AN: This is for the "Show Me the Angst! Challenge" by SummerxMidnightxDreamer I hope you guys like it! :)
Severus walked outside after Defense Against the Dark Arts and instantly wished he hadn't. Lily was there with that oaf James Potter. He sat down under the shade of a large tree.
He opened his books, intending to study, but instead found himself watching them. They were with those idiots Black and Lupin.
Oh Lily, how can you be with him. I would suit you much better. I've known you longer, I really know you. Why did you have to fall for him? He tried to study, but his thoughts were consumed with her, and her alone. Her face, eyes, personality. Everything that made him love her.
The dreams of us are all I have, the dream that maybe one day I will get to hold you in my arms, to call you my own. That one day, you'll call me yours in return.
I will admit, I could never be a conventional husband, but I would try, I would try to be all you deserve and more. I would never rest until you were perfectly happy, if you'd give me the chance. But you couldn't. You couldn't forgive me after I messed up and called you that. It didn't mean anything, I've regretted it since the moment it was out of my lips, since the second I uttered that horrible word, I've wanted to take it back. But you won't let me. You won't give me the chance.
Lily, if you gave me a chance, I would make your dreams come true. I would be the perfect husband. I would do your every bidding, I would make sure you were always content and proud of your life, and of me, you could be a teacher, like I know you've always wanted, and I could teach too. I would teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, and you could teach potions. It would be perfect. But then I'm snapped back to reality, and the present day.
I see you there, laughing and talking with those morons, you look so happy. And when James holds you… you look so proud. How can you be proud of him? He is nothing. But I wonder, Lily. Does the sunshine beneath your eyes fade as you turn away? Have you ever thought you made the wrong choice? Do you ever wonder what if? What if you picked me instead of him? Can't you see Lily? Of course not, he has you under a spell. He has you enchanted with his so called 'looks' and 'charm'. Even I can see that it's all a façade, all he wants is to be liked, and he will change anything for his coveted popularity, and for the prize girlfriend. You don't deserve that, you deserve more than that.
We would be perfect together, we're both intelligent, and you're beautiful. Our children could be the stars of Hogwarts. Our family would be perfect. We would have a little boy and a little girl, and they would be absolutely gorgeous, and you would pick the names of course. When I proposed, it would've been so romantic, you would have had tears in your eyes. Our wedding would be spectacular, not a penny would go unspent. I've always wanted to marry you you know. Ever since we were children ourselves, I'd always tell myself, "I'm going to marry her one day. She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen and one day I'm going to marry her." I only wish I still had that youthful optimism, that I had a fighting chance to be with you.
But you picked him. You chose him over me, and I don't know why Lily, I really don't. I just wish I could make you see what I see, an arrogant bully who doesn't know the pain and sorrow he causes me, just by existing. Yet, he relishes it. I'm aware I don't fit in. I know that's why James mocks me, I know I'm different, I just don't need someone pointing it out every chance they get. It's cruel what they do to me, yet you've stopped trying to help. I know I told you I didn't want your help, but I lied. I really do want it Lily, the bullying affects everything. It gets tiresome, and lonely. Life is lonely Lily. You could fill my empty life, with your sweet happiness. I wish you didn't hate me, and that you understood how much I care for you.
As Severus had brooded, he didn't notice the sun going slowly down, and students going into the school, the marauders and Lily were among the last to leave. As they were silhouetted by the sunset, Severus swore he saw the fair redhead turn back and glance over him. But as quickly as the movement was there, it was gone, and she went back to her precious marauders, and he was left alone, him and his books.
So I hope you liked it :) Please review, tell me what I could do better, but no flames please.
3 L.L