A/N : I present to you people, four pages of Eruri angst. I hope you guys cry your eyes out.
The situation was dire. Chaos has broken loose.
The expedition was almost a failure - the Scouting Legion did manage to put up a couple of supply checkpoints before the two Abnormals attacked.
Heavy losses were incurred on their side, forcing the squad to make retreat a top priority. The injured were made to rest inside some of the supply horse carts, the dead mourned and collected.
Each step of the way taken invited the feeling of dread to increase tenfold as some of the injured didn't make it.
The steaming hot coffee that Petra had left on his desk has gone cold by mid-morning, untouched even though the day had crept to early dusk. The reports and stacks of paperwork handed in to him lay strewn atop his desk in an unusual display of haphazardness, leaving an empty space in the middle of the wooden mahogany surface. In the middle of that space, lay a medium-sized jar filled to the brim with many slips of papers of varying colours and sizes inside. Levi fished one out randomly and opened the creased slip slowly.
He lay that slip of paper, a piece of square this time, among the others which were previously opened a couple of days before. The neat, cursive handwriting penned across the surface with black ink stood to contrast against the yellowing paper.
Irritation grew within him, infesting his chest with an unpleasant twisting feeling. Levi stood up. Slow, sure footsteps took the man to a small cabinet in a corner of his office. With practiced movements, he fished out a shot glass and a bottle of vine that he usually saved for special occasions. The glass and the bottle clinked together as Levi poured his liquor on the way back to his seat.
The chair groaned underneath his weight.
The room was getting darker. Levi's eyes flicked once, twice, and following a desperate chug of vine, for the third time at the piece of paper he had pulled out, only to chicken out at the last minute. Instead, he reread over the others.
It was getting dark.
The remaining numbers of the Scouting Legion squad moved doubly fast, taking advantage of the reduced titan activity during night time. This fact allowed Levi, instead of riding a horse near the back centre with the Special Ops squad, to take some time comforting his comrades…whom he was informed were… unlikely to survive the journey back into the walls.
He entered the carts, one by one, staying by the sides of those who were crying in despair in their final moments. However, the one he was so desperately searching for was nowhere to be found.
It's too early to make assumptions. Levi held on to that one small glimmer of hope as yet another one of his comrade's hand went slack in his own.
The writings were just as crazy as the colours of papers and the sheer amount of it in the jar.
The first slip of paper that he had pulled out the second he found the jar had been absolutely hilarious, that it somehow made Levi crack a smile despite feeling so worn out after the expedition. In a precise and continuous lettering, it read:
"Mike asked me what kind of plant you would be if you are one. A weird question…I think being a cactus suits you, no? They have the prettiest flowers, I swear."
The messy drawing of a cactus at the corner of the paper leaves much to be desired.
The second one he fished out was just as absurd.
"Don't frown. You'll look your age!"
"Well fuck you, shitty old man," was his quiet response.
The third time he opened the jar, a rectangular pink paper found its way into his hand. There were only three words written that were repeated over and over again on the page until nothing can be written down anymore.
"I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you" it said.
Levi found himself crying on his office desk after that.
The fourth time was just as heartbreaking. Levi cried himself to sleep the night he opened the blue paper.
"Did I mention how much I love your sleeping face? It's the only time you look so peaceful.
PS Did you know you drool?"
And yesterday, Levi could only smile forlornly when he read the fifth note he had pulled out of the jar. After reading it, he made sure he washed his hair super clean during the shower.
"By the way, it feels nice running my fingers through your hair. It feels so soft. How the hell did you manage that from the standard military shampoo they gave us?"
His heart thumped faster than he thought was physically possible when he heard the news, his breath harsh from the rising panic. He rushed after the informant, following him closely behind. In his head, a litany of 'No way. He was doing fine when I saw him an hour ago. This can't be happening. Fuckin' wound infection? No way.' echoed. Denial kept him from believing it until the bloody sight greeted him.
The coppery smell of blood clung heavily in the air as he entered again the last of the carts. Levi stumbled forward. His mind was in disorder as he intertwined his fingers with Erwin's. The hand felt clammy and cold. Almost instinctively, he looked away.
"Levi…" Erwin's voice sounded so broken in his ears. For once, he shed uncontrollable tears. "Hey…Levi, please…look at me?"
As much as he didn't want to, he looked. Levi took in the sight of the red splattering on the blanket covering Erwin from the cold, the sheen from Erwin's blonde locks gone and matted with flakes of dried blood, the obvious shivering of the once sturdy body…and how increasingly pale his lover looked.
"E-Erwin…I…"
A finger twitched in his grasp. Erwin's eyes were starting to become unfocused, unshed tears lined his eyelashes as numbness and pain took him simultaneously. His gasps were getting more severe.
"In…side one of the dra…wers of my desk…"
Levi choked. "Erwin, stop! Don't talk, save your strength! Hey, come on!" He looked in anguish at the two other soldiers attending to Erwin. "Can't you two do something? Anything?"
He didn't even want to acknowledge the look the two exchanged before they shook their heads wearily. The black-haired man turned back to Erwin as he tried to speak again.
"Jar…did long time a…go. For you…my…"
"Erwin, please! Stop, stop, stop…"
"No, listen…" Erwin tried to renew his grasp on Levi's hands. His vision flickered. "Love you…since…day…saw you. I've never…"
His sentences were becoming incoherent. Erwin started to mumble deliriously through his shock. Levi could only make out some words. "Levi…jar…drawer…keep my…feelings…you safe…open on…miss me…"
And with one last gasp of words, Erwin has done spectacularly beyond his duties and had died heroically for the glory of mankind and his loved one's safety.
Levi could only grip the cold hands harder, his shaking intensified. Kissing the tips of Erwin's fingers, Levi whispered, "I love you too, Erwin…"
Rereading the notes made Levi took another swig of the alcohol in his hands to calm his nerves. He wondered what this note, no, Erwin has to say this time around. Taking a deep, deep breath through his nostrils in preparation for what's to come, Levi finally braved himself to take the note into his trembling hands.
The letterings were neat to a fault, as always, but there was a sense of urgency in the way the words were tilted more to the right than usual. And despite the neatness of the writing, there was still a blotch of ink splattered at the end of the sentence. Erwin probably tried to wipe it off to no avail, judging by the black fingerprints all over the paper.
Levi couldn't help but picture Erwin walking around with his fingertips soiled in black ink. The mere thought of it made him snort in amusement.
"I have a meeting to attend. Can you please play me your violin again sometime later? I love hearing them, Corporal Levi."
"How come you never say these things before, Erwin? Yeesh…" muttered Levi affectionately, a chuckle slipping through his lips. Putting down the glass he was holding, once again, the soldier got up on his feet and walked to an overhead cupboard.
"Damn them all who made this cupboard too high. Fuck!" Levi turned around to find the footstool he somehow magically misplaced. "I'm too high. Did I just call myself short? No, of course I didn't…"
He continued to mumble drunkenly as he placed the footstool in place, stood on it and took out a plain box from the cupboard, dusting them for non-existent debris.
Once he was fully seated by the windowsill, Levi thrusts the bow straight to the darkening sky. "You better fucking appreciate this, Erwin. I'm fucking busy cleaning up your shit down here."
As a sad, melancholy tune drifted up into the night, Levi said, "And that's Temporary Commander Levi to you, old man. I'm sure as hell I can't do your shit, for better or worse."
A/N : Did I break your kokoro yet?