UNFORGOTTEN
by Rika
*FWEEEETT!!*
Once every day. One time, never forgetting, I make that sound.
In this place...at this time... I call for him.
It's been two years since it started, and I haven't missed a single
day since then. I know, I should probably say when it /ended/. But
it was a new beginning too.
A Spira without Sin. It gave the people cheer and hope. No longer
would they look forwards to a death, a sacrifice, to give them a brief
reprieve from torment. It was the happiest miracle that could have
been provided, and even now, I...when I see the smile on a child's
face, playing in the sand, knowing they'll never face the terrible
burden we had to endure for so many centuries... my heart swells with
joy for them. For the children...for the families who'll be free,
able to live a simple life of peace. Men, women, young, and old...
But me...I can never truly share their happiness, their bright and
sunny future. I wish I could. But, you see... a part of me was lost
that day we rid Spira of Sin. The most important one I had. And I'm
afraid...it's...irreplaceable.
*smile* I stand here on the dock, talking to this sphere. And I
realize something. Forget and rediscover every day. Yuna Braska is
dead. I am dead. It's hard to tell the difference in Spira sometimes,
and maybe that's why I forget so easily. No, I'm not unsent. This
body still lives on. But almost noone sees Yuna anymore, when they
look at me, talk to me.
That day I addressed the crowds from Luca's stadium, I became a
different person. I'd been the daughter of a High Summoner. The
Lady Summoner. A Traitor. And now...a hero.
I hate it...I hate it.
To become a hero...from the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of
it. My father, I would be like my father. Strong and proud. A
High Summoner myself, to bring the Calm to the people. And I did
far better. I knew father was proud of me. Everyone was. Everyone
but me.
I wasn't Yuna Braska anymore. I was the Lady Braska. A thing, a
symbol, a trophy and a piece of Spira. Only to my friends and
guardians, my family, did I remain the person that I was. To everyone
else...
*shrug*
/They/ come daily too. Patriots. Politicians. Solicitors for
the wealthy. Worshippers. Everyone wants something different from
the Lady Braska.
My support. My opinion. My smile. My hand. My guidance. My
leadership. /I/ don't want any of it! I'm tired...so tired.
We did...what we had to do. But sometimes, when I stand here by
the ocean...I wish so badly I could take it back. To find yet /another/
way. Even this new person I've become, I could handle, if not for..
If I hadn't... /Spira/ lives, healed. Where I continue on, carrying
a new pain, a new agony within my heart. A piece of myself, lost
forever, with nothing but the hurt to fill the void. As if for Spira
to survive, I had to suffer in its place, to die a different kind of
death.
Poor Yuna. I'm selfish. I know that... I do. What have I lost,
that untold thousands haven't lost themselves? But noone /sees/. No
one wants to see. If I'm sharp in my refusals, when someone comes
to ask for my hand? I'm only being stubborn. When I excuse myself
at times, to be by myself, to be away from Lu and Wakka. I'm just
being moody. Noone truly understands that I'm... broken, inside.
'I want to be Yuna again!' I cry to the waves. They don't hear me.
I want to be me. I want to be free. I want to be whole. I want..
you. To be in your arms again, even if only for a minute...just one
minute. Everyone will give me anything I might want. I only have to
ask. Not even that, I only have to /muse/, and it will come. Lady
Braska's desires should be fulfilled. But not /one/ of them can give
me this, the only thing I truly /need/.
Some nights, I wake up crying, in tears from dreams I can't even
remember. Some nights, I burn...twisted in the sheets, yearning
desperately for someone ...one person...to be there with me. It can't
happen. It won't /ever/ happen. And noone understands how that
changes me. How damaged I truly am.
I close my eyes, and try to imagine being happy with another. I
can't. Give it time, people say. Give it time. Forgive me...I want
to slap them. Sometimes, I just want to scream, like you. I can't
even do that without remembering...what was.
I'll never feel warm again. I don't want to be touched anymore.
Whenever I'm held, I think of that night within the spring, under
the stars... when I touch my lips with my small fingers, I can almost
feel you there. I allow it from Lu...from Wakka...from Rikku. I'd
allow it from Kimahri, if he wanted. But I feel no comfort anymore.
No warmth. No /connection/ through the contact. It's so cold...so
alone...and noone understands.
I've only been kissed twice in my whole life, not counting my
father. Maybe Seymour hurt me just as much. Whenever I think of
being with another in that way, I think of that time. My 'wedding.'
I can't help but feel...like that. No matter how kind, how nice,
how sweet a person, it wouldn't be you. Anothers lips on mine, can
never be /your/ lips...and so I don't want it. Even if I had a
reason to marry again, I cannot give them love. I cannot offer them
passion. It would be just like that time at the altar. Forcing myself
to tolerate unwanted affection, feeling as cold to myself, as Seymour's
unsent lips were to my own.
I think back to the Winno, to the Highroad, to every time you told
me about Sir Jecht...about your father. I always liked him so, and
you never had a good thing to say. At the end...'I hate you' became
'I love you', and we all knew it...it was good, better that way. But
now, I....I understand you. One day, I might be able to reconcile,
like you, but I hate him now. I hate him for what he did. For what
he made us do. For what happened to you. To me. To us. Forget
it...hehehe. Noone'd believe I hated anyone, even if I told them.
It's Sir Auron I feel like now. Always alone, always haunted by
ghosts that will never visit. Old before his time. I...
"Yuna?"
I turn off the sphere and turn, giving what smile I could to my
older 'sister'. She smiled back, and tilted her head, giving me
her best 'not again' look. As if she could dissuade me.
"Calling again...it's not healthy, you know, after all this time."
"I know that." But I don't believe it. Never.
"The new delegation from Bevelle has arrived on the island. You
know what they're here for."
"Can't you tell them to go away? Can't you burn them or something,
Lu, please? Just this once?"
Lulu chuckled, and shook her head. "As much as I would like. You'll
have to give them your answer yourself, however. They did not come to
speak to /me/. They will not leave until you give them an answer of
your own."
*sigh* "I know...tell them an hour. Give me an hour. Then I'll
come."
She nodded, and began to turn, before she halted once again, sideways
on the dock. Her eyes narrowed slightly...sympathetically. Of them
all...Lu /was/ the closest to an understanding, after Chappu and all...
But then she got moving again, and I turned the sphere back on.
Politics again. Noone wants to hear what I /really/ think. The Lady
Braska's opinion must be wise. Timeless wisdom. How I wish I could
tell every one of them to jump in the ocean and sink to the bottom!
I've had my fill, inescapable as it now is.
*sigh* I'm /not/ me. I sound so bitter. I lived only to die, and
yet I was so happy. Now my life is my own, and I can't imagine being
more miserable and helpless inside. Please, Tidus, say something to
me. Anything. Whistle for me, scream for me. Come visit me at night
when I'm alone, and tell me I'll be fine. Or you can say nothing, and
just let me talk to you. I only told you once, that I loved you. I
want to say it again. I want you to /hear/ it again. Over and over.
I want you in my arms, so I can shout it again and again, and let the
whole WORLD know, for once, exactly what I feel in the depths of my
heart.
The tears come without warning, silent. I could never wail for you,
even in mourning, no matter how much I wanted to. Then, and now, the
tears just streak down my cheeks in a quiet flow, like a gentle rain.
How I hurt inside. I want to die, I sometimes think. If not for all
the pain I would cause by doing so, I may have jumped by now. And I
still love life. As much as living it, kills me every day.
I want your hand on my shoulder. I want to hear your laugh, to see
your smile. I want you to come up behind me, and pretend to push me
into the ocean just to surprise me. I want to see you play blitzball
again. They banned the Jecht Shot in your memory, you know. Noone
else could do it anyway. The Lucans asked what /I/ thought before
they did, and I couldn't say anything useful. I just smiled, and
told them to do what they felt would be best. They did, but how
silly this world is. If not for Lady Braska, who would care what I
thought about blitzball?
You.
That answer comes again and again, like a mantra to a prayer. You,
you, you. Dozens of images of you swim before my eyes, every day like
this. They're not the same. They're not enough.
You'll never even see this sphere. I know. But I talk to you anyway,
as if you will. It's sad...I'm sad. But it's all I have. It's all
I've got left. If I didn't, I might go crazy. Don't laugh, I really
might. Heh...I guess it is a little funny.
The only hope I have, is that you, at least, are happy...that maybe
you and your father are blitzing together even now. That maybe /my/
father and Sir Auron are watching, and laughing at a father and a son.
That things are well...
Forget it... I love you. I love you...and I'll always come back.
Every day. Always here. For you.
*fweeeeeet*
by Rika
*FWEEEETT!!*
Once every day. One time, never forgetting, I make that sound.
In this place...at this time... I call for him.
It's been two years since it started, and I haven't missed a single
day since then. I know, I should probably say when it /ended/. But
it was a new beginning too.
A Spira without Sin. It gave the people cheer and hope. No longer
would they look forwards to a death, a sacrifice, to give them a brief
reprieve from torment. It was the happiest miracle that could have
been provided, and even now, I...when I see the smile on a child's
face, playing in the sand, knowing they'll never face the terrible
burden we had to endure for so many centuries... my heart swells with
joy for them. For the children...for the families who'll be free,
able to live a simple life of peace. Men, women, young, and old...
But me...I can never truly share their happiness, their bright and
sunny future. I wish I could. But, you see... a part of me was lost
that day we rid Spira of Sin. The most important one I had. And I'm
afraid...it's...irreplaceable.
*smile* I stand here on the dock, talking to this sphere. And I
realize something. Forget and rediscover every day. Yuna Braska is
dead. I am dead. It's hard to tell the difference in Spira sometimes,
and maybe that's why I forget so easily. No, I'm not unsent. This
body still lives on. But almost noone sees Yuna anymore, when they
look at me, talk to me.
That day I addressed the crowds from Luca's stadium, I became a
different person. I'd been the daughter of a High Summoner. The
Lady Summoner. A Traitor. And now...a hero.
I hate it...I hate it.
To become a hero...from the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of
it. My father, I would be like my father. Strong and proud. A
High Summoner myself, to bring the Calm to the people. And I did
far better. I knew father was proud of me. Everyone was. Everyone
but me.
I wasn't Yuna Braska anymore. I was the Lady Braska. A thing, a
symbol, a trophy and a piece of Spira. Only to my friends and
guardians, my family, did I remain the person that I was. To everyone
else...
*shrug*
/They/ come daily too. Patriots. Politicians. Solicitors for
the wealthy. Worshippers. Everyone wants something different from
the Lady Braska.
My support. My opinion. My smile. My hand. My guidance. My
leadership. /I/ don't want any of it! I'm tired...so tired.
We did...what we had to do. But sometimes, when I stand here by
the ocean...I wish so badly I could take it back. To find yet /another/
way. Even this new person I've become, I could handle, if not for..
If I hadn't... /Spira/ lives, healed. Where I continue on, carrying
a new pain, a new agony within my heart. A piece of myself, lost
forever, with nothing but the hurt to fill the void. As if for Spira
to survive, I had to suffer in its place, to die a different kind of
death.
Poor Yuna. I'm selfish. I know that... I do. What have I lost,
that untold thousands haven't lost themselves? But noone /sees/. No
one wants to see. If I'm sharp in my refusals, when someone comes
to ask for my hand? I'm only being stubborn. When I excuse myself
at times, to be by myself, to be away from Lu and Wakka. I'm just
being moody. Noone truly understands that I'm... broken, inside.
'I want to be Yuna again!' I cry to the waves. They don't hear me.
I want to be me. I want to be free. I want to be whole. I want..
you. To be in your arms again, even if only for a minute...just one
minute. Everyone will give me anything I might want. I only have to
ask. Not even that, I only have to /muse/, and it will come. Lady
Braska's desires should be fulfilled. But not /one/ of them can give
me this, the only thing I truly /need/.
Some nights, I wake up crying, in tears from dreams I can't even
remember. Some nights, I burn...twisted in the sheets, yearning
desperately for someone ...one person...to be there with me. It can't
happen. It won't /ever/ happen. And noone understands how that
changes me. How damaged I truly am.
I close my eyes, and try to imagine being happy with another. I
can't. Give it time, people say. Give it time. Forgive me...I want
to slap them. Sometimes, I just want to scream, like you. I can't
even do that without remembering...what was.
I'll never feel warm again. I don't want to be touched anymore.
Whenever I'm held, I think of that night within the spring, under
the stars... when I touch my lips with my small fingers, I can almost
feel you there. I allow it from Lu...from Wakka...from Rikku. I'd
allow it from Kimahri, if he wanted. But I feel no comfort anymore.
No warmth. No /connection/ through the contact. It's so cold...so
alone...and noone understands.
I've only been kissed twice in my whole life, not counting my
father. Maybe Seymour hurt me just as much. Whenever I think of
being with another in that way, I think of that time. My 'wedding.'
I can't help but feel...like that. No matter how kind, how nice,
how sweet a person, it wouldn't be you. Anothers lips on mine, can
never be /your/ lips...and so I don't want it. Even if I had a
reason to marry again, I cannot give them love. I cannot offer them
passion. It would be just like that time at the altar. Forcing myself
to tolerate unwanted affection, feeling as cold to myself, as Seymour's
unsent lips were to my own.
I think back to the Winno, to the Highroad, to every time you told
me about Sir Jecht...about your father. I always liked him so, and
you never had a good thing to say. At the end...'I hate you' became
'I love you', and we all knew it...it was good, better that way. But
now, I....I understand you. One day, I might be able to reconcile,
like you, but I hate him now. I hate him for what he did. For what
he made us do. For what happened to you. To me. To us. Forget
it...hehehe. Noone'd believe I hated anyone, even if I told them.
It's Sir Auron I feel like now. Always alone, always haunted by
ghosts that will never visit. Old before his time. I...
"Yuna?"
I turn off the sphere and turn, giving what smile I could to my
older 'sister'. She smiled back, and tilted her head, giving me
her best 'not again' look. As if she could dissuade me.
"Calling again...it's not healthy, you know, after all this time."
"I know that." But I don't believe it. Never.
"The new delegation from Bevelle has arrived on the island. You
know what they're here for."
"Can't you tell them to go away? Can't you burn them or something,
Lu, please? Just this once?"
Lulu chuckled, and shook her head. "As much as I would like. You'll
have to give them your answer yourself, however. They did not come to
speak to /me/. They will not leave until you give them an answer of
your own."
*sigh* "I know...tell them an hour. Give me an hour. Then I'll
come."
She nodded, and began to turn, before she halted once again, sideways
on the dock. Her eyes narrowed slightly...sympathetically. Of them
all...Lu /was/ the closest to an understanding, after Chappu and all...
But then she got moving again, and I turned the sphere back on.
Politics again. Noone wants to hear what I /really/ think. The Lady
Braska's opinion must be wise. Timeless wisdom. How I wish I could
tell every one of them to jump in the ocean and sink to the bottom!
I've had my fill, inescapable as it now is.
*sigh* I'm /not/ me. I sound so bitter. I lived only to die, and
yet I was so happy. Now my life is my own, and I can't imagine being
more miserable and helpless inside. Please, Tidus, say something to
me. Anything. Whistle for me, scream for me. Come visit me at night
when I'm alone, and tell me I'll be fine. Or you can say nothing, and
just let me talk to you. I only told you once, that I loved you. I
want to say it again. I want you to /hear/ it again. Over and over.
I want you in my arms, so I can shout it again and again, and let the
whole WORLD know, for once, exactly what I feel in the depths of my
heart.
The tears come without warning, silent. I could never wail for you,
even in mourning, no matter how much I wanted to. Then, and now, the
tears just streak down my cheeks in a quiet flow, like a gentle rain.
How I hurt inside. I want to die, I sometimes think. If not for all
the pain I would cause by doing so, I may have jumped by now. And I
still love life. As much as living it, kills me every day.
I want your hand on my shoulder. I want to hear your laugh, to see
your smile. I want you to come up behind me, and pretend to push me
into the ocean just to surprise me. I want to see you play blitzball
again. They banned the Jecht Shot in your memory, you know. Noone
else could do it anyway. The Lucans asked what /I/ thought before
they did, and I couldn't say anything useful. I just smiled, and
told them to do what they felt would be best. They did, but how
silly this world is. If not for Lady Braska, who would care what I
thought about blitzball?
You.
That answer comes again and again, like a mantra to a prayer. You,
you, you. Dozens of images of you swim before my eyes, every day like
this. They're not the same. They're not enough.
You'll never even see this sphere. I know. But I talk to you anyway,
as if you will. It's sad...I'm sad. But it's all I have. It's all
I've got left. If I didn't, I might go crazy. Don't laugh, I really
might. Heh...I guess it is a little funny.
The only hope I have, is that you, at least, are happy...that maybe
you and your father are blitzing together even now. That maybe /my/
father and Sir Auron are watching, and laughing at a father and a son.
That things are well...
Forget it... I love you. I love you...and I'll always come back.
Every day. Always here. For you.
*fweeeeeet*