Author's Note: Written for LJ community mirsan-fics, "motive" prompt. Won first place. Also written for Yumi Michiyo. Because she asked for angst and reciprocation. She got it too. Especially the angst.
—
Many Waters
—
Sango lost her innocence forever ago.
The bauble sits in her hand, weighted and dark against the skin of her palm. She examines it, the way it gleams in the dim light, a deep plum that shimmers with the hunger of blackness. It hurts to hold; brings her breath short. She winces and shifts, lets it roll into her other hand, her right one.
She stares, fascinated. The irony of the dark circle makes her throat burn, and maybe it's just her eyes tricking her but it seems like the color of the jewel darkens, just slightly.
His voice is soft. "It's time. Make the wish."
Sango smiles, bitterly.
"I know."
—
In the solace of his arms, the worry abates for a time.
Sango presses close to her Houshi-sama, breathing in his comfort and letting herself forget the anxious anticipation she feels for the fate of their friends. Kagome-chan is somewhere beyond reach, somewhere only Inuyasha can journey, and she must put her faith in the bond they share. For now, she can do that and take this brief interlude to revel in her own relief, the sensation of a burden finally lifted.
The silence between them is untroubled, lingering on the breeze that ghosts against her cheeks and rustles his robes. They'd found each other here, at the brink between forest and water, and it was only natural, like the pull of gravity, the way his arms settled around her shoulders and how her head rested against the crook of his neck. Natural, normal, an easy precursor to a future that will span weeks and months and years, a lifetime so desperately fought for, so recently won.
He breaches it first.
"Sango."
There is something in his voice that echoes purpose, and Sango, without being told, knows what comes next. She turns to him and his fingers find her cheek, sliding into her hair.
Houshi-sama kisses her then, warm and soft and full of promise. Sango can taste him, taste the victory that makes his shouki-cleansed blood thrum and the relief that causes him to embrace her so gently. She sighs, draws him closer. He smiles a little against her mouth and, with a final brush, pulls back, but not away.
She breathes.
"That's all?" she asks at length, when she's confident enough in her ability to speak again, and she says the words lightly, teasingly. His eyes crinkle at the edges, mirthful, and he chuckles a bit before obliging her unspoken request.
Houshi-sama's lips wander a path across her cheek to her hear and he hovers there, his voice lowering to a murmur. "We have forever," he explains, slightly breathless. "I want to enjoy every moment of this. With you."
Sango hums her agreement, and thinks that forever means just that.
—
"We can save them, you know."
Inuyasha stares at her, strung taut and anticipating. Without looking, Sango knows the desperation, the anguished hope he speaks from.
Her eyes and hands clench and the jewel tremors with her heartbeat.
She feels it too; has felt it these three long years. It has driven her, pushed her forward and onward even when she thought the pain and the sorrow, unquenchable, would consume her utterly. At times, she would question, and then she would remember, and her motivation, that same desperation, would be made clear again.
His words echo and dwell there, between.
"Yes, I know."
—
Kagome hangs, suspended in the darkness.
What will you do?
The Shikon no Tama's query weighs heavy on her and the fear coils tighter in her belly, blossoming doubt. She knows what she should do, but can she?
'I'm scared.'
In another place, not so far away, Inuyasha calls her name, yells himself hoarse, but his shouts never reach her.
Kagome trembles; tears she can't seem to stop fall from her eyes. The words are the tip at her tongue, but her throat closes against them, choking her. She grasps for courage, for something to support her, but it flees in the face of the unknown before her.
She crumbles, folding in on herself. Her bow slips from her fingers and falls, and the meidou swallows it in moments. Her hands press against her face, trying to stop what comes next. They fail.
"I can't…"
The Shikon no Tama pulses, persistent.
What, then?
She knows better.
She says it anyway, the syllables fracturing as they pass her lips.
"I want to go home."
—
It begins.
Sango.
She can feel his breath against her mouth, his fingers as they trace the curve of her waist.
(Almost. Almost. Almost.)
If she were to open her eyes, she would see his gaze, still so familiar, watching her intently. Her breath would catch, and they would fall together, spin out of control, skin against skin, so soft, so rough.
She needed him, so badly.
She can picture it all−their life, their forever. Peaceful and happy, at long last. They would marry, make love, have children, make love again, have more children. Repeat, and again. The demons of old would be at rest; the Shikon no Tama and Naraku nothing but a bad memory in the face of all that waited ahead.
So close now.
Oh, Houshi-sama…
—
Kagome starts; the jewel vanishes and the darkness of the meidou changes.
Demons, everywhere.
Confusion clouds her thoughts, followed closely by understanding. Her worst fears are confirmed, her wish un-granted. Terror shocks through her as the youkai press closer, looming and deadly.
"Kagome!"
She turns, and sees him: Inuyasha, rushing towards her, Tessaiga swinging. She reaches out to him, and him to her, and then through him, and he's gone.
"Inuyasha!"
At the center of a spider web, something shifts, something begins.
Naraku inhales; opens his eyes and smirks, triumphant.
Alive.
—
"No, you can't."
The dream shatters. His touch, illusory, fades.
She shudders at the loss, left cold and desperate and wanting. In her hand, the jewel burns dark, darker, and she clutches it hard, gasping for breath.
"You can't save them."
"Keh." With a rustle, Inuyasha leaves.
Once, Sango thought she knew loneliness was. That was then, at the start of it all, when all she'd lost was her everything, her family, her past. That was then, before she'd lost her future, her forever, too. Now, she knows better.
Quiet now:
"You can't save him."
Now she knows the true meaning of alone.
His voice is firm now, and he grips her shoulder, chaining her to reality.
"It's time," he repeats. "Make the wish, Ane-ue."
—
The reappearance is unexpected. The clearing fills with light, white and blinding, and they stumble away. When it fades, Inuyasha is crouched beside the well, shocked and shaking and furious. Before anyone can react, he is moving, so fast he almost blurs. With a guttural yell, he lifts and swings Tessaiga in a black arc.
Nothing happens.
Inuyasha stands there for a moment, in shock, clutching his sword tightly and staring midair where the path into the Meidou should be opening. Sango takes the opportunity to step forward and tries to get his attention.
"Inuyasha, what's going on?" she asks, and the hanyou visibly stiffens at the sound of her words. He doesn't answer, but tightens his grip on his sword and swings it again, and his voice breaks over the name of the attack. Again, the sword does nothing, and with a cry of despair he throws it aside and falls, driving his fist into the ground.
Shippou clings to Miroku's shoulder and whimpers, because even he knows that this means something has gone very, very wrong.
Sango approaches him, urgent now, and rests a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder. "What happened?" she presses, dreading the worst.
"I couldn't protect her," he growls. "The Shikon no Tama−"
A sharp intake of breath a curse halts Inuyasha's words, and startled, they both look over their shoulders to see what is the matter. Shippou is on the ground now, looking scared and Miroku−
−the clatter of prayer beads, winding quickly around a forearm, fist clenched.
The Kazaana…had returned?
"No..."
The word falls from Sango's lips slow and breathless, and she is fixated on him, frozen in shock. Miroku's face is pale and drawn tight as he stares at his hand, rebound. After a moment, he looks up. His eyes flicker to her for a moment before landing on the half demon beside her.
"Inuyasha," he begins, voice so controlled it sounds on the verge of breaking. "What's going on?"
Inuyasha stares as him, his eyebrows drawing together and teeth clenching. "Naraku's wish," he mutters at last. "The Shikon no Tama tricked Kagome into making the wrong wish, and Naraku was revived inside of the jewel."
The monk accepts the information without a flinch. "I see. Within the jewel… So, in all technicality, he's alive and has regained his power. Even at the very end, Naraku had yet another plan."
His words strike Sango from her inertia, and she stumbles to him. Her hands twist into his robes, and she looks into his face, determined. Still, for all of her efforts to the contrary, tears prick at the corner of her eyes, but she grasps at the straws anyway. "This can't be the end," she insists. "Houshi-sama, there has to be a way."
Finally, Miroku turns his gaze to her, and what she sees there shakes her to the core.
Defeat, utter; despair, complete.
Time grinds, slowing down to a stutter and suddenly breathing doesn't seem so important anymore.
Eyes still locked on her, Miroku speaks, but his words are directed to Inuyasha again. "Do you know what happened to the Shikon no Tama?"
The hanyou slumps. "No. It disappeared when I was thrown out of the Meidou."
"I see," Miroku murmurs, his expression darkening further.
"This can't be," Sango whispers, her ability to reign back her emotions fracturing with every moment. The monk's eyes close, and he breathes out heavily. He holds his cursed hand close, level with his heart.
"Can you hear it, Sango?"
The question is stark, harsh even, though spoken gently. The tears slip down her cheeks, and she falters, searching for something to say, some denial to block out what her own senses tell her. Of course she can hear it--the whistle and wheeze that comes from his palm, the sound of a typhoon barely constrained. The whisper of the Kazaana, and all it said was soon.
He takes her silence for acknowledgement, and continues. "Sango, I have to go."
Her reaction is immediate.
"No!" she argues, vehement. "You can't leave like this."
The words she doesn't say linger there, between them.
You can't leave me, can't do this, not again.
"Sango…" he sighs, pained. "I don't have a choice." He hesitates, then, "I don't think I'm going to be so lucky this time."
Her grasp on his clothes loosens, and then her arms fly around him in a tight embrace. It doesn't matter to Sango that there are others watching—all that's important is her Houshi-sama, and the brutal fact that time is dwindling. She speaks softly, but insistent, urgent. "I won't leave you, Houshi-sama. I won't."
Miroku shifts, bringing his hands up to return her embrace, sliding across her shoulder blades and resting there. His touch is light, like he's too afraid of holding her too tight, too close, so she presses closer.
"I want you to stay here."
Her world shatters.
Sango jerks back enough to look at him, staring at him with eyes that fail to mask the hurt, the raging betrayal that wells up and threatens to consume her. His expression is an unspoken apology, an acknowledgement of just what he's doing to her with those words, marked by something like a smile, so sad, but not quite.
"Survive, Sango," he whispers. "I need you to."
He draws his hands down her shoulders and her arms, unlocking and disengaging her embrace. He finds her hands and holds them tight, and Sango is sure that if he lets go, everything will fall apart.
"Houshi-sama, please…"
"I know," Miroku murmurs. "I know."
And then he's stepping back and releasing her. He spares a glance to those still watching—Inuyasha, still reticent, and Shippou, hiccupping with suppressed sobs—and then he's turning away towards the tree line, his steps heavy but fast.
Sango watches him vanish, and wonders if Houshi-sama knows that though she's still here, he's taken everything worth living for with him.
—
The jewel taunts her.
Sango strains, searching for the strength to say the words she needs to say, to make the wish Kagome couldn't. But they won't form.
All she can think of is the wish she wants to make, the wish that will fix everything.
It starts again. She can almost feel his arms around her, can nearly taste the way he would kiss her, can almost remember the years they would spend together. It's such a beautiful illusion, and the disaster is that she knows this is what she wants and she's so close to giving in that it doesn't seem so scary anymore.
Sango looks up.
"I can't do it."
Heavy, the jewel slips, slides from her fingers and falls to the floor.
—
Two days later, they find the place that marks Houshi-sama's grave.
Sango had thought she couldn't cry anymore after all of the waiting, but the surety of seeing this… it proves her wrong, so very wrong. She braces her weight against Kirara and stands on the brink of the Kazaana's pit, taking in the stark, bare earth and hating the breeze for the way it blows, throwing her misery in her face. The hole is wide and deep, but somehow she thinks that the chasm left in her heart is so much more so. Were she to take all of the waters of the earth, oceans, rivers and streams, and pour them over the gap that's been left behind with his death, her sorrow would be left unquenched and still fate would scorn her.
If only living were as simple as dying.
"What now, Ane-ue?"
She glances at her brother, and then to Inuyasha beside him.
"Tell me again what happened in the Meidou," she says, leaving Kohaku's question unanswered. He is surprised at the demand, and then hesitant, but Inuyasha tells the story again, for the first time since he came back. Sango listens without comment or interruption, but when he's through, she knows what comes next.
"The jewel is somewhere, then. We need to find it."
Kohaku nods, catching on quickly. "To destroy Naraku, once and for all. It's the only way."
Inuyasha bristles, but doesn't argue.
"Yes, that's it," Sango agrees, wishing her motivation was just that simple.
—
Kohaku reaches down, solemn, and picks it up.
"You've done enough," he consoles her. "I can do it." His look hardens after a moment. "It's long past time for Naraku's death."
Sango looks away, and he utters the words she was too weak, too heartbroken, to speak.
"Shikon no Tama, disappear."
When? When did her little brother bypass her in strength?
When did she become so weak, so frail of heart?
The jewel vanishes, forever this time, and takes with it her last hopes, the faint, impossible possibility of maybe-I-can-change-this that had lingered in the back of her mind. She'd known better, but when all you have is wishful thinking, you take what you can get. Sango crumples inward at the loss, dropping to her knees and curling in on herself, trying to hold herself together because she's so close to the final point of breaking.
Oh, Houshi-sama...
Kohaku's arm slips around her shoulders, and she appreciates the attempt at comfort even though it fails.
"We made it," he tells her softly.
She gasps out something that is half laugh, half sob, and full of bitterness.
"I'm tired of always being the survivor."
His response is useless, empty, and cuts her to the core.
"I know," he murmurs. "I know."