It was raining, she sighed, her breath sticking to the cold glass of her window in small droplets of vapour, looking to the woods from the uncomfortable silence of her room, only disturbed by the heavy rain pouring outside. The pesky little town was covered in a heavy and dense blanket of grey clouds and her mind couldn't be more out of her physical place than how she really was. She felt empty. A void she didn't know how to fill, not now that her hands were so bloodied and tainted. Even if what was done wasn't due to her nature, but for the sake of a friend, it turned her into the monsters she promised her father and herself not to become. Hypnotized by the pouring rain she was out of the house, submerging in the curtain of water that covered all town, wandering around with uncertain destiny.
"Bloody hell, what are you doing out there?" The masculine, accented voice came to her ears, from the dark depth of the woods surrounding the small town, even though she knew he was nowhere near sight.
She kept staring at the sky letting the pouring rain soaking her clothes until they were nothing more than a second skin, so glued to her body she could forget she was wearing clothes at all. For all she was now, she felt stripped naked, all the self loathing she held for so long ravishing her body in painful waves that shook her body to the deepest of her core.
"They say it cleans the soul" she laughed, but he couldn't find a hint of humour in her words. He frowned in his place, thinking of what demons was she purging herself out, remembering her tainted hands from the twelve witches she killed.
The rain intensified, and if she had a soul she indulged her mind to think that maybe she was worth to care for and heavens were crying for it and its doom. If there were such things as heaven and gods, she thought. He stepped closer to her place, but didn't leave the hidden spot he found behind the dense foliage too much greener in contrast with the grey skies that hovered above them, and uncomfortably wet to his likings, just to observe the figure of a broken angel standing in the middle of the rain, her eyes landing above, a plea in them as if she was looking for the significance of her life. And the blonde vampire indeed seemed more like a broken angel and falling wings now that her tears were merging and hiding under the thick curtain the skies were crying over her, because of her.
"What does your soul need cleanse for?" The voice shoot again, too perplexed for her standing, and she could find a hint of anxiousness and genuine worry under his heavy accent. The question hung above her, filling her head with his voice, his terrible actions and she couldn't help her mind and started making comparisons. The monster she was becoming was now more near him than she wanted to admit.
"You saw", she said, her voice trembling in her lips, stuttered words in a thin tone, and he wondered how those words could sound so tragic and yet stripped of emotion as they were. If she could see him now, his features were changing from worried to confused, and worried again. "You saw me for what I was all along. You saw the monster I'd become from the beginning. You saw it inside me…" and a sudden thought crossed her mind, interrupting the storm of words her mind came up to, a thought she would later regret giving voice to "And it attracted you to me. You're pulled by the monster in me", she couldn't decide if she was more astonished her thoughts made her feel or sad that it sounded plausible and true to her ears.
Her mind was allowed to wonder a few more in those errant thoughts of her, until his voice was heard again.
"No", he refuted vehemently, his voice cutting any line of reasoning she was finding in that thought, strong and hard, anger poisoning his once calm, controlled and pondered tone, as if his answer came from the heart, more than his head, for he refused to feed her wrong thoughts about the nature of his feelings for her, the thin nature of the line that linked them.
"What I knew from the beginning was the powerful creature you'd become only if you let it reach the surface", he left his hiding spot, letting himself mirroring her image, the rain soaking him to the bones, his arms open as he left the safe place behind. As he felt the raindrops melting him like there was no tomorrow to come back to, he understood why they said it cleansed the soul, for his demons were trying to hide from the heaven's tears, too. A small smile was placed in his raspberry lips, enjoying this little pleasure he was finding more and more soothing as minutes went by.
The small chuckle he gave away reached her sensitive ears and it was enough for her to leave her little trance, and direct her eyes to the soaking masculine figure open in the field, the contrast between the lightest grey with the greenest trees making her eyes hurt, and finding his image beautifully broken, a demon among humans, a monster and yet the figure of a lonely wolf wondering the earth, trying to find peace and a place to crash.
She was indeed a powerful creature, and he didn't understand how despite his reverence toward her, his devotion he tried so hard to reflect in his eyes, she couldn't see the power she had in her hands. The power she had over this small town, and if not, over his own bloody, scattered, darkened heart. The ray of light she was in his now seeming insignificant life, the grip so tight around his dead heart, strong enough to strike it down out of his chest when he left town, leaving a hole so big not even another thousand years of eternity could fill.
If only she knew the power she had, how magnificent she was. Not even the most beautiful goddesses portrayed in art could compare. Her light was enough to overshadow the darkest of demons; even the ones of a ripper were bewildered and shut down by her strong friendship. How could she not see it? If only she bathed him in her personal sun, he could swear his inner demons would disappear, afraid of such almighty force she was, if only she could let her light reach him, he could swear he would be a better man if not out of his will, for her and only for her. If only…. His mind travelled around dangerous thoughts of love and happiness, if only she let herself save his soul from himself as he wished her to do so, but deep down he knew he was beyond salvation and she was too good for him.
She threw him a pained look, taking all of his appearance in and what she saw a suffering man, reminded her past words. "I caught myself wishing to forget all the bad things you'd done", she could swear he was crying but that could very well be the heavily pouring rain streaming down his face playing tricks with her fragile mind.
"You can say it, love", his tone cold voicing a thought he would forever regret, knowing the memory he would leave in her mind of his cruel words and the stinging pain he could cause, intentionally. "You think of yourself as a monster, and yet you don't dare to say it because that would be you admitting that you're just. Like. Me.
Something in his words stroked a cord deep in her heart, as her face was the vividly mirror of her emotions and she was hurt as he knew she would be, but she recognized it as the truth, even though he didn't think of her as a monster, what angered him even more at himself, self loathing running wild now for stooping so low and attack her just where he knew it hurt, for she just thought of herself and her little group of friends as the good guys but even them bathed their hands in blood, making them monsters like him.
But what did he know? He was an obnoxious bastard that always found the worst words to say at the worst times possible, proven by the pain reflected in her petite features, taking his words and his venom seriously, as she was feeling just like what he said. A monster like he is, or was she didn't know, she didn't want to know, or her feelings toward him would turn grey more than black and white, confusing her and her rationality that screamed "hate him" with all its strength even though she found hating him harder and harder.
"You're wrong", he added, earning a quick quizzical look from her. "You're not a monster, Caroline. You are so much more" he gasped, for once he didn't know what to say to the broken angel in front of him that could comfort her, redeeming himself from the same position they found themselves a few weeks ago. He didn't have the right words but he thought that maybe telling her what she was, what he saw in her from the beginning, at least he could make soothe the wound he created earlier with his venomous words spat at her. "Your light is what maintains your little group together; it's not the doppelganger. It's you, Caroline. You're strong, and your light pulls everyone in. Even the darkest souls that are beyond salvation are attracted to it", he admitted shyness peaking in his emotion filled voice. She frowned at his words, how could he think so highly of her when she did nothing but trying to lure him in their plans to kill him, when she knew she was the one inflicting more damage to his already scattered soul, when she did nothing but hurt him, over and over again?
"Are you?" Her voice was so small, so broken and thin, it was almost unheard by him, wasn't it for his sensitive ears of a hybrid. "Are you beyond salvation?"
And for the first time she understood what he was, what he is, who he wants to become. For the first time she looks at him like her equal, if she wasn't a monster so wasn't he. Such damaged soul of his, the last thing he needed was another person, one that meant so much to him, telling what an abomination he made out of himself. What he really needed was someone who could believe in him, and put his faith in him. He sighed, sad for he already knew the answer.
"I was always beyond salvation, love. There's no change in that." He said, his voice emptier than what she was used to, once he saw hope in her eyes, hope that maybe she could reach to him, and as much as he wanted she did so, he couldn't truly believe her or her emotions. She would later disappoint him, turning her back on him, stab him deeply and wound him like no other ever did, and the worst part he wanted her to, wanted her to give him reasons to hate her and load her, so his heart could be truly convinced love was a vampire's greatest weakness and it was unworthy of being given time to. He wanted to believe he was truly and deeply unworthy of her, as it fuelled his actions and made him stronger. Turning right after his words being said, he left in a whoosh leaving Caroline confused with a swelling heart in her chest that pumped even more vigorously than what she remembered it could. She wanted to reach out for him, but his words glued her to the ground, her face heating from the sudden warm that his voice made her feel.
Maybe he could be fixed, he just needed the right person to believe in him and prove herself worth of him and his trust, for once it was lost, it would be lost forever and she caught herself wondering what if this person could be her, but she knew she had no right to it, after so much damage done and hurt caused. She was just broken as he was, and both mirrored each other more than she was capable of admitting, both broken angels turned to monsters, but not unredeemable demons.
Hope you liked it.
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GG