By Roozyj

(AN: I know this story is not good. It doesn't really have a plot and the characters behave like high school kids. Read it like a slightly absurdistic erotic comedy and enjoy :D)

I saw Malzahar quickly closing his laptop when I entered the room.

"Oh, hey Talon," my roommate greeted me, seemingly trying to act as normal as possible. It didn't work. You didn't need to be a number one assassin to know something was on, and I was a number one assassin.

"What were you doing?" I asked bluntly.

Even thought the lover half of his face was covered in purple fabric, I could tell he was blushing. He was acting weird, even for his doing.

"Oh, you know. Just... browsing the internet and stuff..." he mumbled.

"So, you were watching porn." I concluded.

Malzahar shrugged and nodded quietly.

I had never really liked riddles and mysteries and I was glad I had solved this so quickly. I took off my cape and jacket and lay down on my bed.

"What were you watching?" I asked. I was kind of curious about what stuff would turn him on. I guessed he was into tentacle hentai.

"Oh, eh, you know..." he stammered. "Women!"

"Women?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes! Women, with big boobs and asses and... you know, vaginas and stuff."

"Thanks for defining women," I answered dryly. "Mind if I look? I'm curious what kind of boobs and asses you like."

Malzahar got a worried look in his eyes. I lifted myself up with my elbows and took a somewhat more active pose.

"you can't!" Malz said. "I've already closed the tabs."

"Bullshit," I grinned. "You didn't have time for that."

I shifted my weight. From here, I could easily jump behind him and place my knife on his throat. Malz observed it and moved his arm. He wanted to silence me before I could jump. I took a leap and saw two purple balls appear left and right from me. They were fast, but I was faster. Before the beams from the balls hit eachother in the middle, I was already standing behind Malzahar. My blade resting easily against his collarbone. It wasn't so much that I wanted to threaten him. It was more of an automatism.

"Now show me," I demanded in a soft voice.

Malzahars breath had become faster.

"Talon, do you really need to do this over some stupid porn?" His voice was pitched higher than normal.

"Open that laptop," I said. I pressed the blade somewhat tighter against his skin. I didn't do that because I wanted to scare him. I was just really fighting the urge to kill him. Having this pose and not finishing the job was like standing in the shower naked with soap all over me and not turning the shower on. It was getting on my nerves.

"Okay, okay!" Malzahar gave in. "Just, please put the knife away."

He reached for his computer and I reluctantly placed the blade back in it's holder. Malzahar stuck his thumbs under the lit of his laptop and looked at me over his shoulder. He seemed genuinely worried.

"Please, don't think I'm a freak and don't get mad."

He opened the laptop and the first thing I saw was tentacles. Exactly what I had expected. What I hadn't expected was my own face. And his. And tentacles reaching for parts of me that no living soul had ever touched.

It was a good thing that my roommate had asked me to not cut his throat, because in an instinctive reaction, I would've surely murdered him, out of sheer confusion and surprise.

"What is this?" I asked flabbergasted.

"Yaoi..." Malzahar said in a small voice. He pulled his shoulders up as to protect his neck.

"Of us..." I concluded.

Malzahar nodded and didn't really seem to know what to do. I felt he wanted to get away from me, but wasn't sure if I would let him. I leaned over him and scrolled down on the tumblr page. There was a lot of drawings of us together. Some sweet and innocent, others hardcore and flat out disgusting.

"Why do people make this?" I blurted out.

I had seen enough and strolled back to my bed. Malzahar sighed in release.

"And... you like to watch that kind of stuff?" I asked my roommate.

He shrugged.

"You fap to me?"

"And to myself, I guess," he said. His voice was hardly more than a whisper.

"That doesn't make it any more comfortable," I reacted.

I fell on my back again and stared at the ceiling. I heared him close his computer again, this time shutting it down completely, and also lying down on his bed.

Silence fell. The only sound was annoying noise the fridge made. Normally, I didn't mind silences. I actually quite enjoyed them. Gave me time to rest. But now, there was an awkwardness that I felt needed to go.

Malzahar shifted uneasily on the other side of the small room. I realized that I had probably disturbed him while he was about to jerk off. Poor him. But still, he was looking at my face, doing unspeakable things while doing so. That was... strange. Coming to think about it, I wondered...

"Would you want to do it in real life?"

Malzahar gasped and stopped moving around.

"How... what do you mean?"

"Those hentai-things. Would you do them for real?"

"Well... If you..." I heared a spark of hope in his voice. Fuck. That was not what I had meant to do. "I guess I would if we... if that situation..."

I should've stopped him and tell him it was only a question, but I remained silent.

"I mean... after seeing all of those things, I am kind of... well, I don't know, curious or so? As to how it would feel... to. Well, not all of it of course! I mean, I wouldn't even survive some of it!" He laughed awkwardly. "But the possible things, like... with knifes and magic and, I've seen one with a voidspawn that was pretty hot and... Oh, sorry..."

He suddenly realized what he was talking about and to whom and his voice died away.

"Hm," I grunted. "Do you only watch me, or other champs too?"

I couldn't remember the last time I had a conversation this long. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this flabbergasted either, so I guess it made sense.

"Well, I do..." Malzahar started. He obviously wanted to say something else than he should say. "I have watched some other pairings. Like, Varus and Ezreal or so. But that is..."

He didn't seem to be finishing that sentence any time soon.

"And you 'paired' with anyone else than me?" I asked. Did he like me? Did he think I was hot? Or did he think it was hot to get cut to pieces while calling tentacle monsters from the void?

"Not really," he admitted. He took a deep breath. "I think you're really hot."

It was the first thing he said to me that evening in a vast voice. It took me off guard.

"Thank you?" I answered.

"I love to watch you undress, before you go to bed," he added. His awkwardness was gone now. As if he had decided that it could only get better anyway. "Do you mind?"

My awkwardness wasn't gone at all. Actually, it was only getting worse. I could never get changed in this room ever again!

"Nah, whatever keeps you going," I responded, fighting the urge to throw a knife at him.

This was the weirdest thing I had experienced since I had entered the Institute of War. I had been killed thousands of times. I had lived through the worst pains and even fought copies of myself. And yet, my roommate telling me he wanted to put a voidspawn in me... I'd rather fight a dozen copies of myself.

My matress sunk a bit as Malz sat down at my feet-end. I almost jumped. In my contemplation, I hadn't heard him move around the room. He was crawling towards me.

"What are you doing?" I asked. To my own annoyance, my voice sounded almost scared.

"Whatever keeps me going..." he answered.

He was next to me now and let his finger trail the contour of my biceps. I felt my body stiffen, and not in a good way. His finger went up to my shoulder and under my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I uttered again.

He didn't answer and instead softly pinched my nipple under my shirt.

"Malz! Stop!" I exclaimed.

"Please," he begged. "I've been looking at you for so long, without ever touching you. At least not in a non-violent way. But your muscles... Your looks..."

His hand traveled back to my shoulder and his fingers trailed my way-too-tense muscles. As Malzahar wouldn't stop, I only saw one way out. I disappeared, throwing my knifes in a circle around me, only to catch them again as I reached the other side of the room. The manouvre gave me a moment to catch my breath and get out of my shocked state of mind. The tention became less, but only to make room for fury.

"Don't EVER do that again," I hissed.

"I'm sorry." He looked at the floor. "I guess I got a bit carried away."

"One more time," I said while walking towards him. A knife in my hand. "One more fucking time, and I'll make sure you'll get carried away. When they come to collect your dead body." I placed my knife on his throat again. "Do you understand?" I lifted my blade and his chin along with it, so that he had to look me in the eyes. "Do you understand?" I repeated.

"Yes," he answered, his voice not much more than an anxious whisper.

"Good," I said, not removing the knife. "Now here's what I want you to do. I want you to go to you bed and face the wall, so I can get into bed without you checking out my body. And only turn around when you're sure I'm covered by my blanket."

I drew back my blade, leaving a small, red scratch in his skin as a reminder, and nodded towards the other side of the room. He quickly did what I had commanded him to do. I undressed myself and hopped into bed. I lay down on my side, my face away from the room. I didn't care what Malz was doing, as long as he stayed the hell away from me.