Fic: One Last Chance
Author: Gardenia1786 (Chloe)
Disclaimer: Don't own them, never have, never will. Ya'll know it.
Rating: I don't know... it's the end of G/S A. I didn't add much to it, 'cept a bit at the beginning and at the end. But nothing that would be considered... uh... bad or anything.
Summery: Katie's POV at the end of G/S A. Ya know, the famous kiss scene.
Feedback: Yeah, let me think a/b this for like, one second. YES! If I get enough, I may even continue this series, either do the entire G/S A episode (dealing with J/K, of course) or a sequel for the first week after the kiss. Let me know, and as always, constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome coughPLEASEcough
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been getting on me to write again... too many of ya'll to list, but you know who you are!
A/N 2: I don't think this has actually been done before... I've seen some summaries of G/S A, but never in fic format. So here's my sad attempt at describing it.
As always, un-beta'd
'This is it,' I thought to myself as I pulled up in front of the Manning/Sammler residence. 'The moment of truth.'
"Deep breaths... in... out... in... out... ok." I quickly inhaled and exhaled several times, and was surprised at the fact that I didn't actually end up hyperventilating. "Hmmm... that's a good sign" I said aloud for no particular reason. I looked at the house looming ominously in front of me. I'd been there many times before, but I'd never looked this scary. I guess it was because of the reason why I was here.
"Now or never. Carpi Deum." I kept telling myself. Seize the day. Heck, at this point I'll go for seizing the door handle. And so I did. In one fluid movement I had opened my door and slid out of the seat. As my feet hit the pavement, the anxiety that had been eating at me for the last day or so hit me again. Full force. I had to place my hand on the door of the car to steady myself. I had been trying to mentally prepare myself for what may happen today, the worst case scenario, that kind of thing. Only one way to find out, right?
I closed the door to my car and took a step towards the house 'Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot...' I had to keep telling myself. I decided to try to take a shot at optimistic reasoning for a moment or so. I told myself that maybe she didn't read the letter, maybe Grace was right, and Jessie had been too busy with school and everything with her mom... maybe I'm just totally over reacting.
I'm so screwed.
To hell with that theory. I mean, really. If that were the case, she'd come to me. Why would she tell me that she didn't want me to come with her to visit her mother yesterday, not answer my phone calls, and skip school today. Oh yeah. I forgot. She's sick. Yeah, right. I totally believe that.
Not.
I didn't believe it for a second, and neither did Grace. Jessie had read the letter, and she was totally freaking out about it. I have to find out if there is any way I can fix this.
My mind had taken me away in thought, and when I came back to reality, I found myself standing on the porch in front of the Manning Manor, with a worried looking Eli staring at me.
"You ok, Katie?" He asked. I didn't want to let him in on the fact that I wasn't ok, and the reason that I wasn't had to do with his amazing little sister. So I put on my facade again.
"Uh, yeah. Of course." I answered a bit too brightly. He looked at me quizzically.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Uh, is Jessie here? I really need to talk to her." He stepped aside and I sprinted past him, muttering a thanks somewhere in his general direction.
'Ok Singer, this is it,' I thought to myself as I stood in front of Jessie's door. 'One last chance to turn away, to forget it all. To let it go. Let her go.' I shook my head. 'No. I can't let her go. I have to know.' And with that, I knocked on the door.
It seemed like an eternity before she answered. "Come in" I heard her call from the top of the stairs. I shoved my hands into my pockets before quickly and quietly opened the door and walked up the steps, taking them slowly, one by one. Once I saw her, my eyes never left her face. She looked shocked... she didn't expect me at all. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes were full of confusion. I knew for sure right then that she had read my letter. The look on her face was enough to tell me that, without question.
"Oh, I, umm... thought you were my stepmother." Jessie stated, trying to make up for the shock that radiated from her. By now she was looking at anything but me. It was like she couldn't stand to look at me.
"Well, I'm not. Your brother let me in." I replied as I continued to stare at her awkwardly. She couldn't seem to stand still, she had to be moving... shifting one way or another, alternating shoving her hands in her pockets.
"Oh." Was all she could think to say? There was a silence for a moment or so. I wanted her to say something... anything. But she didn't. I admit, it sort of hurt. I mean, talk about ignoring the elephant in the room. Jessie was so stiff... uptight. She was never like this with me, so reserved... I missed how it used to be, and I regretted writing the letter. The silence had to end, so I shoved my hands deeper into my pockets before speaking.
"Look, I just want my sweater back, then I won't bother you again." I announced. That got Jessie's attention, and she snapped her gaze up to meet mine.
"You're not bothering me." Jessie said sincerely, and I rolled my eyes, not quite believing her. I hoped it was true, but the way she's been acting recently, and her body language... well, you know what they say, actions speak louder than words.
"Fine, can I just have the sweater?" I asked impatiently. She shook her head as if trying to clear it of all thoughts and figure out what to do next. She began to head over to her bed, still sort of shaking her head.
"Sure. It's got to be around here somewhere." Jessie said as she began to rummage through a pile of clothing sitting on her bed. I took that moment to quickly look around the room, look for any sign of the letter. Any sign at all.
I saw it. On the floor. Next to the trash can. Oh.
Arrow...
Right...
Through...
Heart.
The letter that I poured my all my feelings toward her was tossed carelessly on the floor, like it had been aimed at the trash can but missed. That hurt more than anything I've ever faced before.
"Oh look, you missed the trash." I said, indifferently. She turned around and looked at me then at the letter on the floor, before darting around the bed and grabbing the letter off the floor in one fluid moment.
"I wasn't going to throw it away." She claimed. Yes, Jessie, you just happened to have left it lying on the floor right next to the trash can. Sure. Whatever you say. Sarcasm is such a wonderful thing, isn't it?
"Fine, whatever. Can I just have the letter back please?" I pleaded. Her grip on the letter tightened and I felt the tears springing to my eyes. It was all getting to be too much. I couldn't help but begin to cry. It felt like everything that I've grown to know and love was falling down around me, and I was powerless to stop it.
"You want the letter back?" She asked, wide-eyed. I grabbed it out of her hand and began to walk away, because I didn't want her to see me crying right now.
"Look, I've humiliated myself enough as it is." I stated, hoping that would be enough to satisfy her.
"How?" She questioned. She's kidding, right? Please tell me she's kidding. Ok, fine. How should I put this? How can I explain to Jessie that at this point, I don't care if she likes me like that or if she would ever go out with me... all I care right now, is, well, is not loosing her. Because I care so much about her.
"Because... I shouldn't have written all that stuff." I said before sighing and turning around to face Jessie, once I had walked to the other side of the room. The emotion was thick in my voice. I didn't want it to be there, but it was. I couldn't help it.
"It's ok..." She started - tears evident in her voice - but I cut her off. She took a step towards me.
"No! It's obviously not ok since you'll barely even talk to me!" I took a step towards her. I wanted her to know that I really was sorry, and that I'd take anything and everything back in a heart beat if we could go back to being normal again.
"I just want to be friends!" She said, now fully in tears. I can't bare to see her cry, I just wanted to make it all better.
"That's what I want!" I stated, trying to reassure her. I want to touch her shoulder, but I'm afraid of how she'll react to my touch. So I hold back.
"Well, from your letter..." She started again, but I cut her off once more.
"No! Forget the stupid letter. I don't want anything you don't want." By this point, I'm desperate. I don't care. I just want her back. To be able to hug her again. Touch her again. Anything.
"Well, I just want to be friends." Jessie said through her tears. I can understand that.
"Me too." Ok, so that wasn't exactly a lie...
"I've just been really..." She started, not really sure how to finish her sentence and took another step.
"Confused, I know... me too." I interrupted her again as I took another step so that we were standing face to face, with only a foot or so separating us. Jessie figured that I had done enough interrupting, so she took in upon herself to cut me off and start talking.
"Exactly, and I just didn't know what to do... and you're really important to me." Whoa. I didn't quite expect that one. That meant a lot to me. She looked as if the words had tumbled out on their own, and she didn't quite mean to say them aloud. I looked at my feet then back up at her. She was serious. Dead serious.
"I am?" I asked, not sure if she had meant to say that or not.
"Yes! Don't you know that?" She asked, her eyes wide, brimming with tears. I think it hit her right then that I didn't really know that I was so important to her. I mean, by this point, we both know what she means to me... but, come to think of it, she has never really ever told me how important I am to her.
"Because you are so important to me." I mean that too, for she is very important to me. So important, in fact, that I'd rather just be her friend then be nothing to her at all.
"So can we just be friends? I mean, am I still your friend?" She begged, a scared expression etched on her beautiful features. Relief. That's probably one of the only words that could describe what I was feeling then. I smiled and pulled her into a bear hug.
"Yes, of course! Oh my god." I stated, my the excitement and relief evident in my voice. I hugged her tight while still clutching the letter in my right hand, and I closed my eyes. "Of course you're still my friend."
"So just throw the stupid letter out, ok?" I imploringly whispered. I felt her body stiffen as she relaxed her hold on me and pulled back so she could look me in the eye. When Jessie pulled back she looked... different from how she normally looks. I mean, normally, she looks beautiful, but right now... she looked a bit shocked. Like she wondered how I could ever ask her to do such a thing. Throw the letter away?
"I can't. I can't throw it away... I want to keep it forever." She said with so much sincerity my heart leapt. Then her eyes shifted back and forth, and a look came across her features that I'd never seen before. Like she was trying to make a decision, but she was powerless against it. Like she had no choice in the matter... that what was going to happen would happen. Like... it was fate or something.
She leaned up and kissed me. It wasn't long, it was more of a brush of lips. Soft and gentle, like she was, full of love. When she pulled back, she looked almost confused. Her eyes were wide with shock a second time in less than five minutes, and she looked at me differently. She blinked a few times before finding her voice.
"Oh my god..." she breathed, still staring up at me.
"What?" I asked, fully knowing what she was thinking.
"I just... um..." I don't know if she couldn't finish her sentence, or if she thought she was stating the obvious. 'kissed you.' was what she was thinking. I could tell. Her face changed... she was searching for words, it seemed like they'd all left her for the time being. Her eyes fluttered open and shut for a moment.
"I know." I said, barely audible. At once she looked as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she smiled. All the pieces of the puzzle were now put together... everything fit, and the picture that I saw almost all along, was now obvious to her. We were meant to be together.
She exhaled before leaning up and kissing me again. I expected it this time, and met her half way. The feeling was wonderful, like flying or something. It was something new and exhilarating... something that I knew that I would NEVER get tired of. Ever. When we pulled back, she had the same look in her eyes, yet it was slightly different. A look of love, of adoration maybe? No matter, it was a wonderful look. I leaned my forehead against hers, and smiled at her. She smiled back, with that ever-so-cute smile, and again, my heart melted.
I reached down and took her hand in mine, massaging it slowly. Soft. Gentle. Beautiful. Like her. Warm skin... sent shivers up and down my spine. Any time I had touched Jessie before, I always felt something, but this time it was real. Like fireworks going off inside my head. It felt so good.
We stood like that for a few moments, just looking and smiling at each other. It's like she looked at me in a whole new light... differently. And it was good. I wanted to kiss her again, but I was afraid at how fast everything would be moving... and she was still not quite used to this idea... so I figured I'd take it slow. After all, I've waited this long, I don't want to ruin it yet. I cleared my throat... I had to break the silence.
"Ehem... so... do you want to do something tomorrow night... hang out... watch a movie...er... anything?" I asked, sort of nervously. Her smile grew. I didn't think it was possible, but it did.
"Yes! Of course!" She answered. She squeezed my hand, and pulled me over to the foot of her bed, where she motioned to sit down and lean against the bed. I began to sit, but she caught me and quickly pecked me on the lips. Then my smile grew. This was everything I hoped for... and more.
She sat down on the floor facing me, leaning against the foot of her bed, just starring at me with so much love and adoration... it kind of made me uncomfortable. Not in a bad way... just... I don't know how to explain it. Her gaze was so intense that I had trouble keeping eye contact. I half smiled at her, as I shifted how I was sitting. Right then, someone knocked on the door, causing both of us to jump to our feet and look as if nothing had happened at all.
"Who is it?" She called out. I had to smile... she'd learned not to just say 'come in' anymore.
"It's Grace, can I come up?" Came the reply.
"Uhh... sure." Jessie called back, walking around the room with her hands shoved deep in her pockets. I heard the door open and the steps creak as Grace climbed them. When she turned around she had a huge smile on her face.
"Oh, sorry." She said when she saw me.
"No problem" I returned. There was an awkward pause before Jessie spoke up.
"She was just bringing me some homework." She turned to me "So... thanks." She smiled once more, and I took my cue to leave.
"Any time!" I grabbed the sweater and walked past Grace "See you Grace!" And with that, I floated down the stairs and out to my car. This was definitely a good thing... but where would it go? How long would it last? Those were questions that I didn't know the answer to. But I was ok with that. Because now I felt like I could face anything and everything. Because I now knew that Jessie felt the same way about me as I felt about her. That now she would be at my side.
All I have to say is, there is now a grin permanently etched on my face. Because Jessie was mine.
I often look back at this moment that changed both of our lives, and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't written that letter, or I had turned away when I was at her door, debating about going in.
But I'm glad I didn't freak and run. I'm glad I gave it one last chance. Because if I hadn't... if I'd turned around, chickened out, then I wouldn't have ended up dating one of the most amazing people in the entire world. And if I had to do it again, I would do it the same way. Our relationship was... is amazing. grin You want to know how much so? Well, you could ask our children…
The End... of this one. Feedback on what comes next please!