Jacob, Don't!
By Lady of Spain
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.
A/N: This is a departure for Lady of Spain. This story will actually follow canon; however, wording from the original will be used sparingly, and lots of my scenes will be thrown in for good measure. The story of his frustration and pain will be told through Jacob's eyes.
Chapter One: Stirrings in My Heart
God, I was so in love with her. But every time I tried to get just a little bit closer, all I heard was, "Jacob, don't." I wished she would delete that little phrase from her vocabulary. Jeez, it wasn't like I was trying to haul her off to bed or anything, not that it hadn't crossed my mind—a lot. After all, I was fifteen and those stinkin' hormones were pulsing through my veins. Okay, so I was a guy. I couldn't help it; I was made this way. She knew I would never go beyond what she was comfortable with though. The problem was: she wasn't comfortable with any physical show of affection from me. I only wanted to feel her warm skin next to mine, for Pete's sake. She wouldn't even let me hold her hand, or put my arm around he. And sneakin' in a kiss? Forget it!
And through it all, I was still such a sucker for her. How did all this happen to me? I wondered. You're probably wondering too. Well ...
It all started when Bella came to our house when I was little. Then, her dad and mom divorced and I only got to see her on occasion when she visited during the summer. Charlie would drag her with him to our house, and she'd play with my sisters. I tried to tag along, but she didn't pay much attention to me. Yeah, it's funny how some things never change. Funny, but I'm definitely not laughing.
Then, I didn't see her for years. I really missed her. My heart just about exploded when I found out she was actually coming to live in Forks. Hallelujah! And double hallelujah—I got to gift her with the old '53 Chevy truck Charlie had bought from my dad. Phew, that was close. No self–respecting teenage boy would be seen driving that ancient behemoth.
To most people it would seem a small thing getting inside the truck with her to go over all its idiosyncrasies. But man, just the scent of her nearly sent me into orbit. Was that the scent of strawberries I was inhaling? I wanted to nuzzle her neck and breathe in that sweet aroma. Maybe it was the shampoo she used, but whatever it was, it knocked me for a loop. I had to swallow hard, and strain to get the words out. I kept sneaking sidelong glances at her, but she never once looked at me the whole time we were in the cab. I guess I was still Rachel and Rebecca's pesky little brother, huh?
We stayed for a while at Charlie's that day. He and my dad watched a game on the TV. Bella asked me if I wanted to go up to her room. Better believe it, honey.
I snickered as Charlie cautioned, "Leave the door open, Bells."
Did he really think his daughter would be doin' anything naughty with a freshman, no less? She had just barely begun to look at me—big whoop!
Her room was small and pretty sissy with twinkle lights all over, doodads hung around the walls, and a purple flowery bedspread on her bed—her bed ... Get that outta your head, Jake. As small as it was, her room was easily twice the size of mine.
"What did you want to do, Jacob?" Bella asked, as she sat on the bed.
I stood there like an idiot. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the bed. My voice finally emerged. That was a dumb question as far as I was concerned, but I came up with an equally dumb answer. "Do you have any video games?"
"No, sorry. I think they're a big waste of time."
Great—now I was not only a little brother, but a time wasting little brother.
I scratched the back of my head nervously. "You wanna watch a movie or somethin'?"
She-bit-her-bottom-lip. Now, I was drawn like a magnet to that sight too. I watched her mouth move as she said, "Um ... our only TV is downstairs, and our dads are glued to it."
I was crashing and burning in slow motion here. Timidly, I sat beside her, grasping at straws by this point. "Music?"
"Okay," she replied as she got up and crossed the room. She reached up to a shelf above her head to get down a CD. As she stretched, her shirt rose a few inches, exposing some of the creamiest skin I had ever seen. If it wasn't so obvious, I'd have been gnawing on my knuckles.
She put the CD into the player. It was Muse. Ugh! I couldn't stand that group, but I didn't say anything.
Next, she began scrounging around in her dresser. Finding what she was looking for, she held up a pack of cards, Rook to be exact. "Would you like to play a game?"
Kissing games came to mind, but I knew that wouldn't happen. So, I guess I was stuck playing Rook.
I was usually such a blabbermouth at home. My best friends, Embry and Quil were frequently telling me to shut it, already. Why was I so tongue-tied now? She was just a girl, I told myself. I didn't have a problem talking to other girls, so why this one? Bella being so quiet didn't make things any easier either. The conversation was awkward to say the least. If it wasn't for the card game, we would've really been roaming aimlessly in Silent City.
When the ball game downstairs ended, I wanted to kick myself. I could have told her all about my friends and school and the rez. I didn't even ask her about Phoenix, or why she came back. Maybe after we spent more time with each other my lips would loosen up a little. Jeez, I certainly hoped so.
Weeks passed and I was anxious to see Bella again. Tinkering in the garage had lost some of its attraction. Life was boring, school was boring, I was boring. I needed to see her.
Quil and Embry couldn't even get me back on the road to happiness. They were my best buds. I had known them all my life. They began teasing me about being so ... mopey.
One day, in my garage—aka, the Taj Mahal— Quil stood in front of my Rabbit flippin' a wrench in his hand. He suddenly brayed, "You're no fun anymore. You gotta face it, man. This Bella is out-of-your-league. She's a junior; you're a lowly freshman. Get it?"
I'd been antsy, pacing back and forth. I leaned over and picking up a dirty rag, threw it at him. "Do you have to rub it in? I know I'm a freshman, stupid. What I need is some kind of strategy to make her forget about that insignificant bit of information."
"Good luck with that," Embry snickered. He stretched his legs out, as he sat on an old orange crate. "Dream on, man. This Bella is never gonna ignore that fact. It's like the number one rule of the female sex. Never go out with a guy below your grade level."
"How would you know, Embry? Have you ever even looked at a girl?" Quil taunted.
"I've got eyes ... and ears, Ateara," Embry huffed.
Quil clicked his tongue in disgust. "Collecting information, and experiencing it, are two different things, Call!"
"Look, guys ... chill, huh. I need advise not all this bickering."
Quil shook his head. "Advice? Here's some for ya—forget about her. There are way too many other flowers to buzz around ..." Then he added, looking up at the ceiling dreamily, "... just waiting to be pollinated."
If only it was that easy—I mean, you know—to forget her. I wasn't about to go out and pollinate anybody either. I liked to think I was more discriminating than that. Taking the wrench that Quil was playing with, I lifted the hood to my half-built vehicle and dug in.
My dad and Charlie went fishing every weekend, but sadly I didn't see much of Bella at all, not that I blamed her. It was hard to admit, but as Quil so aptly pointed out, she probably had reservations about hangin' with a fourteen year old, but hey, in three more months I'd be fifteen.
Then one day, Embry, along with his ever-present shadow, Quil, came by to harass me again as usual. They marched right into my bedroom without knockin'. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was dressed in a towel.
Quil started pulling on my arm. "C'mon, man, you gotta get out more often. The sun's out. Let's go to First Beach. Maybe we'll meet some girls."
Embry slapped me on the back, and quickly grabbed the towel away, leaving me standing in my altogether. "Yeah, look at you, Jake. Your tan is fading."
They both laughed at that stupid joke—idiots!
Despite, my protests, they talked me into gettin' into some clothes and goin' with them to scope out the beach.
While we were there, we noticed a bunch of kids from Forks building a fire. Jeez, my pulse accelerated as soon as I saw that Bella was with them. There was some sandy colored blond buzzing around her like a human fly though. Damn, was that her boyfriend?
I wanted to run up and say hi, but I didn't want to humiliate myself by appearing too eager to see her. Between that, and being a freshman, there was no way I would embarrass her in front of all those juniors.
Bella had gotten up and went with a group to look at some tide pools, I guess. Quil, Embry and I decided to join the remaining group by the fire. After a little while, Bella returned, gave me a quick glance and smiled, then as usual, went about ignoring me. I remembered one of the girls made a comment about the Cullens. That's when Sam came up to the girl and out of nowhere remarked, "The Cullens don't come here".
Right after that comment, the strangest thing happened—Bella left her friends and made a beeline in my direction. I nearly swallowed my tongue. Was I hallucinating? She was definitely walking straight toward me. I looked to both sides. Nope, I was sure that she hadn't met Quil or Embry yet, so she had to be seeking me out—me!
"Hey, Jacob," she cooed.
Embry shot me an elbow to the ribs and quirked an eyebrow. Startled out of my daze, I stood up.
Bella looked up at me from under her eyelashes. Was I missing something here, or was she actually flirting with me? "Would you like to take a walk with me on the beach?"
After the paralysis left my tongue, I finally blurted, "Sure, sure." What else would I have said? I wanted to be alone with her in the worst way. I turned to my boys, and smirked. Quil threw a handful of sand at me, but I side-stepped it easily.
Remembering our last meeting, I was surprised that this time, the conversation flowed, especially when she started asking questions about our tribal legends—the superstitious nonsense of the Cold Ones and the Spirit Warriors. Why were people so interested in scary stories? Bella, I thought was more serious minded and practical. Why of all people would she care? And yet here she was raptly attentive to my tales, and admittedly still flirting. Now, I didn't have much experience with girls—okay, so I didn't have any experience with girls, but it sure seemed like it. At least I think she was flirting. Wasn't she?
Our time together was cut short when I heard rocks clattering under someone's feet. That blond guy had found us, and told Bella that their group was ready to leave, dammit. He stood a ways off, motioning to her to join him. I opened my mouth, yet afraid to hear the answer to my question, "Is that your boyfriend?"
My heart stilled, waiting on her reply.
An eye roll accompanied her response. "Oh my gosh, no."
My heartbeat picked up again. Yeah, hope once more sprang between the cracks of despair. The organ inside my chest thumped louder and faster as she added, "I'll come with Charlie more often, when he and Billy go fishing." And then, she winked at me! I was speechless; virtually glued to the spot as she turned, waving goodbye.
Returning to the spot where my two friends awaited, I was greeted with, "Wooh, Black! No denying it, that fine lady was giving you the eye!"
I was still stunned. "I'm as amazed as you are, Em. I can barely believe it. Do you think she was flirting with me?"
He got up from where he was sitting and tapped me on the arm. "No doubt about it. Who was she anyway?"
Quil shot up beside him, shoving Embry aside. "And more importantly, does she have a sister?"
Rubbing my nails upon the front of my windbreaker, I acknowledged, "That, my boys, was the girl I've been tellin' ya about."
"Shuuutt uuup! That's Bella?" Quil said, his brow wrinkling. "No wonder, your brain has been sorta foggy lately."
"Ya think?" I fired back. "Okay, guys, mission accomplished. I met a girl. How did you losers do?"
I hopped to quickly, and sprinted toward the road while my two buds tried to tackle me. They hooted and hollered all the way back to the house.