Notes: This, truly, has no story behind it beyond the fact that the big project I'm working on right now (a Harry Potter AU) has exactly zero Tails in it at this point in time (though it will eventually) and I'm really missing him. So, I've been writing... a lot from his POV. The only rule in this collection is that every oneshot will be from Tails's POV and after that there's no rules. These will be mainly domestic in nature, but there might be some adventures. Also, expect a lot of reflection on Sonic's character, because who else is better equipped to remark on Sonic than his best friend? Look out, here comes snark.

I know that most people who do these types of oneshots like to say how old Sonic and Tails are at the beginning of each chapter, but I'm not about that life so I'll slip it into the narrative itself if it's important. If it's not there, feel free to imagine Tails between the ages of eight and twelve.

All, right, let's get this train rolling.

Disclaimer: I'm from a time when we did these and I can't let go of the past.

Onward!

Aviator

1. Customer Service

(In which Tails answers the phone and immediately regrets it.)

Tails knows, intellectually, that Eggman must have his fingers in countless pies in order to have enough money to build all his outrageous flying bases, but sometimes his search programs turn up some ridiculous results: fast food joint, a forestry business (he had plans to check that one out next week; the last thing they needed was a robot that tossed full-sized trees at Sonic's head), a movie theater, a mall, and even a water park.

And, as Tails is now painfully aware, a tech company.

A tech company with customer service reps. Who answer phones. And very gently and patiently tell frustrated consumers to please power cycle their OWL brand computers and cell phones even though they know that won't fix the issue but it's protocol.

Tails knows all this because Sonic's great big good idea of the year was for someone to go undercover at this tech company because, "Tails, don't you see, this can't be good. What if he's sending gaba waves into people's brains through their phones? Mind control, Tails!" And who better to send in than the tech genius?

So, grumbling that GABA is a neurotrasmitter, not a wave, Tails was bundled into Sonic's version of a disguise—glasses, that's it—and pushed into the nine-to-five grind. He doesn't even remember the review process, but his fabricated references and resume were more than enough to get him a job, so here he is, sitting here before a computer with terrible virus protection with a headset over his ears. The glasses are too tight and he's getting a headache, which is just making him even more angry, and he knows he's going to yell at the next person that rings his phone.

He hasn't found much, not that he can get away from his desk. Still, he's hacked the computer right open and Eggman honest to Chaos has it hooked into his main network. There's a massive firewall Tails can't get through with this weak-as-wet-paper terminal protecting his main data, but Tails has access to thousands of worthless junk files, all detailing the retail empire Eggman has managed to build himself. It's easy as hell to get it all into the portable hard drive he brought, but he can't even feel victorious because all this only took fifteen minutes into his first shift and it's basically worthless. Not like they can just attack a paper towel factory for no reason, even if they know who owns it.

So, with terabytes of data squirreled away, he still doesn't know anything.

Well, he knows one thing: for all his patience with Sonic, Tails can be terribly impatient with people who just want to yell at him because their precious laptops won't do what they want. It's not like he can't relate, but he's also of the mind that you should try to solve your own problems before yelling at someone else.

The phone rings. He sighs, mentally preparing for the next screaming fit, and hits the button to answer it. "OWL customer service. My name is Miles. How can I help you today?"

"Green beans," the voice on the other end whispers. It's so faint, Tails almost doesn't hear it.

"Excuse me?"

"Green beans!" the voice returns, now at normal volume but with all the oomph of a quarterback calling out a play. Something in his head recognizes the voice, but he can't place it through the distortion of the phone.

"Um, okay, sir, I think you have the wrong number..."

"Tails, it's me! Sonic!"

Distantly, Tails feels his headache begin to throb because of course it is. "Sonic? What the heck? Why are you yelling vegetables at me?"

"It's the code word, Tails! How else could know it was me?"

Tails sighs and opens his mouth to rip into Sonic, but then he notices the person across from him sending him a strange glance and he decides against it. He leans further into his desk to at least pretend he has privacy. "What do you want, Sonic?"

"Do you know how many times I had to call to get you? There's a lotta people working there. I had a nice conversation with a lady named Macy though. You should invite her over for dinner sometime. She sounds like she has lovely kids."

"Sonic," Tails grits, "you do realize these calls are monitored, right?"

"Of course, I'm not completely dense. I hooked your computer trace blocker thingie into the call. I've seen you do it enough times."

Of course he had, and Sonic's a quick study. Show him how to do anything a few times and he can replicate it flawlessly. But, that's not the point.

"What do you need, man? I got like everyone watching me because I'm the new guy. I can't be taking a personal call. They're gonna find me out."

"Oh, that's whatever. We have a new lead."

"What?"

"Yeah, Knuckles saw something from Angel Island like two hours ago. The tech stuff can wait."

"What?"

"Yeah, so you can like, come back."

"Sonic... Why didn't you tell me this... two hours ago?"

"Because! I told you! It too me forever to get you!"

"You could've just run here!"

"Yeah but then your cover would'a been blown!"

Tails can practically see Sonic's snake charmer smile, the one he uses when he's trying to jerk Tails around. Sometimes... Sometimes Tails could kill his friend. Sixteen-years-old and he's about to commit murder.

"You're so full of crap," Tails mutters as he hits a few keys to remove his presence from the computer entirely. The hard drive whines in response and Tails hits it once. The piece of junk does what its told slowly, and then Tails turns it off completely. "I'll meet you at the Workshop."

"See you there!" Sonic trills and the line goes dead.

Tails tugs the headset off and spikes it into his chair. "I'm going to the bathroom," he rumbles to the nosey ferret across from him and she nods in return.

He turns, leaves, and never comes back.

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