Pencils collided with paper in the office, as Mustangs team wearily tried to do their paperwork. Hawkeye had called in that she would be late because of a dentists appointment, but threatened all of them that if they didn't do at least two stacks of paperwork, they could say goodbye to their manhood.
Of course, all of them took this very seriously, even if Hawkeye would never dare shoot them. But knowing how horrible it would be just to have it aimed for, they all wanted to avoid. Thus, all of them were working their asses off like real men, at least for the first ten minutes.
Jean Havoc was not a happy man. He had no girlfriends, and he had two superiors that made him suffer for fun as well as always humiliating him in front of everybody in some kind of way. Jean Havoc believed that he had no life. Which is why he didn't care if he messed up anymore, leading him to always bet anything on anything and do anything without thinking of the consequences. This probably got him into a dark hole in the first place. But he couldn't care less, for he stopped writing his report on toilet maintenance and started to light a cigar.
Breda looked up from his work and shook his head at Havoc. If Hawkeye were here that cigar would not have been in his mouth, but on the floor with a bullet hole through it.
"So guys," Havoc started casually, "Who wants to play a game?"
Mustang, obviously bored lifted his head from the devil, and looked at Havoc.
Taking this as a "yes," Havoc started up again, "So I've decided that we should play Would You Rather!"
Fuery, being the good sergeant, spoke up, "We still have a lot of paperwork to do though. Wouldn't Lt. Hawkeye get upset?"
Havoc turned to Fuery, "When does she never get upset at us? I bet if we finished all this paperwork, she would still shoot us for not doing more of it and trying to get ahead. And even if we did do that, she'd still find a way to shoot us!"
Fuery, absorbing this information nodded.
Falman suddenly spoke up, "How do we play Would You Rather?"
Breda looked at Falman in awe. "You don't know how to play? I feel like I'm going to cry! This is the first time we know something that you don't!"
Falman glared at him, "So would you please explain?"
"Most certainly," said Breda, imitating Falman when he does know what they're talking about, "Ok, so first you pick a person you want to ask a question to. Then you ask the question, using would you rather. An example of this is, "Would you rather shave your head or wear a dress to work tomorrow?" Then the person has to answer it, with no exceptions. After that person has answered the question, they pick somebody else to ask the question to, and it goes on like that until Hawkeye walks through that door."
"Understood," Said Falman. They looked at Roy who was currently scribbling all over his paperwork. Then he looked up with a smirk on his face.
"I've just finished all two stacks of my paperwork men!" Roy boomed, "Now I won't get in any trouble at all!"
"That's great Colonel," said Fuery, "But Hawkeye will still shoot you for not staying on task. She said she wanted two stacks at the least, which means she probably wants more than two."
Mustang quickly shook off the information. "Whatever, let's play! I should get to go first, since I'm the only one that finished my paperwork!"
"Whatever," muttered Havoc. Then suddenly an idea popped into his head. "Hey Roy, can you give Breda, Falman, Fuery, and I a minute?"
Roy, confused, just nodded. He knew that whatever they were trying to do wouldn't work against him.
"So guys," Havoc started, "Since he's probably going to give us embarrassing questions, why don't we ask him about stuff relating to his and Hawkeye's relationship?"
Breda's eyes lit up at once, as Fuery and Falman backed away a little.
"That's the best idea I've heard from you all day Havoc!" Breda whispered, "I'm in."
Havoc turned to look at Fuery and Falman, who both nodded reluctantly.
"So Roy," Havoc said with an evil glint in his eyes, "Let the game begin!"
Meanwhile Hawkeye was leaving the dentist. She had perfect teeth still as usual, and all they had to do was simple cleaning. As she started to walk back to Central, a car pulled up next to her and without warning grabbed her.
Hawkeye tried to scream, but realized that it was Rebecca's hand on her mouth.
"Hey Riza! What's up?" asked Rebecca waving.
Riza looked up to see that Maria Ross was driving the vehicle, with Sheska in the passenger's seat.
"What is the meaning of this Rebecca?" Riza asked a bit frustrated. Who wanted to be put into the situation were your friends basically kidnapped you?
"Well, we have a day off and were bored so we were just driving around," Maria started.
"And then we saw you walking on the sidewalk!" Said Rebecca.
"So you had to just kidnap me?" yelled Riza.
"Aw Riza, we'd never kidnap you! We are just taking you for a ride!" replied Rebecca, pinching Riza's cheek.
"You are taking me against my will…" Riza said, glaring at Rebecca.
"But we're friends. So it can't be called kidnapping!" said Rebecca.
"Whatever. Hey Maria, could you please drop me off at HQ?" asked Riza urgently. She didn't even want to think of the state of Mustang's team. They were probably slacking as usual and could not be left to their own devices for too long.
Rebecca, seeing the sense of urgency in Riza's eyes said, "Why? So you can go and see your Mustang?"
"NO!" Riza yelled. "But you probably would want to come to see Havoc. Yes Rebecca, I've seen the way you look at him."
Rebecca glared at her. She then looked down at her watch. "Hey Riza, you have time. Why don't we get lunch since you always work yourself so hard? I mean, if you really don't want to see your Colonel why don't you come to lunch with us?"
Riza glared back at Rebecca's now smirking face. Whatever choice Riza picked, it was going to get her embarrassed, but Riza couldn't resist having lunch outside in Central. She hadn't gone out in a while with her friends, so Riza decided if Mustang could do it, why couldn't she?
"Fine, I'll go," replied Riza, closing her eyes, as the entire car erupted with cheers.
"So," started Maria, "What do you feel like eating guys? Amestrian, French, Italian, Japanese, or Mediterranean?"
Back in the office, it was getting intense. Once again, Havoc had been embarrassed whenever questioned from his choices. However, they weren't playing dirty yet. They were just warming up.
"So," Breda started, "Why don't we play dirty now? I think we've warmed up enough."
"Yea," said Mustang smirking, "I've waited long enough with this child's play. Let's get it really started!"
Fuery, alarmed, exclaimed, "Wait! This was a warm up?"
"Of course!" Havoc laughed, "Do you think asking "Would you rather go to the dance with an apple or an orange?" was really the real game. Now we get serious!"
"Yes," Fuery squeaked.
The room erupted laughing. As it was Havoc's turn he decided to go for Falman first, so that when they go for Mustang, it wouldn't be so suspicious.
"Hey Falman," Havoc began, taking his time to think up a good, but not extremely bad one, "Would you rather make out with your mom or your sister?"
Falman's eyes grew large. The room started to laugh as Falman opened his mouth slowly, "I would rather make out with my sister."
"Gross Falman!" Breda exclaimed, "I didn't know you ran that way!"
"I don't!" Falman yelled, "I had to answer the question for this game. I would rather die than do any of those!"
"Too bad that wasn't in the question," Mustang said casually, "Who do you pick to question now Falman?"
"Breda," Falman said giving Breda a death look, "Would you rather die doing "It" with your grandpa or die doing "It" with your grandpa's best friend?"
Breda's sandwich dropped out of his mouth, "Say what?"
"You have to answer it," said Falman smugly.
"I hate you," Breda growled, "I would rather die doing "It" with my grandpa's best friend."
The whole room started to laugh again.
"Now," Breda began starting at Havoc, "Would you rather be divorced from your wife of thirty years, not that it's ever going to happen, or dumped by your girlfriend of 1 week?"
"Dumped by my girlfriend of five years," Havoc replied simply.
"Why?" Mustang asked, "That's just dumb, you'd go through a heartbreak like that for the rest of your life?"
"Because, those thirty years will be my heaven compared to my 1 week," Havoc replied, "Also, it would mean I wouldn't be searching for girls anymore like the rest of you guys. Breda, you need to learn how to ask good dirt questions. Now learn from the master!"
Havoc smiled as he looked at Roy. "So Roy," Havoc began taking his cigarette out and twirling it a couple of times, "Would you rather go on a date with Grace from the flower shop or go on a date with Hawkeye?"
Roy suddenly stopped smiling, "Now that's a stupid question. You can do better than that Havoc."
"Answer it Colonel," Havoc said smiling. "A date with your current girlfriend or with your subordinate?"
Roy turned around and muttered.
"What was that Roy?" Breda asked moving a bit closer to where Roy sat.
Roy turned around in a shade of red and said, "I've already told you."
"Oh, but we didn't hear it," said Havoc, thoroughly savoring this moment, "So could you please repeat yourself?"
"Riza!" he yelled.
The whole room went "Ahhhh."
Roy looked around, "My turn. Fuery, would you rather make out with a monkey or with General Armstrong?"
Everybody laughed. They all knew Roy was going easy on Fuery, but they wondered why he hadn't picked Havoc or Breda again.
"Umm," Fuery began, "The monkey."
"Good choice," Falman and Havoc said, patting Fuery on the back.
Fuery looked back at Mustang, "Would you rather walk in on Riza doing "It" with somebody else or have Ed walk in on you and Riza doing "It?"
Mustang looked at Fuery furious. He went easy on Fuery for a reason. "I went easy on you! That shouldn't count! What happened to Havoc making fun of Havoc?"
Havoc stood there smug as he watched Roy suffer. This was nice, he had to admit.
Roy glared at Havoc; he suddenly realized he was set up. "Riza," he replied curtly. "Havoc," he started pleasantly, without any hesitation after his answer, "Would you rather watch your mom get her boobs pierced or watch your dad get his manhood pierced?"
Havoc stared at Roy in horror. Who would come up with such a question?
"The first one," Havoc said, turning around at the thought of it, as Roy started to laugh along with the rest of the team.
"So Roy," Havoc began, "Would you rather become Fuhrer and have the Homunculi destroyed, Ed's and Al's body's restored, and rich or would you rather be married to Riza and poor?"
"I…" Roy started. This was tough. If he told them that he would actually pick Riza, they would tell Hughes, and that would be the end for him. But if he told them the first choice, they would still tell Hughes and Maes would STILL be bugging him about getting a wife and probably trying make him like Riza. This was horrible!
"Or you could just stall until Riza gets back," Said a voice in his head.
"How? Dentist appointments take forever!" Roy yelled back to his brain. He really needed to get a life.
"What time is it?" Asked the voice.
"10:00, why?" asked Roy.
"Hughes always calls at 10:02 right?" It said back.
"You're a genius!" Roy exclaimed! Suddenly he started smirking.
"Hey Havoc, how much time do I have to answer the question?" Roy asked.
Havoc, realizing he never made a rule for this sadly replied, "As long as you want."
"Ok," Roy replied simply, and started scribbling on his paperwork, waiting for Hughes's daily phone call to save him from this burden of a game.
Hawkeye on the other hand, was going through just as much pain as Roy. They had decided to go to an Amestrian coffee shop. Although it was fun at the beginning, Rebecca wanted to play a game called "Would You Rather." Of course, Riza started to play it, until she started to realize more and more of the questions started to center around Roy, indirectly. Thus, she had wanted to leave, but her "friends" insisted on driving her. HQ was coming into view, but that didn't mean that the game had ended.
"Would you rather date a blond hottie or a dark haired hottie?" asked Sheska.
Riza answered "Dark haired."
Maria then said, "Would you rather date an alchemist or a doctor?"
When Riza had said "Alchemist" she started to sense that she was set up.
"Hey Riza," Rebecca asked just as they were dropping her off, "One last question, would you rather marry Roy Mustang or Kain Fuery?"
Without thinking, Riza answered, "Mustang." As she said this, she covered her mouth.
"Haha," Rebecca laughed, "I thought you would. Anyways, I promise along with Maria and Sheska that we won't tell a soul what you just said.
"Sure," Riza said, glaring at her. "Thanks for lunch today."
"No problem."
As Riza walked to the door and opened it to Mustang's group office, she heard something she thought she would never hear.
"Bye Hughes!" Roy said sadly. It was the first time he and Hughes had ever had a full conversation, no matter how infuriating he got. As he got off the phone, he looked around at the room. Everybody had gone back to work, and he realized had nearly finished their stacks of paperwork. Roy looked back at his desk and noticed he wasn't even close to being finished.
"Oh shit," Roy whispered.
"So Roy, you going to answer the question now?" asked Havoc, leaning back in his chair.
"Fine, I will," Roy said as he picked up a paper and started to sign, "I choose the second one."
"Which is?" Breda prompted.
"I would rather marry Riza Hawkeye and be a filthy and poor than become Fuhrer and have the Homunculi destroyed, Ed's and Al's body's restored, and be rich."
"Wow," Havoc said smiling, "Why?"
"Because I love Riza Hawkeye!" Roy yelled frustrated. "There are you happy? You got what you want from playing this stupid game!" As he looked up from his paperwork, he started to blush furiously, for Riza was at the door and had just heard everything he said.
Riza walked in calmly after Roy's little outburst.
"Men," she began, with a blush on her usually pale face, "What did I tell you about finishing your paperwork?"
"We're nearly done ma'am!" Falman stated pointing to the stacks of finished paperwork on their desks.
Hawkeye eyed everybody's paperwork stack. When her eyes fell upon Roy's, she raised an eyebrow.
"Now sir," she started, "Why isn't your paperwork nearly done like the rest of the team?"
"Um," he started, "Hughes called."
"And," she prompted.
"I'll get to doing it right now?" Roy offered, scared that Riza might pull out her gun on him to say goodbye to his manhood.
"Yes sir," she stated. As she sat down and started working on her untouched papers, Roy, deciding that if she had just heard his confession, decided to ask her a very important question.
"Hawkeye?" Roy asked, as all eyes in the office turned on them.
"Yes sir?" she said not taking her eyes of her paperwork.
"Would you rather go on a date with me tonight at 7:00 or die?"
She looked up at him and said, "If you would do all your paperwork on time without me having to do it for you every day I would pick the first one, but right now, I would rather die," Hawkeye finished, causing the entire room to erupt laughing and their dumbfounded superior.
Yea, this kind of just popped into my head last night when I was playing this at a birthday party yesterday. Just thought I could try and put it with Royai. Hope you enjoyed this attempt. Also, my homecoming is coming up and I was wondering if I should go out with this guy that I know really likes me but I just see as a friend or go out with this guy that asked me and is super cute? Anyways, please review!