Disclaimer: Can't think up anything clever to say. I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

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Oops, Wrong World

(Prequel to Harry Potter and the Orange Alien.)

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It was the third week of Naruto's third trip away from the familiar ground enclosed within Konoha's great walls, and he and Jiraiya were camped out in small clearing in a large forest. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the wind was cool and refreshing, the grass was green, the trees were also green (albeit a shade darker): the world, in short, was at peace.

And Naruto was bored out of his mind.

"Hey," he said, prodding his slumbering teacher with one foot. "Aren't you going to wake up? Hey, it's morning already, you know."

Jiraiya pulled his sleeping bag up under his chin and rolled away from Naruto's gentle kicks. "Jus' five more hours...."

"Hours!" yelped Naruto, horrified. "You're supposed to be training me, you dumb old geezer, not getting drunk every night and sleeping in 'til twelve every single day! Wake up!"

"'M sleepy," groaned Jiraiya. "Train y'self."

Naruto glowered. "Fine, I will! And I'll become Hokage and then I'll – I'll make sake illegal! And women!"

He stomped off into the surrounding greenery.

Five minutes later, having realized how difficult – not to say impossible – making women illegal would be, Naruto was back. He did a trick with some string that would douse Jiraiya with a bucketful of cold water if the old man so much as twitched, and then wandered off again, looking for another clearing away from their campsite – but not too far away. Maybe the sound of Naruto hitting every tree in the near vicinity with Rasengan would make Jiraiya cover his ears or at least wake up.

And he could feed his anger into training. He created a single Kage Bunshin and then, after a moment of reflection, used a kunai to carve a caricature of Jiraiya's face into the bark of the first tree on his hit list. His other self grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, then moved into position for Rasengan.

As always, the feeling of power rushing from his hand – swirling dangerously, molded into deadly perfection – made him feel light-headed and focused at the same time, his vision narrowing and sharpening until all the world was himself and his target and the space separating them.

Naruto flung himself forward, the Kage Bunshin vanishing in a puff of smoke behind him as he screamed a battle-cry, covered the distance with lightning speed –

And then the air before him was screaming, ripping apart, a black scar in the fabric of the world where greenery and bark should have been, and he was going too fast to stop – and it was pulling him – and then the blackness was all around him and he was falling, bringing Rasengan forward to shield himself from the black ground rushing up at him.

Then Rasengan made contact with the ground, and the resulting explosion flung Naruto fifty feet through the air, slamming him into the side of what felt suspiciously like a concrete wall. He channeled chakra into his hands and feet reflexively, and clung to the concrete while bits of rock and rubble thundered and clattered around him. Below him, glass was smashing.

Once the last clattering of falling rock had faded away, Naruto scrambled down the side of the building – he could see that it was a building now, and it wasn't completely dark either, thanks to the street-lights nearby – and onto the street below, which was also concrete. There was a large, ragged hole in the middle of the street; he felt rather proud of it.

He would have been prouder if he'd had more attention to spare from his surroundings and the question nagging at him petulantly:

Where the heck am I?

Not five minutes before he had been in the middle of a forest, in the middle of the day. Now he was in a city, surrounded by tall buildings in which lights were beginning to come on, and it seemed to be the middle of the night. Also, the only person on the street was several yards away from him, and, despite the fact that he had just blown a sizeable chunk of the street to kingdom come, was paying him no attention at all. Instead he was waving one arm in the air and spouting gibberish in a voice that he would have said reminded him of Hinata's if it hadn't been a man's.

Above Naruto, the lights in windows – which had started coming on while he was plastered to the wall – began to go off in twos and threes. This was odd; usually, when he blew people's streets up, they liked to come out and yell at him for a bit. Naruto scratched his head thoughtfully and then shrugged.

"Hey," he shouted to the gibbering man. "Where is this?"

The man made no response, except to cast him a harried kind of glance and babble faster. He was walking slowly towards Naruto as he spoke, and when he moved into the circle of light cast by a streetlamp, Naruto saw that the hand he was waving was grasping a short stick. Naruto wondered briefly if the stick was some kind of weapon, and then if the man was insane.

"Heeeeeeeey," he repeated. "Hey, mister. Where am I?"

The man scowled at him. It might have been a better scowl if he hadn't had glasses, or if his mouth had been shut; as it was, it barely registered at all. Still gibbering, he crossed the space between them at a hasty trot, and wound up about a yard away from Naruto, ending his incomprehensible rant with a final-sounding kind of sentence. Then he stopped and lowered his hands.

Naruto stared at him.

The man stared back, panting a little. He wiped his brow with one shaking hand. He looked to his left and his right, and turned and looked behind him, and glanced over Naruto's shoulder as well. Then he straightened, stomped to within a foot of Naruto, and began shouting.

Naruto relaxed. He still couldn't understand a word the man was saying, but he recognized the tone immediately, having heard it many, many times in his almost-thirteen years of life. It meant, approximately, "You brat, that was my favorite rosebush/evil minion/house/pet/small village/wife, and just look what you've done to it!" (There was also a definite hint of Tone #17: How Dare You Do That In Public!) This was familiar. He could deal with this, just as soon as the mousey glasses guy stopped shouting.

After several minutes the man did stop, panting heavily from the exertion, and glared at Naruto. (It was Glare #5: And What Have You Got to Say for Yourself, Hey?)

"I'm not the one who put the road there!" retorted Naruto. "It's not my fault."

Apparently the man hadn't realized that Naruto didn't speak his language until then, for he looked taken aback for a moment. Then he said something in an exasperated tone. It sounded to Naruto like a variation of Tone #29: Can't You Stop Mumbling and Speak Up?

"You're the one talking nonsense," argued Naruto. "And what's with the funny nightgown?" He gestured at the offending garment, which was black and had less class than even the late Sandaime's decidedly uncool robes.

Although he might not have understood the words, Naruto's tone or gesture seemed to strike a chord with the man. The scowl returned, he growled something (#19: That's It, I'm Talking to Your Sensei About This!) and then reached out to grab Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto batted his hand away and jumped back out of his reach. "You wanna start something?" he demanded. "You'd better watch it, I'm Hokage material, and if you don't keep your hands to yourself I'll cut them off, see." To make himself perfectly clear he drew a kunai and waved it about a bit.

The nightgown guy backed away with a squeak that increased his vocal resemblance to Hinata, and pointed his little stick at Naruto before speaking again. This time his inflection was a little more wobbly than Naruto was used to, but he was still able to identify the tone with ease:

Tone #31: If You Don't Cut That Out There's Going to Be Trouble!

Naruto slammed his hands together. "Oh yeah?" he shouted. "You're on!"

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A/N: The continuation of this can be found with my other fanfiction, entitled, truthfully but hardly inventively, Harry Potter and the Orange Alien. I've been thinking about expanding on this by continuing it to cover the same period of time covered in OA, only from Naruto's point of view (third person). I'm not sure I could do it inventively enough that it would be worth reading, unfortunately. If you think it's a good idea, though, drop me a line in a review or a PM and I'll hop to it.

Thanks for reading!

Edit: Okay, having recieved feedback in re: continuing this as a parallel to OA, I've decided to go for it. Updates for this story, however, will probably be much slower than those for OA, since I'll be keeping OA as my highest-priority project. Thanks for the reviews!