People die in front of us everyday. But I believe we will survive this. I believe, I believe, I… I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year and I believe that, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that we will be okay. I believe a lot of things. I believe that… I believe that Denny is always with me… and I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees, that the calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that although I didn't hear a thing from Alex since the shooting, he's still alive. I believe that at some point, he stops avoiding me and we finally can talk about all the shit that happend. I believe we survive. I believe that believing we survive… is what makes us survive.
Since the shooting, Izzie is one of the few surgeons who still can go to work. Three were shot, and their partners are taking care about them. Others are in shock, and stay home. And although she can say that she's also in shock, she just has to work. She can't sit alone in Meredith's house and take care about Zola any longer. Because it's not what calms her down. She's afraid, afraid of everything. She's afraid that Cristina will die because of complications, she's afraid that Lexie eats all her feelings and will get depressed. She's afraid that Meredith stays in shock and that Zola will get a huge shock, and maybe will have troubles because of this moment, later. She's afraid that something could happen to the little girl while she's watching her; she could never forgive herself then. She's afraid to go back to hospital, though. Because there always can be waiting another shooter. And this time he or she could catch her. But mostly, Izzie is afraid because of Alex. She didn't hear a thing from him since the shooting. None has. That could be a good sign, maybe he was out of hospital. But it could also mean.. It could mean that..
Izzie shakes her head abruptly. She can't allow herself to think something like this, not now. It would scare the crap out of her. Because also they didn't even talk a word since her comeback, she still cares about him. That doesn't stop, it never did. Even as he sent her away, as he told her he never wanted to see her again, she still cared about him. And deep inside, she still loves him. Of course, she doesn't show or tell anyone. Not even Meredith.. All those thoughts are going through Izzie's head as she parks her car into the parking lot in front of the hospital. She slowly climbes out of it and makes a few steps towards the building. But then she stops. She lifts her head a little bit and sighs, while looking at the big, grey house. So many memories happend in there, so many bad memories. Patients who die every day. Her fiance, Denny, died there. She had cancer and almost died in there. Her best friend died. If it really was George.. Because she still didn't lose hope that he eventually just joined the army, and didn't jump in front of a bus, that Meredith was wrong and it was another guy.. She knows it's actually stubborn and pathetic, but she can't help. She just misses him so much, especially lately. He'd know what to do, how to handle with all those shit around.
—-
Sliding her fingers through her hair, Izzie leans her weight against the board of the nurse' station, waiting for her charts. Unfortunately, the words of Susan, the nurse, are not like she expected. "I'm sorry, Dr. Stevens. There is no work to do. The most patients transfered to AMA or Seattle Press." She sighs and closes her eyes for some seconds. That just can't be true. Work would be the only thing to distract her somehow, at least a little bit. "But we still have a male patient in the ER. He doesn't say a word, but he also won't leave.. I know it's not your speciality, but you're kinda the only surgeon here at the moment." Izzie opens her eyes again and sees the nurse shruging. She nods and turns around, making her way over to the emergency room. She actually doesn't care if it's her speciality or not, she already was in every wing the years before choosing Peds and Neo.
The man who's sitting on the bed seems familiar. Too familiar, to be honest. The deepest corner of her brain remembers something, but she just can't get it. It lays on the tip of her tongue as she walks over to the man and smiles friendly. "Good noon, can I help you somehow?" But like the nurse said, he doesn't answer. He just looks at her with a little frown on his forehead. Izzie strokes a strand back from her face and let her gaze wander over his body. He seems to be healthy, external at least. Besides an ugly cut from the ellbow down to his wrist. "I have to check this." She says in a normal voice and looks him in the eyes. Goddamn, she so knows this guy from somewhere. After some seconds, the blond nods slightly. It's the first sign of something living in him. She carefully lifts his arm and while she tries to find out how deep the cut is, she talks again. "Can you tell me your name?" She lifts her eyes from his arm and looks at him again, but like expected he doesn't give an answer. But he points at something which lays next to him. A black little thing, with something written on. Izzie lowers his arm and makes a few steps, then she grabs the 'paper' and reads it. Aaron Karev, diagnosis- schizophrenia. Her eyes widen a little bit.
It's his brother. Aaron. It's the brother of Alex. That's why he seemed so familiar to her, he reminds her of Alex. She strokes a strand from her face and sinks down next to him. She looks at him, trying to find some words. Should she tell him that she knows him? Should she tell him that she knows his brother? Should she page Alex? There are no answers to her questions, she has to make a decision by her own. So she clears her throat and looks at Aaron, who still has an undefinable expression on his face and stares at the wall. "I-.. I'm Dr. Stevens. Izzie Stevens.." As the words leave her mouth, he turns his head promptly towards her, his eyes are widen a little bit. He recognizes her. He knows her, too.
His mouth opens a few times, but nothing leaves his lips. Izzie doesn't know what to say either, because she doesn't know what Alex has told his brother. After some awkward minutes, she remembers the deep cut in his arm. "You need some stitches." She says while standing up again. While she anesthetize his arm, she sterilizes the needle, before putting some gloves on. Then she closes the wound, step after step. Just as she makes the knot, she hears a male voice. "You're Alex wife ..ex-wife.." Izzie lifts her head surprised and looks at Aaron. "Yeah. Yeah, I am." She nods a bit awkwardly and waits for something more, but he shuts up again, with a knowing look on his face. With a little sigh on her lips, she grabs the chart and fills it out. She focuses on the paper, so she doesn't recognize that the brother is studying her.
"You broke him, you know that?" It's like a blow in the stomach for her. She didn't expect something like this, not at all. Her arm lowers and she looks over her chart at him, trying to find an answer. But he doesn't let her answer. It's one of the rare moments he actually talks, and he doesn't want to waste it. "I saw my brother happy just one time. And that was shortly after he married you. He changed, for good. He said he wanted to be a better man, for you. He said he wanted to take care about us because you think it's the right thing to take care about his family, no matter how screwed the people are. He wanted to take care about us because he wanted to prove you he's a good one. But you.. You left him. Because of something he didn't do. You just left him, without letting him explain a little thing. He was done, he was broken. You broke him. He never was able to be in another relationship. As far as I heard, he tried it twice. Without succes. One time, he was really drunk, he said he can't get you out of his head. He said he misses you, and that he still loves you although he hates you. You broke him, and you need to fix this."
Izzie has some tears in her eyes. If she wouldn't be so shocked, she wondered why a schizophrenic talks that much. She would wonder how the hell he's able to tell her all this, at once. But she's in shock, and her heart just broke in little pieces. She didn't know Alex felt like this. Because as she came back once, he just sent her away again. With a bit trembling hand, she quickly wipes the single tear away and takes a deep breath. She can't allow herself to cry now. It's gonna be a long day for her. And at the end of it, she needs to find Alex. Not just because she's trying to talk to him since she's back, also because he needs to know that his brother is here. "I'll give you a room. You need to rest, alright?" She says quietly, but he just looks at her with this one expression. So she sighs softly. "Look, Aaron. I try to talk to him since I'm back. He's avoiding me. He doesn't want to see me at all.." "Don't give up..", he mutters. "I won't.. I will try to fix it. I promise." Izzie is honest, she really wants to fix everything. Although she knows it won't be easy and it will take a long time. But after her words, Aaron breathes relieved and let her lead him into his room. She orders one of her interns to not let him leave the room, and take care about him after she will have left.. After all, he's still a schizophrenic. The moment she sits down on a chair next to his bed, her pager goes off. She lowers her head and looks at it. It's the ER, a 911. She didn't expect this, she thought all emergencies would be transfered to other hospitals. As she lifts her head again to say Aaron goodbye, he already has the undefinable look back in his eyes and stares at the ceiling. She shakes her head slightly and leaves the room, thinking about what else she doesn't know about Alex.
You think… you think you know someone, know who they are. You share a house and make wishes on eyelashes with them and we don't know each other, none of us.