The wind blew softly as it moved the ship slowly to its destination. White gulls were crying and flying around with their vast beautiful wings, and their numbers grew less as the ship moved further to the middle of the ocean. Foams of waves were splashing as they hit the ship, sending salty drops of water to the deck. The sky was clear and cloudless, giving no interesting object to be seen. One would say that the view was dull and Frodo couldn't agree more. Spending five days with this monotonous sight, he started to wonder of how this tedious, though great Sea could lure all Elves to the brink of madness.
'But again, I should be thankful, for Osse has not started his mischief, *" he thought. He turned around and found Galadriel was smiling behind him. Frodo looked down to the deck, feeling slight embarrassed, as he knew that the Lady had acknowledged his thought.
Galadriel stood beside him, saying nothing. She sighed as she looked beyond the horizon, anticipating the first glance of the Blessed Realm. Though she knew that it would be not noticeable until next few weeks of their journey. The wind had made her hair waive gracefully, sending sparks of golden light around them. To unaccustomed eyes, the sight was breathtaking, but Frodo no longer felt as marveled at her beauty as he was before. Even so, being with her was never boring for Galadriel possessed other qualities, of which Frodo found more interesting than her visible beauty.
Her wisdom and kindness, for example, had never ceased to amaze Frodo. Without these traits of hers, he would never had provision to fulfill his task to destroy the Ring. But that was not the most astonishing part of her. What Frodo found most interesting in its unusualness was her melancholy during the journey. He recalled the same cheerless expression she had shown after she overcame the temptation of the Ring. 'Why? Her ban to the Blessed Land was lifted after the test. Isn't it all that she wants? Isn't it joyful to be able to reunite with her daughter and parents again?' Frodo pondered inside.
"Aye, the ban was lifted, Frodo. But my reunion with my family is still uncertain," Galadriel broke the silence between them, answering Frodo's silent question. Her mimic unchanged while keeping her gaze to the distance.
Frodo blushed as he was caught thinking about her, but didn't restrain himself to probe further. "Why?" he asked.
The Lady gave a faint smile ere answered, "Noldor exiles are only allowed to dwell in Tol Eressea, as we have rebelled against Valar and shed the blood of our kin. But you will dwell Valinor, so do not be trouble by this."
Frodo silenced, as he sympathized on the Lady's fate. He remembered her great desire as he offered her the Ring, the only instrument to accomplish her ambition. It was already hard for Frodo, who had nothing to wish for but fleshly comfort, to withstand the temptation. Therefore, he could not fathom hers, which was far greater; having everything or remain, and perhaps to wither as Galadriel, the exiled. 'It was not fair. She gave up the chance to possess everything, and had none in return but a cruel eternal punishment.'
"It was not fair indeed. But it was also unfair to whom I killed. This is but a fruit of my deeds which I have to accept," Galadriel spoke up. She smiled kindly to Frodo, seemed to surrender to her fate willingly.
"If you had accepted to wield the Ring, you wouldn't have to endure this fate, Lady. What made you refuse?" Frodo raised his eyes to meet hers.
She laughed, a sweet laughter she once voiced after she rejected the Ring. "Even a donkey wouldn't fall into the same hole twice. I learned, Frodo. And the lesson was dearly bought. All ambition is pursued in great price and is forever unquenchable. However, in the end, you will find that anything you have accomplished is nothing but dust."
"I have no ambition such as yours. Warm bed and food is all I want, therefore I cannot understand you. But justice I know. I think your kindness surpasses all your misdeeds and I will ask Valar to pardon you as soon as I reach Valinor." Frodo looked at her, sincere in his words.
"Thank you, Frodo. But the matter isn't that simple I am afraid."
"I will tell the Valar of your kindness to us. Surely they will forgive you, for if all kindness you have done is not enough, I cannot thing other way in which you can redeem your past."
She sighed ere answered, "Who are we to decide if our good deeds balance our transgressions? Is a murder atoned by saving other's life? Will it enable the murdered to return to the living? The Valar had their consideration of which we might not understand. Once I had been prideful and refuse to acknowledge their immeasurable wisdom, but now I entrust the judgment of my actions to their hands."
"Even if the Valar forever banish you?
"Even though I am forever banished, even though I have no choice but fade in loneliness and remorse," she said determinedly.
With the words, Galadriel walked away from Frodo who submerged into deep contemplation on her words. Her words were true, but then who were truly blameless? 'Who can judge that my transgressions don't surpass yours, Lady of Light? And so, what should I call my chance to step into Valinor? A luck? An injustice on her behalf? Or merely grace?'
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*Osse was the Maia, vassal of Ulmo the Sea Lord, who liked to cause storm in the sea.
Finishing this, I am so curious as to why I am so preoccupied with regret theme in most fics I write.