1 What would you do for klondike bar? Would you stand on one foot? Would you kill a man?
...I hope not, but anyways!
This is my second story and it CONTAINS EVEN MORE CHARACTER BASHING THAN THE FIRST FIC.( just so you all know I love Inuyasha and I just like to joke around with the characters I don't mean to offend anyone, so please don't take it the wrong way)
Also there is a ton of celebrity bashing as well( such as Ozzy, Marilyn Manson,Ashley Simpson ,etc.) and same reason as before I don't hate all of these people I just like to joke.
And one more thing! Kagome will be Obese cuz' it makes for a more interesting story in my opinion.(nothin'against obese people)
So once again if you don't like this kind of thing DON'T READ! But if you do than you are awesome so Ill shut up now so that you can read and hopefully enjoy.
Disclaimer: don't own inuyasha or any of the other copywrited things in this story
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Ok...somehow kagome got the gang ( Inuyasha, sango, Shippou, Kikyo, Sesshomaru,Jaken, Naraku, and Miroku) into the present world thingy and they are all staying at her house and eating all of the food and overflowing the toilets. They just found out yesterday its Mirokus birthday tommorow and they want it to be a good one because he is turning 21 and he can drink!
Obesekagome: We should get cake!
Sango: Its already taken care of I just ordered it this morning.
Obesekagome: Then I'll go pick it up!
Sango: I don't think so remember what happened last time?
(Flashback: Kagome walks into the bakery at walmart supercenter, drooling as she looks at all of the sweets,she asks the bakery guy who looks like he's on crack if the cake is ready he says yes and takes it out for her to look at, it says get well soon BobbyJo on it and it is really small, " This isnt my cake" she says,
Crack guy: Ya it is(smokes)
Obesekagome: No its not Damnit! I ordered the supergiant my little pony cake!(picks up cake and throws it at him, then runs around the bakery knocking down everything in site, including the evil hot french bread lady,then grabs a my little pony cake and runs out of the bakery and dives into her car.)
Obesekagome:Mwahahaha! Its mine all mine! I get to choose the first piece I want to eat!...hmm...I want the huge gigantic icing flowers on the ponies ass!(rips flowers off ponies ass and eats them, she then sees a huge mob of people running towards her car, and she steps on the gas, she speeds out of the parking lot at 80 mph, looses control and slams into the burger king playlplace , that is currently havin a birthday party for little bobby Jo) Uh...(dazed look)
LittleBobbyJo:(walks up to car and looks in, sees the my little pony cake with the mutilated ass that was hers/his!) You B#!h (attacks her)
(End of flash back)
Obesekagome: uhh...nope! I don't remember a thing!
Sango: (sighs)
Kikyo: (sitting at the table eating gogurt) why don't we have Sesshomaru pick up the cake and later we let Miroku choose what he wants to do.
Inuyasha: (who is making Buyo do the M.C. Hammer dance) Ill go get him ( walks to living room where Sesshomaru is watching Spongebob)
Sesshomaru: (singing along) SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! HAHAHA
Inuyasha: (sweatdrops) uhh Sesshomaru how old are you?
Sesshomaru: 4360, now shut up! This is the one where he delivers the pizza!
Inuyasha: We need you to go pick up Mirokus cake.
Sesshomaru: (sighs) ok...But you'd better not bug me tommorow night I cant miss Desperate house wifes! (Goes outside and gets Kagomes pink bike from the garage and starts toward Walmart)
(Haha just picture Sess on a pink bike!)
Sesshomaru: (pulls up to walmart and walks in, it is crowded as hell to, walks up to crackhead guy in bakery) I need a cake that says happy birthday Miroku in a gayish purple color please.
Crackheadguy: here you go
Sesshomaru: (looks at cake, it looks like crap and has a picture of Arther in the background of it) What the hell is this?
Crackheadguy: Your cake now go away.
Sesshomaru: (stares and walks away not wanting him to do anything crazy) Well I do need some more pink eyeshadow(he walks toward the make up section and passes by the womens lingerie section, he notices someone familiar in there and finally realizes that it is Miroku and that If Miroku sees him with the cake then it wouldnt be a surprise anymore!)
Sesshomaru: (trying to sneak past miroku, hums the mission impossible song and darts from rack to rack, he finally makes it out of the store and back on to his cute little pink bike)
(Back at the house)
(Naraku and Shippou are playing barbies in Kagomes room)
Naraku: ( has a barbie with a nose ring and pink leather pants) You b!#h! ( squeaky voice) I saw Ken first he is mine so stay away or I will kill you! ( sticks out tongue)
Shippou: ( has a kelly doll with hair that is about a foot long) Naraku arent you taking this alittle bit seriously, I mean why would Kelly ever be involved with Ken, thats sick!
Naraku: Ya I guess your right (reaches under Kagomes bed to pull out another doll and pulls out some drugs) Wow, I never thought Kagome would be the kind of person to do this! But oh well ( smokes crack)
Shippou: Has Sesshomaru come back with the cake yet?
Naraku: Nope.
Shippou: Well he'd better hurry because I am getting bored...wanna go watch Arther with Jaken?
Naraku: Ok!( They skip happily down to the living room)
(Back to sesshomaru)
Sesshomaru: (pedals up to garage and parks bike, as he walks in he sees Kaede and Kagomes grandpa making out over by the tree)
Sesshomaru: (gags) Oh my god that is wrong on so many levels! ( walks in the house) I got the cake everybody!
Obesekagome: CAKE!
Kikyo: No! Bad Kagome ,Bad!
Inuyasha: Where the Hell is Miroku? We have been waiting around for hours and kikyo ate all of the gogurt!
Miroku: (walks in) HOWDY YALLL!
Everyone: (sweatdrops)
Sango: Happy birthday Miroku!
ObeseKagome: Ya,ya...now hurry up and pick out where we are going to eat, Im HONGREY!
Miroku: hm...
(At the restraunt)
Sango: Geez miroku I cant believe you picked Hooters...but what should we expect from a pervert like you...
Miroku: (smiles) I wonder who our waitress is...
(Kaede walks up in a hooters uniform)
Kaede: Now what can I get for ye?
ObeseKagome: Kaede!I didnt know you worked at Hooters!
Sesshomaru:(gags) That is wrong on so many levels!
(Now just picture kaede in a Hooters uniform...ew,try thinking about THAT before going to sleep)
Kaede: Ahem...now what would YE like to drink ( ignores stares from all of the customers,that are shocked that there is an old woman at HOOTERS!)
Inuyasha: Gimme 8 beers, I want to get drunk as possible so I wont remember seeing you in THAT!(points)
Miroku: (sigh) why couldnt we get that waitress! (Points to a girl that looks strangely like Pam Anderson)
Sango:heh...
(Kaede goes off to get drinks)
Naraku: You know she didnt look that bad.
Everyone: (stares , then backs away slowly not wanting to be seen with THIS guy)
ObeseKagome: Lets go to the Karaoke thingy!
Inuyasha: Sure, the service here is just about as crappy as the cracker barrel...
Miroku: ooohh! I get to go first!( Runs up to the stand and there is already a guy there, sucks guy in wind tunnel) Ill pick this one! ( gets microphone and starts singing some country song about a guy running over his wife with a tractor)
(Screen where words show up goes blank, but music still plays)
Miroku:(stands there confused, then starts doing a funky looking hoedown, the song finally ends)
Inuyasha: Geez Miroku who do you think you are? Ashley Simpson?
Sesshomaru: (sitting at a table with a bunch of cute girls around him) How abut we let Jaken go?
Jaken: Uh..sure(steps up to the stage and looks at music selection, he picks ' My Perrogative'(spelt that wrong!) And not the original he picks the crappy remake Britney Spears did)
Jaken:(starts singing, sounds like a drowning turkey)
Random person: You suck!( Throws beer bottle at him and crashes into his head, he now has a bunch of glass shards stuck in his head and he is bleeding like crazy)
ObeseKagome: Jaken! You took the jewel shards! How did you manage to get them in your head?
Jaken: No!No!
ObeseKagome:GIMME THEM! (Jumps at Jaken and smashes him into the floor)
Everyone: (sweatdrops)
Miroku and Sesshomaru: (are now drunk do to the 8 beers they had)
Shippou: Lets get out of here! I don't like it!( Why they all brought 6 year old to Hooters is a mystery)
Miroku: (stumbles) mmmkay...
Sesshomaru: I drive..( Runs out side and pulls out a whistle he got out of the fruitloops box and blows it, Ah un comes) Well what are you waiting for?( Motions for them to come, nobody moves) Fine then Ill go myself! (Starts flying down the street at 80mph and swerving all over the place crashing into everything in sight)
Sesshomaru: (looking lost) Where am I? (Pulls out a random strawberry shortcake planner with directions scribbled down in pink glitter pen)oh...ok..Im supposed to go to the village and then up the mountain and then Ill be at my castle( these are directions to his house in the feudal era)
Sesshomaru:(sees billboard for Aladdin, with the castle in the background) There it is! ( flys toward billboard and smashes into it so fast that he goes straight through the monkeys head)Huh? Where did my castle go?
GayPoliceman: Hey!(has a lisp) Like stop!
Sesshomaru: huh?(pulls up to the officer trying to look as non-drunk as possible)
Gaypoliceman: Im like gonna have to ask you to step off the dragon please.
Sesshomaru: (stands up and wobbles hes not worried though because the policeman is a midget and he is like 7 feet taller than him)
Sesshomaru: Haha! You're a midget! HA!(stumbles)
Gaypoliceman: (stares for a minute) Now do you know why I am like writing you up?
Sesshomaru: Its not my fault, the monkey just got in the way and I lost control(sobs)
Gaypoliceman:……ya…whatever….I am writing you up because you were going 80 WITHOUT WEARING A HELMET!OHMYGOSH, JUST IMAGINE WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!….and you are drunk so I am putting you under arrest.
Sesshomaru: (slurrs) Im not drunk you short bastard!(tries to hop on Ah-Uhn quickly and drive away but he swerves and slams into a store window and 5 random cats leap out) awww…man! (passes out)
(Back at the Hooters parking lot)
It is now midnight and nobody knows what the hell to do because Sesshomaru took their ride and Kirara and the raccoon thing are on vacation in Florida were they are being blown away by hurricanes.
Kikyo: What are we supposed to do now? All of the creeps and weirdos are out now! Its dangerous!(stranger danger!)
(random Marilyn Manson looking person walks past them, stops,and turns around and stares at them)
RandomMarilynMansonperson: (hisses)(then walks away)
(a car pulls up and the Osbournes get out)
Kelly: You stupid son of a #&! Im gonna kick your friekin #!&&&&&()))&&#())&!
JackandSharon!#&!
Ozzy: (looks stoned) Anybody want a burrito? (pulls out a random chipotle)
ObeseKagome: ME!ME!( runs to ozzy)
Ozzy: here you go.
(Kelly, Sharon and Jack are still fighting, its starting to draw a crowd)
Ozzy: (bites off a random doves head)
(Another car pulls up, it is a white limo with pictures of Mcally Culcin on it ( I KNOW I spelled that wrong!)
( Micheal Jackson steps out of the limo)
Everybody: (hides Shippou)
Inuyasha: Your right all of the weirdos do come out at night!
ObeseKagome: ( eating chipotle) mmhm
(Micheal Jackson starts dancing)
Kikyo: Lets get the hell out of here! ( runs and everyone follows except for Miroku)
Miroku: (walks up to Micheal Jackson) Excuse me miss but would you please bear my child?(stumbles (cuz hes drunk))
MichealJackson: (giggles) Sure!
Everyone: (gags)
Sesshomaru: that is wrong on so many levels!
Sango: Miroku! That's not a woman!
Miroku:OHMYGOD!(throws up)
(Back at Kagomes house)
Naraku and Shippou are watching TV and the news comes on.
(opening of the news comes on, it is showing random pictures of Tom Brokaw in dramatic poses(this story was made awhile back))
TomBrokaw: Good evening a thank you for watching the 6:00 news with TOM BROKAW!
Tom: our top story today tonight. A crazed lunatic is in jail thanks to this man ( shows gay midget wearing a pink scarf and a French painters hat)
Inuyasha: (sarcastically) Now there's a real tough cookie.
Tom: The man was flying a dragon at over 80 mph down a busy street, drunk until he crashed into the monkey on the Aladdin billboard and was stopped by the police officer just shown. Nobody was killed but the monkey was seriously injured and will need to see a therapist for a while.
Tom: This is how the officer described the man. We had a sketch artist come in and draw it for us. ( shows picture, Sesshomaru has a mullet and is missing 4 teeth he also has his right ear pierced and a tattoo that says Pikachu is my homeboy on his cheek)
Everyone: ……..
Inuyasha: I wonder where Sesshomaru is?
(At Jail)
Sesshomaru: No! Let me go! PLEASE!
Policeman: I dont think so fluffy.
Sesshomaru: Fluffy! Don't make me angry buddy!You wouldn't like to see me when Im angry( turns into the hulk and breaks out of jail running wildly down the street)
Miroku: (walks out of random alley and a bunch of random rats come jumping out of the trash cans) OK! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!(sucks crazy Sesshomaru into wind tunnel along with the entire city and its population)
Miroku: (stares confused)( Random tumbleweed blows past)
(wind is blowing really hard and Miroku sees something in the distance, turns out that it is Kagome rolling across the field)
Miroku: (sweatdrops) Kagome how did you survive?
ObeseKagome: Well duh! I weigh 4753986 thousand million pounds! ( makes a stupid face) what now?
Miroku: I hear that there is an abandoned Cheetos factory in Florida, wannna go there?
Obesekagome: OKAY!
(they both skip happily into the sunset, with Kagomes fat flapping in the wind)
THE END (finally)
Few!(gasps for breath) How did you like it? Sorry I didn't divide it up into chapters! I just didn't know which places to divide it up in! oh well….