A/N: So apparently, after Plot Twists and Not For Naught, I'm actually continuing with the idea of writing nonsensical things for events in a Reading the Books story that I will never write. Just, these things barely ever happen in those kinds of fics, and that makes me sad. So I write cracky one-shots to make myself happy. I drank Coke today, if you were wondering, and a slice of cake, so I'm probably still sugar-high.
Beware, dudes. This is pretty cracky.
Annabeth honestly thought that, for once, this day would be normal. Comparatively, at least. Just yesterday she had to witness the unholy sight of Leo Valdez drunk and pole dancing. It wasn't just that, but Hermes kept on wolf-whistling. And then, and then, when Leo had collapsed, Hephaestus had picked his son up and went all teary-eyed, whispering softly to his son's curly hair. "I am so proud of you, my son," he had said, actually shaking. Leo had dreamily smiled at his dad, and Annabeth would honestly find it rather touching under different circumstances. Much different circumstances. There was a reason why she suddenly couldn't breathe when Poseidon, eyes misty, had picked Percy up and hugged him when they saw each other. And when Aphrodite had told Piper that she was so much more than she could ever ask for. Or that one time when Zeus had looked at Jason, changed into Jupiter for a moment, and actually smiled.
That was heartwarming. It made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Which was also why Annabeth had almost cried when her own mother had told her that she, out of all her children, out of all her sons and daughters, out of even Daedalus, was the one she cherished most of all.
For the first time, Annabeth had actually appreciated a Monday for existing.
She didn't appreciate the one yesterday.
Come to think of it, she's starting to grow an annoyance for Tuesdays.
Her right eye twitched, and her hand started to reach for her dagger. It's been an hour, and Percy still hasn't come down yet. Granted, her boyfriend (and how exciting is that? She has a boyfriend, a really handsome and cute boyfriend, one with a great ass, and wow, her Rachel side needs to stop coming out so often) has never been on time for the daily readings. But still. The latest he's ever been was forty-eight minutes, twenty-two seconds, and that was on the first day. Sometimes, he's even one of the earliest to show up. Annabeth checked her watch, as she's been doing for the past hour to the point of obsessive-compulsiveness, and glared at it. One hour, three minutes, fifty-two seconds. She was almost starting to worry about him.
Ares yawned, stretching his arms. "Why'd we need that little upstart to start, anyway? He's lived through it once, no sense waiting for him to read the damn book. And why'd we need to read anyway? We got dear Hephie here and his punk of a son to build something to read for us. And, damn it, books. Can't we watch videos or something?" He whined, grimacing.
Annabeth suddenly remembered that she had a dagger in her hand.
Her mother's mouth twitched downward. "The Fates have made it very clear that we cannot open, much less read, the books unless all of us are present. That includes young Percy. Unfortunately." Athena turned to Annabeth, who frowned, knowing what was coming next. "My dear child, surely you must have found someone better than the hellish Sea Spawn? There is Richard Campbell in the Apollo cabin, don't you get along well? The both of you share the same taste in weapons, after all."
"Mom," she started, feeling a migraine coming on, "if you mean the thirteen-year-old kid who flirts endlessly with everyone, serenaded Percy that one time, and annoys me to Tartarus and back, then no. We don't get along well."
Athena frowned, as if she honestly did not expect them to not be sucking face. Aphrodite giggled, "Well, there's a reason why I'm the goddess of love, aren't I?" In her peripheral vision, Annabeth saw Piper rolling her eyes, and resisted the urge to do the same. Instead, she checked her watch again. One hour, nine minutes, eleven seconds. Damn.
Standing up, Annabeth said, "I'm going to check on Percy." She started to, anyway. The same moment, the doors opened, and there stood a silhouette of someone who she expected to be very pretty, judging by her slim figure and curves. The girl stepped forward, and some light rained upon her, revealing a very beautiful woman in very short shorts and a Camp Half-Blood t-shirt that hugged her frame in all the right places. Annabeth started to feel a little envious, looking down at her chest, but then she saw the girl's face. Or rather her eyes.
Green eyes. Very expressive, slightly big, sea-green eyes that she only saw on two people. Unless Poseidon had another child at the very same age as his other one, or this girl came from the future, or this was a person who she knew very intimately to be a male. Looking at Apollo's terrified expression, Annabeth grimly concluded that her boyfriend turned into a girl. A hot one. Very hot. Curves in all the right places, awesome legs, pretty face, and gorgeous hair tumbling in waves. Don't mention the eyes. Oh gods, the eyes.
Didn't you know all demigods were bisexual?
Annabeth opened her mouth, but Leo already beat her to the punch. He immediately sauntered over to Percy, and gave him a wink. And no, Annabeth was not ready to start referring to her boyfriend as a she. Nope. Percy will always and forever will be a he. Her he. Not her her. Ha, that sounds like an extremely stupid laugh. She started to laugh herself, but took her composure and placed it securely around her as her shield. No laughing today, Chase. You now have a girlfriend.
Girlfriend. Oh gods.
She bit her lip and forced herself to concentrate on something else. Piper was looking at Percy enviously as Jason kept on blushing and stammering all over himself. Frank was doing the same. Hazel had her golden eyes wide in confusion. The other gods were...
Well, Ares was openly drooling. Hermes kept on purring and staring. Aphrodite was grinning. Hephaestus, she assumed, couldn't care less, and was looking at Percy like he was trying to figure out where he came from. Zeus was coughing uncomfortably, and Hera was glaring at Percy like she knew exactly what she wanted to do with him. Annabeth decided to focus on the others. Demeter was saying, "I know who ate cereal today!" while Persephone quietly rolled her eyes and looked bored. Mr. D had dozed off earlier by the thirty-minute mark, but was now looking at Percy distastefully. Hades was playing with the shadows, although he smirked like he knew exactly what was coming. Sparing another glance at Apollo, whom both Artemis and Percy were currently glaring at, Annabeth supposed it wasn't hard to guess.
She didn't expect Hestia and Poseidon to start laughing. Neither did Athena, but she was more composed in her shock. She kept a stoic and calm expression, but Annabeth noticed the way her eyes were twinkling, and it betrayed her stony demeanor along with the fact that her lips were subtly twitching in amusement.
Her eyes flicked back to where Percy and Leo stood.
"Come on, is it just you, or is it starting to get real hot in here?" Leo wiggled his eyebrows.
"Leo," Percy said, eyebrows scrunched together, "it's me."
He had the gall to laugh. "No, I'm pretty sure I would remember a girl as beautiful as yourself." He then promptly took Percy's hand and kissed it, looking up at him and making bedroom eyes.
At which point Annabeth had to butt in, because Percy looked like he was going to strangle Leo with his hair. That would be tragic. No one knew how to pilot the Argo II like Leo did. "Shut up, Leo," she said, and Percy looked so grateful and adorable that a few thousand puppies were born, probably. "'Ocean Eyes' over there has a name, and it's Percy Jackson."
Leo stared at her for a moment. Then at Percy, who mockingly blew a kiss at him. Despite himself, he blushed, and muttered to himself, "Oh wow, I didn't notice." He pointed at Percy's chest, who immediately tried to cover it up, and exclaimed, "I've seen a few balls smaller than those bazoongas. Can I touch them, just to, uh, see if they're real?" He made a few squeezing motions with his hands that Percy grimaced at, and made Annabeth glare at him.
Apollo snorted. "Oh, they're real, alright," he drawled. Poseidon raised his eyebrow at him, and Hermes lowly whistled. Leo almost fainted from that.
Percy, meanwhile, wasted no time sauntering over to the god. Hera winced at the cracks that were made on her marble floor. He was looking down, but when he looked up at Apollo, his eyes were half-mast and dark. Apollo gulped, and it echoed through the suddenly silent throne room. Annabeth noticed he was quickly turning red. She quietly thought of Octavian fainting when he saw his ancestor being aroused by Percy Jackson, of all people, and luckily refrained from laughing out loud.
When Percy was directly in front of the god, he put his hands on Apollo's thighs and smirked. The god licked his lips and whispered, even though it was heard by everyone in the silence, "Does this mean I'm your type?"
And then Percy pushed himself up and straddled him.
Frank coughed.
"M'lord," Percy whispered back in a low, sultry voice that had Apollo's pupils dilate. "You're exactly my type. I mean, there were others, but they simply don't compare." With the position that he had, Percy's shirt rose up a bit to show some of his tan skin. For some reason, Annabeth doubted that it was the only thing that did.
"Who were they?" Apollo asked, his eyes looking at something that was definitely not Percy's face.
Percy looked away, and said, "Oh, nobody. Just Luke, and he's long gone. I guess that Octavian was a recent one, and I almost expected Jason to be," said Roman choked in the background, "but we get along well, so no."
The god frowned, and snapped out of his daze. "But," he said, chuckling nervously, "don't you have to get along well? They were, as you said, your type."
At this point, Percy actually laughed out loud. "Oh, they were. Tall, blonde, and extremely punchable."
Apollo shouted, "What—" and Percy punched him. Where it hurts. All the boys winced in sympathy pain, and so did Percy, a bit. Annabeth clapped. "HE HIT ME IN THE FAMILY JEWELS, OH MY US!"
Percy jumped off the god, and yelled, "You got rid of mine, I got rid of yours! We're even!"
"YOU PUNCHED ME WHILE I HAD A HARD-ON, HOW DARE YOU!"
Hermes was rolling on the floor at that one, and Poseidon was looking at Percy, teary-eyed, and said, "I am so proud of you, my son!" Percy gave him a thumbs-up, with that signature troublemaker's grin, and amidst all the noise from Frank screaming in horror to Piper's cackle of delight, somehow Annabeth clearly heard it when Artemis said to Percy, "You know, if you weren't a boy, or weren't so terrible at archery, I might have considered having you as a Huntress."
Percy's response to that was, "Yeah, but this is way too much I can handle for a Tuesday." Annabeth gave him a hi-five and kissed him. Leo actually fainted from that.
A/N: Yeah...I don't know either. So cracky, dude.