She spends her time wandering around Jackson. That's all she ever does, at least that's what she thinks. Everyone tells her she's done plenty of things around the growing city—she's helping. But she doesn't seem to think so. The rushing sound of the wind knocks her back into reality as well as knocking her onto the ground. "Shit..." She curses as she dusts off the back of her now dirt filled pants. It hasn't occurred to her how lonely it really was, even if she was safe here. Although, her thoughts didn't give her a break.
They came to haunt her like ghosts in the night. Tormenting her. Every night she would have an episode of her thoughts just arguing and blabbering to each other. You could've ended this apocalypse, you know right, Ellie? "Fuck off." She mutters in a whisper out loud. Joel probably heard that. Prepare for trouble now. As she was thinking, the sounds of Joel's footsteps could be heard downstairs, made her panic. Maybe he had heard her? She held her breath, anxiously waiting for the door to slam open just to see Joel's tall figure standing at the door. He never came. Okay good. He didn't hear me. Ellie let out a sigh of relief. For a second, she laid down on her bed, wishing the thoughts would just shut up for even a second. She begs her mind, Please. Just be quiet. That totally backfired on her as her thoughts were even louder than before now. "I can't fucking take this anymore. Shut up!" She yells angrily at her own mind who just won't be quiet. Now he had heard her.
Joel makes his way up the stairs, opens her door only to find her sitting by the window sill, hugging her legs. Like when he had found her that one time when they first arrived at Tommy's dam.
"You okay, kiddo? Everything alright?"
"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me" she says softly underneath her breath. Her words being muffled by her torn sweater.
"Well alright then. If you're not feeling well, just… just know I'm always here alright?"
"Yea. Sure" She replies abruptly.
Maybe too fast. Way to fucking go, Ellie. Now he's probably suspecting something's up with you. Please don't ask Joel. I'm fine. I swear. Okay?
To her surprise, she hears the door shut. The panic in her chest now subsiding as she returns to the comfort of her bed.
She lay awake till she heard the beautiful melody the birds sang every morning. To her, it had become a broken record which she couldn't stand anymore. Not when her thoughts are still screaming at her. Telling her that she's useless. Repeating the same thing over and over again. You could've done something. But here you are. Just relaxing on this bed with a blanket you think would shield you from all of your problems. Reality check, Ellie. This isn't some sort of video game where you can just quit. This is real life. And guess what? You failed every aspect of it.
She couldn't stand it. She can't anymore. Then Riley appears. She comes to torment her every once in a while. Tess also comes along with Sam and Henry. Sam says horrific shit to her that she feels empty. Empty, like his body when the infection took over. Empty, like Henry's lifeless corpse after he had just shot his own brother then turned the gun to himself. Why didn't you say something different? "Idiot" She says to herself, not realizing that she says this out loud again. "I really am an idiot."
Riley talks to her, tells her it's her fault. That she could've saved everyone but she turned up empty handed. Riley would be guilt-tripping her like there was no tomorrow. Hey Ell, wanna know what I've been up to?
"No. Stop talking to me, Riley." She doesn't listen. Like always.
She's still the same rebel she is. Was. She's dead. The guilt tore through Ellie's body as if it were the infection that took over Riley.
She can't. She can't live with the guilt. Her mind switches back to Joel. He deserves to live a life without this infection. Without those damn infected roaming around. He doesn't need a burden like me. He deserves to-.
Her thoughts were interrupted—No, ended by the bullet waiting in her pistol that became impatient.