I ran the brush through my hair for the millionth time and sighed heavily. I put it down on the desk of my vanity and leaned back in the chair.
"I wish they'd fix the internet. I could be reading fanfiction..." I grumbled to myself. Thankfully, a cool breeze was wafting down from the fan above my head, staving off the blistering heat of July in the south. I was used to it, because I'd lived here my whole life but it was still horribly uncomfortable.
I let my head roll back and my mouth hang open as I searched my mind for something to do. I had almost come to the conclusion that the only possible way out of this was to kill myself when there was a brisk knock at the door. My eyes darted to the reflection in the mirror at the same time my head snapped up.
No one ever came to visit me so it was either my friend coming to apologize or the extremely unlikely love of my life coming to propose and sweep me off my feet.
I giggled at the thought of one of my favorite youtubers or fictional characters coming to see me as I stood and made my way to the door. I stretched up on my toes to see through the porthole only to find that whoever it was, a man actually, was looking down and the only visible part was his dark brown messy hair.
I didn't know anyone with that hair, at least anyone in real life. There were a couple of youtubers who had it, but they wouldn't be at my door. I carefully undid the latch and cracked the door just enough to peer out without exposing anything that could be grabbed or stabbed.
"Hello?" I squeaked.
The man was tall and slender, although his muscle definition was clear in the green t-shirt he had on. He lifted his head and smiled at me. His brown eyes sparkled and crinkled at the edges.
"Hi."
I gasped and slammed the door with such force that I heard the slam reverberate through the rest of the apartment. My mind was racing and insisting that it wasn't Toby Turner at the door, and it was just a guy who looked like him -very much like him.
In a matter of seconds I had realized my mistake, and because I had been thinking about him showing up at my door, I decided that's who I saw. It wasn't actually him, and whoever was there was probably wondering what on earth he had done to receive such rude treatment.
I re-opened the door to find him grinning at me.
"You usually slam doors in people's faces?"
The apologetic smile I'd managed was wiped off my face as his voice rang in my ears. I knew that voice, I'd been listening to it for the past 5 years. It was unmistakable and nothing could have changed my mind at this point. Toby Turner was standing outside my shitty apartment, grinning at me after I had slammed the door in his face.
"T-Toby? What are you doing here?" I managed after a few seconds of gaping at him.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure-" I nodded as I stepped aside and noticed that there were clothes and pizza boxes strewn everywhere. "Oh! Sorry about the mess, I haven't had a lot to do so..."
He didn't say anything as he walked past me and eventually stopped right in the arch way of my kitchen. He had his hands in his pockets and he was smiling at me.
"You aren't busy are you?" He inquired as he watched me bustling around in an attempt to clean the mess.
"No-Not n-not currently." I choked out. Mostly because the back and forth between the trash can was tiring me and it was a little hard to breathe knowing that my idol was standing in my kitchen watching me. "I mean...I'm cleaning but I can stop whenever. I'm not some clean freak or anything. But I mean-as far as today I'm not doing anything. Normally I have a lot to do, my friends always want to hang out with me, but see um-" I realized I was rambling, and beginning to lie so I shut up and waved a dismissive hand at him while shoving a pizza box into the trash can.
"You up for a movie?" He asked as he giggled at my nervousness.
I stopped in the middle of wiping the crumbs off my coffee table and stared at him. He was looking at me directly in the eyes, unflinching. I hated eye contact and besides that I looked horrible. My giant grey t-shirt was stained and hung much too far below my waist and my pajama pants were just embarrassing. They had Sherlock all over them, which only emphasized my appearance of a shut in. I couldn't get my brain to form a response so I just continued staring awkwardly until he spoke again.
"I-um...if I'm bothering you..?" He began, looking slightly hurt.
I gasped and flung my hands to my face. "No, No! You aren't. It's just that...well...I'm a big fan and having you in my apartment asking me if I want to see a movie is a little daunting."
He relaxed then and his content smile soon returned.
"I um..didn't know you were a fan." He remarked as his eyes jumped to my signed Darkness Redness Whiteness poster that hung just over my couch.
I flushed with embarrassment but tried to calm myself down enough to make conversation.
"You know you actually put a little smiley on this when you signed it?" I began nervously as I tossed a candy wrapper in the trash and stepped toward the poster.
He walked up until he was right next to me. Our shoulders were practically touching, and my lack of showering for the day became screamingly obvious - at least to me. He didn't seem to notice.
"Oh yeah! I kind of remember signing this one. I actually sneezed while I did it and made a dot with the marker accidentally. It looked weird so I had to fix it, which is why there's a small smiley on it." He touched his chin then ran his hand through his hair. It spiked up in certain places and flopped in others. I couldn't help but smile and picture my hands running through his hair.
Suddenly he turned to me.
"Movie?"
"B-but I I'm just a fan."
"So?" He said while shrugging.
"I-I guess so but...you'd have to wait for me to shower and get dressed. I'm not exactly in a state to go anywhere or have my favorite youtuber standing in my house."
I managed to let a small joke slip. Internally I was screaming but freaking out would probably scare him away and only add to the awkwardness of the moment.
He grinned and nodded.
"Um, you can watch tv if you want. Not netflix though, my internet's down." I said as I gestured to the tv. He looked to where I was pointing and I took the opportunity to slip into my bedroom. I could see him in the reflection of my vanity as I collected clothes and a towel.
I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door after turning the water on. I allowed myself a silent squeal at my reflection before I stripped and jumped into the water, which was ice cold and immensely refreshing.
I had just applied the last bit of makeup when he knocked on my bedroom door.
"Ready?
"Yeah, just coming actually." I called as I stood and frantically looked for my purse.
We were walking out the door and he smiled as I locked my door then turned to him. Before I could react his hand wrapped around mine and his fingers were lacing between my shaking ones. I looked down and tried to register the fact that he, Toby Turner, was holding my hand. I suppose this wasn't how a first date was meant to go, nothing happened this fast, but I was far too awe struck to complain.
As we walked down some flights of stairs a near blinding orange light caught my attention. After I shielded my eyes I looked beside me to find that Toby had just regenerated into the tenth Doctor from Doctor Who. It should have scared me, but as I had watched a few episodes of the show the night before, it only intrigued me.
We reached the bottom of the stairs and were passing two janitors mopping when he stopped and gave high-fives to the both of them. They were actually Nine and Eleven from the show. Eleven grinned at me while Nine winked and smiled with his gorgeous grin.
Soon I was being dragged down the hall, with Ten anxiously pulling at my hand. We reached the door leading out to the street and when he opened it I was too distracted by the fact that this hadn't led to the street and we were now standing in the movie theater to notice that Ten had turned into Sherlock Holmes.
"Well, we're here now aren't we." He said quietly
"How do you keep changing?" I gasped finally after deciding there were no logical explanations for how we had just walked into the movies without ever leaving my apartment building.
He turned to me and stared. I could tell he was deducing every inch of me and his wild blueish eyes bored into mine.
"Obviously we just used the TARDIS." He growled. "We transported so quickly you didn't notice."
"B-but..."
"It's best you give up on finding an explanation now. It's not something you could understand." He said quickly.
"You're right. So where's Toby?" I asked, trying to sound casual
"You don't care where Toby is. Right now you're thinking what it would be like to kiss me."
I stared at him with wide eyes and an ever growing grin.
"What about now?"
He smirked and glanced at me.
"You're wondering where a fellow named John is, though I don't know who you're talking about."
"Oh... this is obviously before you've met him then." I mumbled to myself.
He gave me a curious look then without warning stalked off in the direction of the concession stand. I quickly followed him and had some trouble keeping pace. He really was everything I had imagined; tall, slender, undeniably sexy, and just as wonderfully brilliant as ever.
"What movie would you like? Horror, romance, comedy?" I asked as I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. In the short amount of time I had been with these three men, I'd grown oddly comfortable. I guess it was because fictional characters where what made me happy, and being in their world always seemed natural.
He remained silent, but I could tell he was thinking. He had almost come to a desicion when Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss walked up to us and shook our hands.
"Evening." Gatiss said happily
"Come and sit wit' us." Moffat offered
I did expect to be sitting at some kind of table, but we walked through the bathroom doors and within a few seconds were walking onto the set of Series 3.
We sat on a pale couch with flowers covering it as Gatiss and Moffat sat across from us and poured tea.
"Can you tell us your theories?" Moffat asked as he handed me a tea cup
My mind was reeling. In less than an hour I had met Toby, all of the most recent Doctors, and Sherlock. All of my fantasies and dreams were coming true. It felt far too much like a dream, but when I pinched myself nothing happened.
I knew it was real then, and I felt myself beginning to cry. These characters had saved my life countless times and now that they were real andI felt as if my life were complete.
"Well... are you going to tell me if I'm right?" I returned after wiping the tears with the back of my wrist.
Sherlock huffed and took a sip of his tea. "Theories on what?"
Gatiss laughed but addressed only me, "Of course we're not. We can't have you blabbing to everyone. We're merely curious as to what you think."
I sighed and began my explanation, leaving nothing out -as the details were the most important part. Eventually I concluded with: "...that's what I think happened."
After a long moment they both laughed at me and shook their heads.
"Was I right?" I asked with a grin.
"Not tellin'." Moffat chuckled
Sherlock was not as pleased. He looked horrified as he sat next to me.
"You're telling me I die for this John fellow? I would never do such a remarkably stupid thing."
"You would. Also, word to the wise. You're gay." I laughed
Sherlock scoffed and looked at me expectantly.
"How would you deduce that?"
"Not telling." I grinned while poking his arm playfully
"Idiots, the lot of you." he muttered, although his lips were pulled into a small smile.
"Well, it seems we've got some filming to do." Gatiss remarked while standing
"Can I watch?"
Sherlock smiled at me. "She has to stay. I don't know what's going on, but this one is sharp."
Moffat chuckled then patted the both of us on the shoulder. Sherlock recoiled almost instantly, leaving me to his full attention.
"Go home. Wake up, and then wait for series 3."
"What?" I asked just before I felt myself being sucked from where I was through a vast tunnel of darkness that seemed to grow more and more choking with each passing second.
I felt the familiar crushing pain of reality when I finally was able to breathe. I didn't have to open my eyes to know that I was in my bed and had just dreamed everything. It was eerily quiet but I guess that's to be expected in the early hours of the morning.
"Goddamn." I whispered as I ran my fingers through my hair and hot tears streaked down my cheeks.
Every time I had a dream like this, every single time, I was always tricked into thinking it was real only to wake up and realize I was back in my shitty apartment, in my uncomfortable bed, living my boring life.
It hurt worse with every dream because each time was more vivid than the last. I always remember thinking that from then on i'm going to be happy, and my depression and anxiety will no longer be there to drag me down. Sherlock, the Doctors and Toby are what keeps me going, and without them I wouldn't be alive.
I suppose just having them on TV is good enough, but getting a taste of being in their world, and actually interacting with them then being pulled back into my hateful life is more than I handle. I hate my life, and everyone in it. It's no surprise that I want to die and go to heaven to live with all of them.
I was just beginning to shake with fear at what would happen to me now that I was awake again, and what monsters my depression has planned to hurt me with, when I heard what sounded like a violin being tuned ever so quietly across the room.
I ignored it and continued crying until I heard the sounds of the TARDIS outside. I jerked myself into a sitting position and turned my lamp on to find Sherlock Holmes standing at the foot of my bed tuning his violin and smirking at me. John was sitting on the edge of my bed with a sympathetic smile. He leaned in and cupped my face in his hands while wiping my tears with his thumbs. He left a soft kiss on my nose before hugging me. I saw Nine, Ten and Eleven in the corner standing and watching me with contented grins.
John rubbed his hand across my back and whispered in my ear, "Come with us. You'll be safe there."
I grinned and let my head rest in the crook of his shoulder while Sherlock played beautifully on his violin.
"Really? I'm not dreaming?" I asked as I sniffed and pulled out of the hug.
"Would this happen?" Sherlock asked as he dropped the violin on the bed gently and pulled John into a kiss. John moaned and entwined his fingers in Sherlock's hair while Sherlock pressed himself as close as possible into John.
I squealed and ripped the sheet off the bed and furiously began packing everything I thought I needed.
"Just bring your pretty smile." Toby whispered as he hugged me from behind
I heard a revving engine coming from outside and when I peeked from the curtain I saw Dean, Sam and Cas stepping from the car. Cas and Dean were holding hands and Sam was grinning up at me as his long hair blew in the wind. They waved at me and then came up into my room.
I looked around at everyone and couldn't help but break into a happy sob.
"I..I don't even know what to say."
"Then don't say anything. Let's just go." John murmured as he rested his head against Sherlock's chest "You can live with us at Baker Street. After all, we do have two bedrooms." Sherlock chuckled at that then kissed the top of John's head.
"Allons-y." Ten whispered as we all stepped into the TARDIS and moments later we were in the sitting room of 221B and everyone stepped out. I hugged Cas, Dean and Sam and promised I would come to help them hunt sometime.
Everyone but Sherlock, John and I stepped back into the TARDIS. I watched as it slowly faded away and eventually disappeared.
"Excellent. Now, you're up for solving crimes am I right? Seeing horrible deaths?" Sherlock asked as he pulled on his coat
"Oh God, yes." I whispered
They both smiled at me and soon we were walking out in the streets of London, John and I trailing behind Sherlock, hailing cabs as they passed.
I took a deep breath and realized that the black cloud of depression and anxiety had been lifted from me. I no longer felt as if dying would be better than living, and that familiar crushing ache in my heart was gone. Nothing hurt anymore and I knew now that everything was going to be okay. I had everyone I loved surrounding me and finally living wasn't a chore, it was a privilege.