Author's notes: This is my first fanfic in a very long time. So I have to admit I'm a bit nervous posting this. But, I hope you enjoy it. Spoilers for episode 2x06: Tallahassee.
Disclaimer: Once Upon a Time and it's characters are copyright to ABC Network, Disney, Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis. No infringement intended.
Broken
Summery: Emma thinks about Neal while in Tallahassee.
She hates him. She really hated him. Even more than her parents. At least they were faceless people who left her by the side of the road and refused to come back for her. They never tricked her into falling in love with them. She had fallen for him. Fallen hard.
And, now here she was in a rented motel room in Tallahassee doing the one thing she knows she shouldn't. She was here to look for him. For some hope that it had all been a misunderstanding that Neal was here waiting for her. That he never gave up on her. On his promise. To make a home.
She had never felt so pathetic in her life. She had been setup by him so he could take the money and run. And, what was she doing? Still looking for him. To ask him what? What would she say to him if she ever met him face to face? Why did he do it? Well, greed was the obvious answer. That he never loved her was another. That answer was a harder pill to swallow.
She had been used and she knew that. She lifted the car keys off the side table, and ran her thumb across the swan on the keychain. She would have done anything for him. And he left her to do time in jail. And with a baby.
She bit her lip trying to push to the back of her mind the memory of the baby boy she had given away. She couldn't have kept him. She wanted to, but she knew she was in no position to give him a good life. So she did the only thing that felt right and put him up for adoption.
How things could have been different if his father hadn't ran out on them. On her.
That wasn't entirely fair though. Neal hadn't known about the baby. She wondered if it would have made any difference? Probably not.
She felt her grip tighten on the keychain. Right at this moment she hated that swan. The gift of broken promises, tainted love and a home that she'll never have.
Emma threw the keys across the room and was vaguely aware of them hitting the wall on the far side. She brought her knees up to her elbows, and with her head in her hands shuddered as she sobbed for anger that had been overwhelming her since that fateful day in Portland.
When she was betrayed by the only person she had ever loved.
He was awake. He had tried to rest but sleep was eluding him tonight. Just like every other night. When he did sleep he was plagued with nightmares of a young feisty blonde yelling at him, calling him a liar and a coward.
He wasn't a coward. Or maybe he was? He didn't know anymore. He definitely was a liar. But it was for her own good. She had something greater than him. A destiny that he was holding her back from.
Who was he to stand in the way of her achieving greatness.
Every day he was going through the motions. Trying to make himself a better person. The person she deserves. Each passing day waiting on news from that guy who knew Emma could do more in her life than what he could offer. He would wake up wondering if this is it? Is this the day that he can go back for her and beg for her forgiveness. Plead with her to believe him when he tells her that he loves her.
He's almost sure she won't. He knows that she will probably react like she does in his nightmares. He has to make her believe. He just has to. Surely the truth will convince her that he loves her with all his heart, body and soul?
He folds his arms and tucks the covers underneath. She needs to know he did it for her. He sighs as he closes his eyes. He can see her in her ponytail and glasses all hopeful that they'll find a home together, one that he knew she had been searching for her whole life. So had he.
He glances up to the dream catcher that hangs on the wall above his bed. He hopes it works tonight. But instead of lying down he remains with his back against the pillow. This will probably be another sleepless night.
He knows it. Guilt can be just as cruel as nightmares.
Emma crawls over to the wall where the keychain had hit at full force. She picks the keys up, but the chain has broken and lies on the floor. She felt the pangs in her chest. She didn't mean to break it. She picks up the swan, and holds it tenderly as if it's one of the most precious things she's ever seen.
The other most precious was her son. Their son.
She opens up her holdall and pulls out a necklace. She removes the small trinket from the chain, and carefully replaces it with the pendent. She's lost in memories that she hadn't allowed herself to remember as she walks over to the mirror. She watches her reflection as puts the necklace on. The swan is now resting against her chest.
She lets her fingers move along the necklace until they touch the swan.
She hates him. She really hates him. She closes her eyes and clutches what is left of the keychain Neal gave her.
But she loves him too.