dog piling, they quickly regain control.
"Alright, you two! I called your parents. It took awhile, Dib, but I finally got a hold of your dad. Professor Membrane is busy, so he's sending over personnel to take you home. He wants you to go directly to your room when you get home."
The principal turns to Zim. "Despite your messed up answering machine, I believe I got through. I'm assured that your parents will be as soon as possible, Zim. For the meantime, you'll wait here."
Giving off a sigh, the man continues on. "Due to all the trouble here lately, I'm suspending the both of you for one week. I would lecture you over the things that took place today, but ... it doesn't matter! You all are hopeless! I just can't wait for this day to end!"
He begins to cry. His secretary pats him on the back in an attempt to comfort him. He runs back into his office followed by the lady.
Suddenly, the sound of sirens can be heard. They stop, and we see someone walking up the hall. It's the guard that zapped Dib before when he tried getting a permission slip signed. He halts, facing Dib.
"Okay, kid! It's time to go home!" The guard zaps him with a tazer.
"OW! I'm coming!"
Walking him down the hallway, he zaps Dib some more.
"OW! Will you stop that!?!"
*Zap*
"OW! God dammit!"
*Zap*
"OW!"
Focusing back on Zim, a microphone pops out of his spider pack. "GIR! Come in, GIR," Zim mumbles.
"HI," GIR answers.
"GIR! I need you to pose as my uncle or relative of some kind. I don't trust the parent decoys on this mission. Get a disguise and meet me at the skool. I can't leave till you show." Zim scans around, making sure no one's listening.
"Sure thing. I just gotta drop piggy back home first."
"Piggy," Zim questions.
A great deal of time have passed the regular skool hours. It's dark outside and everybody's went home. Everybody, except Zim and the principal. Zim sits and hums while swinging his legs, feet scraping the floor. In his office, the principal has his head laid sideways on top of his desk, slobbering. A cockroach crawling up the side of his face wakes and startles him. Stretching out, he spots the clock on his wall. He reads off "8:45 pm."
"Maybe I should try calling again," he considers.
Dialing the number, he's greeted with ringing. After about a minute of this, he hangs up. Pushing his chair out, he gets up and steps out. In the hallway, he sits beside of Zim on the bench. Looking all pitiful, the man places his hand on Zim's shoulder.
"Tell me where you live, and I'll drop you off," he offered. "It's getting late."
"There will be no need because here he comes ... my uncle .. now." Zim points down the hall. It's GIR dressed in a ten-gallon hat, a big fake mustache, a pin strip suit and cowboy boots. He struts up the hall as if he's bold legged. Walking up to the principal, GIR shakes his hand.
"How do you do, strangle," GIR shouts.
The principal slaps on a big smile. "Thank God! Someone finally has come!"
"It's no problem, mister! I had to do this many a times!"
"So, this is a constant problem with the boy," the principal questioned.
"Oh, sure! I remember back in the good ol' days, I use ta -"
Zim covers GIR's mouth.
"Well, this talk was VERY informative and all, but I believe we need to be getting home now." Zim drags GIR down the hall by his belt. "Buh-bye."
"See ya in about a week, sonny," GIR calls out to the principal before they leave.
"In about a week!?!" The principal pulls out a bottle of pills as we leave this scene.
Back at the base, GIR takes off his costume and props himself in front of the tv. Zim flops on the coach, with a arm hanging off to the side.
"GIR .. What took so long," Zim muttered.
"The Scary Monkey show was on," GIR replied while surfing through the channels.
"That MONKEY!!!"
GIR changes it on a pro wrestling show. The program catches Zim's attention with the mentioning of the world title. Seating up, Zim watches the promo in extreme detail. Then he decides.
"GIR! I have a plan. To rule this forsaken planet, I must become .. WORLD CHAMPION!!!"
GIR shouts, "We're gonna be on tv!"