A DIFFERENT CHOICE

By Daydreaming P.

This is my last creation. I wanted to try a JimmyLou story. It has been quite difficult for me to write it, sicne I'm a Kidette to the core, but I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to Lisa for having beta-read this story and to catsimmie who spurred me into continue it when I wasn't so sure it was a good story.

Let me know what do you think of it, and also if you prefer a Jimmy-Lou final or a Kid-Lou final, because I have only a vague idea about the end...

Chapter 1

They were kissing. Lou and Jimmy were kissing, tenderly hugging each other in one of the stable boxes. Kid's eyes widened in shock. He'd entered to put up a forgotten tool and had seen them. A sharp pain invaded him. How many times had he and Lou done that? Sneaking away to find time for each other through the chores of the day, longing for those moments to spent alone. But now all was different, another man was holding Lou, another man was making her smile sweetly, and his best friend was doing it. Kid felt like he was suffocating. Backing away, he staggered and violently banged his shoulder against the doorpost.

Jimmy and Lou turned, alarmed by the sound. Kid saw their eyes full of astonishment and sorrow. Lou opened her mouth to say something but he turned and ran from the barn.

"Kid!" He heard Lou calling him. She had run after him, but Kid didn't turn. He felt like a coward but he couldn't face her at that moment.

"Kid!" Lou reached him; she took him by the arm and made him turn. "Kid, wait…"

"Let me go…please," he begged.

Lou saw his glistening eyes and heard his contracted voice; he was on the verge of tears. She let him go and watched him mount Katy and rode away. The girl fought the desire of follow him, while her own tears began to run down her cheeks.

°°°°°°

Kid dismounted and fell to the ground where he remained immobile and shocked. He still couldn't believe what he had just seen. All his hopes and expectations, all his dreams had been destroyed by the kiss he had just witnessed. He thought something had changed with Lou in the weeks after Amanda's rescue, that they were rebuilding what they had lost. Instead he had only fooled himself. He began to cry.

He had fallen for her from the first day, and when she returned his feelings he felt the luckiest man on the earth, but it hadn't been easy at the beginning; they both were confused and uncertain. It had been the best time of his life and the most problematic. They loved each other with all the passion and the ardour of new love. It had been a bumpy road, but finally they couldn't deny what they were feeling anymore.

Kid would have made her happy, given her what she wanted; but she was too strong, too independent for him. The bonds of his love and care had smothered her, so she had left him.

When Lou refused his proposal it was as if his world had crumbled on him. He had offered her his heart and she refused it. "We went too far, too fast," She told him. "It's better to return just being friends" But they couldn't. Back then he was so much in pain he had hurt her, even if it was the last thing he had wanted. He had said things he didn't feel and belittled their love in front of their friends when it had been the most important thing he had ever had.

He had seen her went away with tears in her eyes and a broken heart. Jimmy was the one who had consoled her… it had been Jimmy who made her feel good…Jimmy who understood her and didn't question her choices. It was Jimmy who deserved her.

°°°°°°

It was dinnertime, but Kid still hadn't returned. Lou knew where he was; his favourite spot near the pond. The place where the two of them had begun to meet and talk since they arrived in Rock Creek. How good those moments had been …they had talked and joked and teased again, without that distance that had grown between them.

She had deluded him, she knew that. She had seen his love in those blue eyes of his and the hope that everything could return as it used to be. He never made any more advances; he wouldn't do such a thing without a signal from her, and Lou hadn't been able to tell him how the trip with Elijah Mills had changed everything.

She had been selfish, she knew it, but she hadn't wanted to lose their newfound closeness. But on the other hand, she hadn't been ready to reveal her new relationship either. For this reason she accepted the dance with Kid during the Summer Social and had let him console her after Ike's death. She knew those gestures meant a lot to him, but she couldn't renounce them. By doing so she had broken his heart.

Lou looked at Jimmy, who was sitting across from her at the table. He looked as troubled as she was feeling. The young man couldn't forget Kid's desolate expression when he had seen them. 'I've betrayed my best friend,' Jimmy thought. 'I went behind his back and took away the only woman he truly loved.'

Jimmy had seen how Kid's eyes lit up every time Lou smiled at him, listened to his secrets and hopes…Kid had trusted him and he didn't say anything. He was scared; scared that if Kid would have discovered their relationship he would have tried to win Lou's heart again, and Jimmy knew how much she still cared for him.

When Kid rode away, Lou burst into tears, pushing him away as he tried to console her. Jimmy hadn't seen Lou for the rest of the afternoon and when Rachel called them for dinner, she had passed near him without looking at him. His heart had sunk. Had Lou changed her mind?

"Where's Kid?" Teaspoon's voice distracted him from his reverie.

Jimmy and Lou exchanged a glance, but the girl quickly averted her eyes.

"I sent him over to the widow Archer's" Rachel responded. "If he hasn't returned yet, Abigail has most likely asked him to stay for dinner."

Jimmy looked at the woman astonished, but she gave him a look full of understandings. 'Lou must have told her everything,' he thought.

°°°°°°

The riders had already turned in for the night when finally Lou heard the familiar sound of Katy's hooves. She waited for Kid to come in but after almost twenty minutes later and he still hadn't showed himself, she couldn't wait any longer.

She got up and dressed herself and then she headed towards the door.

"Lou?" Jimmy called in a whisper. He had sat up when he had heard her movements.

She went to him; she understood perfectly how confused he must be at that moment. He was scared that she would change her mind now that Kid had discovered them. The look Jimmy gave her made Lou's heart soften. Quickly she went to Jimmy's side. "It's okay Jimmy. Go back to sleep."

"But..."

"Please Jimmy." She kissed him softly on the lips.

He lay down again on his bunk, somewhat reassured by her gesture. Lou left the bunkhouse and headed to the barn. She was sorry to have left Jimmy like that but right now all she could think about was that she had to make things right with Kid.

She had never seen him so pained, not even the day she refused his proposal. After their reconciliation she had sworn to never hurt him again. But that afternoon when she looked in his tearful eyes, it was like she could hear his heart breaking all over again.

Grabbing a lantern she entered the barn. There wasn't any sound, other than the soft snoring of the horses. Going over to Katy's stall, she saw Kid curled in a corner with his knees raised and his forehead leaning on his arms; in much the same fashion she founded him at the pond after Doritha's funeral.

Lou crouched before him.

"Kid," she called softly.

He raised his head a bit surprised, as if he hadn't heard her come. His eyes were dry now, but it was difficult to look at them all the same.

"Kid, where have you been? You worried us."

He diverted his gaze and got up.

"I'm sorry, I just needed some time alone." He headed toward the stalls' entrance but Lou stopped him. He wouldn't run away on her again.

"Kid, wait," she grabbed his arm. "It's not what you think."

He turned to look at her.

"And how is it, then?"

Lou struggled under his stare.

"Things are too difficult between us, Kid. Don't you remember how much we fought?! How much I made you worry? How much you made me crazy…"

He didn't say anything, continuing to stare at her.

"With Jimmy it's easier?" he asked after several moments.

Lou didn't answer immediately.

"With Jimmy," she hesitated. "With Jimmy it's different." With him there was no pressure. They both knew that where ever the relationship led them, there were no expectations. She could maintain her independence and she wasn't judged for what she did. She felt free. Jimmy didn't ask her for anything; he accepted what she gave him. And it was what she needed now... "It's better with Jimmy."

She could tell by his expression she had hurt him once more. Her heart began to bleed, but she couldn't continue to lie to him. Yes with Jimmy it was easier. Damn, she loved Kid, but she wasn't ready to be what he asked for; it was too much. She was sure if she had accepted his proposal or simply got back with him again, that he would have loved her for all of his life and he would do everything to make her happy. What she didn't know was if she would have been able to return those feelings.

"For how long?" he managed to say.

"Since…since Elijah's trip…"

"I see…" Kid said. What else could he say when he felt like he was dying at that very moment? "I really have done everything wrong with you, haven't I?"

"No Kid…" Lou stretched a hand to caress his cheek. "It isn't like that at all… It's me…I -I'm not… I don't know how to be what you need, who you need."

Even to her ears, it sounded like nothing more than an excuse…

Kid drew back from her hand. Lou's eyes filled with tears, he never withdrew from her, never in that way, as if her touch hurt him.

"Sorry," he said, seeing her tears. "But I want to be alone now…" his voice cracked and he turned his head away from her.

She nodded and left. She had no right to console him, not now that she had made her choice, but it didn't make her feel better.

That night she cried bitterly in her bunk. Why did she feel as if she was being split in two? On one hand there was Kid, who loved her with all of his soul, and yet she wasn't sure if she was ready to pay the price for making the commitment he wanted of her. On the other there was Jimmy, who loved her as much as Kid and probably understood her even better. But he hadn't offered anything to her nor asked for anything in return.

It would have been a lot easier if she had fallen for Jimmy during their trip at Willow Creek, when Kid had turned his attention to Samantha. In that moment his decision had been the confirmation of her doubts and insecurities and if Jimmy would have kissed her, she probably would have accepted him without all the remorse she was feeling now.

But now everything was different. She and Kid had talked. He had been completely honest with her. He asked for her forgiveness for Samantha and as he explained his feelings openly, he revealed to her his past, his worries and his fears, without leaving anything out. He had opened his heart to her, trusting her completely. But she hadn't been able to give him the same trust, because of that fear to let herself go and to lose her control. His trust had scared her, instead of reassuring her.

Jimmy had his secrets, but he didn't tell them to her. She had only sensed them, like that fateful night during Elijah's journey. Jimmy never opened himself to her as Kid did and for this reason it made her more comfortable.

°°°°°°

The bloodstain widened on Kid's chest, the young man bowed his head to look at it, then he returned to stare at him with widen shocked eyes.

"Why Jimmy…?" it was the last thing he said, before he crumbled on the ground, shot in the heart by his best friend.

"No!" Jimmy woke up suddenly, covered by a thin layer of sweat. His heart beat wildly for a couple of seconds until he realized where he was.

It was early morning and the grey light that came from the windows lightened up the bodies of his sleeping bunkmates. His eyes went immediately to Lou's bunk. When he saw her asleep, curled on her side, he released the breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

His gaze lowered to his best friend bunk, the one he had just dreamed he'd shot. The bed was empty; the blankets were neatly folded as if no one had slept in it. Jimmy's heart began to race once again. Had Kid gone away without saying anything? Rapidly he got up, got dressed and left the bunkhouse.

He went to the barn, because he was sure that Kid wouldn't leave without his beloved Katy. When he spotted the horse in her stall it was as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. He looked for Kid and found him curled in the hay in the mare's stall. On his shirt there was a dark stain and Jimmy sucked his breath, remembering his dream.

"Kid?…Kid!" he called hastily while grabbing Kid's arm. The young man grimaced and Jimmy loosened the grip on his wounded shoulder.

Kid opened his eyes slowly and Jimmy found he couldn't look him in the face.

"Jimmy."

"Hi Kid." he responded awkwardly. "Your…your shoulder is bleeding," he added after some seconds.

Kid looked down at the stain of dried blood on his right shoulder. He had hit a nail when he bumped against the doorframe and it had scratched deeply his skin. He hadn't noticed it the day before, but now it began to hurt.

"I'll go see if Rachel can patch me," Kid said tonelessly. He got up without taking the hand Jimmy offered and headed for the barn door.

"Kid…" Jimmy called him, not wanting to let him walk away like that. His friend turned and looked at him and the young gunslinger couldn't pronounce the words that had come to his lips.

Kid turned again and went to Rachel's house.

"Damn!" Jimmy kicked one of the stall's walls, causing an irritated whinny from its occupant. But the young man didn't notice, distracted by his stormy feelings. He felt guilty about Kid and angry at himself. Kid had a way of making him feel miserable and, at the same time, he was angry at Kid for making him feel that way.

Kid had looked him straight in the eye without saying anything, without even accusing him of anything and he couldn't talk. How could Jimmy explain to him that when Lou had turned to him he didn't think twice before returning her feelings; that he hadn't been able to be honest with him? Damn! Kid was his best friend and he couldn't find anything better to do but fall for the woman he loved and take her away from him.

Jimmy had been angry with him when he began to court Samantha, or every time he tried to boss Lou around. But at the same time he had been happy that Kid behaved as a jerk, because this gave him a chance. Kid's errors allowed him to close the distance between them and to win her heart.

They hadn't told anyone about their relationship and it made things easier. It was like living in another reality where there were only the two of them. There was no "Wild Bill," no Kid, and they could ignore the taunts of the others. There was only Lou and him, and it was beautiful. Jimmy could think about his feeling for her without any worries.

But that unexpected coming out obliged him to face the reality: his happiness had destroyed his best friend's and now he and Lou and him would lose him for that reason.