Disclaimer: Implied characters are not mine. This is neither a Cupcake or a Babe. It can be taken whichever way you want. Based loosely off Nina Nesbitt's The Hardest Part (which I have only found on YouTube). Check out my profile for the current update on my life, and profuse apologies for being ghost so long. This wouldn't leave me alone.
The Hardest Part
She was doing it again. It gutted me every time. Talking to me about her life with him easily over coffee, as though we hadn't used to have something. I know she still has feelings for me, the same feelings I have for her… but we watched that butterfly fly away years ago.
It was never the right time for us. I'd give anything for it to have been, I'd give anything for it to be the right time now. Every time we got close, something happened, something changed. I watched it shatter both of our worlds, for years upon years. Never the right time, and that's the hardest part of it.
She's still on my mind, even though we're more distant now. Holding onto friendship, as painful as it is, is a lot easier than letting go. I go to bed each night, reliving the memories… I know she'll never love another the way she loved me, just like I will never love anyone the way I loved her. Love her. Time doesn't ease the pain, and I wouldn't want it to.
I'd give anything for us to be on the same page. For her to leave him, and me to be what she needs. I'd give anything to hold her in my arms, to feel her soft weight against me. For us to have what we used to, the closeness that I miss… The hardest part is it might never the right time for us.
The hardest part is she feels the same, and yet we can't change what is.
I don't why I can't let go. I need her more each day, and it's a wasted life I live. I'd give anything for her to be mine, not his. For it to be the right time for us. For it to be our own someday.
The hardest part is it is my own fault, because it could have been the right time… if I'd just let it.
*just in case you can't view my profile, I am expecting baby number 4 and unlike normal people who get morning sickness I get migraines and depression. Add in my academic requirements as my course load gets heavier, and I am doing all I can just to write for that. I am sorry and hopefully some of this will let up soon so I can get my mojo back.