I Still Love You Chapter 1, a glee fanfic

Author's Note: hey guys here is a possible two chapter story of the Finnchel relationship after the break up. :( I know I am sad too. This takes place after Special Education and during A Very Glee Christmas. Enjoy and please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own glee (I wish I did!) or the song Merry Christmas Darling. I do, however, own this fanfiction. :)

I Still Love You

(Rachel POV)

He left me. All because I did something stupid. What the hell was I thinking getting myself into this situation? I'm not even going to blame it on him. It was not his fault, it was mine. I was too self conceited to even register the fact that he was too sensitive for such a low act. What was I thinking? That if I just told him the truth he'd forgive me and we could get on with our lives? Happily ever after, three of the worlds cruelest words to ever be spewed on parchment. As a little girl you would put your hopes up for a happily ever after. For your 'prince charming' so to speak, to sweep you away to his shining castle where you would fall in love and live peacefully until you die. Well I was deprived of that luxury faster than a nanosecond. Finn, my love, the one I bitterly betrayed, is gone. Gone from me for probably forever.

As I walk the horrendous halls I feel empty, my body still has not registered the fact that there is not a warm body walking beside me. He's gone. I love him. I love him so much it aches, and I sit here crying onto my laptop as I think to myself "Why?"

I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch and that's that. Finn was right to leave me, Finn was right to never want to see me again. He was perfect in my eyes we were perfect, but I was blindly wrong with that matter. We were not the perfect couple, and you know why? Because I'm a bitch! I was selfish. My mind was blockaded with the image of Finn running off to some cheerleader, but he would never do that. He genuinely loved me. He loved me to the extent of singing about it in front of hundreds of people he did not know. He loved me to take several slushies to the face. He loved me even if it affected his popularity in this torture we call a high school. He loved me, he loved me, he loved me, he loved me. And what did I do? Crush it. Crush it like all of my chances of people actually liking me in this school. Crush it like Jesse crushed my heart, in the cold most senseless way.

I never deserved him. I never deserved him. I was too caught up in my sophomore fantasy when I was fighting for his attention. I want him back. I want him back so much. Every time I see him in the hall I just want to run into his arms, tell him that I love him, and know that everything is going to be okay. But I can't and that's the bitter truth.

-Rachel Barbara Berry *

-glee-

(Finn POV)

I blankly stared at the computer screen as if waiting for something to happen. She was a selfish idiot. I mean what the hell was she thinking? That we would run off into the distance holding hands while being engulfed in golden light. I miss her for sure. That I am certain of, but I still am scarred by what she did to me. I was on her blog checking for her latest post, and then it showed up. It was like a letter to me, but she was talking to herself. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch and that's that. Finn was right to leave me, Finn was right to never want to see me again. She is right. She was a bitch, and I am satisfied that she is able to identify that. Hopefully her attitude will change, but I still feel guilty. She was, sorry is the woman I love, but what she did was wrong and she knew that I was sensitive considering the whole Beth situation last year with Quinn. I'm still mending from that.

He genuinely loved me. He loved me to the extent of singing about it in front of hundreds of people he did not know. He loved me to take several slushies to the face. He loved me even if it affected his popularity in this torture we call a high school. He loved me, he loved me, he loved me, he loved me. And what did I do? Crush it. She's right, God she's precisely correct. I felt like a hopeless bug that my mother would spot on the wall and squish with a tissue. I do love her, but at the end of the day that act makes it seem like all of my hard work and caring were for nothing. I told her that I was proud she was my girlfriend and it seemed as if she just threw that away. She emphasized the past tense in the sentence she used over and over again. She took advantage of me and crushed my love for her like Karofsky crushes Kurt's confidence whenever he gets shoved into the lockers. Do not even get me started on that topic.

I'm sorry Finn, truly sorry. I love you Finn. I still love you, but you deserve better. I saw the way you looked at Sam and Quinn at Sectionals, how you smiled, but were jealous of their happiness. I get it Finn. I miss you Finn. I was stupid Finn, but I still love you. And I always will. Her words there sound really deep, like she is confronting me face to , I'm sorry Rachel, I screwed up not you. I love you too Rachel. I still love you, and only you. I want you back Rachel. I miss you Rachel. You are not stupid Rachel, you just need to learn how to not overreact and I'll do the same. I still love you Rach. And I always will.

-Finn Hudson Hummel

-glee-

(Rachel POV)

I blankly stared out the frosty window. Christmas was approaching, not that we celebrated it in my house. My dads persisted that we celebrate Hanukkah and only Hanukkah because of our Jewish background. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my religion and I enjoy the candle lightings and latkes my dad makes. Their fantastic, but when I got to school I feel empty because all of the other kids would talk about Christmas presents and this Santa Claus figure. When I was little I used to hear all of these conversations and become curious. I would ask my dads, but they did not know how to answer because they had been celebrating Hanukkah since they were born. Now I get it. Apparently as you get older the holidays begin to become harder to handle what with school, glee, and…boys. I keep glancing at Finn. He is still being bitter to me and I full expected that, but I hope maybe the Christmas season will soften him up and I'll get him back.

Last week I tore down our photos that hung in my locker. They sit mocking me in a manilla folder on top of my desk. My friends keep asking me what I want, but I just smile and shake my head. I really want to be in the Christmas spirit, but my broken heart id holding me back. I've decided to give Finn a present in hopes that it will cheer him up.

-glee-

(Finn POV)

My favorite time of the year has finally arrived! Christmas time is here, but for some reason feels empty like I'm missing something. Maybe it's because Kurt is at Dalton or maybe…She keeps glancing at me, in a longing sad type of way, and that hurts me inside. I saw her tearfully clearing her locker of our photos and her removing the necklace I gave her. She had grasped it tightly and then kissed it before shutting it in her locker. I broke her, no worse than that, she broke me. This holiday is supposed to make everything disappear, but I still have this longing for her to be next to me. If only….well for now all I can do is let myself heal before going back to her. My brain is telling me to wait, but my heart wants me with her again. It is like there is a war going on inside of me except there are no shootings like in Call of Duty 4. Maybe things will change in time.

-glee-

(Rachel POV)

I had the perfect idea and gift for him. I was hoping he would get the message of the song, but before I could even sing it he turned me down. What can I do? I need him, but how is he to know?

-glee-

(Finn POV)

I was leaving the auditorium when she decided to sing even though I had turned down her gift to me. She was trying to win me back. I am not sure if she has done that yet, but she seems desperate. I listened to the song she sang. It made complete sense and I regret not sitting next to her as she sang it to me, but I need my space right now. I stood in the doorway listening.

Greeting cards have all been sent

The Christmas rush is through

But I still have one wish to make

A special one for you

Merry Christmas darling

We're apart that's true

But I can dream and in my dreams

I'm Christmas-ing with you

Holidays are joyful

There's always something new

But every day's a holiday

When I'm near to you

The lights on my tree

I wish you could see

I wish it every day

Logs on the fire

Fill me with desire

To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas

Happy New Year, too

I've just one wish

On this Christmas Eve

I wish I were with you

Give it some time. I'll let her in eventually if she does not do anymore damage. Hopefully.

Author's Note: I'll have the next chapter up super fast I promise. I hope you enjoyed, please review, and check out my other stories! :)