Disclaimer: The ER characters aren't mine. The story is mine.
Notes: Title's taken from a song by K's Choice, which I think would pretty
much apply to Abby, and starts like this : "If I could look beyond your face
and photograph your head in place, would I find you smiling in the picture?
And I don't know what you want, 'cause you don't know, so what's the point
of asking? And you're almost happy, almost content, but your head hurts..."
***
She was okay. She *felt* okay. She knew she'd be okay sooner or later, it
was just a matter of days until she'd adjust to the change. Or maybe weeks,
but it wouldn't be that bad. She could tell, John was happy. He was so cute
when he was happy. She didn't want to ruin that. She didn't want to hurt
him, she didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to be alone. She enjoyed
seeing him happy, she wanted him to stay happy. No matter what. It didn't
matter that she caught herself feeling out of place when she'd wake up at
his side in the middle of the night. It didn't matter that she still felt
oddly awkward around Luka. It didn't matter that she sincerely missed him,
or that she could think of him at inappropriate times, or that she still
hadn't told her mother about their breakup. She was with John now, and she
made him happy. Nothing else should matter. Nothing else did matter, she
thought. When she'd feel more a little more stable in the relationship, Abby
decided, she would quit drinking altogether. Once and for all. It was only a
matter of weeks. She knew John would help her, and be there, always
supportive. He knew what this was all about, and he didn't judge her, or
think any less of her. But she was going to pull through. She knew he loved
her, she knew he had faith in her. She couldn't let him down. She had to
pull through. Then everything would be okay. It was only a matter of weeks.
And she wouldn't feel so alone.
***
Notes: Title's taken from a song by K's Choice, which I think would pretty
much apply to Abby, and starts like this : "If I could look beyond your face
and photograph your head in place, would I find you smiling in the picture?
And I don't know what you want, 'cause you don't know, so what's the point
of asking? And you're almost happy, almost content, but your head hurts..."
***
She was okay. She *felt* okay. She knew she'd be okay sooner or later, it
was just a matter of days until she'd adjust to the change. Or maybe weeks,
but it wouldn't be that bad. She could tell, John was happy. He was so cute
when he was happy. She didn't want to ruin that. She didn't want to hurt
him, she didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to be alone. She enjoyed
seeing him happy, she wanted him to stay happy. No matter what. It didn't
matter that she caught herself feeling out of place when she'd wake up at
his side in the middle of the night. It didn't matter that she still felt
oddly awkward around Luka. It didn't matter that she sincerely missed him,
or that she could think of him at inappropriate times, or that she still
hadn't told her mother about their breakup. She was with John now, and she
made him happy. Nothing else should matter. Nothing else did matter, she
thought. When she'd feel more a little more stable in the relationship, Abby
decided, she would quit drinking altogether. Once and for all. It was only a
matter of weeks. She knew John would help her, and be there, always
supportive. He knew what this was all about, and he didn't judge her, or
think any less of her. But she was going to pull through. She knew he loved
her, she knew he had faith in her. She couldn't let him down. She had to
pull through. Then everything would be okay. It was only a matter of weeks.
And she wouldn't feel so alone.
***