Disclaimer: All rights go to the wonderful Richelle Mead. Although the story line was created by me.
This story starts just before the end of Spirit Bound, Dimitri has been turned back dhampir. He then left to become Tasha's guard. STUPID DIMITRI!
Chapter One
"Rose can you please just come down and eat dinner with us?" Lissa pleads. Lissa has been trying to drag me down for dinner for over two months now. Before every meal she will knock on my door until I get out of bed and open it for her. She then proceeds to nag at me until I either grudgingly agree to go with her or she lets out a huff before closing the door. I climb back into bed not wanting to see the world today. The courts reminded me of Dimitri. Hell, everything reminded me of Dimitri. He was following me around everywhere I go; of course it wasn't him. No, it was just the memories of him that I have left. Yeah, as soon as he got the chance he left me and left to be Tasha's guard; or her boyfriend, whichever way you look at it.
"Lissa, I'm not even hungry. Don't worry about me, just go down and eat with them. You will probably have more fun without me there anyway." I admit before bringing my duvet over the top of my head and trying to block out the rest of the world.
"I am worried about you though Rose. You haven't eaten in three days, you haven't come out of your room in a week and you aren't being your usually self. Just come down and eat at least, you have to be hungry after three days of not eating." Huh, had it really been that long. I knew that I hadn't eaten yesterday because I just couldn't be bothered to. My body has had a sort of shut down since Dimitri left. I haven't bothered to train or to eat or to even wash. I hadn't seen the point when my body was just a numb shell. I pull my duvet back so that I can get out of bed. I look down to see what I am wearing to find a pair of joggers and one of Dimitri's jumpers. I had worn it once when we were training a couple of weeks before he left and just never remembered to give it back to him. If it wasn't for the fact that it was my only reminder of Dimitri in my life I probably would have destroyed it. I was so angry at him for leaving me. Leaving me for a woman he promised to never leave me for. And then I felt devastated that he left. Devastated that he left me on my own without much reason or warning. My emotions felt like that had been ripped apart and then spent a couple of rounds in a blender. I look around the room that I have been hauled up in since he left me. The room that has seen me at the worst points of my life. I am Rose Hathaway and I might be one mighty bitch who can kick Strigoi arse and put people back in their places but I always know that I have people to fall back on. People who will always be there for me through thick and thin. Dimitri was one of them and he betraying my trust was one of the worst things that could possibly happen to me. He never meant to make me like this. I don't think he ever thought that I could be like this but after I had been through as much as I had been with Dimitri I couldn't just bounce back like nothing had happened; especially when I had no chance getting him back.
"It's going to be okay Rose. I will be your own personal bodyguard, making sure no one annoys you" She gently squeezes my hand, making sure that I know she was being truthful.
"Thanks Liss, you truly are the best friend anyone could ever have." I wrap her into a hug ignoring her comment about trying to be my bodyguard.
It's okay Rose, you would have done the exact same thing with me." I nod my head to agree with her "Now let's go down and fill that tummy of yours." She jokes patting my stomach. My tummy grumbles and we both look down at it.
"Now you can't tell me you aren't hungry." Lissa lets out a light laugh and we close the door me just remembering to bring my keys. We both walk down to one of the restaurants in court and I notice it is Adrian's favourite place. Must be Adrian's turn to pick. I thought as we looked around to find our friends. We both spot them and start making our way over to them. Lissa sits down next to Christian and I sit down next to her and Mia. Mia and Eddie are holding each other's hands after announcing they were together 3months ago. A happy as I was that they and Lissa and Christian are in love I hate to see it when I'm still not over Dimitri. It is a pure selfish reason and I hate to be like it but I can't stand people showing affection when even when Dimitri loved me we still couldn't show our love for each other. My jealousy for not only there love but being allowed to show it made me in a worse mood than I was already in. It made me a bad person but I didn't really care when I already knew that I was bad. Everyone notices the pair of us walk in apart from Jill and Adrian. They both look angry and Jill is holding up some sort of alcoholic drink. I know straight away what type of argument they are having as I used to have it a lot too, back when I cared about what happened to other people.
"Adrian, this stuff is going to kill you." Jill exclaims, pointing to the drink in her right hand.
"Shush. It helps me keep control." He almost whines, showing how long this argument has gone on for. I know Adrian hates talking about how he deals with spirit. It is harder for him to deal with it as he doesn't have a shadow kissed partner to help him deal with it.
"Sorry Adrian but you are finding another way to deal with spirit at least for tonight." He informs him before standing up and walking over to the bar, talking to one of the barmen obviously telling him to not let Adrian have anymore alcoholic drink.
"Ugh, women." Adrian sighs, before digging inside his jacket pocket and pulling over his clover cigarettes and lighter. I quickly grab the packet before he can tell what I am doing, or the fact that I am even there.
"Can't do that here Ivashkov, sign up there clearly says no smoking." I state before putting them in my pockets.
"Little Dhampir, what are you doing here?" He asks, clearly forgetting about the whole ordeal on how he will be able to deal with spirit. He stands up and walks over giving me a quick hug.
"Lissa forced me to eat." I grumble and they all chuckle at my grouchiness. Jill comes back carrying what I can assume to be orange squash, and a glass of white wine. She passes Lissa the wine and Adrian the orange squash.
"Rose Hathaway being forced to eat? Never, admit it little Daph you just wanted to see my devilish handsome looks." Adrian winks at me and I let out my first laugh since Dimitri left. It feels unnatural. Laughing makes people assume you are happy. I didn't like people asking questions about whether or not I was okay. I was perfectly fine if I ignored the burning pain that Dimitri's departure caused me. The truth was usually when I am upset I pretend that I am fine, I could this time. I was to broken to even pretend that I was okay.
"What would you like to order?" The waitress asks and we all go around telling her what we would like. I blank out of everyone else and I only come back when I feel a nudge on my shoulder signalling me to order.
"Two pizzas, spaghetti and meatballs, garlic breaks. Chips, a bit of tomato soup. Oh, and I would love a double chocolate milkshake." I add with a grin at how delish it all sounds. The group laugh again at my order and the waitress looks alarmed at the amount that I ordered. The only excuse was that I hadn't eaten in three days and being around my friends makes me feel a little bit back to normal.
"Glad to see your appetite is still as big as it used to be, Rosie." Christian comments biting down the smile that, I know, wants to appear on his lips after calling me that dreadful nickname.
"Thanks Sparks, I eat like this just to please you." I grin back at him not wanting to fall into another argument. Christian is like my brother. I know Lissa and him will eventually get married and she is basically my sister, just without the related mothers. I love him more than anyone thinks because as much as he gets under my nerves he treats Lissa the way she should be treated and he is one of the most loyal people I know.
"So, how are you doing?" Jill asks rather nervously. I notice that everyone else is interested in this question and I don't really know how to answer it. I could tell them that I was feeling crappy. That there are no words to describe how it feels to watch the man that you love leave you for another woman. The man that you followed across the world to keep your promise you made, only to leave me without even saying a thank you for saving their life. It completely and utterly sucked to know that one of the hardest things you had to do was going unnoticed. Dimitri was my first love and the way I feel now I know he would be my only love. The way that I have felt the last 2months have been worse than any Strigoi attacks that I have ever have. I never felt this much pain because he was someone I trusted. I expect blows from enemies but from Dimitri it was like a dagger in the heart from behind.
"Okay." I answer quietly, not even trying to make the lie believable. We all knew it was a stupid question. They all knew roughly what I was feeling but by me telling them how I truly felt would almost be me finally asking for help. Something I don't like to do very often. The darkness corresponded with my mood. My emotions and Lissas' spirit was like gasoline and wood. One tiny thing would make it set off and I knew that something was going to happen soon. It was another reason why I wouldn't leave my apartment. If I did lose it then no one would see me at the lowest moment of my life. I knew that when darkness finally ruled my mind it would be hell to whoever was near it. The bleak darkness that I feel could consume many people and make them turn insane.
"Bloody hell I need a drink. Rose your aura is deafening it is all I can see." Adrian moaned, leaning his head against the table. And with those few words the fire was set ablaze. The darkness turned everything into red and I leapt out of my seat, making the chair clatter to the ground. All my mind could focus on was channelling this darkness somewhere. I didn't even care if anyone tried to call me or tried to stop me from leaving; I was too fast. I needed to get away from any human life. I didn't want to make my reputation any worse but the way I was feeling I knew that it was going to be terrible. I had made many mistakes while spirit had been controlling me and I knew the sooner I was left alone the calmer I would be. My feet were moving on their own accord. People saw the storm that my face must have looked like and stepped out of my way without me even having to growl any words out.
I suddenly found myself outside the gym. Obviously this would be the place that I ended up. My home. It was the same equipment where ever I went. The same judgement and the same goal. No one was in the gym. It was seven o'clock and the majority of the guardians would be eating dinner. I let off doing a run on the treadmill. I don't know how fast I went, or for how long. It didn't matter; it wasn't helping so I moved onto the punching bag. The punching bag was spinning out of control. I couldn't help it though, I was engulfed in darkness and nothing would stop it taking effect. I kept on kicking and punching. It was starting to hurt, I knew that, but I couldn't really feel it. The darkness was controlling me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. After what felt like hours, I stopped. The darkness retreated and my body slumped against the wall. My body was exhausted but glad that I found a way to get it out of my system. I was tired, everything within me was tired. Too much had happened for me to still be okay. I pushed up against the wall and found myself on unsteady feet. I took my first couple of steps, shakily, making sure that I was just about steady enough to complete the next step. After many trips I made it out of the gym and onto the stairs. I tried to focus on them but my eye sight became blurry and making the first step I stumbled before crashing down the steps and falling unconscious before I even hit the last step.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The constant steady beeping noise was what I awoke to. Stupid alarm. Still with my eyes closed I moved my hand around trying to search for the button to get it to shut the hell up.
"Oh come on, where are you? Stupid bloody machine, just turn off!" I grumble trying to find the alarm. I opened my eyes to turn it off and I found myself in a white room with a female doctor looking at me.
"What?" I ask, giving her my usual Rose bitchiness. I wasn't comfortable being in a hospital bed, with a woman I didn't really know.
"Nothing, you won't be able to turn that off Rosemarie. At the moment that machine is helping me keep track on whether you are okay." She answered, giving me a caring smile before writing down on the clip board in her hand.
"How did I get in here?" I ask looking around the room, trying to remember any details. It was one of the first things a guardian should do if they are in a new environment. Of course that is only when they feel threatened but it can normally help you at any time.
"You were seen fainting outside the gym and you got rushed into see me straight away. A guardian brought you in here if I am correct; he is waiting outside actually. There are multiple cuts on your hands, arms and legs. Also your index finger is broken on your left hand. We have done checks and inside your body is all nice and healthy. I guess the most important news is that your baby is still okay although he will have to be monitored to make sure we are keeping track of him." She informs me and before I can even stop it, my mouth drops open. What baby?
"What the hell are you talking about? I have no baby!" I ask slowly.
"You are pregnant, Guardian Hathaway." She states. "Just over three months..."
"I can't be." I blurted out. "I haven't had sex with anyone but Dimitri, and he's a dhampir like me." My brain had gone numb. The lady frowned but looks at her notes again and nodded.
"I assure you Rosemarie that you are one-hundred percent pregnant." It was impossible… Dimitri was the only one I'd ever had sex with. The only one that I would even have any thought about having sex with. I might have nearly had sex with Adrian and Mass but I only loved Dimitri. I would never be able to just have sex with any guy, no matter what people think of me. They might think I am a blood whore but I only have ever slept with one guy and that was pure love. Or at least it used to be. I remember the last time we had sex. It was three months ago, the last time we talked. It was only a couple of weeks before he left to be Tasha's Guardian.
*FLASHBACK* (italic=sex scene).
Dimitri has finally been released from the cells. The council had finally decided that he was 100% dhampir and deemed him as 'safe'. If it wasn't for the fact that he was being released I would actually be annoyed at them taking so long to decide that. As soon as I found out the news I sprinted to where he would be staying at the courts. I had been waiting forever to have a private conversation without guardians overhearing or Lissa telling me to leave. I knocked on his door impatiently. Not even stopping until he opened the door. When the door finally opened I was met with the face that I felt like I had been waiting ages to see. His hair was loose and was waved down the back of his neck and at the very top of his back. The tan had seemed to have grown lighter after being stuck in the cell but the grin on his face was worth all the torture. The grin grew smaller but I still went over and tried to hug him as tightly as possible. The feel of his hard build seemed to make him in flesh that much more real.
"I'm so happy you're a free man." I whispered kissing his cheek.
"Roza, please." He whispered and a shiver went down my spine at him calling me that name. "Please leave." He asked pointing to the close door.
"No." I answer simply.
"Roza." He growled, clearly not happy with the way this conversation is going.
"No Dimitri. I saved your damn life and I deserve something in return." I stare at him, making sure he knows I'm not going to back down.
"You didn't save me; Princess Lissa did." He states like he actually believes it.
"Bullshit! Yeah, Lissa staked you but she wouldn't have even known how to do that if I hadn't found the information. Lissa did the last thing to complete your transformation but I did everything else. I broke into the jail to get Victor, I went around trying to keep us alive, and I found Robert and managed to make him give us information. I did everything and I don't even get a thank you? If it wasn't for me you wouldn't even be alive. You could have still been a Strigoi or dead." I spat at him, annoyed that he wasn't even thinking about how hard it had been to turn him. The darkness was pulling me closer into his latches. It was getting harder to fight since she rescued Dimitri. I hadn't told anyone this though; we all had enough on our plates without worrying about how the darkness was affecting me.
"Roza come here." He instructed, clearly seeing the first signs of darkness. I ran into the arms not even thinking about what I was doing. I just wanted comfort and Dimitri was the only person who I found that within. If it wasn't for the fact that I was Rose Hathaway I would have cried. I felt like crying and I was close to crying but I just didn't want to do that on Dimitri's first day out of the cells.
"I want it to disappear. I don't want to have the darkness surrounding me all the time. I don't want to know that I might go crazy. I know I will do. It's going to be soon. I can feel the darkness waiting for me and I'm scared. Scared that it is going to take me. I don't want to be taken." I whisper into his chest, him stroking my hair.
"Shhh Roza. You will be fine; you are one of the strongest people I know and if anyone can fight through spirit then it will be you. You are an amazing woman and I will be there for you if you need me." The fact that he believes in me gives my heart a little squeeze.
"Make me forget, Dimitri. I don't want to remember that spirit is too close. I want to forget that I am close to becoming insane. Just made me forget Dimitri. I will never ask anything again; just make me forget, even for just a little while." I please and before he can respond I stand on my tiptoes and crash my lips onto his. He responds back with just as much intensity and a smile is placed on my lips before Dimitri kisses them again, causing them to counter his movements. His tongue caresses my mouth, seeking permission to fight with mine. Evidently, I let him in without even thinking about it and we were playing tonsil tennis. I was kissing the man I lost after thinking I would never be able to kiss him ever again- and it was a bloody passionate kiss at that. His arms travelled down from my neck towards my thighs and he squeezed them, signalling that I wrap them around his hips. Neither of us even bothers to stop kissing to make this move, we know each other's body's to know what is going to happen. He walks us over to another room and I guess it's the bedroom as my senses are focused on the man that my lips are locked to, and my heart is belonged to. He leans me down on the bed and my hands travel over his muscular chest to his solid back. My hands then go back up to play with his hair as I love playing with the dark locks. My hands then go down to the bottom of his shirt and start pulling upwards over his body. He helps me easily, pulling it over his head before bringing his lips back down to mine, missing the contact that we didn't have for those few seconds. He unbuttons my shirt and we both start to lean forwards so it is easier to take off the top. Dimitri yanks off the top not breaking lip contact once. His kisses travel down my neck, sucking and licking the tender spots that are around my ears. The kisses then move downwards towards my chest before I unfasten my bra giving him full access to my cleavage. His lips cover my right nipple while his left hand plays with the other. A moan escapes my lips and I Dimitri pulls and sucks even harder. He finishes and I pull down his jeans quickly, not even letting a second pass before making contact with his lips. He finishes pulling down his boxers and jeans and I take hold of his manhood. I gently graze my hand over it and his cock becomes harder instantly.
"Rose, please." He moans making me take a firm hold of his manhood and moving up and down. I eventually bring my mouth towards it and put my mouth around his shaft. Making my mouth move around his hardness I nip and lick occasionally. I remove my mouth from his cock and Dimitri takes me by surprise imprisoning my mouth in his. I don't complain and react to his kiss. He lays me down on the bed and pulls down my training shorts and panties. While he kisses me his fingers start rubbing my clit and I arch my body into his. One of his fingers dips into my womanhood and I let out a whimper. His finger starts dipping in and out while his thumb continues to rub my clit.
"Oh my God Dimitri." I say, pulling his lips towards mine, his manhood resting on my leg. He removes his finger, licking off all the juices and then stares at my face.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks, referring to actually having sex.
"I have never wanted to do it more in my entire life Dimitri." I answer and his lips meet mine once again. He grabs his manhood and lines it up. He suddenly stops and looks up at me.
"This might hurt." Dimitri informs me before slowly letting his manhood into my womanhood. He only lets it go in a little bit before he stops and checks to make sure I am okay, when he sees that I am fine he goes in deeper always checking that I am fine. He finally pulls all the way inside of me and starts thrusting. We both moan and groan into each other and my nails dig into his shoulder blades. His thrusts become harder and faster, both near orgasm. When we both have finished he lays down next to me and I snuggle into him. We both just lay there quietly trying to get our breath back. Dimitri climbs off of the bed and starts pulling his clothes on.
"Rose, this can't happen again." He tells me, not meeting my gaze.
"Why?" I ask confused at why he was saying this after one of the best moments of my entire life.
"Rose this relationship is never going to work out. There are just too many people who will try stopping us. I don't want to fight the world anymore. I just want to sleigh Strigoi and save a Royal. We would just end up complicating things." His words make me flinch and I move off of the bed trying to make him see sense.
"I love you Dimitri, you love me. We can make this work if we really try. It is only you stopping us from being together." His eyes still don't meet mine.
"I am too tired of making this work. Just leave me alone." Dimitri bites out and I don't even move a muscle.
"I refuse to give up when I know you love me." I answer stubbornly.
"I don't love you Rose. Love fades, mine has." At the last sentence he looks into my eyes and I can see that he is being truthful. That he doesn't love me anymore.
"Oh." I reply, turning around and numbly walking over to put my clothes on. "Bye Dimitri, I won't bother you again." I inform him rather quietly. I drag my feet towards the door and I walk back to my apartment not even knowing what was happening around me. I opened my door and collapses onto my bed, falling into a sleep of nightmares quickly.
*FLASHBACK*
"Oh, my God. It can't happen. This can't be true. I am pregnant." I looked down at my stomach to see a tiny bump forming. It couldn't be though. I would have noticed. I would know that a person was forming inside me. Had I really been drowning in my pain so much that I hadn't noticed a baby growing in me?
"Guardian Hathaway, I need to tell you that you need to be eating a lot more. The baby is at risk if you don't eat enough and so are you. Come back for a check-up in six weeks and I can tell you how the pair of you are improving." The doctor's voice brought me back to the reality of my situation. I was now a single mum, and the baby's dad wasn't there to love me, or the child. "Also, the person who brought you in is waiting outside to hear from you." She informed me and I tell her to bring the person in. Within seconds Eddie is by my bedside and pulling me into a hug.
"Don't ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me Rose! God the way you went down." He whistled. "I thought you were gone." He brings me into another tight hug.
"Choking." I breathe out and he lets go of me chuckling.
"Sorry, so what happened?" Eddie asked me sitting down in the seat next to the bed.
"I haven't eaten for the last three days and the darkness is ruling me. Adrian's words were like a match to a room full of gasoline and paper. I went into overdrive and I needed to get my anger out. I went to the gym and finally managed to get the anger to leave me. Because I hadn't eaten my body, I couldn't handle what was happening and so I fainted." I explain.
"Well then I guess I will be stuffing our face with food, even if you refuse." Eddie smirked at me and I let out a light laugh.
"Yeah, sure. As long as I can eat good food I will be fine." I joked back. Eddie stayed with me for a few more minutes just casually talking. He had to leave, to tell the rest of them how I was. The doctor then came in and started checking all of the different monitors.
"Could you please not tell anyone about the baby?" I ask looking at her.
"Why not? It's a miracle and everyone would love to hear it." She seemed confused by my request and I elaborated.
"I don't really know how to tell everyone about the baby. We are having some difficult times, me and the baby's father, and I don't really want anyone to know until I fully get my head around it. Also, this may sound weird but you have to trust me; I don't have a good feeling about the world knowing, how the baby was made is indeed different to any other baby. I would hate for something to go wrong purely because it is different." I answer truly tired after what has happened over the last three months.
"It is personal confidentiality to not tell the public anyway but I promise that I won't talk about you or the baby. And I guess you want to see me throughout the whole pregnancy?" I nod my head and she smiles. "Thought so. Well then I will make sure that happens. I need to go and see some of my other patients and you need to sleep. I will check you again in the morning and if you are fine then you can leave."
"Thank you for your help." I tell her softly, not even noticing her walking out as my eyes don't open again till morning.
So this is basically the re-edited version-it is nearly double the length of the first one so I am pretty chuffed with myself. Some of the other chapters might not run smoothly with this but I am also re-writing those to make them better quality. i would also like to say thank you for the people who reviewed i literally love you all and you are the reason that i was inspired to continue to write this story. And also please sign in when writing a review because I would love to reply to some of you but I can't because you don't sign in.
Dreamworldstorymaker :D