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-- Drowning In A Memory --
Dammit.
He's gone.
Dammit to hell, he's really gone. He's gone and that's it, same as Genkai. Because of Toguro.
"Kuwabara!" I scream at the sky, not caring who hears. "What are you doing, you wimp? Running? You never beat me!" I fall to my knees, sobs racking my body. "You never did." I slam the earth with my fists, screaming. "Kuwabara! Get your ass back here!" Cuts open on my hands and arms. I ignore them. "Dammit, Kuwabara!" I roll onto my back, blood streaming from my arms, and remember. Remember every time he tried to kick my ass. Remember all the grief I gave him. Remember when I helped him with that test. Most of all, I remember him. How he never even thought about breaking his code, not even for that damn cat he loved so much. I slam my palms into my eyes. I have to stop thinking in past tense or I'll go insane. But it's appropriate. He's dead. Kuwabara's dead. I try to say it out loud. I can't.
"You stuck to your code, man," I whisper to the stars. "For me." A choked sob releases itself like some sort of sadistic laugh. "Lil' ol' me." Tears are pouring down my face. "Why? Why'd you do it? I could have beaten him without you having to sacrifice yourself. Without you becoming another one of his victims. You got guys to look after, Kuwabara! Okubo and Miamoto and Misato! Your sister! Yukina! Eikichi! Me." The last is whispered. "Me. I need you here. I need you back. I need you to talk to, Kuwabara. Kurama's a genius and Keiko's a girl. Hiei's Hiei and you're....you. You big stupid idiot, you're you and that's what I need!" I bury my face in the grass. My chest is tight and I can't breathe. It's like I'm drowning. Drowning in his memory.
"Man, do you whine a lot." I shoot up. Kuwabara's standing in front of me, but something's wrong. He's not wearing his tournament gear. He's wearing that stupid school jumpsuit.
"K..Kuwabara?"
"No, stupid, not the Kuwabara. I'm the Kuwabara you remember from your subconsious. What the hell are you doing, laying in the grass and bawling?"
"You..you're dead."
"No, really? I hadn't noticed." He glares at me. "But that's no excuse for you to be acting like you are, ya wimp. I'm ashamed that I ever wanted to beat you." I shake my head.
"Get away from me." He just stands there. "Dammit, I said get the fuck away from me!" I swing at his legs. Nothing happens.
"I told you, I'm the Kuwabara from your subconsious. I can't get any farther away than the back of your mind. And I think we both know I'll always be there." I look up at him. The tears are drying.
"Why are you here?" He sits down next to me."To help." I sit up.
"With what?"
"You cope with my death." The words make me cringe.
"You say it like it's nothing." He shrugs.
"You shouldn't be afraid of it. Your line of work, it'll come sooner than you think." I look at him.
"How long will you stick around?" He grins at me.
"Fyukyuu, tomodachi." I look at the ground. I had gotten suspicious when he started "helping" me, so I asked how long he'd stick around when when the going got rough. He had answered with "Fyukyuu, tomodachi." Eternity, friend. "How long will you still want me to be there?" I look at him, serious as hell.
"Fyukyuu, tomodachi."