Into Dorkness
Summary: Rusty has been many things throughout his life but chaperone has never been among them. [Sequel to 'Pajama for Two']
A/N: There are a few minor spoilers for 'Star Trek: Into Darkness' in this story. I seem to be in the mood to write comedy at the moment, so this is to be enjoyed for its fluffiness and not to be taken too seriously. :-) I hope you like it!
There he was, his arms around a giant bowl of popcorn that spilled part of its content all over his lap and the floor whenever he dared to move even the slightest bit. Rusty turned his head to the right where Flynn gave him a jovial grin that bordered on the maniacal, so he quickly looked to the right where Sharon was sitting, awkwardly crossing and uncrossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap like a nervous school girl on her first date.
In short: Everything was awful.
Rusty tried to remember how exactly he had ended up in this rather precarious situation while he took a noisy slurp from his coke.
He had found out about his foster mother and her lieutenant a while ago – in a not so subtle way - and he didn't mind their relationship at all. Granted, they were a little too cuddly sometimes and terrifyingly obvious in their affections even though they did their best to hide them. But Rusty didn't really mind. Sharon was a lot more accommodating lately as she seemed constantly distracted when at home. The problem was that having them hang around the condo all weekend, being deliberately subtle – meaning extremely obvious – in their cuddling was beginning to do his head in. Not in the way his mother's blatant making-out with her boyfriends had been, but more in a hyperglycemial sort of way. So he had seen it fit to suggest to them to go out on a date. Hell, he'd been willing to even pay for their dinner in order to have them out of his hair for a few hours. But then of course, Sharon was fussy about being seen out and about with a coworker – subordinate even – and so going out was out of the question.
Unfortunately, his proposition had switched on that dreaded part of her brain that was responsible for circumventing the rules and so one evening she had presented him with his favorite dinner (pizza and soft drinks) which he usually had to beg for and, dazed by the sheer amount of calories and sugar, he had found himself agreeing to 'doing something nice' on the weekend with the two annoying lovebirds so they could go out in public without it looking suspicious. He found it pretty over the top as he was sure that in a huge town like LA, they could be sure that Taylor was not in fact lurking behind every street corner. But Sharon Raydor was Sharon Raydor and she did what Sharon Raydor did. Objecting was relatively futile, so he had hesitatingly suggested a movie. Sharon, glassy-eyed and almost adorable in her enthusiasm had promised him that he was allowed to pick the movie.
Needless to say, her enthusiasm had somewhat subsided when he'd presented her with his choice: The new Star Trek movie. And so here they were, the lights still on on a Saturday afternoon, people scrambling to find their seats, popcorn bags rustling and an awkward silence that had descended upon the awkward trio that they were. Rusty kept stuffing his face with popcorn to avoid the conversations his two companions were trying to strike up with him when they were not busy shyly blinking at each other.
Finally the lights were lowered and the second the silver screen came to life, Sharon got up to swap places with Rusty who couldn't help but roll his eyes. This was ridiculous to say the least. He grudgingly moved to the side while Sharon sat between him and Andy. Groaning in frustration, Rusty turned away when Andy took Sharon's hand in his. Somehow it seemed that they turned into a couple of excited teenagers the moment the lights were out. Trying to reconcile that with the fact that Sharon honestly kept trying not to embarrass him was almost impossible.
He was endlessly relieved when the movie finally came on and he had something to concentrate on rather than the fact that Flynn was doing the decades-old move that was anything but subtle where he pretended to stretch and then draped his arm across the back of Sharon's seat. If they wanted to pretend that they were just taking him out for a family kind of thing, they were doing it wrong.
Rusty still didn't really mind, though. At least they had supplied him with an armful of candy, more than he'd usually get in a month, and so he could just munch his way through the movie and enjoy the great special effects.
But then it began.
"Hey Rusty," Sharon whispered. "What's a class M planet?"
Rusty groaned inwardly. He hadn't expected her to take any interest in the movie. Why wasn't she cuddling and exchanging quick kisses with Flynn like she was supposed to?!
"It means that people can live there."
"Ah."
There was a moment of silence before she leaned into him again.
"And what's this Prime Directive thing that this guy is going on about?"
Rusty shook his head. "Just listen, Sharon! You'll find out!"
"What are you two whispering about?" Flynn leaned in, too, a curious expression on his face. This was going to be even harder than he'd expected, Rusty thought.
"Can you just shut up, please?" he begged them both.
Fortunately, they followed his orders and remained silent for a blissful ten minutes during which Spock went on about rules and directives and the fact that they should not be broken and that he found himself unable to lie in a report. Flynn's grinning face appeared at Rusty's peripheral vision and made him turn his head menacingly.
"What?" he asked, exasperated.
"Does he remind you of someone?" Andy asked in a stage-whisper.
"You mean Sharon?" Rusty said in a bored voice, having found the joke a little too obvious.
Andy nodded self-appreciatively.
"What? Me? Then you're Kirk: Can't seem to follow the rules at all." Sharon protested.
"And always after the most beautiful women." Flynn kissed her temple.
"Can you please be quiet?" Rusty begged. "I've been looking forward to this movie for ages!"
"Sorry, Rusty. Really. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Watch!" Sharon raised her hands in a defensive gesture and leaned back in her seat. Rusty threw a sidewards glance at her hand that was now on the armrest, her fingers entwined with Andy's and her thumb absently caressing the back of his hand.
There was no way to pretend that these two were just taking advantage of each other's single status. They were definitely in love and he couldn't help himself but find them a little cute. Especially when they were quiet. The feeling of general adorableness vanished a half hour later when Sharon shrieked audibly at the sight of a Klingon.
"Rusty! What are these?" she whispered so loudly that for a moment Rusty contemplated stuffing a fist full of popcorn into her mouth to silence her.
"Klingons. Like they just said," he explained impatiently.
"But what are Klingons?" Sharon sounded a little helpless now.
"Can't you just kiss her or something, Andy?" Rusty practically begged.
"He just did. That's why I missed the explanation on what Klingons are. Is that some kind of mutation? Does it have to do with this wasteland planet?"
Apparently Sharon had completely missed the previous twenty minutes of film and Rusty was not inclined to recount them or explain to her why Captain Kirk and some of his crew members were currently traipsing around this particular scenery. Faced with silence, Sharon gave a dissatisfied growl and leaned back in her seat again. From the corners of his eyes Rusty could see that she had folded her arms in front of her body and had crossed her legs, the foot of the upper one seesawing slightly. The sight filled him with dread as a bored Sharon Raydor was an annoying Sharon Raydor. He shot a furtive glance at Andy, silently begging him to end his misery. The silver-haired lieutenant seemed to get it and shrugged apologetically before he pulled Sharon in to distract her and most certainly end her boredom. Rusty was happy not to watch whatever he was doing to entertain her and was soon immersed in the movie again while Andy and Sharon were busy sucking each other's faces off. Not for the first time, Rusty found himself grateful for the darkness that surrounded them.
Only ten minutes later, he was disturbed again but this time the culprit did not belong to the ill-matched group of people he had unfortunately arrived with. He pulled his legs back with an annoyed hum to let the looming figure walk past. Why did people always have to slurp down jumbo cokes during movies and then disturb everyone else while they climbed through the rows to get to the toilet? Why couldn't they have the decency to at least sit by the aisle so they could slip out quietly without keeping everyone from watching the movie while they clambered past, bumping into people and apologizing?
Rusty found great joy in the intruder's misfortune as he tripped over Sharon's outstretched leg and lost his balance. Lost in a slow kiss with Andy, Sharon hadn't noticed the approaching troublemaker with the weak bladder and had therefore not thought to get her limbs out of his way in time. A small chuckle escaped Rusty's lips when the man basically landed on top of Sharon and Andy who came apart with a start.
"Come on, dude!" Andy snapped at the man. "Can't I kiss my girlfriend in peace?"
Sharon gave an undignified little giggle that convinced Rusty that she had just earned the title of girlfriend or that it had at least not been used before. The smile died on his lips when the man rose from between the two and cleared his throat before he spoke in a voice that sounded painfully familiar.
"Girlfriend, right? What happened to those fraternization rules, Captain Raydor?"
"Shit," Andy muttered as he, too, recognized the man as none other than Assistant Chief Taylor, their immediate superior and not-so-avid fan of both him and his "girlfriend". Despite the fact that he felt sorry for Sharon and Andy, Rusty was kind of looking forward to their attempts to explain their way out of this one.
"It's an undercover operation," Sharon said at the same time that Andy proclaimed: "To hell with those goddamn rules We can do our jobs and love each other at the same time."
Both Sharon, Rusty and Taylor blinked in surprise. This was going from no-strings-attached to girlfriend to love very quickly and everyone, including Andy, seemed a little taken aback.
"Well, be sure to invite me to your engagement party," Taylor growled and straightened up again. Rusty was sure, however, that his momentary lenience with the couple stemmed solely from the fact that he really needed the toilet. "But before that happens, I want to see the both of you in my office Monday morning, 9 o'clock sharp. Ouch."
He looked up to the row behind them were an outraged Star Trek fan had thrown an unrecognizable object at his head for talking through a particularly emotional scene.
"I'm a police officer!" he threatened.
"And I paid to watch this movie. Now shut up and get the hell out of the way!" the man shouted back and Taylor shuffled off, cursing under his breath.
For once, the movie was not as interesting as what was happening right next to him and Rusty had resigned to having to watch it again, anyway; he turned slightly and watched Sharon while stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Her expression was rapidly going from horrified to endeared and back.
"That went... well," Flynn said weakly.
"You ruined it. I was going to explain our way out of it," Sharon told him.
"Right. An undercover op as a couple making out in a darkened cinema. That sounds extremely convincing, Sharon," he shot back. Apparently he wasn't as mortified by the exchange with Taylor as she was but then he was used to breaking rules and getting into trouble while Sharon definitely wasn't.
Rusty took a noisy slurp from his coke but the two of them didn't even flinch at it.
"You love me?" Sharon sounded both a little shy and absolutely fascinated with the idea. A look of uncertainty crossed Flynn's face before he looked down at his hands that were nervously fiddling with the empty plastic cup that had been used as a missile to shut Taylor up just seconds ago.
"Did I say that? I mean, er..."
Rusty groaned inwardly. Only a blind man (and Sharon, apparently) would have missed his obvious infatuation with her but he was most certainly about to screw this up badly.
"Oh, well. Never mind!" Sharon said quickly. "Let's get back to the movie, shall we? We can, uh, deal with Taylor after the weekend."
Rusty could tell that she was hurt, though, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. Flynn was a sweet and charming man, but sometimes he suspected that his decades-long friendship with Provenza had messed with his ability to express his feelings without feeling embarrassed. Both were quiet and remained rather motionless through the rest of the movie and although it gave Rusty the opportunity to actually watch the film without interruptions, he couldn't quite concentrate on the plot.
As soon as the credits began to roll, Sharon grabbed him by the arm. "Come on, let's go before we encounter Taylor again!"
They quickly made their way out of the theater and towards the parking garage with Sharon not even as much as glancing at Flynn who seemed spectacularly interested in his shoes, all of a sudden. Rusty needed to intervene or he would have to endure another evening of a sullen Sharon curled up with a glass of wine and looking as if the world was about to end. In his mind, a plan formed and he quickly tipped his cup and ended up splashing the remains of his drink all over Sharon's favorite boots. He knew that this was the equivalent of torturing a little girl's pet rabbit, but it had to be done. Her face fell and she shot him a dark glare before she excused herself to go to the bathroom and clean herself up, therefore leaving him and Flynn on their own.
The lieutenant had buried his hands in his pockets and was pretending to study a movie poster that announced the forthcoming release of a horror movie called "The Slimy Menace" that seemed to tell the story of a couple of radioactive worms and their life-threatening shenanigans.
"Hey Andy," Rusty dove right into the conversation as he was not sure how long it would take Sharon to get the sticky soft drink off her favorite leather boots.
"Yeah, kid?" he replied absent-mindedly. Flynn was a screw-up by nature, but at least he seemed to know when he had just made a mess of everything.
"Don't you think it was perfectly stupid of Spock not to tell Uhura about his feelings for her earlier? I mean, she was so pissed off with him for such a long time that she was about to break up with him and all just because he didn't tell her that he loved her."
Flynn narrowed his eyes but Rusty happily chirped on. "I guess she was a bit worried that her feelings for him were much stronger than his and then that scene in the shuttle when they were essentially washing their dirty laundry in front of their boss... would have been nice for her to have some reassurance about the serious nature of their relationship when everyone knows about it, don't you think?"
He gave Andy a saccharine grin when he noticed that Sharon was approaching them with the same subdued expression that she'd been wearing a few minutes ago.
"Are we still talking about the movie?" Flynn asked grimly.
Rusty shrugged, feigning innocence. "What else would we be talking about? Or do you honestly think I would try and give you relationship advice? Sixteen year old little me? Please!"
"I think you didn't ruin my favorite pair of boots, after all, Rusty," Sharon stated when she stopped right next to them. "Shall we go home now? I have a lot of paperwork to get back to."
She didn't look at Andy while she was saying it and Rusty gave him a pointed look before he pulled out his wallet.
"Okay. I think I'll buy a movie poster for my room, though. I don't want it to look like a middle-aged woman decorated it when Tom comes over next week."
Sharon cringed at the term "middle-aged" but then he had just saved her day, so he reckoned it was okay. Standing in line at the counter, he watched the two of them from the corner of his eyes. Andy was saying something, his arms flaring along to what seemed like a lengthy explanation and Rusty wondered what the hell was taking him so long. Sharon was standing frozen in place, watching him with obvious suspicion.
"This line is entirely too long, Stevie." Someone groaned behind him and he turned around to find Assistant Chief Taylor standing behind him with his wallet in his hand and an excited-looking young boy bouncing up and down beside him. When he recognized his Captain's charge, he forced a grin.
"I can get one for him, if you want me to. I could have Sharon bring it with her to the office Monday morning," Rusty offered with an accommodating smile that made Taylor's eyes light up with relief.
"Oh, really? Did you hear that, Stevie? We can go home and you'll get your poster anyway!" The little boy looked happy enough and nodded.
"Thank you, Uncle Russell!" he sang. If he could just stop jumping up and down, Rusty thought. Taylor looked over to where Sharon and Andy were standing and watched along with Rusty as Sharon's face lit up and she nodded with a wide smile while Andy was saying something to her that looked suspiciously like "I love you".
"These two got it bad, right?" Taylor sighed as he handed Rusty the money for the poster.
"I think," Rusty shrugged, aware of the fact that he had to tread carefully here. For a moment they were silent and watched the couple embrace tightly, Sharon pressing her face into Andy's shoulder, blissfully oblivious to her superior's presence.
"I was on the phone with FID yesterday morning," Taylor suddenly said and Rusty raised his brows, wondering what on earth he could be going on about. "They actually called me to ask whether Lieutenant Flynn was still alive. He's been a regular visitor to their offices over the past twenty years but he hasn't put a toe out of line since he's working under Captain Raydor." He shook his head. "I can't help but wonder whether the whole unruly behavior thing was a ploy to have an excuse to see her again."
"That is both completely idiotic and kind of sweet," Rusty admitted. "Sounds a lot like Andy. I mean, Lieutenant Flynn."
Taylor crossed his arms and gave Rusty a dark look. "Okay, we'll make a deal here, kid. You tell them that I don't need to see them, after all, but the moment this relationship begins to influence their work, I will make sure all hell breaks loose for them, okay?"
"Got it, sir." Rusty mock-saluted.
"And make sure he doesn't rub off on her," Taylor added.
Rusty watched him stalk off with his nephew in tow and grinned as Sharon and Andy came apart and stood deliberately far apart when he walked past them, shaking his head. When Rusty made his way back towards his foster mother and what he was sure would become her live-in boyfriend at some point in the future, he couldn't keep the grin off his face.
How had she ever gotten along without him?
The End