N/A: This is the first time I write in English, any grammatical error is due to that.

Disclaimer:

Hidekaz Himaruya owns the characters used in this story…

This story was inspired on Lana Del Rey's song "Dark Paradise."

Dark Paradise

I could feel the sea breeze on my face, Francis and Antonio had asked me to accompany them to the beach that day, I had no intention to go, lately my mood wasn't being the best, actually ... I don't even remember when was the last time I had being with them, but there I was… next to a French and the Spanish one, they were speaking very animatedly while I slowed my walk.

I not remember how long we had been walking. I turned to look behind and I saw the path that we had marked with our feet… every footprint was getting lost in the distance, I wasn't able to see anymore the first footprint we had made when we started our long trip, there wasn't any doubt that the water had already erased several of them.

I kept staring at the long path that we had set, and then I remembered... I remembered that I was not the only walking over the same path, several people had marked it earlier, and I was sure that more people would mark it on the future, definitely I wasn't the only walking through the same journey.

I watched carefully how the water cleaned the sand leaving it intact again, erasing forever the steps I had made.

"Mon ami, are you okay?" I heard Francis ask, I turned to him and saw his worried face...

I ignored his question and turned my back again to see the few remaining traces of the footprints...

"They won't comeback Gilbert, not unless you create them again…" Francis started saying, trying to guess the direction of my thoughts.

"But in that case it won't be the same." I didn't let him finish his sentence. I already knew where he was going with those words, I thought that my answer would made him stay quiet for a little bit of time.

"Gilbert… There are sometimes in which the best decision to take is just keep walking, creating new footprints, and leaving them behind while the time erase them." The French added before passing one of his arms over my shoulder.

I sighed and moved away from him, I wanted to tell him something, but before I could do it, I was interrupted by him…

"Look!" He exclaimed while pointing to Antonio's direction, the Spanish had a considerable distance between us. "Can you see how happy Antonio is? He is not worried about the footprints that he had left behind… he is happy in the present, because he knows that his future depends of it.

Antonio had continued walking without us, and from time to time we could see him kneeling over the sand to pick up what I thought it was sea shells.

"I cannot do that Francis, and you know it very well." I mentioned crossing my arms, I wasn't planning to forget anything about my past, because only there I could find Roderich again.

Francis dedicated me a pity look, then he hugged me before telling me that was already late, and we should go back soon to the city.

"I'll be here a little bit more." I said.

I sat down over the humid sand, but I noticed that Francis wasn't going anywhere, so I added the first lie that came to my mind… "I just want to finish to see the sunset."

I observed how the French was getting away in the same way the Spanish had taken before.

I started humming a song slightly… a softly melody that I had listened hundreds of times form Roderich, the Austrian that had stolen my heart since a long time ago.

The poorly imitation of the song that I was humming couldn't had being compared with the celestial voice of the owner of my heart.

I began to think about Francis and Antonio, and the way in which they had continued their ways and their footprints… the way in which any of them turned his back to see me again, both of them had kept their own path without worrying about mine, I didn't want to do the same as them.

I couldn't blame them, they had their own reasons to keep going, distractions that entertained their lives every day…

I continued humming the melody…

How would I ever left behind my past if I was in love of it? To love during an eternity wouldn't be that bad… isn't?

Was it worth to keep loving somebody who was no longer with me? Yes, I didn't have any doubt about it. Replace the love of my life only because he wasn't anymore closed to me could have been compared to somebody who is cheating to somebody else only because they are in a long-distance relationship.

I missed Roderich with my whole soul, and the softly humming of the song was calming the pain inside of my chest.

"There is no way in which I could forget you, Roderich." I said out loud to myself, then I lifted my head to contemplate the few starts that were in the sky.

I smiled for the first time in months, I hadn't mentioned that sacred name since the day I lost him.

In my mind there was the image of the man I love, his modest way of clothing was the same, and his face… his face was unique as always.

My happiness didn't last that long, I started to feel miserable again… I remembered his voice telling me that everything was going to be fine, I perfectly remembered the fakeness that his voice was dripping, there wasn't any hope for him… for us, but he kept repeating that everything was going to be fine.

I wanted to die… disappear like my footprints did, I wanted to be with Roderich one more time, I wanted to hold his hand, I wanted to listen him play the piano that he enjoyed to play… I wanted to be dead like him.

I had already lost the count of the infinite times in which I had closed my eyes wishing to see him again in front of me, in my mind everything was beautiful… like when he was with me, but suddenly everything started to turn dark, the beauty that surrounded me was getting lost in the damn darkness that was settle after the Austrian's departure.

Usually I never let anybody know about my fears or weaknesses, in reality I wouldn't even believe I had fear to something, but after watching Antonio and Francis walking away with calm, I felt fear… fear to know that Roderich (wherever he was) could continue his existence searching the way to replace me.

Could he even remember me now? Did he know that in this earth, there it was a poor soul loving him infinitely?

I was scared… scared that he couldn't be waiting for me in the other side.

"There are times in which the best decision you can take is keep walking." I remembered Francis' words… Replace Roderich? No… I couldn't do something like that, even if Roderich ask me to do it.

I didn't believe in things like true love until I met him, and only for him I knew that my feelings were ridiculously real.

I wouldn't going to turn my back to Roderich, I wasn't going to keep walking leaving him behind as Francis and Antonio did to me moments before.

I had hope that Roderich, could remember me, and he could be waiting for me… I wasn't going to abandon him, his remembrance will make me company… he had left me his song for that, so I couldn't forget him. Did he fear that I could forget him when he wasn't no longer with me?

I laughed of my stupid supposition… Roderich knew that I had given him my heart, he didn't had to fear that I was going to forget him.

I closed my eyes for a moment and my subconsciousness showed me what I wanted to see… Roderich.

In my mind I always found him in the same place, in the music room… seating on his bench, he always looked concentrated on the music sheets, why couldn't I stay there forever? Everything looked so real, I even was able to listen every note he was playing… that was always the only thing I could hear.

I didn't want to open my eyes, I wanted to stay watching him playing the piano, I wished to keep watching the swift movement of his hands.

Despite of the infinite melodies I heard Roderich playing before, the only one he played over and over in my mind was the one I was humming.

I thought this time I was going to see you playing the piano as always, but I was wrong, this time was different…

This time you noticed my presence, your eyes were starting at me; that never happened before in my mind… you never noticed my presence, and this time your eyes where there, looking peacefully to me.

I saw you standing up from the bench and getting closer to me; I felt the warmth of your body when you hugged me, I wanted to hug you too, but it seemed that my body was frozen… "Gilbert, everything will be fine." I heard you say… the words that broke me down.

Why was my mind doing this to me? Why was your voice and warmth so real? I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do that either… "You'll be fine." You said… but no, I wasn't going to be fine, I was missing you so much to be fine.

You stopped hugging me and I saw you return to your bench, you kept playing the piano without turning your head to me again.

Your warmth was gone… I started feeling cold, the darkness was coming, I already knew it, I was going to wake up again, I had fallen asleep, all that was just a dream, I lie created by myself… the "You'll be fine." Was just a lie too…

I knew I wasn't going to be fine… no without him.

I wanted to go where Roderich was… I didn't want to stay in this earth anymore, but I couldn't do anything about it, Roderich was a good person mostly all the time I knew him… I was sure he had to be on Heaven, but I wasn't Roderich… I was a bad person before knowing him, and there were many possibilities that I already had my ticket entrance to Hell… All what I had left was my hope… hope to be living as a good person to redeem my bad acts, and maybe… only maybe, God could forgive me and let me go to Heaven with Roderich.

I kept humming Roderich's song while the darkness surrounded me. I didn't want to wake up, so I kept humming my personal lullaby.

End of the Story

Usually I don't care if somebody write a review or not, but this is the first time I write in English, and I want to know how bad it was, so please… feel free to tell me what you think about it.

Until then, Sayonara.